Disclaimer:Sadly, I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I only borrow its characters for my own nefarious deeds every once in a while…and keep Riku tied up in my closet...but let's keep that quiet. –shifty eyes-

Warnings:Well I assume that you've read the summary and know that this is indeed a yaoi fic, so if you don't like it, then why are you still here? Anyways, there shall be language and (eventually)slightly graphic lemon-y goodness. I tend to not go into explicit details since it makes me blush to no end, but kiddies beware.

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Chapter 6: Moon and Sun

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It was chaste, innocent, yet the feeling lingered on Riku's lips when he pulled away, softly murmuring, "I'm sorry."

"No. No, you're not," Sora whispered, scooting back towards the other end of the couch as he pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, stubbornly refusing to look the older boy in the eye.

"Iam, Sora. I didn't-,"

"It wasn't some accident, Riku!" the brunet interrupted in a shaky voice. "You knew exactly what you were doing!"

"I wasn't thinking, okay?" Riku shot back. "It was a mistake, and I'm sorry!"

"That's not fair," the smaller boy quietly responded, finally turning to the silveret. "You can't make mistakes like that, not with me. It's not fair," he repeated, shaking his head slowly.

"Sora-,"

"What am I supposed to do?" the brunet yelled, pulling at his hair with frustration. "I don't know how to choose!" he gasped, anxiety clear in his eyes as he looked at Riku desperately. "I can't…I can't do this."

Riku's eyes widened and he shifted closer to the other boy, taking his hands reassuringly. "Sora…Sora, I'm sorry, you can just forget about it."

"Stop it," the younger boy whispered. "Stop telling me to forget when you know that I can't. Do you expect me to just lie to her? Do you want me to pretend that nothing ever happened between us, so that I can stay with her, feeling guilty every time she tells me she loves me? So that you can just watch from the sidelines and pretend that nothing's wrong? What the hell do you wantfrom me, Riku?" he shouted. "Do you want me to break up with her, so that we can be together? Do you want…my first time to be with you? That would be special, wouldn't it? Or maybe…maybe it would just be another little mistake. But you know what, Riku? When it's our friendship on the line, you don't have the right to do that to me, and you don't have the right to call it a mistake. If you kiss me, do it because youlove me, not because you aren't thinking."

He tore his hands out of Riku's, struggling to push the older boy away, but the silveret was stronger, holding him down against the back of the sofa. "Let me go!" Sora hissed, continuing his attempt at worming out of the boy's grasp.

And then Riku was kissing him again, urgently this time, moving his hands through the smaller boy's hair as he tugged on Sora's bottom lip gently with his own. "I love you," he said fiercely as he broke away for a moment. "Don't think for a second that I don't love you."

Sora's reply was lost as the other boy leaned in again, tracing his tongue across the brunet's lip, sucking and nibbling. He had stilled, but he wasn't sure if it was because he had given up or if he had lost the strength to fight it anymore.

He wasn't sure he even wanted to know.

His mind was screaming that it was wrong, that he should be pushing Riku away, but it was so easy to simply let the feeling continue, let Riku's tongue enter his mouth and find his own, let his fingers ghost to the small of Riku's back, clutching his shirt and pulling him closer. His head was swimming, and absently he realized that he had been holding his breath, unable to focus on anything but the way their tongues were intertwining, the way Riku's fingers were tracing down his sides, gently moving back up underneath his shirt, skin hot to the touch.

But it was wrong, it was his best friend, and he had Kairi. Kairi who loved him, who told him that she could never make him choose, who valued his happiness more than her own. Kairi, whose heart he was breaking, who might not ever see him the same way again, who he didn't deserve to even ask forgiveness from anymore.

"St-stop," he gasped, shoving Riku away with more force than he thought he was capable of. "I…I have to go," he said finally, getting to his feet as his knees trembled weakly.

The older boy grabbed his wrist, fingers tightening before Sora could pull away. "Sora…"

"No…no, I need to go," the brunet said desperately, eyes imploring to be released. "Don't say anything else, please."

