I'm happy about this chapter. Thanks Jenamy. Hope you all will enjoy. This is going where I want it to go.
Early october somewhere in NYC and somewhere outside
(Castiel POV)
Castiel was not able to forget that day. It had started out as the worst day of his life—and he'd had a few of the worst—but ended up as one of the best.
He'd come home and practically fallen into bed. He was completely drained, emotionally and physically. He dozed off.
When he woke up a few hours later he still had his clothes on. For a moment he thought the memory of Dean was just a dream, but soon realized it was all too real. The guy had stirred up feelings within him that had been hidden away for a long time. It was exciting but Cas knew he had to force them away. He was gay; he didn't have to act upon it, he could remain celibate for the rest of his life.
Cas took the napkin out of his wallet and looked at it before lifting it to his lips. It was a silly thing to do but he couldn't help himself. He imagined Dean's lips touching his own and a whimper escaped. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will the image away—it didn't work.
He started to undress and decided that he could let go of the fear, just for one day. He closed his eyes and pretended that it wasn't his own fingers unbuttoning his shirt. He rubbed his hands over his chest, caressing and touching as he moved lower towards his pants. He took a deep breath before unbuckled his belt. He took time undressing himself and every time a hand brushed along his skin he imagined it was one of Dean's.
He made his way to the shower and climbed in, allowing the water to efficiently wet his body before squiring a generous amount of shower gel into his hand. Starting at his neck he let his own fingers work over every sensitive spot of his body. He let them linger over each nipple—which caused his cock to twitch. He didn't want to just dive right in to jerking off, so he continued on soaping himself up, still pretending his hands belonged to someone else.
He rinsed off and was a panting mess of arousal. Sure he had jerked himself off thinking about men before but this time it was different. Dean was real and only a phone call away. He wasn't just a random image from a magazine or some famous actor. Cas wanted to drag this out so he went slow in each caress, each tug and pull. When he finally came it was with Dean's name on his lips.
Castiel spent the rest of the day over thinking every little thing that had happened between them. He scrutinized every word, every gesture, just to try and figure out the guy's behavior. He finally came to the conclusion that Dean was just a caring guy who didn't want someone to kill himself. There wasn't an indication to suggest that Dean liked him in that way, or that he got turned on by guys in the first place. Although, he did give Cas his phone number, after he chased him down.
He had a late dinner and went to bed knowing that tomorrow would be different. The memory of Dean would be forced to the back of his mind as he sat on the pew at Sunday mass and begged for forgiveness.
His good intentions didn't go as planned. For more than a week Dean's face popped up in Cas' thoughts on a random basis. A leather jacket or a picture of a blueberry pie was enough to keep the guy's memory alive. Castiel worked overtime as much as was allowed to keep his thoughts elsewhere. His mind was able to focus on whatever code he was typing. As a programmer he spent most of his time in own little cubicle where nobody paid him any attention, not as a person at least. They only cared about getting the code in before the deadline.
Management didn't want to pay overtime so Castiel knew that he would have to take off a few days at some point, but at the moment he didn't care. He needed the distraction; he needed to get this guy out of his mind.
After nearly two weeks he couldn't take it any longer. He prayed to God for forgiveness before he started his research. He did a reverse phone search and found Dean's last name and address. Winchester. Castiel chuckled to himself, an appropriate name for a gun salesman. The address was the same for the shop so Cas figured he lived above it, remembering there was an apartment fitted over the shop. He'd had plenty of time to take in the building when he sat at the diner with his cup of coffee.
He then searched for Dean on Facebook. He'd never been on the platform himself so he had to make a profile before he could search out Dean. There were quite a few Dean Winchester's but he finally found the face he recognized. He got his age and interests from Dean's page. He was a few years younger than Cas and he never went to college, but he did have a brother in law school.
Some of the information was reserved for friends only and Cas didn't dare send a request. It would probably take forever to get a reply; Dean's most recent activity was more than two months ago.
However, some of his photos were available for Cas to go through. Beautiful scenes of forests and lakes mixed in with Dean fishing, or smiling behind the counter of the store. One was of his brother—tagged as Sam Winchester—in a tight embrace with a beautiful blonde girl. Other than the one of Sam, there weren't any other familial photos.
Castiel continued through the pictures available to him, even ones Dean was tagged in uploaded by others. Most of those were from parties Dean attended and it seemed Dean had a different girl by his side in every one of them. Some were outside what seemed to be a cabin in the woods. Most were taken by Sam, but one of the captions sparked jealousy within Castiel—"My gorgeous man relaxing." It was uploaded by some woman named Lisa Braden. Though the upload was more than a year ago and Cas coudn't find that she had any other photos of Dean after that.
Since he was already being a creeper, he attempted other social platforms but couldn't find Dean on any others.
