Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Starting Over
Year of the Arctic Wolf-Year of the Tiger
"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked, closing the door to my chamber and turning back to him.
Infinite thoughts and fears ran through my petrified mind as I went to join him. Was there something else that had happened to me? Did the doctor find something else and I would be crippled for the rest of my life? Was I sterile, unable to produce children, because of that wound?
As more thoughts poured through my head, each of them worse, I didn't pay too much attention to my surroundings or what I was doing.
Iroh stood up and, coming over to me, began to rub my shoulders.
"Slow your breathing, the condition of your lungs might worsen." He said concernedly.
I hadn't noticed it at the time, but I was breathing very rapidly and quickly and I'd begun to shake; obviously showing my fear of this conversation.
"W-What is it?" I managed to stutter out.
Iroh sat me down on my bed and continued to rub at my arms in a soothing manner, but in this situation I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to feel his touch.
"Do not worry; your body is not further damaged as the doctor says. I just want to talk to you." He said and instantly, confusion came to mind.
"Of course, what is it?" I asked in a formal manner.
"There is a bit of a problem, or should I say a rumor spreading amongst the Fire Nation." Iroh began and I wondered what this had to do with me.
"Rumor?" I asked, beckoning for him to continue.
"Yes. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it, or them." Iroh replied.
"What are they?" I asked, lightly amused.
I heard enough rumors to know that some were so wild, I felt like I would laugh myself to death at the gossip.
Iroh smiled at me in a silly way that always brought at least a smile to my face and I felt my lips curl upward and pull back; exposing my top front teeth.
"That we are married, that we are lovers, that you're already carrying the future heir to the Fire Nation, and that's just the basic of everything." He sighed exuberently
I grew a bit stiff as he said those words and my smile disappeared; wherever did those rumors come from?
"And how did this all start?" I asked seriously.
"People say that we're…close." He replied simply.
I felt a bit irked; so what if Iroh and I were seen talking to each other or walking together?
"We just know each other, you were my trainer and mentor; the one who even showed me a new life here and I am forever grateful of you. Of course we're close." I protested to him.
"That's the problem; we're too close, as people say." Iroh replied.
I stopped, staring at him.
"Too close?" I asked.
"Well, you were always with me when I was sparring and helped me with my wounds, if there were any and when my wrist was broken for a week and my other hand was burnt, you always took food from your own plate and fed it to me. Though you sometimes made me beg for the food." He added.
"Only to find that you were faking it." I said with a laugh, remembering when Iroh caught a flying pot with his hands during the time his hands still 'hurt' and I found out the truth. "And people take this as 'love'?" I asked, though I knew that it was a resemblance to the kind of affection or actions that a married couple would do.
"I didn't mean to mislead the people, but isn't love a good thing?"
"Yes, it almost always is. But in the Fire Nation military, love is a bit of a taboo. A contreversial one, but something of a taboo nonetheless. Forbidden since people think that love would only get in the way."
"Love never gets in the way." I said; wondering about the degree of truth in my words, since my battle with Pakku...
Something kept me from killing him; the niggling voice in the back of my head, because I felt sorry for him, or just because I thought that Yugoda might have been crushed if she'd found her husband dead by the hands of her former best friend.
Iroh looked at me, laughing before rising and walking towards me; lifting my face up to meet his and making me crane my neck up close to him as he pressed his legs against mine.
"Oh, Yukihiya. You know not of what a man crazy in love would do or what lengths he would go to be with the one he loved if they were both enrolled in the military." He said to me.
Our faces and bodies were a miniscule distance from each others, as I saw, and I felt a bit awkward when I pulled away. "I don't believe that they'd do such a thing."
Iroh glanced my way with disbelief and what seemed to be the look of defeat in his eyes. He stood up, beginning to pace around the room quickly and his head down. I saw his eyes had stopped focusing; a sign that he was deep in thought.
Without a second thought I went up alongside of him and, taking his hand, guided him back to my bed and sat down; laying his head on my lap and lightly touching his hair and face. He sighed and leaned into the direction of my body.
"But...what will it do? What would others say?" He murmured as he sank into my lap.
I stayed as still as I could until I heard a deep sigh and felt a steady breath at my stomach.
Looking down at his face, I did not see a prince who was brought up in a 'utopia' Fire Nation Palace that was set up just for him.
Instead, I saw a man who enrolled in the army because he wanted to serve his country. I saw a man who had witnessed death and destruction for many years and felt helpless and enraged. I saw by the lines of his face, though not noticable unless one is within a few feet of him, how war nearly tore his entire life apart and suffering was permanently etched into his skin. I watched his eyes clenched shut as if he were in a horrible nightmare and felt a pang of sadness reaching out to him.
