Part 20 – Advice from Hagrid
For the next few days Severus kept to himself and only spoke to the other students when they spoke to him first. Consequently he spent a lot of the time in silence. He hadn't realised until then how much he was left alone by the rest of his classmates, even those who were in Slytherin house. It seemed that the only time anyone spoke to him was when Lucius asked him to run errands round the school.
He hadn't spoken with Lily since he had overheard her conversation with Veronica. Other than a casual hello each day he made sure that he did not seek her out and when she tried to slip him a note as they left Herbology class on Thursday afternoon he pretended not to see and let the paper fall to the ground. Ducking his head he hurried after the other Slytherins as they headed back to the dungeon common room before dinner.
But Severus knew that he could not keep avoiding her for much longer. The last class of Friday afternoon was Defence Against the Dark Arts. The class had settled down into a regular routine where they started the week with theory classes and the last class of Friday was the practical. Although Severus had not continued to work with Lily and Veronica he knew that this week he would more than likely have to. Martin Avery was once again in the infirmary. The time Martin had inadvertently spilled a rather nasty potion all over his hands in the class directly before Defence Against the Dark Arts. So once again Severus realised he would be without a partner to work with and no doubt Lily would expect him to join her and Veronica.
Dragging his feet, Severus let the rest of the students go on ahead of him. He did not mean to be directly behind James and Sirius as they also walked to the classroom. But since he was directly behind them he made the most of things by listening to them as they whispered about their plans for the party.
"Is Remus still not sure about it?" whispered James as he looked ahead to where Remus and Peter were walking further down the corridor, just out of earshot. Severus strained to hear what they were saying without being spotted.
"Yeah. Says he doesn't want to get into trouble his first year," replied Sirius.
"Best time to get into trouble," laughed James, "well before we have the OWLs and NEWTs to worry about."
"We can't leave him out of it though," said Sirius in a low tone.
"He'll come around to the idea by Sunday." James sounded very sure of himself as he nodded thoughtfully.
"Yeah, what's he going to do? Sit in the dorms whilst everyone else is having a party?"
"Exactly," declared James. "We just have to make sure McGonagall doesn't find out about it."
"She won't, you're starting to sound as worried as Remus."
James laughed again as they finally reached the classroom. Severus inched his way past them and walked over to the other Slytherins as he tried to make it look as though he had been with them all along.
James and Sirius continued to whisper amongst themselves and Remus and Peter soon joined them as they waited for the room to be unlocked.
Severus was concentrating so hard on trying to hear what they were talking about he didn't notice Lily approaching him from where she had been leaning near the wall.
"Severus, there you are," she greeted him. "I've been trying to speak with you all week."
"You have?" Severus asked in a bored tone, mindful of the fact that Wilkes was standing right next to him, listening to every word. Lily's face betrayed her shock at his tone for only a moment. She shot a glance at Wilkes and then schooled her own expression into a matching look of boredom.
"Yes" Lily replied. "We've decided, that is Veronica, Dave and me, that you being in the study group isn't working out."
Severus listened to her words in a stunned silence. Never mind that his joining the group had caused him one problem after another. Never mind that he didn't want to be a part of the group when he was only asked out of pity. Never mind any of that. If he wasn't going to be in the group, then he wanted to be the one to leave – not be thrown out by the others.
Lily stood waiting for his response. Severus felt his throat closing up and he could not form a single word. He ducked his head so that his dark hair fell across his face and he blinked rapidly to prevent any tell-tale tears from betraying his hurt feelings. He'd been so sure that their friendship would last, and they hadn't even made it through the first term. When he felt he was composed he shrugged and turned away from Lily.
"Oh, one other thing," Lily said as she reached into her bag. "This is yours." Severus watched as she passed him a book that looked vaguely familiar. Talking it automatically he saw that it was the book he had been trying to get in the library on the day Sirius and James had pushed him into the restricted section. But it wasn't his.
When he finally found his voice to call after Lily and hand her the book back he realised that Professor Knott-Bolt had arrived and everyone was filing into the classroom and taking their places at their desks.