He leant back in his chair and sighed, Dean is probably straight. Hearing him say it aloud, he wasn't sure if he was happy about it or not. Knowing that he'd never ever in his life act on a crush—he at least, and finally, come to terms that he did in fact have a crush on the guy—he figured it was a good thing. Now he could approach Dean without any worries. He could meet up with him and talk, they could become friends. All Cas had to do was appear straight.
It was still kind of scary to go to the diner that Friday. He'd asked to leave work early and since he'd been working twelve hour shifts lately and was ahead on his programming, his boss was more than happy to let him go.
It was the same waitress as last time and she clearly recognized him, if her frown was anything to go by. She practically threw the cup of coffee at him. After two refills he ordered a slice of pie but that didn't seem to do anything for her frown. Three hours later Cas gave up and left. He knew he could've crossed the street and entered the store, but the courage had left him.
He'd try again tomorrow and would definitely go into the store if Dean didn't show up. He could be bold. Dean didn't know about his crush. It was just a matter of thanking a guy for being there for him in his moment of despair. Dean would understand. He had understood why Cas needed the gun in the first place. Thanking him was natural; Castiel was just rationalizing.
(Dean POV)
The last few weeks had been busy. Hunting season had arrived, the store was stocked and re-stocked, it was just hectic this time of year. Dean found himself envious of those who were on their way to the mountains. He would love to go too, but with Sam back at school and their dad already up at their cabin up north he had to manage the store.
Time had gone by fast and Dean always enjoyed the crowds. There were the skilled hunters who knew exactly what they wanted, but every so often there would be a newbie that needed help with practically everything.
Garth—a distant relative—was hired to help out during peak-hours, but mostly Dean was there by himself. Bobby, his father's best friend, was help as well, but he only stayed on till he too left for the cabin. He and John always promised to be back before the end of the season to allow Dean some time up north.
Dean looked forward to it. He loved having crowds around him, but that week in the fall where he could alone in the mountains was something he truly enjoyed. He rarely took a shot at anything, but it didn't matter, the solitude was bliss.
He caught himself thinking about Castiel every so often the last couple of weeks. When he'd catch someone in the distance with a tan trench-coat he hoped it would be him, but it never was. Dean didn't really understand his own feelings. Cas was just some random guy. What difference did it make that he was hot, good looking?
Dean had never had any lingering feelings towards anyone before. He usually hooked up with whoever was interested and never gave them a second thought. He'd had a two week stint with a girl last fall, but that was mostly because he was working too much to have time to chat up random girls—or guys.
This, this was different though. The fact he'd actually given the guy his phone number was another first. He tried to explain himself off as being concerned for a suicidal man and wanted to offer his help, but he knew that wasn't the only reason.
Sometimes he'd dream of those blue eyes. They seemed so close that he could almost feel the eyelashes touch his skin. He'd wake up sweating, his arms wrapped tightly around his pillow, and it scared him. He felt attached. Dean didn't want attachments.
It had been two weeks and still no phone call, he stopped waiting. Cas had obviously moved on. He'd probably solved his problems and would live happily ever after without thinking of Dean. Or—the thought startled Dean—he had gone ahead and, no. It was an unbearable scenario so Dean didn't go any further.
He hadn't had time to eat at the diner lately but he'd pop over and get some food to bring back for him and Garth. He always looked around at the guests—just in case—but it was only the regulars' faces he would see. The last couple of days he hadn't gone at all. He'd sent Garth over instead in an attempt to force himself to forget about those blue eyes.
This Saturday was kind of slow. Garth was sweeping and had already tidied up the shelves. Realizing he hadn't had a real, proper break for a while, he decided he was going to take one. "I'm going out to eat, you want anything?" Garth turned and smiled, "You know me, I always want food." He laughed and waved Dean off, "Just go, take your time, I know where you're at. Just don't forget to bring me something back."
With a quick salute Dean was out of the shop and crossing the street before he knew it. He knew they had gotten a new waitress. She was extremely hot according to Garth. Dean had not had the pleasure of meeting her yet but he'd seen her from a distance. He knew she was working now and he wondered if he should try to charm her. Even if only to take his mind off Cas. The thought hadn't even left his mind when he spotted a man in a trench coat in the far corner. It was now smooth and clean but Dean knew it was the same one.
(Castiel POV)
Saturday at eleven and he was back at the diner. He forced himself to stay calm. There was a new waitress, a young thing with blonde hair. She smiled at Cas and he could've sworn she gave him a wink. He smiled back before he concentrated on the pie in front of him. He would eat it slowly and if Dean didn't show up before he was done he'd cross the street.
He glanced up and out the window and shivered when he saw Dean coming out of the store and run across the street towards the diner. He moved so he wouldn't face the entrance directly. He needed a moment to compose himself.
