I have never been to the Adirondacks. I have never... okay I've been at the airports, but I've never really been to New York. Bear with me and follow the story. Any New Yorkers out there? I'm sorry if I'm twisting it up.
The relationship between Castiel and Dean is developing slowly. Cas gets to learn about his new feelings.
On the cliff overlooking the valley.
(Dean POV)
Dean wanted to wrap his arms around Castiel and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but he hesitated. Cas was still scarred. He was terrified of his own feelings because he'd been taught that they're wrong. Dean didn't know how or if he could fix that, but as he looked at Castiel he knew he had to try. His heart skipped a beat when he realized in that moment that he was falling hard for this guy.
Cas tried to wipe his tears away, "I'm sorry, it's just, it's just—" Dean couldn't help himself anymore, he embraced Cas and pushed the guy's head onto his shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with you Cas. Nothing. You, you're perfect."
He rubbed his hand up and down Cas' back, trying to sooth him. Cas had stiffened up the moment Dean's arm locked around him and he tried to wiggle out of the embrace but after a moment he relaxed. Dean could even feel a hand at the small of his back; Cas' other hand was still covering his face.
They stood like that for a while, the moment turning when Cas' sniffles turned into chuckles. It surprised Dean, enough for him to pull back a little and try to catch Cas' eye. "What's so funny?" Cas wiped at his cheeks and smiled as he glanced down, "My feet are wet, and cold, and they hurt."
"Come on," Dean grabbed Cas' hand and pulled him towards the rock they had initially sat on. "Sit down and take your socks off." Castiel obliged and watched as Dean examined his feet before pulling out a small first-aid kit from the backpack. "I'll cover up the blisters so it won't be so bad on the walk back."
After Dean had covered each blister as tenderly as he could, he pulled out a dry pair of socks from the pack, "Put these on, and your boots." Cas did as he was told, his face scrunching a little as he tugged his boots back on. "The thought of walking all the way back," he swallowed hard as he got to his feet, "it's gonna be a tough walk, but I'll survive." He sat back down and grabbed his coffee cup, "Is there anymore?" Dean nodded and poured the rest of it into his cup, "You want some whiskey with that?" He didn't wait for an answer, just dug out the Jack Daniels and added a generous amount to Cas' cup. Then did the same for his own.
Cas took a swig and Dean could tell the guy didn't like the flavor, he chuckled a little, "If you don't like it, then why'd you buy it?" Cas shrugged and shifted a little, "I, I bought it for you. I figured you were a whiskey drinker." Dean lifted his cup in mock cheers, "It was a good thought. Yeah, I like it, thanks."
Taking a swig from his own cup, Dean turned to Cas again, "You didn't finish your story." He sat down on the ground, "Have you ever, I mean, uh, did you ever have a boyfriend or something?" Castiel shook his head, "No!" He sounded horrified by the mere thought and Dean worried that he was in for a challenge trying to convince Cas that it was okay to be gay. "And Meg, did you, I mean you guys were together for a while right?" Castiel looked down, obviously embarrassed, "We were, a, a couple of months but we never," he sighed, "I have never, uh…" he trailed off.
Dean didn't know how to grasp this new information. Castiel was a virgin. Part of him felt bad for the guy. Glancing up at Cas' face Dean decided to move the conversation in another direction, "You always lived in the city?" Castiel's face lit up, "Yeah, I grew up in Brooklyn and moved out of my father's house when I went to uni."
Cas told him about school and his higher education, how he landed a job in the company he presently works for. That he wrote top-secret code fo the military and couldn't talk about some of his work. Dean wasn't bothered by that, he didn't understand much of it anyway.
Castiel took another sip and looked down at Dean, "What about you? How about you? Tell me about you."
"Not much to tell," Dean shrugged. "I dropped out of college after one semester and have been working at my dad's shop ever since. It may sound boring but I love my life." He smiled and nudged Castiel. "You may be smarter than me, but I think I could teach you a few things about happiness."
