Chapter 3
If Sparatus thought that this wasn't going to be hard, he was sorely mistaken. Jane was more than happy to take the tour of his home, but that's where the simplicity ended. He wasn't in the habit of living in mansions, himself, finding it more practical to live with just the essentials in a large apartment. Of course, his idea of 'essentials' included a significant connection to the extranet, comm. channels in every available wall space, Palaven plants so as not to feel homesick, a conference area, and two guest resting areas with those flat, soft things called 'beds'.
When you had to be available for contact and deliberation at any waking moment, your idea of essentials was significantly higher class than others. Jane seemed to have the biggest interest in the decorations around his walls. Aside from the holo-screens situated in at least three different walls, there was a collection of Serrated Blades marked with his colony insignia, each signed with the name of one of his ancestors.
"What do you do with these big swords?"
"Several things. Prayer, mostly."
"Prayer to who? God? Buddha? He sounds cool!"
"I don't pray to a person."
"Then what?"
"I pray to spirits, usually."
The conversation had continued like that for about half a minute before Sparatus had snapped and told her to be silent. It was difficult dealing with a child who wouldn't stop asking questions, especially about something as sensitive as the history of the Sparatus Family, connected to the spirit of the Gothis Colony. But she didn't stop with just asking about the blades.
"What's this pointy thing?" That was art from Palaven. "Why doesn't your bedroom have a bed?" Because he slept in a squatting position, or sometimes, standing up. "Why do you have so many blankets then?" Because sleeping on the hardwood floor was uncomfortable. "Where do you keep your underwear?" That was none of her business and if she would be so kind as to stop bothering him and let him take her to her bedroom...
Eventually, Jane started pulling on datapads and trying to read them. "What's this say?" She asked, but at that point Sparatus had lost his patience and plucked it out of her hands. He grabbed Jane by the collar of her shirt (the closest thing to a cowl he could grab on to without injuring her) and walked with her over to her new bedroom.
Once she was in there, she started going crazy, screeching loudly and making happy noises (at least he hoped the noises she made indicated happiness) and picking up the 'teddy bear' and kicking the colorful blocks everywhere. Sparatus shrugged and sighed, his energy already drained out of him. How Hannah managed such a tiny ball of insanity and questions was beyond him. He figured at least part of his frustration was cultural between humans and turians. At least that way he could get a book on human culture and pass it off as Council Business and not I Have Secretly Adopted a Human Child and I Need Serious Assistance Somebody Help.
"Alright, Jane." He said on an exhale, "I want you to stay in this room for the rest of the night. You can go to sleep when you like, just… try not to make too much noise." Jane was giggling behind the large, cushy bed, her teddy bear in front of her head. She didn't make any other indication that he heard her. He hoped the translator on her bracelet hadn't shorted out or something…
"You can't see me, Spartacus!" She said, giggling like a warbling sappa bird. "I'm invisible!"
"I don't care if you're invisible Jane, I just want to know if you are going to stay in this room like I asked you to?" Sparatus was getting a headache. Though he had almost completely forgotten what he was like when he was 4, he knew full well that when a question was asked, the appropriate response was an answer to the question.
"You're supposed to care if I'm invisible!" Jane whined, moving her teddy bear to the side and pinching her face together again. Sparatus was going to blow a gasket.
"Well, I'm sorry, Jane, but I don't. Now, if you can't give me an answer, I might have to just lock the door, and I don't want this whole situation to be worse than it already is." If he had to lock her in her own room, there would officially be no trust between the two of them, and an untrustworthy child was more a testament of his failure to raise her properly than her insubordination. He was going to be a terrible parent.
"Fine." She spat, throwing her teddy bear in his direction. It only made it halfway to him before its trajectory led it straight to the ground. Sparatus sighed for what felt like the 36th time, before saying a quick farewell and closing her door. He made his way to the living room couch, and slouched into it immediately, sleep overcoming him.
