Disclaimer:Sadly, I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I only borrow its characters for my own nefarious deeds every once in a while…and keep Riku tied up in my closet...but let's keep that quiet. –shifty eyes-

Warnings:Well I assume that you've read the summary and know that this is indeed a yaoi fic, so if you don't like it, then why are you still here? Anyways, there shall be language and (eventually)slightly graphic lemon-y goodness. I tend to not go into explicit details since it makes me blush to no end, but kiddies beware.

oOoOo

Chapter 4: Goodnight and Go

oOoOo

There are boundaries of friendship that, once crossed, just can't be put back in place.

That's why some things are just better left as secrets.

oOoOo

Riku didn't even have to look up from his homework to know that a pair of bright blue eyes was carefully analyzing him yet again. A few days ago, Mrs. Hikari had requested that he spend a couple days a week to help Sora study, as the younger boy was having trouble catching up. But apparently the brunet was finding Riku more far more interesting than his English essay.

When the prickly feeling on the back of his neck told him that he was still being watched, Riku finally shut his books and stared right back at Sora, asking with a loud sigh, "What?"

Sora jumped, apparently unaware that he had been so obvious. "Nothing," he said with a crooked grin, picking up his pencil and shifting his gaze back to the blank piece of paper in front of him.

"You've been staring at me non-stop for the past ten minutes. I know you well enough to know that it's something, Sor," Riku said skeptically.

Sora chewed his bottom lip, still smiling underneath. "You'll be mad if I ask."

"Shoot," Riku said mildly.

"Really?" the younger boy asked uncertainly. "Well…I've just been wondering, if it's not Kairi then…who do you like?"

Riku inhaled sharply, mentally smacking himself. "...Never mind. You were right, you shouldn't have asked."

Sora's brows furrowed and a pout crossed his lips. "We've been best friends our entire lives and you're seriously not going to tell me the girl you like?"

The older boy started chuckling suddenly, running a hand through his hair. "No, I'm seriously not going to tell you the 'girl' I like, Sora."

"What?! Why not? I'm good at keeping secrets, I sw-,"

"It's not a girl, Sora."

"…-ear?" The brunet's eyes widened and his jaw slackened, dumbfounded. After a moment he finally spluttered, "W-what do you mean, 'not a girl'?"

Riku closed his eyes, wondering why he had even said that much. "Just forget it."

"Riku, you…you like guys?" Sora questioned.

"No, I like one guy. Singular. I don't care about any others," Riku muttered in response.

Another moment of silence passed as Sora processed this. "B-but…who? Tidus?...Wakka?...someone we met on our journey?"

"Does it matter who it is? I'm gay, Sora! Give me some kind of fucking reaction," Riku said sharply. Not that he wanted any judgment on the matter, but…

Sora couldn't find out that it was him.

He could never know.

"Riku…it does matter. I've known you fifteen years, and you've never…," Sora mumbled. "I mean, as far as I know at least, you've never been in love before…so this guy…he must be really important to you, right?" the brunet asked.

Riku remained silent for a moment, then said quietly, "He…means more to me than anything."

"And you still haven't told him, have you?" Sora challenged. "You can't just keep this all bottled up forever."

Because there's always a breaking point.

"It's not that simple, Sora!" Riku yelled in frustration, fingers clenching the edge of the table. "Yeah, it sucks to have to always be hiding it from him, and sometimes I come so close to just letting it all out, but I can't! If I ever told him…if he ever knew…we could never be friends after something like that. And he's happy now…he's happy, so I can't just…I can't take that all away from him. I've decided that it's enough if he's smiling…it's enough if I can just stay by his side. Whatever he feels for me right now…it's enough," Riku whispered. "I can't ask for anything else."

Sora frowned, reaching over to rest one of his hands over the older boy's, whose knuckles were now turning white from the strain that was placed on them. "If it's enough…then why aren't you happy?" he murmured softly.

Riku stared at his friend, words hitting him full force.

"Why aren't you smiling, Riku?" Sora asked sadly.

Because I'm scared that it won't ever be enough.

oOoOo

"Have you ever had a one-sided love, Kai?"

The redhead looked down at the small boy lying next to her on the sand, and smiled. "You're the first person I've ever loved, Sora."

Sora tried to return the smile, but found that it was harder than he expected. "Riku, he…he's in love," the brunet said dumbly, unable to go any farther than that. He doubted that Riku was ready to have his sexuality spread any further than his best friend's ears. But it was hard to keep it all to himself, and it had been on his mind all night until he was at the point when even when he was with Kairi, it was all he could think about.

"I know," Kairi murmured.

The brunet shot up, startling his girlfriend. "You do?! Do you know who it is? Did he tell you?"

"N-no, he didn't say anything to me!" the redhead said quickly. "I could just…tell."

Sora sighed. "But he's been my best friend my entire life, and I didn't even notice. Am I that oblivious?"

"Maybe his feelings never really changed all that much," Kairi said slowly, carefully choosing her words with the hope that she could ease Sora's nerves without giving too much away. "Maybe he hasn't even known that long."

"So…someone who he's known a long time…but he's only just realized he loves them?" Sora mused.

"Um, Sora…I'm sure that if Riku hasn't told you who it is, he probably just wants to get over it. Maybe you should just give him some time," the girl suggested softly.