He must've had a harder life, being seemingly the 'perfect' son as he told me, unlike Ozai whom I could clearly see was spoiled and penurious along with always giving up on something when he couldn't achieve his so-called goal only to have nearly everything he wanted to be just handed or thrown at him, but there was something else, something deeper as I saw, and joined the navy to escape the life he was born into.
"Iroh." I murmured; seeing him to a new light.
Before that time, I'd viewed him as an idol; a demi-god who personified a new chance for hundreds of people. He was my guardian angel; flawless, immortal, with the life I'd wanted. He was a symbol of hope, like a sun that peeked through the dark clouds that were cast over me and gave me a reason to rise up and reach for the sky.
"Iroh." I whispered again with a broken voice, not believing that I had only seen this side of him now when it has been before me the entire time I met him. I felt like crying for him but it seemed that I'd forgotten how to; I only lay my head down to where his hair was and whispered things, one can call it gibberish, very quietly.
We stayed that way, save for when I took a pillow and lay on my back to sleep, until the morning and I was greeted by the smell of flavored porridge and hot milky coffee along with the comments and whispers of the servants present about Iroh in my lap and the both of us in bed.
The weeks sailing back to the Fire Nation were the best of the time being and I felt my shattered will and pride slowly repair itself.
"We're docking tomorrow." Iroh announced during a midnight escapade to my chambers.
Iroh had great agility and sometimes, if the ships we were both staying on were close enough, he'd leap from his deck to mine and invite himself in. Of course, I would argue and worry about his safety and that his kind of behavior could kill him and the last thing I needed in the world was to lose a friend I'd made in the new world I now inhabited.
I lay down on the small cot; watching as the candlelight began to die.
"Still worrying?" he asked me.
"No, I am fine." I had a knack for lying back then.
"Good night, then, little one." He said in a light voice and kissed my cheek.
I remember when my mother, and rarely my father, used to do this to me and clutched the sheets around me tighter as I buried my face into the pillow; falling into a troubled and dreamless sleep.
"And with great regret, Commander Yukihiya can no longer fight..."
I felt like a knife had just been stabbed through my ribs as I heard those words come from Fire Lord Sozun's mouth.
Sozun continued to preside over the crowd, but my ears must've shut him away; just like I had shut the world around me away and sat in a small desolated corner of my mind.
"It's over." A voice whispered to me, shaking me from the desolated corner in my mind.
I rose up without a word to applause and, with a smile and farewell waves, descended from the steps and walked away.
"Hey, you." A voice called from behind me.
With the barest of a turn of my head, I saw the all-too familiar glint of gold thread sewn on Ozai's robes and wasn't in the mood for his squander, but I forced myself to turn; I had to obey society rules.
I bowed to him, but only with my head and a slight bend in my chest.
"Prince Ozai." I addressed formally.
He kept staring at me and I felt unease with his gaze upon me.
"You may had to have retired, but you are good at other things." He said simply to me and left.
I stared after him, confused.
Did he just pay me a, gods forbid, compliment?
I only slapped myself for even thinking that and I turned to go back to my chamber.
Despite my early retirement, there was still the fact that I was victorious in the Assault on the North and everywhere I went, I was praised and also congratulated on not only the attack on the North Pole, but also the attacks on the city of Terre, the battle of Xiao Da, and others battles which I was victorious in.
I guess the people of the Fire Nation remember your finest moments rather than your humiliating defeat.
I remembered the battles and I guess that my retirement was at the cost of a major victory to the Fire Nation and I was still said to be the hero, or something of the sort.
As I walked down the hallway, pondering, I heard shouts and cries of what seemed to be pain.
Quickening my pace, the shouting had increased in sound and I made out a few distinct words. They sounded like scolding, or shouting as abuse went on.
I was severely reminded of myself when I was younger and at the abuse of my father.
As I rounded the hallway, I saw a man with his hands out from striking and a girl, maybe a few years older than I was, cowering in a corner; frightened and on the verge of stopping.
"Stop, by the order of Commander Yukihiya!" I shouted at the man and ran over to the girl.
It had only been a bit more than a month since I had to resign from the military and I was, as Sozun praised me, a truly memorable Commander who was supposedly the war hero in the Assault on the North. The man was surprised, but stopped.
I leaned down towards the girl and saw that her face was red and bruised, her lip was bleeding, and her eyes were dark; most likely bruised.
"Are you alright?" I whispered softly to her.
She only nodded; trying still to control her sobs.
"What's your name?" I asked her. She looked at me with her dark eyes a moment before answering.