It was the sixth day of the Galactic Week. Vakarian and his boy had planned to come in the afternoon, after Sparatus had completed his paperwork for the day. Incidentally, it was also the day the 'fish dog' was slated to arrive. It was easier to handle his paperwork in early morning, when Jane was still asleep in her new room. He made some progress in regards to civilian housing for humans, and dealing with arguments regarding where Citadel Security should draw the line between limiting excessive preaching and unwarranted harassment. Then it all went peelum-shaped once Jane woke up.
"Spartacus, I'm hungry! Where's the cereal?" She had yelled. Sparatus stood up swiftly, walked downstairs to the kitchen, and found that Jane had started opening the cupboards, in search of 'cereal'. Sparatus' translator had glitched, leaving the word untouched, but Sparatus still filed it away for later, because apparently Jane liked it (or expected it).
"I don't have any… seeri-ul, Jane." Sparatus said, trying to keep his temper in check. "You'll have to try to eat what I've gotten for you." He walked over to the refrigerator, closing the cupboard doors on his way, and pulled out a paper bag with various fruits and vegetables form Earth inside, one of many groceries he had discreetly ordered for her. He tried not to trip over Jane, who was scurrying around like a kiursen, as he picked out some of the fruit and placed them on the counter in the center of the room.
"I don't like bananas!" Jane said. Sparatus wasn't sure what a 'banana' was, either. He remembered that it was one of the yellow fruits. Was it the long one or was it the round one? Or maybe it was the yellowish-brown one with the pointy leaves…?
"It costs a lot of money to buy one of these, Jane. You should at least try to eat them at some point." Sparatus said.
"No! You won't make me! When my momma comes back I'll tell her you tried to make me eat bananas, and she'll punch you!" She huffed, glaring at him with Hannah's eyes. Sparatus froze for a second, feeling a chill overcome him as he remembered Hannah again, how dark it was on that blasted planet, how she had been the only reason he had survived that unfathomably cold avalanche…
"Fine, Jane. What do you want to eat?" He spat. Jane suddenly lit up.
"Pancakes!" She beamed, "Blueberry pancakes! Or Strawberry! Ooh! Or chocolate pancakes! Can you make me some pancakes?" Pancakes? Pancakes. Alright. Pancakes.
What the blazes was a pancake?
After a few minutes of Sparatus accessing human recipes for pancakes and finding out it was made with lactated liquids from the teats of a bovine mammal, he had once again felt the overwhelming desire to spit up his gizzard and pray to the spirit of the entire galaxy to erase the image of eating liquid that came out of bodies. There was no way he was cooking that.
Instead, Sparatus had found a similar recipe for a breakfast called 'oatmeal' that was easily made without the inclusion of horrible liquids. After Jane's breakfast was done, he put the oatmeal into a bowl, mixed it around a bit with his stirring pole, and gave it to Jane, which she slurped contentedly.
Sparatus had then tried his best to do his job with a new little bundle of life and insanity running around his legs, throwing her toys everywhere, picking up and trying to read his important datapads, and pressing every button on the remote control for the holo-screen. It was very hard to discuss community service opportunities for hanar through comm. channels when just outside his work area, a little girl was loudly changing the channel from romantic comedies about homosexual drell to salarian children's education involving some 'Perry the Pyjack' (who, he had discovered, was made of flammable material).
At some point or another, Jane had felt tired enough to fall asleep, which Sparatus took advantage of to get as much signing and reading done as possible. By the time he was done, it was 13 hours out of 20 on his clock, and the artificial sunlight of the Silver Sun Strip began to wane. Vakarian and his boy were to arrive at 14/20, and if he knew Vakarian, he'd be here at precisely that hour. If Vakarian didn't, Sparatus would eat his own spurs.
He walked back out of his office, past the game table and toward the sleeping human child curled up on one of his couches. His initial plan was to lift her up and correct her posture. Most turian children would have instinctively begun to awaken, but he knew enough about humans to understand that humans not only slept laying down, but also had a short period of disorientation directly after waking. Sharing a bunker with a group of humans taught him at least one thing.