Sitting down at the desk on his own Severus once again tried to make himself unnoticeable as everyone split into pairs. Instead of looking around for someone to work with he toyed with the book Lily had passed him and pretended not to notice that everyone else was starting to work. He risked a glance to the front of the room and realised that Professor Knott-Bolt was just about to embarrass him again by asking for someone to work with him when there came a sharp knock on the classroom door and Professor McGonagall looked in.
"Sorry to interrupt your class Professor," she began as she walked across to the desk at the front of the room. "I need to speak with Remus Lupin."
"Quite alright, quite alright," Professor Knott-Bolt answered as he waved Remus over from where he was sitting next to Sirius.
"Remus dear. I'm afraid I have some bad news from home for you." Professor McGonagall steered him from the room as Severus wondered what the problem was. However that problem soon took a back seat to his own problem. For now that Remus had left the class for the day there was once again an even numbers of students.
Sirius picked up his books and parchment as he strolled across the room to the empty seat next to Severus.
"Looks like I'm working with you then, Snivellus," he chuckled.
Severus sighed and shifted in his chair until he was facing the grinning Sirius Black. Looking about the room he saw that James and Peter were not even attempting to start work and they were instead avidly watching Sirius.
Severus gritted his teeth and silently begged for the time to go quickly.
By the end of the afternoon, Severus had experienced the worst Defence Against the Dark Arts class of the year. Angry and frustrated he had found himself making the simplest of mistakes and failing to manage even the most basic deflections.
At the end of the class Sirius actually had the nerve to clap him on the back and suggest they work together again. Between gales of laughter he explained that his performance had never looked so good as when highlighted by working with Severus.
Cringing and humiliated Severus gathered his belongings and hurried from the classroom.
Not wanting to go to the common room where Wilkes would no doubt relay the entire story to the rest of the Slytherins, Severus ran in the opposite direction and only stopped when he found himself approaching Hagrid's hut.
Severus slowed to a halt. He had not been back near the hut at all since the night of the duel and he shivered at the memory.
He was about to turn back when a loud bark sounded from the other side of the hut and a large brown dog came bounding round the corner.
Severus stood stock still as the brute barrelled into him and he fell to the floor.
"Get back there," Hagrid yelled as he easily pulled the dog off of Severus. The animal continued to run around in circles and bark loudly at everything as Hagrid helped Severus to his feet.
"What yer doin' round 'ere?" he asked as Severus muttered beneath his breath as he eyed the dog that looked like it might leap on him again at any moment.
"What's that?" asked Hagrid as he helped Severus pick up his papers.
"I just wanted a bit of quiet," answered Severus with a shrug.
"Not much chance of that with Brutus 'ere," Hagrid grinned. "Quiet!" he yelled at the dog and finally achieved the wanted result as the barking ceased. In spite of everything Severus grinned and Brutus wandered back in his direction as he waited to be petted.
"'e's me watchdog," said Hagrid proudly. Severus looked at the animal doubtfully as it licked his hand before running to the door of the hut.
"It's 'is teatime," explained Hagrid. "Yer want a drink before yer 'ead back?"
Severus wasn't thirsty but if it meant he didn't have to return to the main school right away he thought he might just drink the entire contents of the lake. Nodding, he followed Hagrid into the hut.
Hagrid busied himself with the crockery and the kettle whilst Severus openly stared around the small hut that Hagrid called home. It was messy and cramped and was little more than a hovel. Severus sat on the edge of one of the seats as he thought of his own home. He smiled at the thought of having a space of his own like Hagrid's hut and settled back on the seat. Brutus jumped up beside him after he'd finished eating and Hagrid walked over with two cups of hot tea.
"Yer all recovered now then?" asked Hagrid as he handed him a cup.
Severus nodded. "It was you that took me to the hospital wing wasn't it?" he asked.
"That's right."
"Thank you."
"Just doing me job," Hagrid replied modestly as he took a sip of tea. Severus did likewise although he found he did not like the taste. There was something a little odd about the flavour of the tea.
