First Kiss
A Stargate Atlantis Fanfic

Original Publish Date: 30 September 2008
Rewrite Publish Date: 13 November 2013

Warnings: Language, Suggestive Content


NOTE: This story has been rewritten since its original publication. The original story was only three chapters— some original readers will receive alerts for chapters four and five. If you are re-reading this story, you should start back at Part I!

Also, one of my original author's notes:

"As always, enjoy. (If you're half as twisted as me, which you must be if you're reading this, I'm sure you will.)"


"…If the gears in your head grind any harder, you're going to set your overly-gelled head on fire."

John's response was a narrow eyed, not-completely-decipherable look. Several seemingly conflicting emotions flashed across his face. But mostly, John just seemed pissed.

That was not a good expression— not coming from Sheppard— but Rodney was given no chance to figure it out as the other man growled, "Oh, fuck this."

All of a sudden Sheppard dropped to one knee right in front of him and seized his tac vest.

Then kissed him.


McKay instantly froze up— for his part, Rodney was so surprised he didn't quite know what to do, only that John Sheppard was very suddenly kissing him— actually, rather hard.

"Well done!"

The computer's voice was the only noise that broke in on the awkward moment. It sounded thrilled, though forced, like it was desperately trying to cover up relief.

And just as quickly, Sheppard shoved McKay away from him; Rodney's head banged into the wall.

Groaning as his vision cleared, Rodney could hear the AI, still prattling on about the success of the exercise. At the moment, it was informing them they should continue their counseling with another session. But that wasn't what McKay's mind was focusing on.

Standing there on the other side of the room was John— looking disinterested and nonchalant, as though he hadn't just been trying to make out with his lead scientist.

Rodney actually remained speechless for a full two seconds. Then went straight from 'shocked silent' into 'loud and agitated'.

"I can't believe you actually did that!"

John's expression remained impassive. "Neither can I." He sounded like he wanted nothing more than to drop it.

Preferably down a deep hole. And pour concrete in after. Maybe empty a few clips in first just to be sure.

True to form, Rodney was entirely oblivious, and started ranting as only he could. Most of it came out garbled as now he was repeatedly and vigorously rubbing his sleeve over his mouth. Only the last bit was distinct: "You are seriously messed up in the head!"

Then there was a sound that instantly caught the attention of both men: rushing air and metal sliding against metal— the door, finally being unlocked and sliding open.

"Well it worked, didn't it?" John pointed out.

Rodney gave him a dirty look. "…I want you to know, I feel extremely violated."

Without warning, John stooped to grab one of the shoulders of Rodney's vest—Rodney flailed, no doubt scared Sheppard was going to try and kiss him again.

Instead, Sheppard yanked him to his feet. "File a sexual harassment complaint," he retorted, giving McKay a shove towards the opening bulkhead.

Rodney stumbled and probably ranted some more, but John wasn't really paying attention to him anymore. He was, at that particular moment, preoccupied with giving Lorne a glare that promised disembowelment. For his part, the major was doing his damndest not to crack up.

It was then that Rodney seemed to take notice of the other people standing around— staring at the two of them— and his expression very suddenly turned sickly.

Sam looked like she was trying to come up with something to say— probably felt like she should at least say something— but was still just too shocked. Looking between Jennifer and Radek revealed similar sentiments.

To her credit, Teyla actually looked concerned for the two of them, but it wasn't she who finally broke the silence.

That would be Ronon.

First it was just a snort, then after a beat, he broke into wild laughter. It was deep and hearty and spared absolutely no dignity, if the fact that John was turning just as red as Rodney was any indication.

"Oh, yeah, thanks," the latter snapped, while John narrowed his eyes, and at about the same time, replied— irately— "Shut the hell up."

Ronon's guffawing lessened only enough for him to get out, in between chuckles, "Sorry— were you two having a moment?"

"Ronon."

It seemed that Teyla's admonishment was lost on him, as he just smirked, until she delivered a well placed smack to his shoulder. His grin became a grimace, and the two ended up glaring at one another.