Hesitantly, he shook Jane a bit, and brushed the hair out of her face. She gurgled a bit, saliva dripping from her mouth. Had she been dreaming that she was feeding a child? He shook her again, and she started moaning.
"I don't want to go to the bridge, mommy, the people there are smelly." She slurred. He froze for a moment, and stared for only a moment. Sparatus shook her again, and she whined.
"Wake up, Jane." He said flatly. "There's someone I want you to meet."
She jumped off the couch and yawned. Sparatus held out his hand for her to grab onto, and walked her back to her room near the door. He opened one of the drawers for some clean clothes that the Citadel Adoption Agency had provided for her, grateful that they were there. They weren't anything special, just simple shirts and pants, and one strangely incomplete shirt with strange metal teeth on it, with a hood and a small label for the N7 Division sewn onto it.
He dressed her up with the new clothes, though since he had no idea how to put them onto her, he had encouraged her to put it on by herself. When it came to the incomplete shirt, however, she had fiddled with the odd metal… thing at the bottom and tried to connect the two sides, but out of concern for her safety he had moved her hands away. As he was trying to straighten her shirt, a ping erupted from his omni-tool indicating that Vakarian and his boy had arrived. The timestamp said that it was 13:88. He was early.
"They're here, Jane. Follow me." Sparatus said, standing up. He started walking toward the door, Jane toddling behind him. He was greeted with the familiar Palaven markings of Siurus Vakarian, a little body standing a pace behind him that he couldn't quite make out.
"Good to see you, Siurus. I must say I hadn't expected you so soon." Sparatus said. Vakarian walked in calmly, his little boy keeping pace. He had opened his mouth to speak…
"Hey! Your markings are blue!" Jane suddenly exclaimed. Sparatus, Vakarian, and the little one all snapped to look at her. "I thought the dinosaur-man markings were always white!" Jane continued candidly.
Sparatus and Vakarian both stared at her. Her eyes shifted between the two of them, either taking in the differences in color, or trying to memorize both their faces. She didn't fidget, however, which Sparatus was conflicted about. On the one hand, he commended her for taking ownership of what she said and not backing down. On the other hand, she spoke out of turn to adults. She had a lot to learn.
"It uh, depends on where your family comes from." A new voice said. Sparatus shifted his stare to the younger Vakarian, who stiffened and evened out his chin. "I-I mean… the… the color says what kind of family you have, and… and the shape says what colony you're from." He recited, nodding his head and blinking twice to indicate he was done speaking.
"Very good, Garrus." Vakarian said slowly. He couldn't say anything else before Jane interrupted again.
"What does blue mean, carrot?" She asked, mispronouncing Garrus' name. Garrus stared blankly in thought, then answered.
"The… color changes depending on brightness and tegaserruk." He began, faltering on the word for saturation, digaserrik. "The lighter your color is, the more remarkable things members of your family have done. The more tega… dega… saturated the color, the more… uh… the more…" Garrus faltered, struggling to remember.
"The more saturated the color, the more you've done to personally earn the markings." Vakarian concluded. Jane's eyes widened, and she suddenly walked closer to Garrus in two giant steps (for one of her size, at least). She got right up into his face, studying his cheeks and the cheeks of his father with her face puckered in thought.
"Where are your markings, carrot? I thought all the dinosaur-men had them." Jane asked. Garrus clamped his mandibles tight in irritation.
"Dad, is she testing me?" He asked.
"No, Garrus." Vakarian stated plainly. "You see, this small girl is a new species called a human. This is probably the first time she's met someone your age."
"I thought you said we were going to meet the Turian Councilor's daughter." Garrus said. Sparatus could already tell that Garrus had much more in common with Jane than he thought… or would have liked.
"You are meeting her, young man." Sparatus said, gesturing toward her with his hand. "I've adopted her from the CAA a few days ago. I thought she would like to… have a friend." Garrus and Jane stared at each other, then.
