Disclaimer:Sadly, I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I only borrow its characters for my own nefarious deeds every once in a while…and keep Riku tied up in my closet...but let's keep that quiet. –shifty eyes-

Warnings:Well I assume that you've read the summary and know that this is indeed a yaoi fic, so if you don't like it, then why are you still here? Anyways, there shall be language and (eventually)slightly graphic lemon-y goodness. I tend to not go into explicit details since it makes me blush to no end, but kiddies beware.

oOoOo

Chapter 5: Waiting on the Light to Change

oOoOo

Sora remained motionless, disbelief in his eyes. "What do you mean, 'forget'? I…I haven't even had time to think about this. I just…I don't understand. How long have you…?"

"We don't have to talk about this, Sora," Riku sighed. "Come on, you should get going before the storm gets worse."

"I'm not going anywhere!" the brunet shouted in reply. "So you might as well answer me!"

"Alright, then! I don't know, maybe since we got back, maybe my entire life!" he said, matching Sora's tone. He slammed his palms against the wall, trapping the younger boy between his arms. "You really want to know what's being going through my head?" he hissed, leaning forward until they were nearly touching, breath mingling, eyes meeting unwaveringly. "You're really so desperate to 'understand'?" His knee pushed its way in between Sora's legs, causing the boy's breath to hitch. "How 'bout I give you an idea? Maybe then you won't be so eager to spend the night."

Sora didn't respond, just kept staring at Riku, lips slightly parted, face flushed, but something unreadable in his eyes. The silver-haired boy frowned, and after a moment's hesitation he shifted closer until his lips were just barely brushing Sora's ear as he said, "What are you waiting for? Push me away." Still, the brunet's only reaction was an involuntary shudder. "Just tell me to stop," Riku whispered, shifting his knee slightly until it was firmly pressed into Sora, who gasped and arched his back against the wall.

Please, make me stop.

"R-riku," the brunet tried to say, but it came out closer to a breathy moan, causing the older boy's stomach to flip. "Riku, I can't...I love…I l-love Kairi…I love Kairi," Sora choked out, crying again. "I can't…" he repeated, sliding down the wall as Riku shifted to the side, pulling away.

"I know," the silver-haired boy murmured. "Just go home, Sor."

This time Sora gave in, nodding and slowly getting to his feet. "I'll see you later," he said firmly. "Okay?"

"Okay," Riku replied, getting ready to shut the door.

"Riku?" the brunet said uncertainly. "I…I want to believe you, but I just…"

The older boy reached out, gently cupping Sora's face, whose eyes fluttered shut as he leaned forward again. "I promise," he murmured, brushing a tear drop away gently with his fingertip. "Okay?"

Sora nodded again, and then he was gone, lost in the darkness of the rain.

Riku sighed, shutting the door and then leaning against it, bringing his finger to his lips.

It would've been easier if Sora had just gotten mad, had said that he hated him.

Because then he could've said, "I'm sorry."

oOoOo

If anyone on the island was at risk for their head imploding, then the lucky winner would have to be Sora.

He just couldn't understand. He and Riku had been best friends their entire lives, and suddenly…everything had just changed.

But…where was the line between 'friends' and 'more than friends'...and how could Riku have crossed that line without Sora ever knowing?

In one night, how could everything Sora was sure of just crumble to pieces?

He buried his face in his pillow, wanting to scream, to just let everything he was feeling out. But he couldn't, due to the fact that he started crying instead, sobs muffled by the fabric. Maybe before he could've handled this, but now…their friendship wasn't the way it used to be, it was too fragile now. And what if became too much? He couldn't lose Riku, that was the one thing he was sure of, but…how could he ask him to stay? How could he ask him to remain by his side as his best friend while he was with Kairi?

How could he break his heart?

oOoOo

The next morning he let his feet carry him back to Riku's house, unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do, but just sure that something needed to happen, something needed to change.

He rang the doorbell, heart hammering more and more with each passing second. When nothing happened, he repeated the action, telling himself that Riku was just taking his time like he had last night.

Still, no sign that he was inside.

Anxiety twisted his insides, and Sora rang the bell again, breath quickening. He could feel tears stinging behind his eyes again, told himself he was being ridiculous, maybe the doorbell was broken, maybe Riku was still asleep.

Then he knocked, three quick, firm raps, trying to calm himself. Nobody came. Feeling a tear slip out, he banged again, desperation increasing. "Riku! Riku, open the door! Please, open the door! Dammit, Riku!" he shouted, fists slamming against the mahogany wood over and over again, not caring that it was starting to hurt. "Please! Please, you promised me! You said you wouldn't leave me, you said-!" he was cut off by a strong arm suddenly wrapping around his waist from behind, and the other hand closing over one of his own, gently uncurling his fingers from a fist.