"We've given him time, Kai! We've given him time and all that happened was that he kept having nightmares, and he was always afraid, and he was always sad and lonely and he never did anything to stop it himself! I want to do anything I can to help him," Sora said, looking off across the ocean. "He doesn't even feel like he's home right now, can't you see? He's expecting to leave again so much that this doesn't even feel like home. All it is…is the calm before the storm. And if things stay like this…maybe things will happen like last time. And I don't want to lose him again, Kai! I won't…I'm not going to let that happen," the brunet swore.

A moment of silence passed, before Kairi spoke up. "Sora…can I ask you something?" Kairi whispered.

The boy nodded, turning his gaze back towards her. "Of course, Kai. You can ask me anything."

The redhead took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and said, "What's most important to you?"

oOoOo

It was raining. It started out as only a slow drizzle when they had been on the beach, but more and more water was pouring down now as Sora stood anxiously on Riku's front step, ringing the doorbell for the third time. The sky was darkening in color, afternoon steadily shifting into an illusion of night. Thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance, a low growl from afar.

Finally the door swung open, revealing the tall silver-haired boy whose eyes widened at the sight of Sora. "What are you doing here?" he asked in a tense voice.

"I don't know," the younger boy mumbled honestly. "Can I come in?"

"You shouldn't be here," Riku said hoarsely. "Please, Sora, right now I'm just…"

"Scared?" Sora whispered. "Well I am, too. And I'm cold and I'm wet and I need to talk to you, so just let me in," the brunet said, voice cracking.

"…Okay. Come in, then," Riku accepted, stepping aside to allow Sora entrance. Then he shut the door behind them, and said quietly, "I'll go get you a towel. Wait here."

Then he was gone, leaving Sora dripping and shivering in the entryway.

"What's most important to you?"

Sora blinked, taking a moment before answering. "You and Riku, of course."

Kairi nodded slowly, prepared for this. "Sora, I can't…I won't ever ask you to choose…but if you ever realize that the answer is only him…then maybe you're with the wrong person right now."

After a moment he returned, a fluffy white towel in his hands. He draped it across the smaller boy's shoulders first, then moved it up to gently massage Sora's hair, brown spikes framing his face loosely now. "You're soaked," Riku murmured.

"You should learn to open the door sooner," Sora said in reply.

"Sorry," the older boy muttered, then paused, examining the brunet more closely. "Are you…crying?" he asked in surprise.

"It's the rain!" Sora answered immediately, wiping his eyes on his sleeve nonetheless. "I'm…I'm not…"

"Sora, why are you here?"

"Because I…I want to know…" Sora began, then stopped, breathing deeply. "If it's…if it's not enough…will you leave?"

Riku's hands stopped, and the towel dropped to the floor. "Wh-what kind of question is that? Don't be so-,"

"Stupid?" Sora interrupted. "You think I'm being stupid? Well you're the one who…who promised me…that you wouldn't leave me again, that we'd always be together...but at the same time you never even try to stay. You never try to fight the nightmares, and you never try to forgive yourself, and I know that if the darkness did come again, then you would just let it, because it's not enough, Riku. Being by my side, it's not enough. Loving me isn't enough, unless I love you back."

"What are you talking about?" the older boy asked slowly, voice tight, words clipped.

"It's…me, isn't it? You…love me?" Sora whispered.

"You're my best friend, Sor, of course I-,"

"You know I don't mean it like that!" the brunet cut in once more. "Please…answer me."

"…Get out," Riku said finally.

Sora's eyes widened in disbelief. "W-what?"

"Get out. You really think I'm not trying? Do you have any idea of how hard I'm fighting this, how much it hurts? If I wasn't trying, then I wouldn't even be here, Sora! I'd never even wake up from those nightmares if I knew that when I did…you wouldn't be there. That's why…it is enough. As long as I can be with you…if it's what'll keep me here, away from the darkness…it's enough. It could've been enough, if you never knew! So just go!" Riku shouted.

"Riku…," Sora said timidly, voice barely above a whisper.

The older boy opened the door again, avoiding Sora's gaze. "Please…go," he said, softer this time.

"No," the brunet said defiantly. "No, I'm staying."

Riku reached forward, grabbing Sora's upper arm tightly, who flinched and squeezed his eyes shut in pain and surprise.

"Do I…scare you?" Riku asked quietly, as the younger boy stood trembling in his grasp.

Sora shook his head, biting his lip as tears streamed down his face.

"Then why…?"

"If…if I go now…I don't think you'll be here when I come back," Sora choked out. "So please don't make me leave."

"Sora…"

"I…I don't know what to do to make you stay! I want to help you, but I don't know how," the brunet cried.

"Smile," Riku murmured.

"W-what?" Sora sniffled.

"Just…just smile, and go back to Kairi, and forget that this ever happened," the older boy requested. "And that'll be enough."

oOoOo

Author's Notes: Wow, it's been awhile, huh? I'm sorryyy…sadly, my only excuse is writer's block, but there's really not much I can do about it when it happens. But then all of a sudden, inspiration struck last night! And this is really good news because that means my ten days of Thanksgiving break can actually be put to good use next week. So I'll do my best to make up for lost time then :)

I actually like this chapter well enough, surprisingly :P Except for the fact that it was kind of an overwhelming amount of dialogue for me to write and the word "enough" has just about lost all meaning to me XD I have trouble writing lots of dialogue for some reason…I guess I prefer thoughts? Except I rarely write in first person so I'm kind of stuck with it. Oh well.

Thank you to the kind souls who reviewed chapter 3! Wakaran a i xx, Cold Drake Queen, rain angst, and Countcainn. Your words of support are much appreciated :) And sorry for the long wait...hehe. '-';

-Emmy-chan

Love me, love me, say that you love me. Pretty please?