"What's your favorite color?" She asked him, beaming. "I bet you would look really good in red!" Garrus shook his mandibles vigorously, indicating dislike or discomfort.
"No! M-my color is supposed to be blue." Garrus said. "If it's red then I uh, did something really bad, and-"
"Why do you only have three fingers?" She asked. Garrus' eye ridges lifted up in surprise, and he lifted his hand to look at it. He counted his fingers carefully.
"Because I… was born like that?"
"I was born with five! See?" Jane lifted up her hand and grabbed onto Garrus', twining her five digits into his three. Garrus pulled back a little, shocked, but Jane held fast.
"That… that's gross! How did that-? Ew!" Garrus tried to pull his hand out of hers but she just pulled back. Soon, there was a significant battle between the small turian boy and the human girl, and Sparatus was worried for a second that they had somehow started to spar. However, soon after both children were giggling and making contented noises, and eventually Jane had pushed Garrus onto the ground. The childish wrestling was adorable.
Vakarian tapped Sparatus on the shoulder, and pointed toward the conference room, where they could hopefully keep out of the children's earshot. Sparatus and Vakarian both walked away, leaving the two be.
"I'm sorry about Jane, Siurus." Sparatus said once they were out of earshot. Vakarian shook his head, and spread his mandibles in a smile.
"No need for apologies, Sparatus. Kids are like that, especially Garrus. They'll both learn, especially if we're consistent with our lessons." He crossed his arms amicably, and Sparatus relaxed a fraction. "I think they'll be best friends, Sparatus." Sparatus certainly hoped so.
Then, his omni-tool pinged again. This time, the pet store he had ordered the 'fish dog' from had arrived. Sparatus excused himself from his current talk to retrieve it. When he opened the door, he had been expecting a furry four-legged creature not unlike the ones he had seen in the photos. He did not expect a varren.
"Here you go, sir. One healthy adolescent varren, complete with care items and pet bed." The chipper, female human said, thrusting a datapad into Sparatus' hands for him to sign. He held onto it tentatively, the smile never leaving the woman's face.
"There must be some mistake. I didn't order—"
Suddenly, he heard Jane scream. At first he thought she was frightened by the varren, or that Garrus had pulled a bit too hard in their play-fight. Instead, Jane ran directly towards the varren, squealing happily.
"It's a fish dog it's a fish dog it's a fish dog!" She said, hugging the varren's neck happily. Oh. So that's a fish dog.
The varren began to rumble in happiness, and Jane started scratching it. How she knew where to scratch a varren pup to make it rumble with something other than predatory rage was a mystery for the ages.
"Can we keep him, Spartacus!? Can we can we can we!?" She said.
"You did pay for all expenses of nourishment, housing, and ownership of the varren beforehand, sir." The still-smiling human added, to nobody's benefit. As Jane had decided that meant yes, she pulled the varren inside of the apartment, and introduced it to Garrus as 'Fish Dog McFarty-Pants', as Garrus tried to avoid its teeth by standing on the sofas.
It was a miracle Sparatus was able to sign the papers without falling apart on the spot. Good thing Vakarian was there to pick up the pieces if that did happen. This was going to be a long ride.
CODEX
I included quite a bit about turian culture in this one, most of it is explained in-story. However, the connection between drooling and feeding babies wasn't, so I'll explain it here. I headcanon'd the turians as feeding their babies through regurgitating, or more specifically, keeping chewed up food in their mouth, coating it with saliva, and using it to feed their young. This is similar to the way birds feed their young chewed up worms, and how humans breastfeed their young. Turian saliva thus usually doesn't form unless feeding a child, though both genders can still salivate if they need to.
Also, I did some math, and Mordin at the age of 4-6 would be in his early to mid-teens in salarian years. I figured it would be reasonable to assume he got an internship at an educational children's show development facility or some such, and would thus be fiddling with Perry the Pyjack at this point. Or, we could just chalk it up to rule of funny. Whichever works!
