A Bitter Time
Year of the Koala-Seal—Year of the Phoenix
"My lady, you look ill; would you like anything?" Li asked as I came in. I shook my head; overcome with surprise, in a sense.
This is what Hatsuhana had told me; 'fighting was not all that counted.'
"Is there anything you need, Mistress?" Ane asked, wincing as she tried to walk.
Her legs were beginning to fail because of a new and stranger infection than the one I'd discovered she'd had when I was 18. It was slowly paralyzing her legs and in time, both would have to be amputated.
"No, Ane. Go back to bed." I said kindly as I shut the door to my room and went to find Ozai. Iroh was most likely already asleep anyway, it was late at night already and he was a heavy sleeper unless he was sharing his bed. If that was the case, I noted, even if he was dead asleep he was ready for another round of going at it. A few turns onto the Northwestern hall and I'd found Ozai's room.
Taking the door knocker, I pounded it onto the wood 3 times. Typical of Ozai to be an inattentive, self-centered rat's ass, but I had pounded the knocker for at least 50 times before he'd started screaming.
"For Agni's sake, don't you know not to disturb royalty?" a voice shouted from behind the door.
I was slightly amused when I found that his voice still cracked. The door was yanked open, in slow, short intervals might I add, and Ozai faced me with his hair untamed, his eyes sallow, and his mouth creased deeply into an angry frown.
"Good evening." I replied stonily.
He smirked at me and the hairs on the back of my hair bristled at him; what was with that attitude of his?
"Might I come in?" I asked him as politely and formally as I could.
He stepped back and opened the door a bit wider; that smile of his, if you can even call it that; it was more like a twisted curl of his lips that only made him look as if he were disgusted by me; which he most likely was anyway. I removed my slippers and stepped onto the cold granite of the floor as I looked around. His room was mostly furnished with black and the smell of burnt wood was in the air. The curtains were drawn and all of the doors leading to and from his chamber were closed.
"What is it that you want?" Ozai's voice snapped at me.
I turned, then a sudden thought occurred to me; he was fully dressed and didn't seem to even be ready for bed yet.
"Where is Hatsuhana?" I asked out of curiosity.
"Separate room." Ozai grunted. Ah, tradition."I thought she would be spending a few more nights with you before she retired to her own room." I pointed out.
"I sent her out." Ozai told me briskly.
I wondered vaguely if she had tried to inflict... 'bedtime tricks' on him and found myself snickering at the imaginary, yet strangely realistic thought.
"I came to speak to you about her." I skipped to the subject.
The sooner this conversation was done, or the sooner my anger would rise, the sooner I could get the hell out of his chambers. I dread to think how many 'partners' he'd had in this room.
"What about her?" he asked in a leery voice.
"Do you know of her origins?" I asked bleakly.
"Of the Moto family." Ozai replied. Actually, she was of the Irakumi clan.
"I'm sorry to intrude on you; I just thought that there was something…suspicious about her." I tried to carefully word my tone so he does not catch on to what he might interpret them to be, whatever he was thinking.
"Really?" he asked; rounding a bit closer to me.
I face his glare with one of my own and opened my mouth; knowing I would speak 'out of turn' again.
"When a woman you are not acquainted with comes to offer herself to you, when she is in your bed, when she wraps her arms around your body, how do you know that she is hoping to wrap the power of being Royalty in her arms and not you?" I ask briskly.
"Touching and philosophical. Should I tell my brother about this? And how do I know that you are not taking the same thing into your arms when you are in bed with him?" Ozai prodded.
'Let...it...go." I hissed to myself. I opened the door to exit his chamber. Hatsuhana was right there in front of me; glaring at us.
"Good evening." I said in the most pleasant voice I could muster when addressing her and, slightly pushing her out of the way, walked out of the chamber and back down to Iroh's room.
I sighed, dazed, and walked in. His back was to the open curtains and the moon shone off of his pallid skin. Going over to the large window, I closed the drapes and sat down on the edge of his bed. I wouldn't worry about it, I swore to myself, I would just wait to see what happens.
"Swimming?" I asked him incredulously.
It was a month or so after Ozai and Hatsuhana's abrupt marriage, but I could already see the hard look in their eyes that they would get from severe unhappiness and strong beliefs of duties and traditions.
They were the near exact opposite of Iroh and I; while we romped around outside of the Fire Court after we were finished with our tasks and played with the children and the kids, therefore easing the tension between the adults and us, Ozai and Hatsuhana stayed in, barely addressed anyone of a 'lower' status except with an aloof nod or wave of their hand, and both of them held onto what they thought was supposed to be a true 'lady' and a real 'prince'.
"Yes, why not?" Iroh replied to my disbelief.
I suddenly touched the area of my stomach where the scar was and shuddered.
"We need to get your fear of swimming over with." Iroh said.
"I am not afraid of swimming!" I snapped at him.
"Good, then you're coming with me to Senta Lake right now." He grabbed the waistband of my pants and began to pull me away.
"But it's nighttime!" I shouted to that comment.
"All the better so no one can tell that we're naked." Iroh laughed at his own suggestion and I grimaced, ceasing my struggles and let him carry me to the lake. There, he began to strip in front of me and I did the same.
"A-After you." I insisted, the sight of the dark water bringing back chilling memories.
He grabbed my hand, pulling me towards him, and then lifted me by my waist and jumped off of the pier; sending us both into the water. The nightmare of drowning under water came back and I frantically swatted my limbs out of fear.
Something was pulling at my ankle and fear seeped into my bones; nearly paralyzing me. I was sinking deeper and, despite Iroh's earlier teachings of always staying calm, I panicked and let out a silent scream; realizing my mistake too late.
Oh, gods; I was going to drown! The panicked thoughts filled my head and I thrashed around; panicked. A sudden jerk forced me back up and I breathed in air while coughing and clawing furiously for something for me to hang onto.
"Yukihiya, it's me! It's me!" Iroh's voice shouted as I felt something grab me.
Rubbing the water out of my eyes, I saw his eyes etched with concern. I circled my arms around his neck, whimpering and shivering like a frightened child.
"Don't let go." I whispered, admitting my fear. "Don't let go."
"I won't. I'll never let you go." Iroh stated and tightened his hold around me.
A bright light from nowhere shined in my eyes; forcing me to blink several times to accustom to the new rays. Iroh and I both turned, seeing Ozai and Hatsuhana.
"Next time you two want to go swimming, brother; don't let your wench scream the entire way that she doesn't want to go." Ozai said coldly.
Hatsuhana came next to him, our clothes in hand, and threw them into the water. With a swift turn of his heel, Ozai went back.
"Come, Hatsuhana." He addressed her like she would address a hated dog; grudgingly and tersely, expecting the animal to obey.
Once they were gone, Iroh and I retrieved our clothes, dried them and ourselves off, and went back to the Palace.
It was hard acting as if nothing had happened; especially when the servants' eyes were on you and, as I later found, you had a piece of seaweed trailing from your ankle that pulled you down in the first place.
The next days went by rather dully save for Hatsuhana's glare on me. She always seemed to stare for some reason, and it was uncomfortable on occasions.
Mostly, I was able to get her out of my mind by playing with Tai. Now that he was 3, nearing 4, he was already learning to speak and ride Tiger-Horses. He would beg Iroh and I to ride with him and also to just play with him. He became the center of our worlds; our pride and joy.
"One day, my boy, all of this will be yours." Iroh told Tai as he held the child above his head on a cliff's edge overlooking many parts of the nation. I would start screaming at him to 'PUT MY SON DOWN, YOU IDIOT!' as soon as I saw him lean forward or stagger a bit, if ever
As dinner was approaching, I watched as Hatsuhana strutted in and sat herself smugly next to Ozai and the meal began. It was Huo Guo, or Hot Pot, night.
