First Kiss
A Stargate Atlantis Fanfic

Original Publish Date: 30 September 2008
Rewrite Publish Date: 13 November 2013

Warnings: Language, Suggestive Content


NOTE: This story has been rewritten since its original publication. The original story was only three chapters— some original readers will receive alerts for chapters four and five. If you are re-reading this story, you should start back at Part I!


"Oh my God, if I hear one more 'closet' comment…" Rodney griped, waving his fork around, before Ronon interrupted, wearing a sly grin.

"What, don't like to reminisce?"

Two days, and he still hadn't let up. Better still, by now, the whole expedition knew, although Sam had assured Rodney she had destroyed all video evidence. All it seemed to matter to Ronon was that he could now make fun of them in public as well as private. Rodney was certain he had never seen the Satedan in higher spirits.

He tried to will the man's dreadlocks to spontaneously combust by glaring at him as hard as humanly possible, but Ronon was, as always, ultimately unimpressed. Rodney grimaced, before deigning to reply with, "No. Would you?" Then he stuffed a forkful of pasta in his mouth and hastily swallowed, before going off on a tangent. "I mean, seriously, it wasn't even a closet, it was a stupid bulkhead!"

"Worked well enough," Ronon felt the need to point out, before tossing a lazy smirk at two of the other people seated at their cafeteria table.

Jennifer, who was at least trying to be nice about the whole thing, forced her lips into a thin line to keep from grinning like an idiot, and reached for her drink. Teyla simply raised an eyebrow, though there were the hints of a smile at her mouth and in her eyes.

Ronon directed his next comment to the last person at their table, who seemed far less amicable; "Think he just insulted you."

John forced a smile that was anything but pleasant. "Keep going like this," he warned, "and I'll make out with you in front of the marines."

The sound of Jennifer reflexively spitting water back into her cup to keep from choking made everyone at the table start, before Ronon snorted at John's suggestion.

"Laugh now— my reputation's already shot to hell," he reminded him, smiling wickedly and beginning to rise. "So I've got nothing to lose. Besides!" He took his tray in one hand and rounded the table, surprising the larger man by throwing his opposite arm around his shoulders. "What's not to love about a big, strapping guy like you, huh?"

Making a disparaging sound, Ronon shook him off, and leaving it at that, John went to dispose of his tray. Returning his attention to the rest of the table, though, Ronon found McKay watching him and looking very perturbed.

"He's not serious." He gave Rodney an amused look that clearly said he thought the scientist was a gullible idiot.

"And yet I still wouldn't put him past doing it," Rodney replied, completely serious himself and looking uneasy.

Ronon continued to stare at him. After a few seconds, though, his grin faltered and he seemed to be a little uncomfortable.

The women of course, had been watching this exchange silently, and Teyla took this opportunity to laugh a little at Ronon's discomfort, shaking her head. Jennifer was still trying to be impartial in all of this, but was finding it rather difficult, barely keeping from cracking up again.

She glanced down at her cup, finally allowing herself the smile she'd been holding in. "Blackmail by threatening to make out with someone," she remarked. "That's a new one."

"And yet," Rodney added, "terrifyingly effective."

As for Teyla— she could not find it in herself to provoke them as Ronon was doing, or so endlessly. But now that the danger had passed and they had returned to Atlantis, relief combined with happiness combined with incredulity left her unable to resist joining in the teasing at least once or twice.

So she did not even bother to hide her wide smile when Jennifer commented: "Well, I think you and Colonel Sheppard make a cute couple."

This time it was Ronon doing the spit take, and Rodney asking in a voice at least an octave and a half too high, "Excuse me?"

Quick to jump in, Teyla added, "I am glad the two of you are finally able to become this close."

Rodney gaped, looking betrayed. The effect was somewhat diminished by Ronon laying his head on the table, laughing his ass off. "You too? Oh come on!" he snapped, rounding on the Satedan next to him. As that didn't seem to have the desired effect— in fact, quite the opposite, the rest of the table looked like they were about to join Ronon— he turned back to Teyla. "Hey, how would you feel if I kept making comments about… about you and Jennifer?" he suddenly asked, crossing his arms smugly and sure that she couldn't argue.

The two women in question exchanged looks; Keller shrugged and said, "Wouldn't be bad."

Teyla raised her eyebrows, before commenting, "I am not put off by the idea."

Her attention was suddenly caught by John, who must have just been walking up to the table because he stopped dead about a few feet away and stared, blinking a few times. "…I think I walked in on this conversation at the wrong time," he hazarded, uncertain.

Rodney and Ronon were no better, both staring. After a moment, McKay asked, "Really?"

Teyla turned towards him, tilting her head. "Such pairings are uncommon among my people," she informed him, "but not unaccepted."

Jennifer seemed curious. "Yeah?" Teyla nodded in return.

"Life under the Wraith is never guaranteed— love is one of the strongest and most wonderful things a person can have in life. Why should people not be with those they love, for as much time as they can?" she asked, as though she could not see how it could possibly be otherwise. Certainly, she had been confused at the expedition members' shyness of what they called 'homosexuality', but after a while, had written it off as yet another of their many quirks.