"Ane (pronounced An-Ay)." She replied simply.
I turned to the man.
"What are you doing?" I demanded of him.
"She is my own daughter and has failed me. I was only disciplining her." He spat; a cringe coming from the woman as he said those words.
On impulse, I stepped back; closer to the woman, and felt her hands clinging to my white silk under dress as if it were a lifeline.
"You have no right to do so." I said coldly to him and watched as his eyes narrowed.
"And why do you have say of what I can or cannot do to my own daughter?" he asked me.
I turned to her then back to her so called father.
"She is my servant now. I will buy her for 50 silver halves." I replied calmly to him and waited for his reaction.
His eyes seemed to pop right out of his head and I would've found it highly amusing had I not been so disgusted by his behavior towards his own daughter.
"You can't possibly be serious; only 50 silver halves?" he asked me incredulously.
In those times, a servant is sold from a price range to 100 Copper Pieces to at least 500 Gold pieces; depending on their traits and what they were needed for. Of course, women were pricier because of their gender and I found that highly sexist.
"What other price is going to buy her?" I asked the man simply.
I felt a surge of guilt as I said those words; it was as if I was asking that to and about myself. I turned back to the man.
"Tell me, sir. Has someone else already had her?" The man wrinkled his face before nodding briefly.
"Then who would want to take a bite out of a plum when someone else has already taken a bite?"
The man took that in, finally letting out a snort.
"Fine. 50 silver halves it is." He declared begrudgingly.
I smiled a bit; wondering if Iroh had intentionally, or even unintentionally, taught me the proper way of haggling.
I drew a sum of 25 silver coins from a fold in my robes that made a pocket and paid him. Iroh told me to always carry a sum of money within the palace to give to the servants or pay people for a service.
I was retired, with no source of income, and, to my utmost surprise, Sozun gave me a monthly pension of 250 gold coins which I used mostly to pay for my stay at the palace even though I suspected that someone else was paying for me.
After he turned away, I looked back at Ane. With a wave of my wrist, I beckoned her to follow her as I walked back to my chambers.
"Thank you." Ane whispered to me as we turned a hallway.
"Of course." I replied; turning and smiling warmly at her.
"Why?" she asked me softly.
"I can't stand to see people brutalized by their own families." I said truthfully.
We continued to walk in silence.
"Tell me, Ane. How old are you?" I asked her.
"21." She replied pitifully and I smiled inwardly; it was only 3 years older than I.
We'd reached my chamber and, lightly gripping the handle, I opened the door for the both of us. Ane was obviously surprised when I let her go in before me, but went in nonetheless. I felt a sense of happiness within me; I had gained a friend.
Iroh was within my chamber, resting on a chair and writing in something; maybe a journal, I assumed.
When he saw me, he closed the book and came forth to embrace me. I let myself fall into it, my own heart beginning to beat slightly faster when I felt his body against mine.
It took a moment for me to remember that Ane was still in the room.
"Iroh, this is a new servant of mine; Ane." I introduced.
At once, Ane nearly threw herself on the floor in what was supposed to be a bow. I cringed at the sloppy movements and felt Iroh do the same.
"Nice to meet you." Iroh said simply and turned back to me.
"I have an invitation for you; it's a private dinner, with you, the royal family, and a few others within a few days." He told me.
"What's the occasion?" I asked him; not thinking that the fifteenth day of the sixth month was a special occasion in the Fire Nation.
"My great uncle, Sovereign Kuzon, has returned from the battle frontier." He replied.
For a moment, I wondered who he was but remembered that Suzon had a younger brother; Kuzon, who was serving in the Military like Iroh was.
"That is wonderful." I replied with a smile to him.
"Yes, it is. I'll tell you the exact time when I find out and I'll help you decide something to wear." He offered with a smile.
I nodded and watched as he walked out of the room. Ane was still on the floor, looking downward as if she was afraid to raise her head.
"You can get up now." I told her.
Ane stood up, though it seemed that she had difficulty controlling her movements, and I grew a bit concerned.
"Are you hurt?" I asked, my eyes darting to her legs.
She seemed to try and stand up in a hurried way but her legs seemed to collapse under her. Lifting up her skirt, I saw that her legs were dark colored and covered in small, nearly black dots.
"My god, you're—!" I began, but couldn't utter out the words.
Ane whimpered, about to cry in the rug, and turned to face me.
"I'm—ill." She confirmed with a sob.
I knew of this disease, or what was left of it; originally, this was a part of the 'sweating sickness' caused by your body having too little water and if you were out in the sun too much, especially if you were working, but the other factors that might cause this sickness is still unknown to the Fire Nation.