This was a time where every person in the hall would get an individual pot and plate and lots of raw food. You would select the food and put it into the boiling water within the pot and, when it was done, pull it out and eat it. There were occasional sauces to go with the food and other things, but rarely did many of the people experiment too much with the combinations of spices and vegetables.
"…It must be so sad for the poor to miss out on this, isn't it, Yukihiya?" Hatsuhana said carelessly to me.
"Yes, but I asked the cook take the leftover food of the meal, cook it, and give it to the people around the city." I replied coolly.
Many times, Hatsuhana had tried to bait me into saying something that would, she hoped, make me seem as if I was a hypocrite. I secretly laughed at the look on her face when I had told her that I was feeding the poor; it was as if she had swallowed a whole bowlful of lemon juice, but the smugness in my thoughts were short-lived. I had been feeling somewhat nauseous since this afternoon and I brushed it off; saying it was probably only my shortness of breath from running around so much and the remnants of my illness that crippled me from ever fighting in the army again.
"Yes. Oh, and I'm sorry; earlier today, I could not find a chair to sit, so I had borrowed yours." She emphasized strongly on the 'had' and I sighed; she didn't seem to be too keenly trained in the talent of conversation.
"Just because you find your own chair a bit low to your liking doesn't exactly mean you can steal like a common thief would, Hatsuhana. I see you find my place so unbearable and difficult to accept, but I courteously ask of you to not try to possibly lose your own." I turned to Hatsuhana's father, I could not believe that a woman like her could be the 3rd generation of Admiral Kouguu's line, and turned my lips downward to a frown.
"Such unruly slander for a daughter, is she not, Major Aiwa? Perhaps there is a slight possibility in the future that you might take her back to her Older Sister and ask her to give Hatsuhana a further lesson in manners. Such a crude and impulsive slanderer she is; and you know how much weight words can have on a person." I was daring him to challenge me; to challenge his own father.
Admiral Kouguu (though finally retired) was an honored man of the nation and he still never ceased to praise me; especially after what I had done to help the poor and struggling citizens out on the desolate rural area north of the nation.
"Of course, my lady." Hatsuhana's father replied neutrally.
Without another word, I whispered for a servant that I would take the rest of my meal in my rooms along with my son. I went into his room and, laughing as he ran over to me, picked him up and kissed him warmly.
"I will take care of him for the rest of the night." I said to the Caretaker, who almost cried out in joy. From what I had heard, Tai had inherited a good deal of Firebending Mastery from me and had already surpassed the basics when he was 3 ½; one more reason on why he was mine and Iroh's pride and joy.
As I came into my chambers, I found the rest of my meal on a low table and sat down to eat a bit more. I was going through a strange hunger episode today and wondered why. Could it be possible…? I shook my head and dipped a few vegetables into the boiling water. I let Tai eat some of my food and led him back to his room.
"Good night, honored mother." He said with a smile. His smile seemed to light up his blue eyes and give his cheeks that rosy tint only a child could have and I felt myself softening up to the little one.
"Good night, favored son." I whispered.
He laughed, already getting the joke, and I went back to my rooms
It was nighttime before I realized that my courses were supposed to have begun yesterday. I sprung from bed and nearly ran into the bathroom.
There was no swell in my belly, no slight change in my breasts, no darkening shade of my nipples (A/N: that is an actual early sign of pregnancy), I experienced no backaches nor headaches like I had in the early times of when I was pregnant with Tai, but I did feel tired and dizzy, but I just thought it might've been something I ate. I came back out and sighed; sitting down on my bed.
"My lady?" Li asked as she came into the room.
"My course." I murmured.
"Oh, I'm sorry, my lady! I've forgotten to retrieve extra sheets for you!" Li began, but I stopped her.
"There is no course." I said, surprised at my own voice.
"My lady…" Li's voice trailed off.
"We don't know that; wait another month." I said quietly and, rolling into my bed, began to doze.
Ugh; the dizziness and morning sickness began all over again and Iroh, being opened up ever since he had seen me act so strangely because of my first pregnancy, knew almost the instant I was shoving handfuls of parsley in my mouth and constantly chewing them all morning.
"When is the next one due?" he asked in delight before the entire court.
"If my old senses are right, sometime in the first month." Mira replied.
I might have conceived anytime between the middle of the second month to three weeks ago, since in that time is when the morning sickness begins. The entire palace was overjoyed that I was in pup again and they all paid such an excess amount of attention to me that I sometimes felt overwhelmed.
With the exception of Hatsuhana and Ozai, the entire nation was happy for Iroh and me. Many of the time, especially during my early months, I caught Hatsuhana about to open her mouth to say something, but Ozai always glared at her and she forced her twisted mouth closed.
I watched, this time in joy, as my body showed signs of the child growing within me. I spent mornings in the temple praying to the Divine Goddess (all historic references in the Fire Nation that held her name had either been lost, destroyed, or most likely not found yet) that it was a daughter.
As Iroh had told me 4 years before, the Fire Nation was famous for siring only prodigious sons and as I dug deeper into the Fire Nation background, I discovered that there had been no naturally born females in the Fire Nation Royal family for at least 20 generations. That only made me want a daughter more.
And if it was a girl, I would name it Katara, like Iroh had suggested years before.
A son to raise so he inherits the Fire Nation throne and a daughter to train when she is older; that would've been a great family.
My only regret during my pregnancy was that I could no longer take Tai riding on my Tiger-Horse.
When he was young, I used to ride with him strapped to my back and as he got older and heavier, I had to leave him behind and he watched me as I took off on my morning trot. When it was nearing his 3rd birthday, he begged me for a Tiger-Horse of his own but I had to decline; he was too young and he barely even knew how to ride.
Iroh said that maybe we should start teaching him how to ride, so he purchased a little pony for Tai.
I used to ride alongside him with my Tiger-Horse, whom I named Turato, and I would steer the reins as he learned to balance on it. But now, I could do nothing but watch as Iroh began to teach Tai to mount his little mare by himself, how to hold the reins, the signals on how to make the mare turn, go, slow down, and stop, and how to trot.
This was how Tai must feel; left alone as his mother rode off out of his sight on a tall and magnificent Tiger-Horse, looking no less regal and brave as he began to learn how to race.
"Ah, but you will teach him after our new child is born." Iroh promised me earnestly and I only nodded.
Even though everything about my pregnancy was normal, my belly seemed to be swelling more than usual. I remember on one occasion, I was wearing a shirt with buttons and it seemed stretched across my belly, despite that it had fit during my first pregnancy up until my ninth month and I was only in my sixth month then.
As I turned sharply, one of the buttons flew off of my shirt and ricochet off of the wall, a plate, and a candelabrum before it landed in a person's soup bowl. At the time, I began to panic; thinking I might've developed a girth or something, but when I was taken to the doctor, a surprising revelation was set forth.
"It is not one, but two children who are growing within your womb." The healer told me.
'Twin daughters?' I thought, and then smiled.
I always wanted a daughter to raise and teach. As I looked to Iroh, I was sure he was also smiling, out of joy and out of pride.
But barely 2 months after the great news was out, disaster struck.
I was going to bed, my back almost throbbing in pain because of the 2 children growing in me, and Ane had fetched me a bit of herbal tea to help me fall asleep.
"Who did you get this from?" I asked; sipping at the hot beverage.
"I—I made it, Madame." She said. There was a suspicious tone in her voice, but I brushed it off; Ane had been a faithful servant to me for over 5 years and I should trust her, I thought.
"Thank you." I said and set the cup onto my bedside
I saw that I was back in my old home, but this time; they had found out who I was.
"For your crimes against the Water Tribes, you are sentenced to death." Meinan said to me coldly. I saw that he wore a patch over his eye; the eye I had blinded all those years ago.
