December 13, 2012

Julia hears the scream first, followed almost immediately by her husband's hoarse shout. She's off like a shot, racing around the couches in their living room. On the way, she catches sight of her husband, leaning over the still-small body of her only child.

By the time she gets the door open, Julia's almost hysterical.

"Kensi!"

"Mommy," she hears her little girl wail. It hurts."

Julia drops down beside Donald, reaching out. She wants to run her hands over Kensi, make sure she's okay. Donald stops her, taking her hands gently.

"I think it's just her arm," he murmurs into her ear. His voice is calm, despite the fact that he's sitting beside his only child that is so obviously hurt. "But we're better off not to move her."

Julia feels her breath hitch. The worst races through her head, panic settling in her blood. What happened?" she almost sobs, unable to stop reaching out to brush Kensi's hair off her forehead.

"She fell, Jules. We need to call an ambulance. I think she hit her head."

The panic worsens and she feels Donald squeeze her hand. Hard. The split second of her bones grinding together shocks her into focus. "Ambulance. Right."

She stumbles into the house in a weird sort of haze. She's deceptively calm as she dials the emergency number. Yes, she tells the operator, her daughter is breathing fine. She has no idea about shock, but yes, she remembers Kensi being a little pale. The operator asks her a handful of other questions before reassuring her the ambulance is on its way. It's only a small comfort.

"It's coming," she says as she races back outside. It's a terrible idea. The moment she sees her daughter, she's tearing up again.

Donald sees it and comes to her side. He's still calm, which Julia cannot understand. Kensi's a total Daddy's Girl and Donald absolutely dotes on her. How can he be so calm when Kensi's hurt?

"We need a blanket," he tells her, turning them so she can't see Kensi and he can. It helps, a little, but also makes it a little worse. "She's going into shock. A thick one, Jules, can you do that?"

When she returns there's a blond man leaning over Kensi. He's talking to her in low tones, steady and calm as he runs his hands over her as best he can through the thick blanket now draped over her. Donald's hovering nearby, looking every inch a Marine, even in civilian clothes.

"You're breathing well. I don't hear any problems there," the MT says, smiling at Julia as she passes by. It doesn't help and Julia finds herself picking at a loose thread in Kensi's bedspread.

"Doesn't look like any back or spine injuries. Did you fall far?"

Kensi whimpers, and Julia's protective instincts have her all but leaping for her daughter. Donald holds her back.

"Let him do his job," he murmurs softly, then looks up at the MT. "Far enough."

"Well, the arm's definitely broken. Must have taken the brunt of her fall," the MT says. "And just to be on the safe side, we're going to put you on a backboard in the ambulance."

"I'm going with her," Julia says insistently. This time, Donald doesn't argue and she doesn't see him again until Kensi's already been wheeled into x-ray. He's pale as he strides quickly and confidently down the hall and she can see that the panic has sunk in for him now too.

"Anything?"

Julia shakes her head and pulls him in. He's a comfort, even in his own panic. Hers has lessened since Kensi's come in, talked to a doctor. He hadn't seemed worried even though he'd agreed with the MT to check her neck and spine, just in case. "Except she managed to make it out without a concussion."

"She just fell," she hears him say into her hair.

"From where?" Her voice is still shaking. God, this is insane.

"The ladder. She was climbing the ladder. I was hanging the lights and she was climbing the ladder."

His grip is tight on her, but she manages to pull back, just a little. "She was climbing the ladder?"

"Climbing after me," he says, eyes blank. "I told her 'no'. We agreed she was still too young to be up there, to help with the outside lights."

It's true but Julia finds herself sighing. They should have known better, really. Kensi's always wanted to do whatever her father is doing, even if it's stupidly dangerous for a young child. They'd raised a curious, independent and precocious little girl, and while Julia's usually very proud of the way Kensi's been growing up, but today, it's a parent's worst nightmare.

She's just glad, two hours later, when they've got a drugged Kensi in the car with a carefully casted arm, that everything's okay.

. . . . .

The only good thing that's come from Donald's death is Julia's renewed relationship with her daughter. Kensi's much different now, of course. She's a federal agent, for one thing. But Julia doesn't care. Her daughter is beautiful, capable, resourceful and independent, and while Julia can't exactly take credit for even half of that, she can't be disappointed either.

It's a random Thursday, so she really doesn't expect Kensi to be home when she pulls up to her daughter's new apartment. They'd found it together, she remembers, a bonding activity after reuniting. She'd been surprised to discover that Kensi had been keeping her eyes on her mother, watching her, paying attention. Julia figures it's part of the 'curse' Kensi will speak of from time to time. 'The curse of the job', her daughter will say, a constant fear that loved ones are in danger.

She knows that feeling.

Either way, she doesn't expect to find her daughter at home. In fact, the basket of Christmas goodies in the passenger's seat comes complete with a note and none of it is really perishable. Julia knows Kensi can be away for days at a time. But, to her pleasant surprise, the lights are on in Kensi's apartment.

So, she knocks, and smiles when she hears laughter on the other side. Kensi's partner, Julia thinks. She'd liked him and the way he'd cared for her daughter. Despite the fact that Kensi can definitely take care of herself, Julia can't help but want that for her daughter.

"Mom!" Kensi greets in surprise. "Hi."

"Surprise," Julia answers, eyeing the tinsel in Kensi's hair with a little bit of trepidation. "Am I interrupting?"

"No," Kensi replies, stepping back to allow her mother through the door.

It's not the LAPD detective Julia finds standing on a short ladder. It's Agent Callen, patiently holding a silver garland to Kensi's wall.

"Agent Callen."

"Ms. Feldman."

"Julia," she insists. The man's in her daughter's home. Having him speak so formally just doesn't feel right.

