Things are changing. Cas doesn't know if he should embrace it or not. He's scared, but a part of him wants to explore.
(Dean POV)
Dean ran all the way back to the cottage. He wasn't used to having someone waiting there for him. When the cabin came in to view he slowed down and checked the time, he was happy to have made it back before six. He took a few moments to compose himself despite being in pretty good shape; he didn't want to rush in panting for breath.
The scent that hit him when he walked through the door made his mouth instantly water. He'd had a couple sandwiches throughout the day but that smell had him feeling like he was a starved man. He shredded his gear and jacket as he looked around for Cas, he was lighting a candle on the table. Dean dropped his bag a little too harshly.
Turning around abruptly, obviously startled, Cas covered his shock with a slight smile, "Please sit, dinner is ready."
Those words sounded like music to Dean's ears. Part of him felt that if he could hear those words from Cas every day till the end of time it wouldn't be long enough. He headed over and sat down, a moment later Castiel was leaning over his shoulder and poured wine into a glass, "I know you're not too crazy about wine but humor me. Just this glass and I won't push you for more."
He was gone before Dean could respond, but returned a few moments later with two plates of food. He put one down in front of Dean before moving to the opposite side of the table with his own. Dean instantly wanted to dig in but chose to wait until Cas was seated. "My oh my, this looks," he took a deep breath through his nose, "It smells delicious."
He looked over at Castiel who was smiling. The smile turned shy a moment before he lifted his glass for a toast, "For the fresh air that's doing me some good." Dean really took in Cas and realized the guy probably got into the wine before dinner, it pleased him. The guy was comfortable enough to let some of his guard down. He had the passing thought that perhaps a tipsy Castiel would make things easier.
Dean returned the toast with a slight raise of his own glass before digging in. He used some décor this time around instead of just shoveling his food into his mouth. They ate for a while in silence, broken once more by Dean. "This is so delicious, I think I'm going to keep you." He watched as Cas turned his head down, but could see the blush covering his cheeks. He took a sip of wine, which was surprisingly good, it didn't hinder any lingering flavors in his mouth, it seemed to enhance them. "I mean," he reached out and covered Cas' hand briefly, "You've gone out of your way and I appreciate it. Thank you Cas." Castiel didn't pull his hand away like he's done so before; Dean gave it a slight squeeze.
Castiel's breath hitched and looked down at his plate, "I, well, I had the time and I, I enjoyed myself." He slowly looked up at Dean, "I, I've never made a meal for someone else before. I'm glad you liked it."
Dean instantly wanted to get out of his chair and embrace Castiel. He felt sorry for him, sure, but it was more than just pity, he couldn't understand why the guy was such a loner. He was a good looking guy and so kind, sweeter than pie. There was no explanation why such a guy like Cas was single, and had been for forever, except for that Meg person.
The thought instantly hit Dean, momentarily overwhelming him—it had nothing to do with sex anymore. He wanted to wrap Castiel in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He wanted to come home and see Castiel waiting for him. He started to suspect that perhaps he was right, but Cas wasn't semi-closeted, he was so far in the closet it would take time and a lot of coaxing to get him out.
"I'll try to stay awake a little longer tonight," Castiel's voice broke through Dean's thoughts, "I'll make some coffee." he said but Dean blurted out, "No, no coffee. You, you should sleep if your body's craving it. It's the right thing to do."
He could blame his extra glass of wine on his mouth. Both he and Cas had refilled their glasses throughout dinner. Dean realized he wanted Cas a little tipsy, a little pliable. He'd never take advantage of him, he just wanted the guy to relax and feel good.
They both helped to clear the table, then Cas put the leftovers away and Dean rinsed the dishes, telling Cas that they could wash them in the morning. Dean wouldn't admit he was pleased by the little moment of domesticity.
"When I was little my mom used to read to me whenever I didn't want to go to bed. You want me to read to you?" Dean was surprised by himself and slightly embarrassed, that was the lamest pick-up attempt ever. Castiel just smiled, "I'm not that tired, but yes, that, that would be nice. Read to me. Please."
Castiel lied down on the couch, his head on the armrest. Dean picked a random book without glancing at the cover. He lifted Cas' feet and settled beneath him, letting his legs rest on his lap. As soon as he started reading he let out a chuckle, "Sorry, I should've picked another book." Cas just shook his head, "No, no it's fine."
Little Nutbrown Hare, who was going to bed…
Dean read through the story about the two hares, his eyes stinging with the build up of tears. He remembered his mom reading this to him every night when they were here. He barely managed to keep his voice steady, cracking a little every now and then, but when he got to the last page he had to pause before he could finish.
Then he lay down close by and whispered with a smile, "I love you right up to the moon – and back."
Dean closed the book and put it on the table. He didn't want Castiel to see him this emotional, especially over a children's book. He tried to get up and get a drink but Cas reached his hand out and grabbed Dean's sleeve, "That, that was beautiful. No one ever read me bedtime stories when I was a kid." Dean didn't know how to react to that, it was the saddest thing he'd ever heard. He reached down for Cas' hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing the palm before he caught up to the moment and practically jumped out of his seat, causing Cas' feet to hit the floor.
He rushed into the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge to find a beer. With a beer in hand he took a deep breath to calm himself and returned to the living room. He grabbed the bottle of wine and poured the rest into Cas' glass.
Castiel had curled up on the couch leaving Dean with plenty of space to sit, neither of them having to touch. He took the glass Dean offered and sat up, "I, what happened?" Dean slumped down next to Cas and took a long swig. "I, I don't know, just memories."