"I always knew you would bring disgrace to yourself." My father hissed and then spat in my face.
My mother stood unmoving in a corner while my sister's malicious laugh filled the air. Great waves of transparent water rose up and engulfed me. Then it all came crashing down on me and I was swept over. It was so cold and I couldn't breathe. Desperately, I looked for land, but all I saw was deep blue.
'No, no, no!' I was screaming, but no one could hear me.
"Yukihiya!" a distant voice began to scream.
"Yukihiya!" the voice got louder and I recognized Iroh's tone.
It was all a dream.My legs were in a tangle of sheets and I awoke with Iroh's hands encircling my upper arms.
"Iroh!" I breathed, unable to form another word.
I still felt the icy chill of the cold water as if I had been just simultaneously dunked through ice. Which, might I add; many people in the Northern Water Tribes tried to do to me when they thought my guard was down, but most of them failed and resulted with me hitting them.
But all of that was erased from my mind when I felt something worse; a warm gush and a metallic scent drifting up from between my legs.
"No!" I screamed. Noticing the dark stain, Iroh ran for my healer, but I already knew it was too late. I'd lost both children.
Clenching my legs together, I needed to keep them in. Labor pains started and I wanted to cry; this wasn't happening, this was just another dream, wasn't it? The healer came and examined me, then turned back to Iroh; shaking his head.
"If she is to live, she must expel the children." He said hopelessly.
This couldn't have been happening! Tears rushed from my face and I shook my head.
"Please, Yukihiya; please." He whispered, then noticed the cup of tea on my nightstand. I noticed it too and in an instant horror, remembered Ane.
"This potion will help." The doctor whispered to me and I turned away; refusing to take it.
So it began a wrestling match with the life of my unborn children (though I no longer felt them stir within me) hanging in the balance. But with Iroh's assistance, the bitter liquid was poured down my throat and as I gagged, I felt my body contract to the effects of the drink. People were nearly surrounding us now and they could do nothing but watch as I was about expel the first one of my twins.
I looked around and instead of the suspicion and malice I expected to see, I saw sadness. I screamed out and, in an instant, felt something slide from between my legs and let my tears fall freely. I heard a weak cry, but I knew it was already dead now. It took a few minutes, but the second one came out as well and I collapsed on the bed; unable to do anything else. The other child would suffer the same end as its twin.
Turning over on the mattress was even painful; it was as if I had been whacked in the groin by dozens of pounds of steel. In the crowd, I saw Ane. It was all the motivation I needed.
Despite the near blinding pain, I got up and tried to run to her; stumbling every so often and trying not to lean on anyone.
"Ane!" I called out, grimacing at the pain between my legs. She turned around and I saw fear in her eyes.
'I'm not going to blame you.' I wanted to say, but instead, I heard myself say:
"That tea you gave me; who really gave it to you?" Poor thing; I was now putting her between a fire and a tight place. If she'd denied my saying, she would seem like a lying servant. If she acknowledged it, she would seem like a stupid, flaky palace girl planning to kill the lady she served.
"I—I do not know, my lady. Please; excuse me." She whispered; trying to run away, but her legs kept slowing her down.
"Please, Ane! I feel as if I have been kicked in the groin by a Komodo Rhino and I am about to pass out because of the pain and the only thing keeping me from passing out at any rate is the hope that you will tell me the truth!" I pleaded. She looked back at me and I saw fresh tears spring anew.
"I cannot." Her voice broke as she said it and I felt my knees buckle under me.
"Ane—." I gasped, knowing that I would be unable to stomach the pain any more. That was when a hand struck her.
"Just tell her, you stupid, whorish bitch!" Ozai snarled at her.
It was my turn to hit him, though not as hard. I only managed to push him.
"Stop bullying her, you bastard!" I spat and turned back to Ane; dropping to my knees and examining the slap aftermath. It was a bit red, but no worse, thank Agni.
"Please." I whispered.
"I—I received the tea from someone in the hall; they said that you were in pain and this would calm you down." She stuttered.
"What did that person look like? Was there something specific about that person? A scar or birthmark, maybe?" I pressed.
"There—there was a small cut above her eyebrow and her lips twisted in nearly half a circle when she smiled." She confessed. It was then that every eye in the room turned to Hatsuhana, who was notorious for that signature smile and the scar right above her eyebrow from a slight accident she'd had as a child, she claimed.
"Go back to my chambers. You need some rest." I whispered, keeping myself together as much as I could.
Inside, I was raging. I had vowed not to feel or let myself be be consumed by hate--once my hatred had caused a severe burn on my hands, even after I had learned proper execution of fire attacks from Iroh--but this time I could not do such a thing. I felt it build; and almost jumped up; feeling the burn in my groin.
Iroh's safe arms caught me and I grabbed his shirt and whimpered my sobs into the soft silk.
"It's alright, Yukihiya. We are still young. We can have many more children." He whispered.
Of course we will, but what's the chance of them being twins ever again?
"Let me see my children." I murmured as a tear threatened to roll down my cheeks.
He hesitated, but then picked me up and set me down gently on my newly sheeted bed. The doctor, with a slight shake of his head, placed two bundles before me. I lifted the blankets covering their faces and could not stop my cry of despair.
"Both girls." The healer said.
They must've been alive! How else could their skin have been so flawless and smooth? Or how could their cheeks and lips be so pink? I continued to look at them. They had the cutest little feet and the tiniest hands; perfect fingernails with the tiniest of dark brown and black ringlets on their scalps. Their bodies were in perfect proportions for a baby; how could they be dead?
I suddenly tucked them back into their blankets and gave them to Iroh; watching as he carried them away and sunk deeper into my bed; muffling all of my silent tears.
Two days later, when I was well enough and my bleeding had stopped, I attended the funeral of my twin daughters. Iroh and I had decided on names when we'd found out about twins. I watched as Laetitia and Katara were lowered into the ground; silent until I went back to my room. Because they were tiny, they were permitted to be buried, if the parents wanted it.
"My love." Iroh murmured; holding me closely. I reached up and returned his embrace; knowing that he was as hurt as I was about the loss of my twin daughters.
"If you want to talk…" I knew what he meant and nodded as I pressed my body against his more; trying to soak his warmth into my cold and empty being. I gave him a departing kiss and went into my chambers. Lo and Li were there, also in white mourning clothes and asked if there was anything I wanted. I politely declined and walked on.
"What are you to do with Ane, my lady?" one of them asked. I shook my head; unable to decide.
"Maybe I will know in the morning." I murmured and it was left at that.
As I drew myself deeper into my dreams and sheets, I had a haunting vision of a golden hill in the sunset and 2 young girls running toward me with flowers in the hands, crying 'Mama! Mama!'
I remember all too well waking up with a wet pillow under my head and tears still rolling down my eyes and even then, I continued to cry into the night.
I could not trust Ane as much as I used to.
Now, only tasks like fetching me my brush or standing beside me silently when we were in public were her duties.
Some of the people spoke with me, said their words, and I remained silent; did any of them know what it actually felt like to lose two little girls whom they had wanted since they were old enough to see the beauty of children?
It was the twenty-fourth day of the eighth month, the two month anniversary of my miscarriage and a bit more than a month after my birthday, and she knew it. It was nearing sunset when she broke out the insults again.
"Poor you; unable to carry children, not even a daughter." She tittered. I turned to her; smiling slightly as I did so.
"Yes, I may not have two daughters, but I have a healthy son who has already turned five a few months before, and YOU are so fertile and prosperous, why do you not have a child in YOUR belly even after over ten months of marriage to Ozai?" I asked calmly. That struck a nerve in her.
"I would have if he could stop bedding his other partners OR should I say, obsessing and lusting over one?" she said; her temper rising at the admittance that she and Ozai had barely even been intimate for such a time.