An awkward silence descended on the hut. Severus looked around again and wondered how long Hagrid had lived there.
"So did yer win the duel?" asked Hagrid.
"No," answered Severus shaking his head. A moment later he realised what he had said and clapped his hand over his mouth.
"Don't look so surprised," said Hagrid.
"But how…?"
"Even a bad storm like that couldn't get rid of all the evidence of a duel."
"Evidence?" Severus squeaked.
"Long strands of black 'air tangled in the pumpkin patch fer one thing."
Severus's hand flew up to his head in an automatic reaction to check if his hair was still in place. Hagrid watched the gesture and chuckled. Severus scowled in reply.
"Now, now, don't be upset," Hagrid lowered his tone. "I didn't tell no one."
"Are you going to?" Severus asked as he looked down at his feet where Brutus was now curled up and snoring.
"'Course not." Hagrid snorted. "Idle gossip never did no good."
"What about the teachers?" Severus asked.
"Figured yer were punished enough without 'em knowing about yer fight. Though I'll bet Dumbledore knows anyway." Hagrid nodded thoughtfully. Severus remembered his meeting with the headmaster after Madam Pomfrey had released him from the hospital wing and he had to agree that Hagrid was probably right.
"So, are yer gettin' on better now?" asked Hagrid in what Severus imagined a fatherly tone would sound like. His own father's voice was more often raised in anger than displaying fatherly concern.
Severus started to answer yes but realised that this time he couldn't lie and he shook his head as the tears he had been holding back all week finally fell. Before he knew it he had blurted out to Hagrid all about the problems with James and Sirius, Lily, the Slytherins and the whole sorry mess. When he had finished he sank back in the chair in horror at all he had said. After a minute or two had passed he looked up at Hagrid through the shield of hair he'd been hiding behind and waited.
"Well," Hagrid finally spoke. "Seems like yer got yerself in a bit of a pickle 'aven't yer?"
Severus nodded silently.
"Well, I don't 'ave the answer to all yer problems, but it seems to me like yer need to make yer mind up which friends are the most important to yer and stick with 'em."
"But who should I choose?" asked Severus. "I thought Lily was my friend but she just feels sorry for me, and Lucius only speaks to me when he wants a favour. As for Bella…."
"Only you can choose yer friends," advised Hagrid, shaking his head.
"What if I choose none of them?" asked Severus as he considered them all again.
"Everyone needs friends," said Hagrid as he stood up and looked out of the window where it was starting to get dark. Severus followed his gaze and realising that time was getting on he gathered his things together and stepping over Brutus he made a move to leave.
"Don't forget this," called Hagrid. Severus turned round to see that Hagrid was passing him the book that Lily had given to him before class. Turning back and taking the book he fumbled with his belongings and the book fell to the floor. As it lay on the wooden floor of the hut Severus noticed a small piece of parchment sticking out of it that he had not seen before. Pulling it out he was surprised to see his own name written on it in Lily's neat script.
Opening the note he read the contents quickly.
Severus
I know you are trying not to get in trouble with the other Slytherins by speaking with me so I am sending you a note rather than talking to you. I think it would be best if they do not know you are still a part of the study group. I can see they are making your life difficult.
We will be meeting in the library on Sunday as normal.
Please try to make it.
Lily
Severus looked at the note and realised that Lily had not thrown him out of the group. A shadow of a smile spread over his face.
"Good news is it?" asked Hagrid.
Severus nodded, although his stomach felt uneasy. He may still be a part of the group, and it was nice of Lily to try to help him sneak past the Slytherins like this, but it didn't change the fact that she pitied him.
Severus knew that he now had an excuse to leave the group but somehow he couldn't bring himself to follow through with it. His mind was made up. He would stay in the group for the moment. At the same time he would make sure that Lily saw him with other friends (he would figure out who later). He would show her that he was enjoying school (he'd better avoid Potter and Black) and having fun (without hexing Potter and Black). Somehow he would show her that he was not the type of person to be pitied. Maybe then their friendship would change back to how it had been before they'd come to Hogwarts.