Dean felt Castiel's arm curl around his back, he couldn't hold back any longer, he leaned in, shoving his face into Cas' neck and pressed a kiss to the soft skin showing above his collarbone. He pulled back a little, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't. It's just—" Castiel shifted, leaning back on the armrest and pulled Dean with him, "Shh, don't say another word. It's going to be okay."
(Castiel POV)
When he woke up the next morning Castiel found himself on the couch. He remembered what happened and momentarily freaked out. Dean had kissed him. Dean had kissed him and had they fallen asleep together with Dean tucked into his side. He wasn't sure how to decipher what had happened but Dean was clearly upset after he'd read the book.
He shivered, feeling cold, but realized he was tucked under a blanket. He glanced over to the fireplace and saw it was lit, but he was still shivering. Dean came through the door and looked at him, "I nursed the fire, it's not cold in here." He walked over and sat down on the edge of the table. "May I?" He asked, mostly as a warning since he didn't wait for an answer before reach out and touching the back of his hand to Castiel's forehead. "You're a little warm buddy." He looked a little concerned, "How are you feeling? It's, you have a fever, if you want to leave," he trailed off as Cas shook his head. "Don't worry it's not so bad, I'm just freezing. It's probably my body reacting to all this fresh air. I'll just sleep it off, sorry for being such a lousy guest."
Dean hesitated before gently stroking Cas' cheek, "Don't say that, you, you're the best guest who's ever been here, I," his breath hitched. "Just get well soon, will you?" He watched as Castiel closed his eyes and tugged the blanket tighter around himself.
Castiel drifted in and out through the day, Dean provided him with water and made sure the fire was constantly burning. Other than that he kept his distance.
At one point during the day Castiel stumbled to the bathroom to pee, the face that met him in the mirror as he washed his hands looked horrible. No wonder Dean was staying away. He brushed his teeth and switched into his pajama pants before reclaiming his spot on the couch.
The next time he woke up he was practically panting. Dean peeked in from the hall, "How are you doing? I think your fever's finally broke." Cas wasn't doing so well, he was sweaty and felt sticky, "I feel, uh, can I take a shower?" Dean smiled and nodded, "Of course, when you're done I hope you're hungry." Castiel noticed the smell of food, "I'm starving."
He got up and took the blanket with him and tossed it on his bunk before going into the bathroom. He peeled off his sweaty clothes and climbed into the shower, letting the water and steam clear his head he had a flash of Dean kissing him. Did that really happen? Did Dean really kiss him? He wasn't sure anymore. He knew Dean's lips touched his skin but that could've just been an accident when they were moving around.
He wouldn't let it bother him. It wasn't easy but he knew in his mind that he had to. They were here for another four days and if he was going to survive being so close to the other man he had to act like nothing had happened. Besides, Dean hadn't mentioned it and hoped he wouldn't. A part of him however, wanted it to be true, but that thought scared him too much.
After his shower, and to delay going back out to Dean, Cas shaved and brushed his teeth and rummaged through his backpack to find clothes. He chose sweatpants and a sweatshirt; he wanted to look as boring as possible. Satisfied with his bland appearance he braced himself for dinner with Dean.
Dinner was delicious. Dean had caught a few trouts in the lake and had cooked a few to perfection. They ate in silence, unlike before it was slightly awkward. Neither of them could find anything to talk about. Cas knew why he wasn't going to open his mouth, he was afraid the first thing to come out would be about last night. He could live with his delusions; he didn't want to know what had really happened.
When he was through eating he put his cutlery down and looked at Dean, "That was good, thank you." He was startled at the fell of Dean's hand on his own and quickly snatched his hand away. "I can do the dishes." He quickly pushed away from the table and collected the various dishes between the two of them and disappeared into the kitchen. Standing at the sink he took a few deep breaths to calm and collect himself. "This is so wrong," he thought, "I cannot be having these sorts of feelings for him, for a man, for Dean."
He took his time with the dishes and when he was done and felt composed enough, he returned to the living room. Dean was sitting on the couch flipping through a book. He glanced up and looked right at Cas, he opened his mouth to say something but sighed and turned back to his book. Castiel didn't know what to say or do to lighten the mood so he chose his own book and sat down at the dining table.
The silence was painful, even worse than the silence that lingered over dinner. He tried to concentrate on the words on the pages before him but he couldn't get his mind off of Dean. After a while he grew frustrated and headed towards the bedroom, "I'm turning in. Even if the fever's gone I'm still." He let the words just hang there, even he wasn't convinced he was trying to escape.
"Cas? What's wrong?" Dean's voice was slightly raspy, he cleared his throat, "Is it…did I do something?"
Cas froze in his step, "I, I don't know what you mean." He didn't turn and face Dean, "I, I'm just tired. I'm tired."
He heard Dean get up, "Cas don't." He felt a hand on his shoulder and he stopped breathing. He wanted to run away and hide but at the same time he wanted to turn around and face Dean. None of those things happened, instead he just stood there. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
He felt Dean's hand move along his shoulder and down to his bicep, latching on to turn Castiel around, "I'm sorry if I did something to offend you, I—" Dean's face, he was hurting and Castiel wanted nothing more than to comfort him and tell him not to worry, but the words were stuck in his throat. The only thing that came out when his lips parted was a whimper.
Dean's hand instantly moved from Cas' arm to his cheek. He couldn't help himself, he instantly leaned into the touch and swallowed hard. "I, I can't. This is wrong, please stop," Cas whispered, trying to step away from Dean. His body was not cooperating so he reached up with his own hand and pulled Dean's away.
Dropping Dean's hand he turned away quickly and climbed into his bed and buried himself beneath his blankets and pillows. He tried to force himself to sleep. This was bad. This was really bad. He thought he and Dean could be just friends but that was an impossible notion now.
Eventually he did fall asleep but was plagued with images of the pain filled face Dean had when he removed his hand.