An infection breaks out, usually starting at the arms or legs, and in most cases, grows up the body. The person is bedridden, weak, paralyzed, sweat-coated, high fevered, and with multiple cases of chills and pain shooting through their bodies. Commonly, the people are healed with the medicinal herbs, but the sickness would leave people sick, crippled, and even forced to amputate their hands or feet.
Ane looked like she was at the recovering stage, she had already expelled the disease from her body, but she crucially needed aftermath herbs; an essential part of the cure so that her legs can function properly again.
"Wait here; I'll get some medicine for you." I told her, slipping through my doors and nearly running down to the medical hold.
When I ran into the room, there was no one inside at the present time but I knew that the doctors kept the herbs in a special cabinet. Opening the cabinet, I saw an arrangement of dried assortments; most of them similar to each other in color or smell. Even though I knew which herbs I wanted, the large variety was intimidating.
"Is there something that you need?" a voice asked behind me.
I jumped lightly, darting my vision to the door and found a doctor.
"I need some aftermath herbs for the sweating sickness." I replied evenly and hurriedly to him.
"Of course." He replied; bowing to me and giving me a bundle.
"Arigato." I said to him and began running back to my chambers as fast as my body would let me.
I saw a significant change in my physical ability after my injury and disease; I could no longer sprint long distances without having a breathing malfunction, I could no longer lift heavy objects, I could not bend my waist too quickly or else my wound would throb in pain and, in the time it was still healing, split open.
A wave of fatigue hit me and I paused, leaning against the deserted hallway and realized that I must've accidentally made a wrong turn.
True, I spent time within the palace, but I only explored a section of it and bits of my memory was vague since coming back for some strange reason.
Pulling myself up, I walked as quietly as I could down the hallway; searching for a familiar object; a statue, a window, something that could help me remember where I was.
It wasn't until I stopped was that when I heard footsteps approaching me from behind. Turning around, I saw Ozai walking my way.
"Good day." I said tersely to him as I began to walk further down the hall; knowing that each turn and distance I walked only led me further into the maze of the Fire Palace.
All the while, Ozai was still following me. Many paths later, he was still tailing me and suspicion and fear got the better of me.
Turning sharply on my heel, I faced him.
"What do you want from me?" I demanded of him.
I'd heard of Ozai's continuously developing reputation of taking women, and even young girls, to secluded areas of the palace or somewhere out of witnesses' prying eyes, and did many dishonorable things to them.
He studied me, as if reading my face, and seemed to smirk.
"You think I want you for that? Agni, no. I would never go and waste my time and energy on a pitiful woman, who bears the appearance of some Water Tribe bitch and would tarnish my bloodline, such as you. But you're not as ugly or as barbaric as you originally were when you first came here." Ozai laughed haughtily.
I balled my hands into wrists within my long sleeves and pushed away the criticism along with refusing to accept the comment; saying to myself that it would be below me to argue with a man like 'him'.
With a roll of my eyes and a scoff from my lips, I turned away and began marching away.
Before I'd taken at least 3 steps, I felt him grab my arm and, with extraordinary strength for a 15, near 16, year old person, slam me against the near wall.
The sleeve of my robe was pulled down; nearly exposing my breast to him.
"But then again…" he trailed off as he gripped my thighs.
I knew that women often yielded to him and he immediately left them after he was done and I refused to be one of them.
"Get off of me." I spat at him, trying to kick him but only seemed to unintentionally push my skirts farther up my legs.
Ozai pushed the rest of the silk and linen up to my hips and seemingly took in the lower half of my anatomy.
"It is dishonorable to do this!" I snapped at him.
Then again, who was I talking to? Ozai could've been the very NAME of dishonor. He didn't say a word and, suddenly, I felt him penetrate me with one of his fingers.
It was a definite shock to my body and mind, but I managed to recover and slap him across the face; forcing his digit out of me as I rose up.
"Za Zhong." I hissed under my breath and ran back to the main hallway.
I felt ashamed of this, though minor, violation and always felt bitterness well up in my stomach when I thought of this occurrence.
Despite my shame and personal humiliation on the incident I had to truly wonder why he had taken a sudden…interest in me. Didn't he, moments before, insult me and then he just suddenly almost violate me?
And he is 3 years my junior, for spirits' sake!
I couldn't marry, nor could I let myself be defiled, by a man, or teenager for the matter.
Finding my way, I hurriedly ran back and gave her the herbs.
From that day on, it was awkward being around Ozai. I still wondered the origin of his actions, and I was just about to find out.
R'n'R or you'll never find out why...