"Sorrow to the poor girl whom Ozai has seemed to have set his eyes on." I replied uncaringly.
Hatsuhana only smirked at my comment. "I think that the woman is closer than you think." She said smugly.
"She is? I would like to meet her. Introductions could be made later, but I speak for every curious being here when I ask so what if Ozai lusts after a woman? Why can't you seduce him back to you?" I turned to her; pure curiosity on my face.
The Great Hall (which was more or less free to the public until the night fell) was already filled with pedestrians and petitioners along with other people searching for an opportunity to socialize with a higher class and most of them were turning to me; their attentions on Hatsuhana and I. Everyone had known what Ane had said and what had happened, no doubt they all also blamed her for what happened and for so easily falling into Gullibility. A few people even told me that I should execute her for such a heinous crime, but I always refused; she was my loyal servant, though I did not trust her much less.
That hit her nerves again; I could tell by the flare of anger passing through her.
"And what if you are barren as well? We all know your marriage to him was not built on whatever it was that even made him LOOK at you." I said with ease. When I saw the flare of her (frankly large) nostrils, I knew that I was pushing it.
"Please, Hatsuhana; do try and not to fly off with that temper of yours—." I began.
She lashed out and pulled my hair; trapping me in a headlock. I must admit, she was somewhat strong for such a fragile-looking woman.
"At least I am not a whore who is even unfit to carry daughters!" she screeched; all the while trying to snap my neck. I grabbed the arm around me and used a shoulder-throw technique I had learned years before and saw her fly onto a chair and break it.
Without wanting to reply, I tried to exit the room.
"Don't you dare even try that, you savage!" Hatsuhana shrieked; coming up behind me.
I whipped around and threw my clinched fist forward to hit her square in the nose. She fell to the ground; muffling cries through her teeth. I motioned for a guard to come.
"Take her away." I said levelly and made for my room
As I was eating my dinner of rice and sautéed meats and vegetables, Hatsuhana's sayings and reactions to my slander rang in my mind. Who was this woman Ozai fancied? And, by the way her body flinched when I'd accused her of being barren, was that the truth?
"My lady?" Ane questioned carefully from across the room. I turned and nodded; signaling my acknowledgement of her.
"Your bath is ready." She simply said and I nodded; rising up and beginning to remove my clothes.
I looked myself up and down on the full length mirror. My stomach was beginning to shrink back after all of my training and naturally and I smiled, turning around once before going into the bath prepared for me. I let the hot water envelop my body and tried to forget about the whole conflict I'd had with Hatsuhana which had led me to punching (and most likely breaking) that large eagle nose of hers.
"Madame, may I ask you something?" Ane asked suddenly as she was pouring in a bit of rose milk into the water. The rose milk supposedly softened a person's skin and made it more sensitive to its sense of touch.
"Yes?" I asked patiently. I'd wanted to confront her on why she was always sneaking away or leaving the palace without anyone's orders to, and right then could've been a good time to ask. Every time I saw her, she was late and there were marks on her neck, her robes were messily done, and she seemed to walk even more stiffly the many times I observed her. Not to mention her lips were a bright cherry and her hair was sloppy. Every time I would ask her, she would start stuttering and make up a hasty excuse or whatnot and quickly skitter away.
"Suppose there is a woman who has recently met a man and both of them slowly but surely fell in love; seeing past each other's disabilities." Ane told me.
"What physical disabilities?" I questioned.
"The man has many scars upon him from some accidents and the woman is crippled." Ane answered. So that was why she was disappearing so much. That, and, she was much too open and obvious; she really didn't seem to belong in a world of the camoflauging silver-toned.
"And who is this man you have fallen in love with?" I asked Ane with a small smile upon my face. Ane looked surprised for a moment, but then smiled.
"His name is Kakis, he's a worker and…" Ane trailed off, but I already knew what she meant.
"You two have fallen in love." I said.
That was when she burst into tears before me. I lifted myself a bit out of the hot water and gently touched her cheek.
"He wants us to get married." Ane murmured into her dress.
"That sounds romantic, so what have you said to him?" I asked Ane.
"I said I needed time to think on the subject." Ane replied to me.
"He sounds like a good match for you." I remarked.
"He does seem to be, but I fear, my lady, what if he only likes me because of my wealth or position here in the palace? And no one save for him has even spoken to me after you called out my name and confronted me about that tea on the night of your miscarraige." Ane asked worriedly.
I shifted a bit in the large tub; causing the hot milky colored water to ripple and looked at my oldest and first Lady in Waiting.
"If you are not sure, confront him. And listen to your heart." I offered comfortingly.
"But usually, following your heart leads to nothing but grief and heartbreak." Ane sighed.
"That's not true; remember when I was being bid on for my virginity?" I asked, and saw her nod.
"When Nanue announced that it was Ozai and I'd had consented instead of follow my heart, which knew it would break if I had not resisted, do you think I would be here right now; wife of Iroh and mother of his child, and you my servant?" I questioned.
"I thought it was because you didn't like Ozai that you made that scene." Ane said as she shifted on the cushion beside my bath.
"Many women don't like Ozai, but their dominant family male relatives push them towards him in hopes of having a new position of power. They have to consent because if they don't, most of the time, their family threatens to disinherit them." I replied.
It was the truth anyway; no one could love such a penurious and sorry excuse for even a spoiled person. I doubt any woman vying for the title of Fire Princess would even love him.
"That is true, my lady, but what should I do? If I go away, I can no longer service you." She said.
I wanted to point out that the last time she had serviced me, she had given me a drink that forced my daughters out of my body, but I thought that she'd remembered that already.
"He does not want to keep you in the palace?" I asked, a bit surprised and suspicious.
"He said that we could go to wherever makes us both happy." Ane sniffed and smiled, even though her eyes were red from crying because of her inability to decide on this matter.
"He doesn't sound like a heartless power-hunter or a gold-digger. I think you should take this chance and be with him." I advised.
"But my duty—!" she began, but I silenced her with a small splash of water to her face.
"Your duty loyalty to me is fairly unmatchable save for Lo, Li, and Mira's. Your heart is to your duty and loyalty, and therefore your loyalty and duty is to your heart. Does not the opportunity for true happiness dangle in front of you and you ignore it, Ane? I will pay you what your pension a bit early for a small wedding meal if you wish." I said to her.
She hiccupped and sighed.
"I can't let you pay for me." She stated and I knew what she meant; I had already done too much for her that she would never be able to repay me, not even with her life.
"Money can purchase thing such as a Kimono or a new sword, but it cannot purchase joy and love. Iroh does shower me with gifts, and I do also to him, but we do this to show how much we love and how generous we are to each other." I told her.
She'd nodded.
"Thank you, my lady. I'll fetch your robe." She said and, with a grimace of pain, got up and walked out of the room; leaning heavily on her walking stick.
I stood up from the bath and sighed; shivering as I felt the cold air hit my wet skin. The linen of my robe fitted onto my shoulders and a pair of hard and cold hands came down with it.
Turning quickly, I saw the face of my hated brother-in-law.
"What are you doing here?" I demanded angrily at him and clutched my closed robe tighter. A
ne was standing in a corner with a look of hopelessness on her face; she could not disobey royalty, even if it WAS Ozai.
"I came to visit you; it is only a family custom." He told me; his eyes staring at my robe; slowly absorbing the water and clinging onto my skin. For a moment, I saw his eyes darken with desire and I grimaced; this had gone far enough. I stepped out of the tub and tied a sash around my waist.
"You should have waited in my antechamber before you just barged in; it is not honorable to barge in on a lady when she is bathing." I said coldly to him. How could he have gotten in? I had told my ladies and ushers that I was not to be disturbed.
'Probably used that so-called authority of his' I thought bitterly.