That seemed to break the ice for the others; Zelenka let out a choked laugh, and Jennifer was suddenly covering her mouth with her hand. Meanwhile, Lorne broke into a fit of very fake coughing. Even Colonel Carter couldn't resist a small smile, before shaking her head and grinning outright. "All right, guys. I imagine you're eager to get off this ship—"

"What could possibly have given you that idea—"

"Rodney." Teyla sounded far more patient than she had been with Ronon, to the Satedan's annoyance. "Why don't we return to the Jumper now?"

"You all go on ahead." Sam gestured to herself, Radek and Jennifer. "We'll get our gear together and catch up."

That was all the invitation John needed, as he immediately stalked off, muttering something about starting the Jumper. A few steps behind him, Teyla was following.

Rodney was a little more sedate, but still hot on Sheppard's heels. His first evident emotion was overwhelming relief. That followed shortly by anger as he pointed at Ronon quite viciously, just as the Satedan was opening his mouth.

"If you say one word about 'alone time', I swear to God your gun will explode the next time you use it!"

That succeeded in stopping the inevitable taunt, but it didn't wipe the smirk off of Ronon's face.

Lorne placed a hand on Rodney's shoulder as he went past, bidding him to "Take it easy, doc." Rodney shook him off.

"The same goes for you." That warning given, Rodney was set to continue, but then paused and turned slightly to his right.

Radek and Jennifer were standing there, barely keeping themselves composed. Rodney's eyes narrowed; at last, he let out an irritated sigh. "Get it out of your system now, before I've recovered enough to strangle you." He mostly directed this at Radek, who seemed like the worst of the two and at any rate was not attractively female.

Zelenka put on his very best serious expression. "Rodney," he said, putting a hand on the other man's shoulder, face twitching with effort while Jennifer descended into giggles and turned away to try and collect herself. "We are glad…" Then Radek lost it too and began to double up laughing; "…you're out of the closet!"

Even Carter snorted at that, though she quickly hunched her shoulders in an effort to hide it. Of course, between Lorne and Ronon's raucous laughter she doubted Rodney could have heard her. He seemed content to glare at all three of them anyways. Sam took note of the tension in his frame and his suddenly clenched fists.

Her amusement waned momentarily, wondering if Rodney might just belt Zelenka.

But, true to his word, Rodney refrained from causing the other scientist bodily harm— for the moment— and stomped off after Sheppard and Teyla.

With both unfortunate men gone, the chuckling died down a bit, though Lorne flashed one last grin before following McKay out. The rest of them set to packing up equipment and sleeping bags— though Carter wondered why Ronon would stick around for such a menial task when he didn't have anything to pack. The smile he was giving Jennifer as he lifted a bag for her made it a little more clear.

They were naturally done much faster than Carter or Zelenka could hope to be, and after glancing up at them once, Sam waved the two off. "Go on, we won't be long."

"And promise not to get caught between any doors," Radek deadpanned. Sam was forced to bite her lip.

Feeling a need to step in just a little, as a leader at the absolute least, Sam added before the others left, "Hey, go easy on them, all right? I suppose we all have to remember, they did just spend the last fourteen and a half hours trapped."

Keller had the good sense to look at least a little chagrined, and Ronon— well, he wasn't smirking quite so smugly as he had been.

Jennifer recomposed herself after a moment and offered a small smile. "Don't worry. I'm going to check them both over right now, and then again when we get back to the city."

"All right… Be right behind you!"

It took maybe a minute more for Sam and Radek to assemble and replace the various cables and tablets and data devices they had strewn around. As Zelenka was tucking away one last hard drive, and Carter was adjusting the straps on her pack, she remembered something that had occurred to her earlier.

"Oh, hey, Radek…"

"Mm?" The scientist looked up, curious.

"I hate to do this, but— I'm going to need your portable drive."

She got a blank look in return.

"The one with the video files," Carter prompted.

Suddenly he realized what she was getting at; indeed, he seemed fairly disappointed. "Colonel…" he started to implore.

"Ah—" She held up a hand to forestall him, before holding it out, expectantly. When he didn't move to give it to her right away, she waggled her fingers. His mouth pulled at the corner a little, but he obliged by taking sliding it back out and handing it to her. Sighing, he bent to zip up his pack, but was again interrupted.

"Radek." He looked back up to find the colonel still staring at him, unimpressed. "Both of them."

Again, he was silent. Then, he began digging into his pocket, swearing in what she could only assume was Czech.