"Sora…"

"Don't apologize," Sora whispered, arm hanging limply in Riku's grasp. "Don't…it's not your fault. I let it happen…I-I kissed you back, so I need to…" his voice broke, and he looked away. "I need to go."

"Hey, just listen to me," the older boy urged, silencing his friend. "You may have kissed back, but I was the one who initiated it, Sor, so I don't want you blaming yourself and feeling guilty. I just…I want to know what you want from me."

The brunet looked at him in confusion, brows furrowing. "What do you mean…?"

"If you want to start things over, then I'll just stop," Riku explained slowly. "I'm not promising that I'll get over you anytime soon, 'cause there's really not much I can do about that, but…I won't bring it up anymore. I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable…I'll be fine if you stay with Kairi. It's just…" and here the older boy trailed off, his expression suddenly extremely unguarded, an unknown emotion in his eyes.

Sora wondered if he had ever felt so drawn to anyone the way that he was now.

"If it meant anything to you," Riku finished softly, "then choose me."

"I won't ever ask you to choose."

"But that's…not fair," the brunet whispered. "How could it not mean something to me? You've always been my best friend…when you say you're in love with me and then kiss me…how could that be meaningless?" he said, the words sending prickles of guilt throughout him, because really…he was the only one being unfair.

Kairi and Riku…how could he choose between them? How could either of them ever want to be with him after a choice like that?

And yet, they were the ones who told him it would be fine whatever choice he made. They were the ones who were perfectly calm as they waited for him to make a decision that could change things forever.

Maybe he was the only one who was afraid of the answer after all.

Riku sighed, sensing the smaller boy's distress. "Never mind. Take some time, if that's what you need…I don't want it to be something that you'll regret later."

Sora nodded silently, guilt increasing at the older boy's patience, his complete and utter selflessness.

"Hey," Riku chided gently, lifting the brunet's chin. "I thought I told you to smile, dork. Enough with the teenage angst already."

But Sora only frowned at him, not finding any humor in the situation. Sure, throw some Heartless at him, maybe an evil Nobody or two, and he could take them. A freaking love triangle on the other hand…

"You know," the older boy said after a moment, fingers tracing Sora's jaw line. "More than anything else I want you to be happy." He smiled then, although his eyes seemed almost lonely, aquamarine just a bit darker than usual. "I just wish that I could be the one to do that."

The brunet reached up, finding Riku's hand and giving it a slight squeeze. "You do make me happy, Riku. I don't know what I would do without you. It's just…"

"Kairi makes you happy, too," the silveret finished for him, nodding shortly. "I know. You don't have to explain yourself to me."

Sora looked down, letting go of Riku's hands. "I…I don't mean to be making excuses or anything, Riku, I just-!"

"It's okay, Sora," the older boy said calmly. "I don't resent you for being confused. I know it's not any easier on you than it is on me or Kairi…if anything, I'm guessing it's harder," Riku speculated.

"But…I just hate myself for this," the smaller boy said to Riku's alarm, clenching his teeth, eyes blazing. "No matter how hard it is for me to make a decision, I'm the one who ends up happy either way in the end, but you two…I don't want you to get hurt, Riku!" Sora stated fiercely. "You and Kairi…you both mean more to me than anything, and knowing that I'll hurt one of you in the end, knowing that I'm hurting both of you now…"

And suddenly realization hit him. The reason why Kairi had said those things to him before…

"Kairi," Sora murmured, eyes widening as his gaze shot back up to Riku. "Does she know? A-about you…"

"Yeah," Riku affirmed. "I think she's known for a long time."

"I…I have to go," the brunet announced. "I need to talk to her, I need to let her know that I…"

That I'll always love her, no matter what happens.

