Kitty's Love Story

Chapter 10

Matt sat behind his desk, massaging his forehead and reading the same sentence for the third time. What was this letter from Judge Brooker even about? He was trying to concentrate, but his mind kept wandering back to that glance he had shared with Kitty last night after he broke up the fight. She still looked at him with the same love in her eyes. Or was he imagining that? He didn't know anymore.

He glanced up as the door slowly opened, making that familiar creaking noise. He wasn't expecting her, but he wasn't exactly surprised either. Their lives were in turmoil, and they had barely even talked about it. He knew she would eventually need some answers. In all honesty he needed them too, but he wasn't going to be the one to ask. It wasn't his nature.

He had seen her in that dress a hundred times, the gold top with the orange skirt, perfectly accenting her equally vibrant hair and blue eyes. It had been eighteen years since he had caught that first breathtaking site of her, and those years had been incredibly kind to her. He knew that face so well, every curve and every line, and he could tell that she had gotten little sleep last night. Still, she couldn't have looked more beautiful to him.

"Hello, Matt," she said softly, tentatively. "Got a minute?"

Matt took a deep breath and nodded. "Sure."

Where to begin? She had rehearsed it silently most of the night as she tossed and turned, yet standing before him the words were becoming jumbled in her head. She thought she had more time, but yesterday's events had changed everything. Bill's presence here was clearly not welcome, and he wasn't going to be responsible for any more problems. Out of respect for Marshal Dillon and the residents of Dodge City, he was making plans to head out to Tanner's Creek and check on his new place. He had asked Kitty to come with him.

"We've been together a long time, Matt. It's hard to throw that away," she finally started.

"Yeah," he agreed. It certainly was.

"The past week has been very…confusing. It's been awkward for both of us, but I haven't done any of this to hurt you. Please tell me you know that," she urged.

In a way, it would be easier to believe that she had. To think that she was so angry that she had decided to punish him by flaunting another man right under his nose, in his town. At least that way, he wouldn't have to face the possibility that she had actual feelings for this man. But he knew that wasn't Kitty. She may have been spitting mad initially, but she would never be so spiteful. He reluctantly nodded. "I know that."

"Bill is a good man," she continued, and Matt had no argument there. "He knows how people feel about him here, and he doesn't want to cause any trouble. He wants to go back to Tanner's Creek to check on his new place, and last night he asked me to go with him."

Matt felt a stab in his heart that rivaled any bullet wound. "You mean for a visit?"

Several agonizing seconds passed before she answered. "For a visit, if that's all I can give him for now. But he's made it clear that he hopes I will decide to stay. He wants us to have a life together, to get—married."

Married. Such a simple word, yet so hard for her to say. She didn't want him to think she was rubbing it in his face, that the one word he could never utter was being offered to her with such enthusiasm by a man she had only known a few days. She had no intention of punishing him for having a relationship on his terms. She had willingly agreed to it, after all.

"What did you tell him?" he asked hesitantly, wondering if he could handle the response.

"I told him I needed time to figure out a few things before I could give him an answer. I think you know what those things are, Matt. I need to know where we stand."

"I need that too, Kitty," he replied. "But that's up to you, not me."

Kitty could hardly believe his words. "Are you serious? Do you really think that you have no say in this?"

"I have no right to any say in your decisions," he conceded. "I never have."

"Well, I'm giving you the right," she informed him, rather testily. "I, Kitty Russell, hereby bestow upon you the right to tell me what to do for the first time in our lives. Take advantage of it, Matt. Tell me to say no to Bill." Her eyes were pleading and her voice was heavy with emotion.

Matt put his hands over his tired eyes and slowly ran his fingers up his forehead and through his thick, graying hair. "I can't, Kitty. You know how I feel, but I can't do that."

Kitty felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. This wasn't an argument over a trip or a social event. She wasn't even asking him to put her first in his life—she was merely asking him to put her in his life, somewhere that mattered. It was such a simple request, two little words—say no. And after eighteen years, he couldn't even give her that. He wasn't going to fight for her.

They stared at each other in awkward silence until Kitty decided there was only one thing left to say. "Thank you for being honest with me," she said, surprised that at that moment she actually meant it. "I guess I fooled myself into thinking I had a big decision to make. I see now that you have already made it for me."

Matt looked confused. "I don't understand. I'm leaving this totally up to you, Kitty. I'm not interfering at all. How is that making the decision for you?"

Kitty smiled sadly. "You're right, you don't understand," she said tenderly. Goodbye, Matt. I'll always love you."

She hurried out the door, leaving her longtime partner to process the words in stunned silence.

GSGSGSGSGSGS

Doc Adams was at the bottom of his wooden staircase when he saw what appeared to be a distraught Kitty Russell running out of Matt's office and heading toward The Long Branch. It may be none of his business, but he didn't care this time. He had seen just about enough of this nonsense.

Doc walked through the door and confronted his friend, who was sitting motionless at his desk. "I just saw Kitty, and she looked upset. What happened?"

Matt didn't respond, continuing to stare blankly ahead. Doc waved his hand in front of Matt's face. "Hello? Did you hear me?"

Matt swallowed and slowly made eye contact. "She's gone, Doc. I lost her."

Doc frowned and swiped at his moustache. "What do you mean, she's gone?"

"She chose Bill. She's moving to Tanner's Creek with him."

Doc couldn't believe his ears. He didn't want to believe them. "You tell me exactly what just happened," he demanded.

Matt shook his head, looking bewildered. "There's not much to tell. She asked me to tell her to say no to Bill Dunlap. I couldn't do that, of course, it's her decision. Then she said something about the decision being made for her, and she told me goodbye. She's leaving, Doc."

Doc's expression quickly changed from confusion to irritation. "So in other words, you screwed up."

"What?" he replied, genuinely clueless.

"She doesn't want to leave, Matt," Doc practically yelled. "Any fool can see that."

It was Matt's turn to look irritated. "I'm not sure how you know that, but I get the feeling I'm about to find out."

"You bet you are," he continued huffily. "How many years have you been together? And what has she asked of you in all that time? Not much, I can tell you that. Bill is a fine man, and he is offering her the life she could never have with you. Did she just jump at that chance? No, she came to hear you tell her that the life she chose with you is worth more than any other life. That you still want that life, that you still want her. And what do you tell her? 'It's not my decision.' If you think that's noble, you are sadly mistaken. It's a cop out, Matt. I think deep down, you're afraid of the responsibility that comes with telling her that you are committed to this relationship. And that's a real shame, because you are throwing away the best thing that ever happened to you."

An uncomfortable silence hung in the air as the two men avoided eye contact. Doc didn't regret what he had said, but he knew it sounded harsh. Despite his outward demeanor, he didn't like being harsh. Certainly not with the people he cared about most.

Matt finally looked Doc in the face and broke the silence. "What if it's too late?"

"What if it's not?" Doc replied. "If you don't find out, you'll never forgive yourself. And I just may never forgive you either."

Matt stood up and put his hat on. "Thanks, Doc," he said sincerely as he headed out the door and turned toward The Long Branch.

TBC