Once we got close to the water's edge, we took off our sandals. I let the cool, moist sand scrape between my toes and engulf my feet. Our pace was slow enough so we could enjoy the scenery around us. I looked to my left, seeing the full silver moon cast its light upon the ocean surface. It shone and reflected the moon light, illuminating everything. The calming sound of water washing up on shore and falling back in a repeated cycle was helping me overcome my nerves. A huge wave sent water stretching as far as our feet were.
"Woah," I jumped, caught off guard.
Nate laughed, putting his hand on my back.
"Relax, its just water." I shivered.
"It's so cold!" Another wave sent water reaching for my toes. This time it wasn't so bad.
"See? It won't hurt you," he teased.
" I guess you've just gotten used to it, being out here all the time, swimming when it's dark, looking at this moon, every night….Ugh, you are so lucky."
"I'm not here that often. Maybe two or three times a year, when I can get away from work."
"And what kind of work do you do Nate?" It was strange, but when I asked him, I could see I had struck a nerve. He covered it up very well, but I saw the sudden glitch in his kind eyes, and I wanted to take the question back.
"Business man, I do a lot of travel." I could tell somehow that this was a practiced answer.
"Oh, I see," the first hint of awkwardness had made an appearance in our time together.
To make up for the sudden act of evasiveness and tenseness that followed, I elaborated on my own work.
"Well, in case you're wondering, I'm an assistant to most likely the most arrogant editor in all of Toronto, and possibly the country. It's been my dream since I can remember to be an editor. Having the chance to perfect people's written work, and connect to them through it, it just makes me excited, inspired even. But, I've been an assistant for maybe four years now, haven't once moved up, and I'm still working on completing my master's degree at U of T. I go to night school." I sighed, knowing I should have stopped talking a while ago, but something inside me drove me to continue. "I had a life plan, I had it all mapped out, and now it feels like that was just a childhood fantasy, you know?"
Nate was looking at me solemnly, truly listening to what I was saying.
"Things don't always go according to plan, but sometimes things end up working out better than we could have imagined, and you would have never known because you were blinded by what you thought you wanted, what you thought you needed." I considered Nate's words, wondering if that could be true.
I looked into Nate's eyes, and saw a hint of sadness.
"Do you believe that, or are you saying it to me because you want to believe that?" He then looked at me like I'd caught him off guard, and a smile broke out across his face.
"Roxanne, I have no idea what to say to that, and that is a rare thing." I smiled back. I wasn't trying to challenge him, and I'm glad he didn't take it that way.
"I like you Nate, you seem very…real. Not fake, like everyone else in this world." I told him. His smile grew faint. He looked down as he walked. Silence passed between us for a little while, and I was afraid I'd somehow struck another nerve.
"I lie about my job. In fact, I pretty much lie as a career." He looked up at me, testing the waters, seeing how I took this information.
I looked at him with as little judgment as I could manage. He continued.
"I've never told anyone this. I have to lie about my job. No one can know about it. It just makes it so much harder to meet new people, or to keep old friends. People get tired of you, always telling the same story, covering up with the same words. You start to seem less than genuine. I'm not real, Roxanne."
The words he'd just shared with me seemed to deeply trouble him, and I could tell that he truly trusted me. I stopped walking, putting my hand on his shoulder.
"Hey," I said. He stopped as well, looking down at me. "What you just said proves what I said. And the people who give up on you, the people who can't trust what you say and support you, they're the fake ones." Nate said nothing, just stared into my eyes.
"What's your last name?" He asked.
"Adams," I clarified.
"Roxanne Adams, I barely know you…" His hand twitched, like he wanted to make a move, but was very hesitant, probably afraid of my reaction. Maybe I was crazy, but my whole body was screaming for him to do it.
I stepped closer ever so slightly while keeping my eyes locked on his, so he'd know I felt comfortable. Then, slowly, and very cautiously, he leaned closer to me, and then… He stopped. Something caught his attention to the right of him, and suddenly, he shoved me to the ground.