I could fully imagine Ozai forcing men to push open doors for him and say that he was a prince and if anyone dared to disobey his commands, he would punish them, have them jailed, or Agni knows what.
"I am royalty." He stated haughtily.
"As am I." I said to him sharply.
"You're a woman." He said bluntly.
"And what is wrong with being a woman?" I said through gritted teeth.
"No. I have business to talk of with you." He said briskly and it took me all I had not to just begin attacking him.
"We may talk later." I said and, glaring at him, hoped that he would get the hint and get the hell out of my chambers.
"Why not now?" he asked in a pathetic attempt of a demanding voice. He sounded again like a spoiled first son being denied a candy or something.
Suddenly, Iroh came through the door and I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Good evening, younger brother." He said politely and set the tray down on a small table in my bath chamber.
"He was just leaving, love." I said carelessly and came forth to kiss him.
Ozai bowed stiffly and went out, we both heard the audible slam of the door to my antechamber closing.
"What was he doing there?" Iroh asked curiously.
"He somehow came in. And he said he wanted to talk about 'business.'" I said.
"Tell me a bit later." Iroh suggested, and I got back into the water. After the whole business of cleansing oneself was done, we got out and sat down to talk again.
"What happened to Hatsuhana after I had hit her?" I asked him casually as I curled a strand of his wet hair around my fingers. It had grown out the past year and I had to admit, I missed those short cuts on his head and feeling the silk-like, prickly feeling when running my hand along his scalp.
"The usual; she was put in a bed and, once she could say anything, began to scream that you had assaulted her. Of course, with a room full of witnesses, she could hardly make a statement. And her voice was so nasally, nearly no one understood her. I think you would've liked witnessing it; we all need a good laugh from time to time." He chuckled at the thought.
"Tell me a story." Iroh said.
We had both dried off and were lying in my bed with barely any clothes on except for undergarments.
"Why must I always tell you the stories?" I asked; ever since Iroh told me more about his life, he had been pressing me to tell about my old life in the Northern Water Tribe."Then tell me a story about you and your friend, Yugoda, or that man you were engaged to beforehand, Pakku." He suggested.
Why was it that he could memorize the stories I tell him so well? I sighed; burying my cheekbone into his ashen chest.
"Yugota was…she was…" I couldn't find the right word that described her too well. "Once my friend; before I'd discovered my powers in the Northern Water Tribe, of course." I sighed and shifted. "She would be there for me, but...there was a long rift between us that all of time will not be able to repair."
"She rejected you as well." He stated.
"We grew apart." I replied.
"She believed all the Water Tribes had told her to believe, and she outright abandoned you."
"We grew apart."
"She hated you."
"You might be right on that." Noting his stare, I told her about Pakku and Yugoda's past. They had known each other since Yugoda had worn napkins, and she admitted to me that she liked him; after I yelled at her, and the news of Pakku's new betrothal came, she did stop speaking to me altogether.
"She can't be a good friend if she didn't back down when Pakku realized that he was in love with you."
"He wasn't in love with me!" And with that, we launched into another round of arguing.
"He became nervous after your new suitor began to pursue you; what do you think his motive was?"
"Because he is a damn control freak."
"He gave you that comb; d'you think he would freely give away priceless heirlooms?"
"After four strictly-chaperoned visits where we barely spoke to one another, would you give a woman you barely know something like that because you felt a bond with her? It was a bribe!"
"That kiss happened months after he gave it to you; are you suggesting that he planned on betraying you? And you did know him as your sister's fiance; maybe he knew you more then."
"You can never outrule that possibility. That, and, I doubt he would have fallen in love with an eight year old girl who once punched his midget cousin."
It went on, until we mutually decided to stop.
"Now tell me a story." I insisted. Iroh thought for a moment, then ran his hand through his hair.
"It's quite scandalous…" he began, and I withheld a laugh.
"My love, nearly every piece of gossip or story, true or not, is scandalous." I said.
"Oh, why not? It's about my mother; Crown Princess Ilsa." He said. I had heard many rumors about her, to say the lease.
"You know that when Sozun was in power, many men and women alike joined the army to fight and infidelity ran amok by the people left at home, yes?" Iroh questioned first.
I nodded and turned so I faced him as he continued with his story.
"A few years before you and I were even born, Sozun had a close call when a man tried to usurp him by stating that he was only the bastard son of his father; conceived falsely by a whore who drugged Fire Lord Kazu and lay with many other men to ensure a pregnancy and that Kazu did not remember anything, so he could not say that the child wasn't his, but he could not either be sure that the child was his." Iroh looked somewhere beyond me thoughtfully but when I turned, I saw nothing, so I let him continue with the story.
"The man's name was Yoguai and Ilsa was his own niece. It seemed that Yoguai had something to blackmail Sozun, but it was not enough for him to give up the throne. So, he aimed for something else and tried to push Ilsa forward for Sozun to marry. Civil war nearly broke out because of the 2 opposing sides, but Kuzon stopped the entire debate when he found out that Yoguai was an apothecary and brewed draughts and potions galore; indicating that he himself was the person who drugged Kazu and set his entire plot into motion. Yoguai, who then lost nearly all of the support he had, ran off and abandoned Ilsa; his sole surviving kin, but he soon was found and put to death." Iroh continued.
I almost knew what Ilsa felt; I knew what it was like to be pushed forth by family and to be abandoned by them all along.
"Sozun, seeing how much support Ilsa still had in spite of her uncle, decided something had to be done, so he arranged for her to marry his son and my father, Azulon." I interrupted him after that.
"But did he even have a choice? The Fire Nation seems to favor males and so didn't Sozun give Azulon a choice or a privilege of any kind?" I asked.
"No. What offspring is for altogether as a whole is that they're either pawns being played by their parents or business arrangements to help gain something; wealth, land, or power; love, if that is what you're asking about, was barely even an occurrence in marriages." Iroh replied.
"I thought they favored males." They apparently did, but not enough.
"Well, Azulon had to consent and he did so out of obedience to his father and it was said he was intimate with my mother a few times, or at least once every week or so until she was pregnant with me." Iroh told me and I twisted the stud at my ear and nodded thoughtfully. Maybe that was why Azulon, Sozun, and Kuzon all favored Iroh.
"And then, Azulon was going off to war. When he left, it was said that was when Ilsa showed her true self." His voice dropped and I leaned closer.
"They say that she began to flirt once more with other men; sometimes even luring them into having an affair with her, like intoxicating them so they would not remember what had happened or would try and throw herself at them as if she were a common prostitute. But that isn't the worst of it." He leaned in, an awe-struck expression on his face.
"Yes?" I encourage him in a soft, breathy voice.
"They say that the person she had lost her maidenhead to was her own uncle and she did it willingly!" his voice was barely a breath and his face was exceedingly close to min.
"To Yoguai? She consented to giving her virginity to her own kin?" I said incredulously.
"It's a rumor. And when anyone would bring that up, Ilsa would seem to pretend she was not that kind of person." I nodded.
"Why are you telling me this story?" I asked.
"Because you have a right to know, and to teach a lesson." He added and lightly cupped my face with his slightly rough hand.
"And what lesson is that?" I asked.
"A pretender can cover up their secrets only for the longest time." He said and I had to gape at him.
"What are you accusing me to be pretending?" I demanded.
"You can already be classified as a pretender." Iroh replied and I was on the verge of hitting him.
"Pretend isn't always that bad." There was no point in arguing, I knew, but some part of me refused to turn down 'the challenge'.
"I have a new assignment and need to leave in a few days." He said to break the silence and I opened my eyes.
"What is it this time? What does Sozun want?" I asked.
"He has few years left on him, as you can tell. He wants to receive the news that the Central Earth Kingdom is captured by the Fire Nation. And he wants the attack to be led by his blood and kin." He told me.