Cas nodded slowly, "I'm not so sure that I'm smarter but I believe you on the happiness thing." He cleared his throat, "What about Lisa?" Dean tensed a little, "Lisa? How do you know about her?" Cas blushed a little and looked away, "Oh, I, uh, I, Facebook."
Dean laughed. "You checked me out on Facebook, that's cute." He dragged his fingers through his hair and laughed some more. "Lisa is old news. She wasn't the right one for me."
He wasn't sure if he should say the words that were on the tip of his tongue, and then thought 'to hell with it'. "I think that maybe, uh, I, I like you Castiel. I like you a lot. I—" He turned his head away so he wouldn't have to face Cas, afraid that he'd said too much.
Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. "I, I like you too. A lot. It just scares me so much," Cas whispered, "It makes me so happy to be around you and that confuses me."
Dean turned around, "Why?" Why are you confused?" Castiel shook his head and sighed heavily, "Why would God make me so happy being around you if my feelings for you are wrong and sinful?"
Dean turned around fully and got on his knees in front of Cas, he reached up and cupped Castiel's cheeks, looking directly into his eyes, "Because it's not wrong, how can it be? They fed you lies Cas. They screwed you over." He moved forward and kissed Cas on the lips. "Can't you feel how right this is?" He kissed him again, and this time, this time Castiel kissed him back.
Back in the Cabin
(Castiel POV)
Castiel ended up limping the last part of the trip back. He didn't know which foot hurt more and as soon as they were back inside he took his boots off and slumped down on the couch. The walk back was mostly in silence, the only exceptions were the random intervals of Cas' complaints about his feet. Although every time the path widened enough for them to walk side-by-side, Dean would reach out and take Castiel's hand, lacing their fingers together.
Castiel didn't know what was going to happen. He wondered if they were considered a couple now, or did one of them have to actually ask? He tried not to think about it; if he started he'd never stop. He'd let Dean lead the way. Sure he was still terrified but he could do this, he could face his fears.
"Get out of those clothes and get into something comfy, then light the fire. I'll tend to your sore feet when you're done." Dean was hanging his coat and heading towards the bedroom. He returned a few moments later in his pajama pants and t-shirt. Cas followed his example and then he started working on the fire.
Dean had filled a small tub with hot water and when the fire was burning nicely he urged Castiel to sit down. He pulled off the make-shift bandages he applied earlier and placed Cas' feet into the tub. After a while he removed each foot, gently drying them with a towel, making sure to avoid rubbing the blisters. The relief was overwhelming and at one point Castiel let out a small moan of appreciation.
When Dean was done he threw out the water and sat down next to Cas on the couch, "We'll let the air heal them. You don't need a band-aid again until you put shoes on." Dean placed his hand on Cas' knee, Cas held his breath a moment. "You'll be as good as new in a few days." The hand disappeared and Dean got up, "I'll fix some food, want a beer?"
Castiel realized he was hungry, "Sure, but I can help too." Dean turned his head back as he walked towards the kitchen, "Don't worry about it. We have leftovers from two days, it'll take me five minutes."
He soon returned with a beer for Cas, "Just sit, you've had a rough day."
After they had eaten Dean put the dishes away and got another couple of beers, "We should've brought pie." He sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to him, "Come." Cas got up from the chair at the table and walked over to Dean, grabbing the offered beer before he sat down. Dean wrapped his arm around Cas' shoulders and pulled him closer. He could obviously feel how Cas tensed up, "Relax, I'm not gonna, I mean." Cas was pretty sure he knew what he meant and managed to calm down somewhat.
For a while they just sat there, drinking their beers in silence, while Dean caressed Cas' shoulder through the fabric of his t-shirt. When Dean had finished his beer he put the bottle on the table, he sat back and took hold of Castiel's hand. "I have a confession to make." He squeezed the hand a little, Cas looked at him a little curiously, "Is it bad?"