In the meantime, Jennifer was smiling softly. "That is neat," she murmured. Then, without warning, she turned and swatted Rodney in the shoulder.

"Ow! What was that for?"

Jennifer demanded, "Why do you have to be so…"

"Insecure?" John supplied, seating himself next to Ronon again, this time with dessert. Ronon leaned out, away from him, and John and Teyla shared a grin at his expense.

"Insecure, thank you," Jennifer was saying.

"Yes, thank you," Rodney repeated in a low, dry tone.

John plastered on an innocent smile. "You're welcome. …So," he drawled, digging into his ice cream, "can I ask what brought all this on? I seem to have missed something while I was away." He glanced round the table as he carefully took a bite.

Tactful as ever, Ronon stated, "Keller thinks you and McKay are cute together."

John's expression froze, spoon in mouth and all, while Jennifer nudged Ronon and gave him one of those 'what gives?' looks.

The colonel set down his spoon and swallowed hard, before remarking, with forced amusement, "Really. …This is something you contemplate?" he asked Jennifer all of a sudden.

She quickly covered her sheepishness, and replied with as much snark as she could, "Sure, don't you?"

"Not me and Rodney, no," he answered back, but seemed to relax a little.

"Should I be insulted, or relieved?" Rodney murmured, seeming to be a bit of both.

"Well, on that subject…" Teyla tilted her head as though considering something. "What about Rodney and Radek?"

"What?"

"What?"

Jennifer's laughing incredulity had been all but drowned out by Rodney's screech that drew the attention of whatever nearby tables hadn't already been eavesdropping. Teyla couldn't help a small laugh at the rise she'd gotten, and was joined by Ronon. John, on the other hand, was making a face.

"Hey, I thought we were talking 'cute', not 'old married couple'."

"Ah ha ha ha," Rodney shot back, considering how to get a clown poster taped to John's ceiling.

"See," John went on, turning to Ronon, "I still think you and I have a chance." The shove Ronon gave him had him flailing to grab for the table and seat back so as not to fall out of his chair. "Hey! I never said I wanted an abusive relationship," he protested, to the snickers of his friends.

"Not my type," Ronon finally said.

John affected a hurt look and clutched a hand to his chest. "You're breaking my heart, here!" Rodney had to put out one arm to steady Jennifer, who looked about ready to fall out of her own chair, she was laughing at Sheppard's antics so hard, by now. Even Teyla was shaking and rubbing at her eyes.

Ronon just regarded the other man coolly. "Always seemed like you'd hook up with someone more like… I dunno, Beckett."

Now John really did make a face, brow furrowed in confusion. "…Beckett?"

He wasn't the only one, apparently, as Rodney broke back into the conversation, eyebrows drawn together. "Wait, how'd you come up with John and Carson?" Ronon shrugged, while Rodney went on, even sounding a little annoyed now. "Hell, he was my best friend…" Then he seemed to notice the rest of the table regarding him with barely guarded smiles. Defensively, he asked, "What?"

"Awww…" A huge grin was splitting John's face. "Rodney's jealous!"

"What? I am not—"

"Oh, Rodney," John admonished, "don't try to hide it."

Speaking over Rodney, who was spluttering at John and his Cheshire Cat grin, Teyla added, "I think the question is, of whom is Rodney jealous— John, or Carson?" she proposed to the table at large.

"That's a good question." John adopted an air of mock seriousness and turned to Rodney expectantly.

The scientist, in an overly dignified fashion, insisted, "I am not jealous of anybody… least of all you," he added, derisively, for John's benefit. "Besides, what's there to be jealous of, I mean," he went on coolly, raising his eyebrows and going after his pasta again, "Carson and I would make a far cuter couple than him and John."


Three days in, and things seemed to be lightening up— marginally.

While he couldn't do anything about the civilians, his own personnel had started to toe the line a bit more carefully. Added to the fact that he had managed to get Ronon out of his hair for a few days, John was in pretty high spirits when he knocked on the wall of Carter's office.

As she glanced up, he grinned. "You wanted to see me?"

She smiled in return, and he relaxed, now at least fairly certain that he wasn't in trouble. "Yeah, come on in… Please, have a seat." Colonel Carter gestured towards the chair on the opposite side of her desk, and John happily obliged, waiting as she saved her work and closed her laptop.

"What can I do for you, ma'am?"

"Oh, no, nothing official," she admitted. John could sense where this was going, but couldn't exactly stop it. "Just, uh… well, honestly, wanting to know how things have been going for you after the incident on the ship."

John smiled a bit ruefully, but didn't seem upset to Carter. "A little rough at first, but the marines, at least, have pretty much stopped."

"Yeeeah," Carter mused, raising one eyebrow. "Probably has something to do with the fact that you volunteered Lorne and his team for a mission to M1R-213. If I were to hazard a guess."

"Hey, those people need help to build a new dam above their village." Sheppard sounded perfectly innocent, which was the dead giveaway both that he had sent Lorne purely for the sake of revenge, and that he wasn't remorseful in the slightest.