"But your father, Azulon, is also in the army!" I exclaimed ridiculously.
"Coming home from a disgraced loss to small tribes which banded together to rebel. There were hostages and barely any bloodshed, but Azulon was forced to give up many of his ships and supplies." He said. How did news get so fast to and from Fire Nation royalty without others finding out first?
"Hmm. Well, before I go off to battle, I want to present to you something tomorrow." he whispered and kissed me goodnight.
I watched as he went from my room and then turned to blow out the candle at my nightstand.
Eerily, the moment I turned to blow it out, the flame vanished.
In his hand, there was a Hunting Falcon-Fly. I had come to the stables in my usual attire; a sleeveless tunic, knee length pants, and plain, flat slippers. My hair was tied up in a simple ponytail behind me and whipped as I ran.
"This is Xiao Fey." Iroh said as he let the Falcon-Fly rest its talons on his skin.
Many of the Falcon-Flies bred for hunting were taught to use their sharp talons to strike at anything with fur or scales, but never anything with smooth skin. That was why many keepers at the time shaved the hair off of their hands, their beards and moustaches, and kept their hair as short as possible.
"She is beautiful." I said in awe and continued to stare.
The Falcon-Fly was a lithe, thin shape; colored a dark chestnut to blend in with the forests and a white-yellow underside. Nearly transparent wings clung to her body and I saw that the wing span was almost its height and the width of a wing was about the size of my middle finger. When looking into its eyes, I saw that it was a dark mahogany color and seemed to be staring right at my soul. A small beak stuck out from the rest of its face and the talons that rested against Iroh's hand was strangely polished and the tip of her claws glinted in the passing light.
"She is my favorite Hunting Falcon-Fly; I've had her to be my companion since I was 8." He explained, and then pushed his hand forward to try and transfer Xiao Fey to my hand.
As it sat on my hand comfortably, I still felt the graze of her claws on the skin of my hand and lightly shuddered out of the fear of possibility that she would attack me.
I thought I had heard a small vary of pitches whistling through the air and the exact moment after, a sharp pain stung at my hand.
I screamed out, turning back to the Falcon-Fly to see that she had her talons in a death grip of my hand and blood was beginning to soak through. Iroh tried to whistle a calming tune to it, but Xiao Fey seemed to be deaf to his tone.
The more I tried to shake the Falcon-Fly off, the more blood I felt sliding down my arm and a bit more weariness.
It was then I saw the Falcon-Fly's eyes. They had turned a much darker color; as if she was condemned by a spell that is controlling her movement. I saw her tail whip upwards, a stinger already out and ready, and braced myself for the surge of pain.
Another weapon of the Falcon-Fly was that it could produce its own venom and with the stinger at the tail, would launch it to finish a stubborn kill. I've seen the Fire Nation collect this venom and use it in 2 different ways; one way is to poison a water source, such as the well, and kill off the soldiers of a defending city in the Earth Kingdom. The second way was to boil it into a gas and store it into a thin metal sphere to toss over the city.
Either way, the inhabitants died a fairly painful death and the city or village would have to surrender within a week or two's time. I used to help make those bombs and poison the wells back when I was a General up until my injury years ago that ended my Military Career.
But that surge of pain signaling that the venom has come through my bloodstream never came.
Opening my eyes, I saw the Falcon-Fly limp, blood still wetting its talons and dripping onto the dirt floor, and around its neck was a noosed leash. I turned to Iroh, nearly horrified.
"You didn't have to do that!" I exclaimed at him. The expression on his face was somber.
"What other choice had I?" he asked me and I turned to him, guilty.
"She was your favorite Falcon-Fly. And an old friend; since you were 8, 10 or 11 years before I came along." I said.
"If I had decided that my hunting animal was more important to me than my wife and mother of my son, then what kind of a man would I be?" he questioned and I took in his words.
"But animals like the Falcon-Fly take a long time to train and even longer to gain their trust with a new one." I said, reciting a part of the text about animals of the Fire Nation that I had come across in the library.
"I have an entire lifetime to train a new one." He said easily.
A sudden feeling of a liquid dropping on my toes turned my attention downwards. My hand was still bleeding profusely and had leaked out a significant amount, as I noticed, and I had to rush back to the infirmary for a bandage.
The next morning, I felt strange; as if something was not quite right. As I pulled myself up, I felt a surge of pain through my left hand. Iroh's Falcon-Fly had attacked me and nearly killed me. I also remember the sadness in his eyes when he noosed her neck.
I might've been responsible for killing one of his oldest friends; I could've been the woman who might-as-well had executed it, Agni knows!
Quietly dressing in a white chemise, a short red robe over it, loose thigh-length pants, and sandals, I checked what day it was (I found that 6 days had passed since that event) and came back to the stables.
Just outside the door, I saw a fresh mound of overturned earth with a small stone with the carving of 'Xiao Fey' for the grave. I clasped my hands together and sent a departing prayer for the Falcon-Fly.
After making the 'Star of Agni' over the grave, I continued in. Within the next to last stall, Turato sprang up at the sight of me and I laughed; going over to him and, taking a saddle and bridle, harnessed him and mounted my Tiger-Horse once more.
It felt good to be up on an animal again; sometimes this was my only reminder of my war days, and I gave a small whip of the reigns and we were off. I longed to be on the battlefield again; to command and lead my soldiers to victory, to claim land for my nation. To be revered as a hero again.
Why had I been so stupid as to my actions back in Assault of the North? But on the other hand, if I did not, we might not have won.
As I had learned, even one action can be the difference between a victory or a defeat.
Turato's sudden shift high into the air placed me back into reality and I realize that something must've spooked him. But on second thought, that was impossible! Turato has been my Tiger-Horse since I was 17; given to me as an 18th birthday gift from one of the islands off of the coast of the Fire Nation which breeds horses.
He and I have traveled in battle together, both of us being fired at and narrowly escaping death together. What on earth could've gotten him so riled up that he would be afraid?
Turato swung dangerously from side to side and I tried to calm him down, but to no avail.
With a sharp jump upwards, I thought my back had snapped and I felt myself being thrown from Turato's back. I screamed out as I felt a sharp stab in my chest, from my ribs, and tried to shake the numbing sensation away from my hand and wrist. Forcing myself to turn swiftly, I saw Turato above me; rearing on his hind legs and his front legs waving high in the air.
A hoarse scream erupted from his throat, I saw him descend from the air.
I desperately tried to roll away and nearly screamed out when I felt my back hit the soft stalks of bamboo. A metal shod hoof dealt a blow to my stomach and I felt the air being knocked out of my body.
Oh, gods; if this was what it was like to be under Turato's hooves, I actually felt regret for taking those lives and commanding Turato to step over, and sometimes accidentally on, those combatants.
"Turato! Calmaré!" A voice rang out and, when I opened my eyes, found Iroh pulling at Turato's reins and then gripping his face and running his hands up and down the sides until Turato calmed down.
"I'm cursed." I mumbled into the grass.
I felt Iroh's hand on my back and lifted me again by the area right next to my armpits. He propped me over his shoulder and I sighed; first it was the falcon-fly, and then my own tiger-horse, was I cursed?
Iroh took Turato back to the stable and then carried me up to my chamber; laying me down and kissing me softly on the mouth.
"Do you need a doctor?" he whispered softly to me.
I shook my head; nothing hurt too much anyway and I was probably fine.
"I will send you your dinner tonight and say that you are ill." He told me.
I felt my heart melt to him and nodded, holding him in an embrace for a while. A time being, we stayed like that; just enjoying ourselves.
"I will ask Mira to give you a sleeping draught, just in case." Iroh said.
Ever since the entire ordeal with Ane and the tea incident, even he trusted her much less than he used to.