Dean shook his head, "You can be the judge of that." He leaned towards Cas and pecked him on the cheek, "I uh, I've hooked up with random guys and girls over the years. I'm basically a slut, to use Sam's words." He chanced a glance at Castiel before tilting his head down, "I, I've never met anyone before that's made me feel like this, like, like I, I want to keep you."
Castiel closed his eyes and lets the words sink in. The fact that Dean had been with a lot of people sexually didn't bother him. He'd kind of suspected that. The other part of what Dean had said was much more intriguing and almost mind-blowing. Castiel was pretty sure that Dean wanted to have sex with him too and it scared him somewhat, but not as much as he'd thought it would.
Dean nudged him, "You've got to say something, I feel like I'm out on a limb here." Castiel picked on the label of his beer bottle, "I really don't know what to say. I, well I don't care about your past if that's what you're worried about." Dean gave out a sigh of relief, "Good. But uh, would you, could you see yourself, could you see us?" Dean obviously had a hard time finding the words and it pleased Castiel in a weird way.
Castiel smiled to himself and turned to Dean, "This is new to both of us, for different reasons. I have no idea where this is going, and I'm terrified, but," he paused to catch his breath, "I just know that I could get used to your arm around me."
Castiel had no idea where the courage to say those words came from, he just knew they were true. He did feel safe in Dean's arms and even if it was a little scary it didn't matter. Castiel also knew that coming back to civilization again would change a few things but he didn't want to lose Dean. He had to make adjustments in his life so that Dean could fit and be a part of it.
Dean turned his head and nuzzled his face into Cas' hair. "It pleases me," he said as he lifted his hand to Cas' cheek and turning his head gently till they faced each other. Cas could feel Dean's breath against his lips before Dean closed the gap between them. Castiel felt Dean's tongue nudge gently at the seam of his lips and he parted his lips allowing entrance. Dean's breath hitched as their tongues met and caressed each other.
Dean's hand moved down towards Castiel's chest the latter startled and pulled back a little bit. "Don't worry, I'm, I'm not gonna," Dean's voice was soothing as his hand continued downwards until it reached the hem of Cas' t-shirt. With a little flick of his wrist, his hand was underneath the tee and rested—skin-to-skin—on Castiel's stomach. Dean kissed him again and moved his hand up to Cas' chest.
Castiel didn't know if he was breathing at all. He tried his best to reciprocate each kiss Dean offered but this was so different from what he'd experienced before. He really only had Meg to compare to, however, not once did their actions spark the reaction he was feeling now. His own hands were locked effectively around the beer bottle in his lap, covering up the fact that his dick was definitely responding eagerly to the current happenings.
Dean pulled back a little, giving Cas a chance to catch his breath. "Cas," his voice was raspy, "I, I can't, I can't." The hand underneath the shirt disappeared and returned to it's former position on Cas' cheek, "I'm sorry, I, I just, I want you so bad." He pulled himself away and got up and walked into the kitchen.
Castiel closed his eyes and tried to force his erection away; terror and lust warred inside of him. All he really wanted at the moment was for Dean to come back, hold him, and tell him that everything would be okay.
It took a few moments before Dean returned and Castiel suspected that maybe he was struggling with the same problem he was. It was most likely harder for Dean to deal with. The guy never had to cover up these sorts of feelings, not like this. Cas just figured that when Dean had hooked up with someone it was a mutual agreement and things just happened. Except for now, now he was holding back for Cas' sake. He was taking Cas' feelings into account.
Dean sat back down on the couch and looked a little embarrassed, "Cas, I, I hope you understand that I am really, really trying to go slow, but, but it's tough. It's hard. I just, I don't want to freak you out. I want you to want this too." He swallowed and Castiel could see a faint blush spreading across his cheeks, "I, we have plenty of time right? I mean, I, because I can't see myself letting you go—ever."
Castiel felt his heart race, surprised the loud thumping in his ears wasn't audible to Dean as well. "I, I understand Dean." He bit his lip, struggling to find the words that he wanted to use. "I, I wonder, I mean, would it be too hard for you to just," he cleared his throat, "Can you, can you just hold me tonight?"