"Shh," Riku murmured, very close to his ear, surrounding him with warmth and a sudden, long-lost, sense of security. "It's okay, Sor, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay," he said very softly as Sora gasped and trembled violently in his embrace, breathing unevenly. "I'm here for you, okay? I love you, Sor. I'm staying right here with you, as long as you want me to," he continued in his soothing voice, gently rocking the brunet side to side.

"Always," Sora said almost incoherently, between sobs. "I want you with me forever."

The older boy leaned his head against Sora's, inhaling deeply. "Then forever it is."

oOoOo

After moving inside for hot chocolate (with extra marshmallows for Sora, as usual), and a long period of time spent with Sora's head buried in Riku's chest on the couch, the brunet finally calmed down, seemingly convinced for the first time since they had come home that Riku wasn't going anywhere. He rested his head on the older boy's shoulder, asking quietly, "Why do you love me?"

Riku stiffened, pausing the soothing circles he was tracing on the back of Sora's hand. "We really don't need to talk about things like this."

"I…I'm sorry. It's just…I don't have any right to ask you to stay," the brunet murmured guiltily.

The older boy was silent for a moment, before responding softly, "It's okay to be selfish sometimes."

Sora looked up at him thoughtfully. "Do you always know what I'm thinking?"

"Hardly," Riku snorted. "You're just…you're being too hard on yourself, Sor. It's natural to want to be with your best friend."

"Is it natural to burst into tears and nearly start hyper-ventilating when they don't open the door because they're out buying groceries?" the brunet challenged.

"To be perfectly fair," the silver-haired boy said calmly, "you didn't know that I was out buying groceries."

"That's not the point," Sora sighed.

"And what is the point?" the older boy asked, flipping Sora's hand over and continuing his actions on the boy's palm.

"The point is," the brunet said, finding it very difficult to remain distressed and urgent when he felt warm and comfortable all over. "The point is that things can't go on like that."

"Then trust me," Riku said simply.

"B-but it's not just that, Riku! W-what about…us?" he inquired.

"That," the silver-haired boy murmured, "is entirely up to you."

Silence lapsed over them, an almost tangible heaviness in the air. Hesitantly, Sora interrupted Riku's movements, lacing their fingers together instead. "Riku," he said quietly. "Why do you love me?" he repeated, looking at the boy unwaveringly.

"…You really want to know?" Riku asked. Sora nodded encouragingly, tightening their grip. "Well," he sighed. "You're an idiot, but I guess it's kinda cute that you're so clueless, you're stubborn, but it means you never give up for what you believe in, you're naïve, but it's only because you're so pure, you're a crybaby-,"

"You're naming all of my faults!" the brunet interrupted, a horrified look on his face.

The older boy burst out laughing, much to Sora's dismay, who simply sat there in annoyance. "Stupid," Riku said finally, clutching his side with his free hand. "That's because I love everything about you."

The full force of his words didn't hit either boy until a moment later, as Riku swore under his breath and looked away to hide the faint blush appearing on his cheeks. "Sorry," he muttered. "Forget it."

"N-no, um…d-don't apologize, Riku," Sora stammered, feeling his hand growing unbearably warm clasped with Riku's, but unable to pull away for some reason. "Thank you," he added in a whisper.

"There's nothing to thank me for," the older boy sighed. "I'm only making things harder on you. You deserve to be happy, Sor."

"So do you," the brunet replied quietly.

Riku looked at him, examining the look of guilt on the boy's face. "It's not your fault," he murmured, pulling Sora closer to him. "Please don't blame yourself for this."

"I…I just wish things could go back to the way they were," the smaller boy confessed. "It feels like everything is changing."

"We'll still be best friends, Sor…no matter what happens," Riku promised.

"But…what is going to happen?" the brunet asked.

"I don't know," the older boy admitted truthfully. "Maybe one day things will go back to normal."

Sora was quiet for a minute, expression thoughtful. "Is…that enough?"

Riku smiled sadly. "You know…" he said after a moment, "you still haven't freaked out over the fact that I'm in love with you. Doesn't it bother you?"

"N-no," the younger boy said slowly. "Well, in the way that it's hurting you, it does. B-but I mean…it's you, Riku. I could never hate you."

"But you could never love me, either," Riku pointed out. However, at Sora's distraught expression, he added quietly, "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"I…I'm sorry!" the brunet stammered. "I just…I don't know anymore."

"Don't know what?" the silver-haired boy asked gently.

"A-about…this. Us. Kairi," he said, closing his eyes. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"You're supposed to be with the one you love," Riku said chidingly, poking him in the chest. "And you're in love with Kairi, as of last night at least," he muttered. "Come on, Sor, please don't start over-thinking things because of this. I don't want it to become a big deal…you'll break her heart if you start questioning everything."

"I'll break yours if I don't," Sora whispered.

"Don't do this," the older boy hissed. "You never would've even considered it if you hadn't known first. Like I said: You're over-thinking. Granted, it's not something you do very frequently, so I suppose every once in a while it would be appropriate, but now is not the time," he muttered.