"He says he is going to sing." Li told me and I stood up, rigid.
Oh, gods; Iroh, do not embarrass yourself! As Li and I were running out the and into the hallway, I heard the soft sound of a strumming instrument and tried to run twice as fast, but my heavy skirts kept my legs retained.
Iroh was out on the raised platform in the grand hall with a few other men behind him; a majority of them in their teens, I inferred, and they were playing various instruments while Iroh stood in the center; about to begin.
I was about to scream for him to stop, but just then he began to sing.
He had gotten so much better with his singing and, well, poetry.
The dawn is breaking; a light shining through
You're barely waking; and I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know; you make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know; I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find; you and I collide
Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find; you and I collide
You finally find; you and I collide
You finally find; you and I collide
My face could barely contain its smile as I excused my way to the front and looked up at him with the same adoration I'd looked at him when he was my teacher and taught me everything I needed to master my untamed powers, even if it was nearly a decade later. I went up to him and pressed my lips to his; I guess love overcame me.
"I'm guessing I've gotten better at my poetry and songwriting?" he whispered wittily.
"Even if you were one of the worst poet in the world, which you were, I would still love you; Sensei." He and I knew the undertone playing on that word and I hadn't actually realized how breathy and suggestive my voice sounded until after he was staring at me, his eyes on me.
"And so you love me?" he asked in an exaggerated gasp of joy.
"Who can help but love you?" I asked with a laugh.
Fire rose into the sky from my blast and I pressed my heels against the stone platform and deflected Iroh's blow from his rapier.
It had become a slight routine that we spar with Firebending and weapons ever since I had regained most of my strength and he'd wanted to test me.
He came forth, his rapier swinging to my upper left, and I swung my rapier in a counterclockwise circle; beating down his blade and slightly wincing at the pain in my wrist. He looked me in the eye and smirked, though he couldn't smirk as I saw it, and counterattacked me. We both staggered a distance back and I readied myself again.
"You're getting weak, wife." he leered at me.
I leapt forth and swung my rapier at his chest; knowing and expecting that he would block me. As he did, I dipped my legs low and sweep-kicked his feet out from under him. He fell on his back and I held the tip of the rapier to his throat.
"What is this 'weakening' you speak of, Husband?" I asked carelessly.
He smiled up at me, that smile I can't resist, and I removed the sword; helping him back up again and kissing at the spot where I had accidentally jabbed his throat.
"I still have to set off the next morning, why won't you ever let me win?" He whispered to me.
"Then let us reside the rest of our evening in your chambers. You might have a chance of winning there." I offered and, putting up our swords, ran from the crowds and into his chamber.
I threw my head upwards as I felt his breath near my breasts and silently laughed at all of the people who had once said that Love was an illusion anywhere in the world and that Passion would fade with age.
It would never happen to us.
The shifting of his bed signaled that he was getting up. I pried my eyelids open and saw him pushing his upper body from the blankets. Despite the lingering tenderness of my body, I reached up and wrapped my arms around his waist.
"Do you have to go now? It's not even light out." I said, half sleepily.
"You mean this light?" Iroh asked and then whipped back the curtains surrounding his bed. I turned away from the rays and blinked for a bit, then sighed.
"That isn't the sun, signaling for people to get up, it's just…a comet that has graced our nation with more power to help us win this war." I replied and pulled myself to him.
"Ah, I wish it were that also." He whispered against me and stood up on the mattress. I joined him, only with his thin blanket wrapped around me. One of us has to have modesty.
"But you do not have to go. There are plenty of other militants who are vying for the task and you can send out Azulon or Kuzon in your place. Stay with me, with Tai." I said to him.
"Kuzon is now too busy seeking out pleasurable company; he's still indulging himself from 9 years lost; do you honestly think he would go? And he is Sozun's own brother, which gives him more leverage than myself." Iroh said as his hands slid beneath the blankets.
At that moment, the door was nearly pounded down and Iroh, who was turned towards the light and away from the door, accidentally pushed me away from him.
A light scream emancipated from my throat as I landed on the floor; the blanket over my head and the air hitting my legs. I pulled the blanket off of my face to see Iroh turn around, still completely naked, and look into the face of Sozun and nearly half of the court.
He had that cocky grin on his face in less than 3 seconds of realization of what was happening.
"Good morrow, honored Grandfather." He said smoothly and I stifled a laugh at his other salutation to the court.
A few women pushed their way to the front and, after one glance at my husband's chiseled body and his morning greeting, burst out into squeals and giggles.
"Yukihiya's company can be sought for AFTER you come back from war, yes?" Sozun demanded as he grabbed a pair of discarded underpants and threw them at Iroh.
With a smooth motion, Iroh caught the fabric and slipped it on. Too bad it still didn't conceal his boner.
"Until I come back, my wife." He said casually and began to dress. I stood up and, after slipping into a robe, bowed to him.
"Until then, husband." I said, each part of my statement glowing with longing and hope. As he exited, I called for Lo to bring me some clothes and she scuttled to do my bidding.
I watched from the window of my chamber this time as Iroh's fleet left into the distance of the Horizon. Now, all I could do was hope that he would come back soon
He was not back.
It had been 4 months since he had first left, I watched as the seasons passed and I turned gained another summer, now I was 24, and Tai was already 5 before I knew it. Hatsuhana seemed as tense as I was on the topic of waiting for Iroh to come back. Most likely to try and steal him away from me, as I thought.
As much as I hated it, but more and more I saw another side to Hatsuhana; the side that was actually a human being capable of warm feelings. Like another soul within her that actually had a heart and she seemed to have shown it more and more. But, as usual, whenever I'd tried to confront her about it, she would start shouting at me; calling me a 'harlot' 'barbarian' and countless other shrewd names.
At first, the other male members of the family took it as a joke; thinking that 'oh, those sisters-in-laws always hate each other, don't they?' so either of them bothered to look past the stereotype; why dally in women's businesses, they asked.
When I asked Mira what I should do, all she said was that she would take care of everything. Honestly, I had grown to distrust Mira when she smiled that signature 'I-know-exactly-what-you-should-do-and-I'll-do-it-for-you' smile.
Within a few days Mira had said that she would take care of everything, it was gossip that began here and there.
"I never told you to do that!" I told her.
"I didn't." she insisted.
"Then—." I looked at her incredulously.
"But you said you would take care of it and now, a few days later, malice is being spread about Hatsuhana!" I said.
"Technically, it's the truth. And you might not want to walk around slack-jawed like that, my lady Yukihiya, it makes your nose seem long." She gave a flick of her hand.
With that brief discussion, I left it at that and let the rumors continue to circulate. But as the days passed and even if Iroh was away, I found myself being more and more engrossed in what many people were saying about Hatsuhana.
There was no way in the world that Mira could've found out about the things that were being said; that she had a scar on her lower area where a man supposedly cut her and it made her sterile, that she'd had a third nipple, that she wanted to be abused when intimate, and a handful of others that I cannot mention.
Some people thought that I had spread the rumors, but once the ones considered especially private reached them, I was immediately clear of any accusations; how could I have ever known?
Even stranger, Ozai neither denied nor acknowledged the rumors. At the time, I thought it was only because he did not want any more scandalous rumors circulating about his spouse, which would damage his own reputation (at least, what was left of it).
I went back to watching the days; wishing for Iroh to come home and praying that he was spared the worst. Tai often accompanied me to the chapel and would sit with a book or toy in his hand until Lo, Li, or Mira came to take him outside to play with the other younger children. I would kneel at the steps of the altar and continue to pray; ignoring the ache in my thighs and the chafes of my knees against the silks and the carpet.
Despite my new-found 'freedom', I still had my duties as the 'deputy husband', which meant that whenever Iroh was away, I would fill in for him when doing his duties.