Carter didn't looked fooled for a second, a knowing smirk on her face. "I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that their Stargate is surrounded by two hundred square miles of swampland."

"Of course not," John protested. "You know, these are the decisions a leader has to make. For instance," he reasoned, "I also foresaw the need for Ronon's assistance, and not just 'cause he's a strong guy, but, on the off chance the Wraith decide to attack that world."

"Mm." Carter folded her hands in front of her. "A 'big, strapping guy', from what I hear." The corner of Sheppard's mouth twitched, but beyond that he managed to control his expression. At that, Colonel Carter finally broke and shook her head, grinning. "You remind me very much of someone I know."

"…Is that a compliment or a reprimand?"

"I don't know, but I think I should be worried," she shot back, before pointedly asking, "I trust after this you'll let Lorne off the hook?"

John seemed to consider it, before nodding. "It may have taken a few days, but Lorne was definitely starting to show some mortification right before he left. I'd say he's good." He wisely left out the bit about the fact that he'd managed to get both Lorne and Ronon back in one fell swoop was just icing on the cake.

"Well… ignoring the means," Carter started, and Sheppard was once again grinning like the cat that ate the canary, "I'm glad the marines are starting to take the hint. But…" She grimaced, trying to find the right words. "…You may ultimately face other problems. Not from me," she was quick to assure him, "or from any of the senior staff or military personnel, I'll make absolutely sure of that. But," she went on, and again seemed to hit a snag, "some of the non-military members of the expedition are admittedly…"

"Gay?" John filled in, eyebrows going up.

"Yes…" She winced at the next thought. "You may end up getting a few… awkward offers."

"Oh, already have," Sheppard informed her cheerfully.

"Really." Carter's expression was now nothing but alarm.

John pulled back, affecting a hurt look. "I was tactful," he insisted. "I let them down gently," he added, in a very dignified manner.

Colonel Carter blinked once or twice, expression slowly morphing to one of puzzlement. "…What did you tell them?"


If Rodney McKay had been a taskmaster before, he was a slave driver now.

It was the generally established consensus that he was running the scientists into the dirt to either try to seem tough and masculine, or as preemptive revenge for gossiping about him. It was a well known fact that neither one was working.

For the moment, Rodney was buried under a console that he was taking apart for no real reason except that he couldn't get the damn thing to turn on. That and he could pretend he wasn't in the presence of all these morons.

"You know, you're a lucky guy."

Unfortunately, like positive and negative particles attracted one another, his vast genius seemed only to attract the moronic: one of the other scientists had wandered over and was watching him work.

Not really paying attention, Rodney agreed, in as disinterested a tone as he could muster, "Yes. Yes I am. Why am I lucky?"

Twisting to get a better angle on what Rodney was doing the other man remarked, offhand, "Well, you and Colonel Sheppard."

Rodney fumbled the scanner he had been holding, and looked as though he were holding in a few choice cuss words as he went to retrieve it. "What gives you the idea that me and Colonel Sheppard— don't answer that," he cut himself off without breaking stride.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, before glaring at the man. Before he could appropriately chew the other scientist's head off, the man just grinned and handed the scanner back to Rodney, who snatched it and set himself back to work, determinedly ignoring the snickers coming from around the room.

The other man seemed unperturbed, though, and went on. "Actually," he admitted in an amused undertone, "I tried to ask the colonel to lunch." Rodney pulled back and looked heavenward in exasperation. Eyeing Rodney, the scientist added, "Figured it couldn't hurt to try."

"Well, I wish the two of you a happy marriage and many adopted babies."

"Cute," the other man replied, dryly. "At least he was nice about it."

Rodney rolled his eyes, wondering what he did to deserve this. Hell, he hadn't even had any say in the whole thing, it was Sheppard who kissed him!

"But, you gotta respect someone with that kind of determination," the other man was admitting.

That caught Rodney's attention. "Determination," he repeated, suddenly getting suspicious.

"Yeah," the other guy answered. "Said you two were committed to your relationship."

"W-what?"

Rodney did a passable imitation of a fish— his face a most embarrassed shade of red, mouth gaping and eyes wide. "He— He said—" He clenched his eyes shut, tensing up, and looking about ready to erupt. Activity around the lab stalled, as the other scientists began to sense the impending disaster.

And then, finally, Vesuvius exploded—

"I'm gonna fucking kill him!"

END


A/N: This final chapter went through the rewrite almost entirely unscathed, but that's not too surprising— it was the very first part written! Having the ending then trying to figure out how to lead up to it is a bit of a trick, let me tell you. It meant this was the strongest of the original three chapters. And the funniest. :)

Hopefully, the rest of the story is a little more on par with this part, now! Thanks for taking the time to read through it, whether you're re-reading, or this is your first time here. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing (and re-writing) it. :)

One last note from the past:

"...as for the cafeteria scene: that one just wrote itself. I mean, it seems only natural to me that the conversation would flow from defending one's sexuality to discussing which of the guys make cute couples. Doesn't it?"

Thanks again, and hope to see you guys soon! ;)
DemonicK