Chapter 7 – Other Side of the Coin


* Please note that this chapter is based on Matoba's view.


The moonlight which shines upon the earth has strange properties. It makes humans encounter illusions. The way the light bends could be one of those reasons. Or it is because of the density of light particles. Perhaps it is the colour that it gives off in a monochrome world that does the trick.

Whatever it is, it messes with one's sense of perception. That was how he felt as he cradled the youth in his arms. The pale light which illuminated his soft features made them look enchanting. Natsume was sleeping soundly and silently, the spells kicking in full force. Matoba was glad that they were, for he now had a rare chance to see the young boy unguarded.

Adjusting the boy in his arms, he made his seating position more comfortable. If anything were to happen, he had his bow in his left hand and his arrows right beside him. He could take on any ayakashi even in this stance. That, he was confident of.

Natsume stirred in his sleep, wriggling closer into the haori which Matoba had lent him. The older male could not stop looking at him even if he tried. Natsume looked fragile, vulnerable and adorable all wrapped into one package. It made him want to just hug him and never let go.

He knew of course, that it was not possible. Natsume hated him like no other, feeling disgusted whenever he used ayakashis for his own benefit only. What the boy did not know was that humans and ayakashi alike would betray you in the end. The only person you can trust is yourself. Others will definitely sell you out or backstab you.

Yet, he found it very strange. From the first time Matoba laid eyes on him, he had been attracted to Natsume. The young lad was not only talented, he had the brains for it too. Even as a child, Natsume had the ability to see ayakashi clearly and was even chased after by them because of his immense amount of spiritual power. Something which he had inherited from his late grandmother, Natsume Reiko.

He could still remember meeting the boy for the first time.

It took place when he was shipped off to Hamura to make a deal with the exorcist clan there. It was the Kikuchi clan from Edo, once part of the biggest and most powerful clans in the exorcist realm. But like the Matoba's their numbers were reduced greatly as time passed by. He was going to ask the head of the Kikuchi clan for one of their sealstones. It was a yellow sealstone, one of the six to unseal the ayakashi Ushi-oni.

He had successfully persuaded the head of the clan to hand over the sealstone and was preparing to go back when he saw a crouched figure in the park he was passing through. He did not know what force was it that made him stop in his tracks, but it did. Curiosity was what drove him on after, curios to find out what or who was crouching there.

As he got closer, he could make out the shape of a human boy no older than five. One could see that the boy was trembling and most probably, crying. Muffled sobs were heard as he moved closer, walking across the bare grounds of the park. The sand almost got into his shoes. The boy had a mop of hair which was identical as the colour of the ground he was crouching on. What immediately caught Matoba's eye was the number of bruises on the boy's arms and legs. They were black and blue, all marring his white skin. The boy had a cut on his knee and crimson blood was flowing out freely, some of it dripping on to the sand.

It could have been pity or it could have been sympathy, but Matoba wanted to help that boy. He understood perfectly that he was supposed to carry out his duties as the next head of the Matoba clan and not tarnish his family name, but surely helping a boy was not wrong?

Tears dropped down steadily like rain. Big drops, small drops. They dripped onto the hard ground below, wetting it and turning it into a darker shade. When the sun shone at the right angle, sunlight pierced through the teardrops, making them look like pure water droplets. A sad yet beautiful sight. That was what it was.

"Ne, why are you crying?" he asked the boy.

The child seemed to hear him. He lifted his head and opened his eyes to a crack. Matoba found that the boy was completely covered in his shadow. He smiled. The sight itself was funny, but mostly he was just relieved that the boy acknowledged him at all. He held out his hand. "Don't cry anymore." encouraged Matoba. Seeing the child cry like this tugged at some heartstrings.

The boy shook his head.

That was not unexpected, but Matoba could not help but feel some hurt on his pride. The boy had listened to him, but obviously was not going to stop crying. He sighed. He never knew how to deal with children, so why start now?

Matoba was about to leave the child alone in the barren park (he had tried), but decided against it. He had wanted to help the boy, so the boy was going to be helped. "Come on." he used his softest and most gentle voice he could muster. "I promise I won't hurt you."

Tear-stained cheeks were lifted from the ground. The child's big, watery golden eyes met with his black ones. They were full of innocence, of puzzlement, of fear. Matoba hoped that he was no the one frightening this child. The golden eyes trailed down his hand, making the black-haired youth feel self-conscious. What a powerful gaze the child had! The child reached out to grab his hand. His chubby fingers curled around Matoba's long and thin ones, holding them tightly and eagerly.

He had helped heal Natsume that time too. The young child had looked at him with big eyes full of admiration. A normal human could not heal others so easily, nor can a normal human withstand that kind of high-spiritual healing. Humans who did not have special abilities would have died from the magical components in the spells. He had took the child home after that and found it ironic that he too had to carry Natsume to the cave. A small smile escaped from his lips.

Matoba fingered one of his arrows. He wondered if the boy sleeping in his lap still remembered him. It was more than possible that Natsume could not even remember the incident at all since he hated Matoba so much.

But there was just a small part of him, just a tiny one, that hoped Natsume knew who he really was. That hoped Natsume might show a hint of recognition from his earlier days rather than the look of disgust. It was an impossible thing, but that was what hope was. Hope is impossible.

Clouds flew across the skies, sailing like ships in the sea. The youth shivered in his arms from the cold wind. Gently so as to not wake him, Matoba lifted the boy and laid him in the cave. It would be much warmer in there.

How could he tell this boy, that he had feelings for him?


Thank you for reading, minna-san!
The next chapter will be the start of Natsuma and Matoba's adventures on Barayama.