"Y-you don't know that!" the brunet said.

"That you rarely make use of your brain?" Riku asked. "Well, if you really want to go into it, I've got plenty of evidence to argue my ca-,"

"That I wouldn't have considered it," Sora sighed, cutting him off.

The older boy was silent for a moment, absorbing this. "And what makes you think you might have?"

"Because it's…it's you. The whole time you were gone, all I knew was that I had to get you back, no matter what. I tried...I tried to always be optimistic, to convince myself that youwere out there somewhere…but sometimes I just got so scared, Riku. I…I don't know what I would do without you. And…I didn't really realize it while I was searching, but when I found you…suddenly it felt like I was whole again, like some part of me had been missing before," Sora told him, blinking back tears. "Maybe…maybe the way I love you…isn't the same as what you feel for me…but Riku, I do love you."

"Thank you," the older boy murmured.

The brunet laughed, saying, "If I can't thank you, then you can't thank me, hypocrite."

"It's a good thing you're cute," Riku muttered.

Sora flushed darkly. "A-and what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," the silver-haired boy began in a teasing voice, then paused, becoming more serious. "It means that I love you," he whispered.

The smaller boy felt his breath quickening, heart pounding loudly in his chest. "S-so I can be an idiot as long as I'm cute?" he asked with a crooked smile, trying to remain aloof.

"Well, I'd prefer that you weren't an idiot at all, but the cute factor does help, I suppose," he smirked, leaning closer much to Sora's dismay. "Am I making you nervous?" he asked innocently.

"N-no," the brunet lied, turning his face to the side nonetheless.

"Really?" Riku asked. "So you wouldn't care if I kissed you right now?"

"I-idiot!" Sora almost squeaked, cheeks burning. "You're the one who just told me I was supposed to be with Kairi!"

"Just having some fun," the older boy grinned, pulling away a bit. "It's been awhile since we've kept a score, after all."

"This isn't something to keep score on!" Sora said in dismay, highly taken aback.

"Only because you're so clueless about these things that you know you would lose miserably," Riku said. "You'll never get laid with that attitude, you know."

"I-I really don't think I should be discussing my…my sex life…o-or lack thereof…with you!" the younger boy pointed out.

"Oh? But we're best friends, aren't we?" the silver-haired boy countered, seeming to be highly enjoying this.

"Friends don't knee friends in the groin," Sora muttered. "Especially not that way."

Riku considered this for a moment. "Huh. Sounded like you were enjoying it tho-,"

"And we're done!" the brunet laughed nervously, standing up abruptly.

"So soon? But we've got so much to catch up on," Riku chuckled, lying back on the couch.

"O-oh," Sora said uncertainly, assuming that he meant other things. "What did you want to talk about, then?"

"Well, we still haven't determined if you've gotten an erection, masturba-,"

"Riku!" the brunet squeaked again. "Th-this is sexual harassment!" he said indignantly.

The older boy began laughing loudly, eyes watering with mirth as he reached out to grab Sora's wrist gently. "You should've seen the look on your face, though. Priceless," he said, still grinning widely.

Sora couldn't help but smile back when he saw his friend so happy. "It's been so long since we've done this."

"I don't think we have done this," Riku chuckled.

"I-I don't mean this exactly…I just mean talking about…stupid things together," the brunet explained.

"Who says this is stupid?" the older boy asked, tugging Sora down on top of him, much to the boy's surprise, who immediately shot his arms out to keep their distance. "Don't you want your first time to be special?" Riku asked in a low voice, warm aquamarine eyes watching him with something that might've been genuine curiosity.

"Y-yeah?" Sora gulped, more of a question than a statement. "U-um, Riku, can we talk about something el-,"

"Sora," the older boy interrupted, tone serious. "Really…if I did kiss you, what would happen?"

"Riku, I can't," the brunet whispered, arms beginning to tremble from the strain.

"Can't or won't?"

"Wh-what?" Sora asked breathlessly, and then in a swift moment his arms gave out and he fell forward, face merely inches away from Riku's as he landed on the older boy.

And, without waiting for an answer, Riku gently pulled him forward, closing the distance between their lips as time stopped all around them.

oOoOo

Author's Notes: And that, my friends, is what we call OOC. XD I dunno…Riku is kind of all over the place in this chapter, and Sora is just like crying every 5 minutes and ugh…Let's just blame it on the hormones, shall we?

Hopefully I'll update again at some point this week since I have an abnormally long Thanksgiving break, but I've got other stories to catch up on too so I don't know. We'll see.

Sankyuu, to my lovely reviewers: Wakaran a i xx, kivakogoa, MikoGoddess, Cold Drake Queen, tokipie, I'll have some stupid cliché, DarkBlueKitsune, raiderette, and PCpencil. Your reviews made me smile :)

-Emmy