The older boy nodded, understanding his friend's obligation. "Then you should go. I'll…wait for you, Sor. I don't care how long it takes…I'll wait for you."

oOoOo

Sora paddled out to the island more on instinct than anything else, finding Kairi's house empty when he had looked for her there. He docked his boat, fumbling with the rope as he looked around the beach. The brunet caught sight of Tidus and Wakka sparring in the distance, Selphie cheering them on, but the redhead was nowhere in sight. He jogged across the sand nonetheless, finally glimpsing a figure by the paopu tree. He set off across the bridge, shoes falling heavily on the wooden planks.

"Kairi!" he said with relief, causing the girl sitting against the paopu tree to look up in surprise.

"Sora," she greeted softly, a small smile gracing her lips.

"You…knew about Riku," the brunet murmured softly, joining her in the sand. "That's why you told me not to pressure him, and why you told me…I could be with him?" he guessed quietly.

Kairi nodded hesitantly, staring distantly out across the ocean. It was unsettlingly calm, although the brunet didn't quite know what he had expected. Maybe he was just hoping that someone would acknowledge that he was hurting them, that maybe he didn't deserve either of them.

But he pushed that thought down, instead taking the girl's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. Right now, he needed to make things right. He needed to tell her…

"Kairi," he murmured suddenly, anxiety clenching his insides. "Kai, I love you."

For a second everything was still. For a second it felt like things might be okay.

And then it fell apart.

"But…you're not in love with me, right?"

A breeze came in, gently ruffling their hair and carrying Selphie's laughter and the sounds of Wakka's cries and the clashing of wooden swords. Sora swallowed thickly, wondering how everything could be so normal and out of place all at once.

"It's alright," the redhead insisted, leaning over to look at him, concern flashing in her eyes. "Sora, it's alright, I understand."

The brunet shook his head very slowly, suddenly feeling very empty inside.

He just wanted it to stop. He wanted it to only be normal again.

Kairi sat back again, resting her head against the tree trunk. "Everybody always thought we would end up together," she mumbled. "I think that's why it even happened in the first place. Someone gets an idea so drilled into your head, that sooner or later you just believe it. But that's not what it should be like, right? Falling in love…is supposed to be scary and exciting…and when you're finally together…it should feel like some piece of you that was missing is finally there.

"But we already had each other, Sor," the redhead whispered. "We already meant everything we were supposed to mean to each other. You love me as a sister, as a friend. It was never anything more. We were only listening to what we wanted to hear. We were only trying to be happy."

Sora stood up silently, slowly letting go of her hand. "I was happy, Kai."

She didn't respond, just let him walk away. She watched him push his boat back into the ocean a few minutes later, paddling back to the one he was really falling in love with.

"Yeah," Kairi whispered to herself, closing her eyes and allowing the tears to trickle down now that he wouldn't have to watch. "I was happy, too."

oOoOo

Author's Notes: Ugh. An entire month. I'm so sorry!!!! Really. Really, really. It was partly exams, mostly writer's block, and also because I rewrote the middle of this four times before I deemed it worthy enough of being released. I have a pretty focused idea of what comes next though, and it actually might be the last one.

Which leaves me with a little dilemma. I had planned on writing a lemon, but at the point I decided that I had no idea what I was doing with this story. And now I'm kind of thinking it would be weird and out of place…I mean, I like lemons as much as the next person, but when it's in a multi-chaptered fic, I prefer to have it worked meaningfully into the story, rather than "Oh look, we've run out of plot! Let's just have them get it on for the extra couple thousand words!" Yeah…I'll take your opinions into consideration, though…I could write an lemony epilogue or just dedicate a random PWP to you guys or something XD Hey, I'm up for ideas.

Or maybe you won't even care. Since I've only written like…two. And one of them was awkward and rushed since it was my first and the other was just kind of…creepy. –coughs- Look, I'm not saying I would sleep with some dying kid.

Er, moving right along...

Thanks to Wakaran a i xx, PCpencil, kivakogoa, DarkBlueKitsune, RenRenTheGreat, Cold Drake Queen, Katraa, raiderette, rain angst, Captara, Asheta, and PhinMaginONLY for the support last chapter.

-Emmy

P.S. Look forward to fluff :D I'm like so sick of the angst it's not even funny. Argh.