"Callen."

They exchange a smile that isn't totally comfortable, but it doesn't feel exactly wrong either.

"What did you bring?"

Julia almost jolts at Kensi's voice, but spins to face her not-so-little girl. She never fails to see Donald in Kensi's face. "Just… Christmas."

Kensi's smile is small, but entirely genuine, a beautiful expression of tentative happiness. It's the story of where their relationship is and Julia's not immune to the residual resentment that her daughter holds. But they're trying and Julia knows that's what matters.

"Seemed like the time for it," Julia says, trying to sound like her daughter's approval doesn't matter. It does, of course, maybe more than it should.

"It is. Callen and I were just decorating."

Julia can't say she'd pegged the man for the decorating type, but he seems perfectly content in Kensi's living room, holding that garland. In fact, he clears his throat, reminding Kensi he's still standing there. Kensi jumps to him with a bit of a self-conscious laugh, but doesn't think twice of climbing up the couple of steps, pressing them together in a way that would be intimate if it wasn't for the garland. Julia watches, and despite how welcoming Kensi's been, she feels like a voyeur, watching something new and delicate blossom.

Still, the way they make quick work of the garland with barely a word passing between them is more than impressive.

"Sit, Mom," Kensi says as she steps carefully off the ladder. Julia has a brief flashback as Kensi puts her foot on the ground, but Kensi is much more coordinated grown than she was when she broke her arm at eight.

When she's seated, Julia takes the opportunity to take in the mess that is Kensi's apartment. There are boxes everywhere, most of them new. "Do you not decorate every year?"

"Um," Kensi begins, glancing briefly to Callen. Julia's surprised at the gaze, surprised at everything it holds. "Not usually."

There's a story there. A whole story and one day Julia hopes she's in a place with Kensi where her daughter feels like she can tell it without protective walls.

"Hetty," Kensi begins awkwardly, but Julia waits patiently while Kensi finds the words. Callen's moved to the kitchen with the basket, Julia assumes to unpack it. He's comfortable in Kensi's tiny kitchen and Julia knows there's significance in that too.

"Hetty gave us each an advent calendar," Kensi finally says. "You met her right?"

Julia nods.

"They're just little things," Kensi goes on. "Today was tinsel."

"So you're decorating," Julia finishes, reaching out to tug a silver strand from Kensi's hair.

Her daughter laughs, a little self-consciously and tucks her hair behind her ear. It's a girlish gesture that has Julia's maternal instincts firing. She can't help it. Instead, she clears her throat and takes a chance.

"I expected your partner," she says in a quiet voice.

Her terribly brilliant daughter has the grace to blush as she puts the pieces together. "Mom, no. Deeks… No."

Julia arches a brow.

Kensi actually squirms. "He's my partner. That's all."

Julia glances at the kitchen, but Callen isn't returning. She allows the flicker of gratitude if the man is giving them a moment. "He cares."

"Of course he does," Kensi replies with a gentle smile. "But not like that."

"And Agent Callen?" Julia keeps her voice low.

Kensi glances to the kitchen and Julia sees that tiny smile of genuine joy on her face again. "I don't know. But we're making new memories."

Julia feels a bittersweet tug on her heart. It's bitter because she's afraid that Kensi needs to erase old memories, or replace painful ones. She'd never wanted that for her daughter. Never. Yet, it's sweet too because Julia really likes the idea of Kensi having good memories. Even if they're not with the man she may have expected.

"I'm glad." And while her smile may be shaky because of all of the emotion swirling in her chest, the sentiment is genuine.

Then Callen returns and Julia becomes privy to something she realizes is both intense and intensely private. He brings coffee and some of the cookies from Julia's gift basket and settles into Kensi's couch like he belongs there. He doesn't seem out of place, and Kensi barely blinks at his presence.

Julia had felt, in their brief meeting, like there was no one more intensely private than Agent Callen. She'd figured him for the lone wolf, separate from everyone else despite working in a team environment. She'd felt if it wasn't for Agent Hanna, Agent Callen wouldn't have a partner and probably wouldn't have a team. Agent Callen kept everything so close, so tight, that she'd felt both welcome and an intruder the entire time.

Yet here, he's different. They're both different. It's not overt either, just a feeling, a humming intensity beneath every interaction. They don't touch and they don't speak to each other any differently, but there is definitely something there. It's hovering just beneath their every word or gesture. In fact, it's so subtle that Julia's not even sure where the feeling is coming from. All she knows is that Kensi is softer and Agent Callen feels more open than he had in the boatshed the first time she'd met him.

She spends almost an hour with them and feels her heart swelling with every moment. While Agent Callen may not have been the man Julia would have chosen, she thinks that she's willing to change her mind. She feels like 'creating new memories' is barely scratching the surface of the relationship between Kensi and Agent Callen but she thinks as she kisses her daughter's cheek goodbye, she's willing to wait it out.

Who knows?

Maybe it'll be something fantastic.


Weird chapter! God, it was so weird! But I ended up liking it more than I thought I would. I was going to write it from Nell's POV, but then the memory wouldn't have worked… HA! Everything ended up differently. It's kind of cool in a weird sort of way. I needed an external POV to write in because there needed to be something else re: where they are... And instead of Nell, Julia stepped up!

AND LOOK! Infinitely faster than the last one. It was funny, I sat down to write yesterday and couldn't stop. Happy Kavi! Admittedly Julia's thoughts echo mine, but I think I'm allowed to do that? Also? Distinct benefit of handwriting. No joke. This chapter was entirely handwritten before I typed it up this morning.

But, most relevantly, the next chapter has mistletoe in it. Yes, I said it. Mistletoe.

Now go let your imaginations run wild.