This was partly why men married more educated woman and why there were schools all over the nation that started whenever that law of the wife filling in for the husband was passed, according to their class; they would never have wanted their wives to foolishly give away their land or invested in a false deal just because they were illiterate or could not calculate math.
Each day, I attended council, listened to the peasants and news bearers, and debated hourly with the men about war strategies, food for the farmers and peasants, shelter for the poor, even construction for a manmade island with the help of some Earthbenders who had seemed to have come to our side; they had seen the other side like I had.
Each time council was dismissed, I took off the formal robes, gave them to Lo or Li to put away, and bedecked in pants, shirt, and boots, would run outside and go to play with Tai and his friends once they were all finished with their lessons too.
I hadn't had much of a childhood in the Northern Water Tribe; usually only work and constant boredom from the lack of toys and that I found snow to be too wet and freezing to play in. Thank gods that it was different in the Fire Nation.
I sang songs with the little ones, played dolls and war with them, played shougi and hide-and-seek with them, had races with the children, and gave them rides on Turato. I had overcome my fear of being thrown again when I saw a slight bandage near its rear; most likely, something stabbed him and I hadn't noticed.
Lo and Li would sometimes join in and Mira too, if her knees didn't hurt as much. Ane still retained in the shadows, though not to my orders. She was hiding something else from me, I knew it, but I did not pressure her to speak.
Despite all of the insults Hatsuhana threw my way about acting childish and immature, even she could not ignore how I drew smiles out of children and how that parents began to pay more attention to their young ones and how they would begin to speak to me casually after their children told them a bit about myself which I had told them earlier that day.
I remember a little girl named Tenera asking me on how she could be like me.
"Just be yourself." I replied to her.
"But I can't; you're you and no one will ever be able to replace you." The younger girl told me respectively.
"Maybe that is true, but my wish for all of the children of this glorious nation is that they all be themselves, marry for love, and attend to their children so they are raised properly." I told Tenera.
She was also quite cute, too; dimples on her upper cheek, bright and curious golden eyes, ivory skin that had a slight rose tint to it, and long mahogany hair. Only a year younger than Tai and a good friend to him too; I would've enjoyed having her as a Daughter-In-Law.
Though being with children and courtiers helped in keeping me preoccupied, I still could not stop the thoughts of what happened to Iroh out on the war front.
It had been seven months then that he had been gone and I sat at my desk late at night, not only buried by documents and work that I had to do in Iroh's stead, but almost waiting for the dreadful knock at my door and, opening it, discovering a messenger with a frown on his face and holding out a thin scroll of paper.
And on that sheet of parchment, there would be the words that I would go mad with grief over.
News arrived of the war front and letters to loved ones from many of the soldiers and I would send messengers to deliver them with all haste, but none from Iroh himself. Finally, in the eighth day in the tenth month, a letter came for me from him.
It was fourteen pages and sealed with an emerald pin.
A separate letter for Tai also came and, since he had successfully learned to read at least five hundred characters, he was able to tell from his father's writing that Iroh missed him and was sorry that he had missed his birthday, so he sent Tai a set of weapons to practice with and a new mare and promised that he would teach Tai how to use the weaponry as soon as he came home.
As soon as I opened my own letter, I was nearly brought to tears.
'My dearest Yukihiya—.' It read. 'How I wish so badly for your guidance in battle right now and also that you were here with me, but life cannot be so perfect in such a way, can it? I beg a thousand pardons for missing yours and Tai's birthday. Along with this letter and the diamond pin, I have sent to you a present; the pearl crown, the prized possession, of the Beifong family that was surrendered to me by Magistrate Beifong's wife when we invaded their province.'
I opened the box before me and my eyes widened. seed pearls were melted into the base of it and oval-like pearls stuck upwards (strung through gold wiring) upwards to support another line of slightly larger and fairly polished pearls at the top. All of it was encrusted into gold and silver.
The rest of the letter consisted of what had happened on his war escapades, a few strategies he had in mind and what I thought of them, a written version of what he was going to do (pray that this letter had never landed in the hands of Earth Kingdom spies), how sorry he was that he hadn't had the time to write, asking me on how I was and how Tai was, also asking if there was anything else I wanted.
'…and I fight in eager hope that I will soon be back into the Nation I love and back into bed with you. –Your husband, Iroh' the letter finished and I kissed the parchment before calling for paper, ink, and a quill to write my response.
I scratched out many of my sentences and it took at least half an hour, but I managed to finally finish the letter and give it back to the messenger to deliver to the War Front.
Only after the messenger was gone, I realized the variable; that letter was at least a month old. One month could've been enough for him to fall victim to the Earth Kingdom.
I rushed into the chapel again and began to pray feverishly. Tai found me at dinnertime, my hands and eyelids still clinched and my lips quickly mouthing my prayers
Hatsuhana grew worse with each passing day after I had received my presents.
She constantly bickered that Ozai never gave her such things and that I was unfit to even look at the silks of 'her magnificent nation' as she called it.
Most of the time, I would only roll my eyes at her and that would be it. Then, there was the news that no one had anticipated
"I am divorcing you." Ozai said to Hatsuhana before the court at dinnertime.
Every eye turned to him and Hatsuhana. She did not react; her lips only curled into a smirk.
"You can't divorce me." she replied confidentally.
"You are to receive 50 crowns and can take whatever else you can carry on your back and you are to be out of the palace before nightfall today." Ozai replied calmly. The curl in her lips became limp, and her eyes narrowed in response.
"You think divorcing me will get you any closer to that whore? She's married! She has a child! She would NEVER consent to marrying you! Not even if her husband died!" Hatsuhana snapped.
Ozai grabbed her hair and pulled it down forcefully and I heard her screech as a section of her hair was ripped off.
"That's enough out of you. You are to obey my orders." He ordered. She didn't listen.
"YOU BASTARD! YOU VAIN BASTARD! I will NOT be cast aside! You will be sorry for EVER even suggesting this, Ozai! You'll pay!" she shrieked, then her eyes darted to me.
"It's her, isn't it?" she screeched. I was about to stand up and ask what role I had in HER divorce, but Ozai and Hatsuhana began having their row.
"You think just by discarding me like some ill-favored pet will win her over? Or wait; you can't have!" Hatsuhana shrieked.
'What could he not?' I thought but never got to ask.
Hatsuhana pushed Ozai onto the table with much more strength than I had first anticipated from her; food and silverware flying in all directions.
"You think I will allow this?" she shrieked; holding up a knife.
"Enough!" Sozun boomed, motioning for guards to come and seize her. She complied without protest.
"You are to leave the palace this instant!" Sozun ruled and the guards dragged her out.
He then turned back to the courtiers.
"Continue with your dinner. I am sorry for the entire outburst from her; she is just another woman driven mad by her own carnal desires." Sozun said, and nobody dared to disobey him, so they did
As I was walking out of the eastern library, I heard the footsteps behind me; following me and I turned to see who it was.
Before I could see a face, I saw the flash of a sharp object and instantly threw my body to my right side.
In the moonlight from the window, I saw her face; Hatsuhana.
But this did not look like Hatsuhana; even she would've looked better.
This woman who went by Hatsuhana had on a shredded robe that billowed out menacingly with each movement she made. Her skin was sallow and waxy, her eyes held a blazing rage I had never seen before, the shadows under her eyes were large and dark; as if she had smeared kohl all under her eyelids, her hair was tangled and messy; as if someone had been pulling at it and also mussing it constantly. She was so thin and cut marks were visible from her wrists and her entire being stunk of death.
At first, instinctively, I tried to crawl away from her, but rage seemed to have made her senses keener. She lashed out at me with the knife again and, pulling out of my fright, I kicked at her ankles and then rolled out of her way as she fell. I stood up, ready to fight if I needed to.
Hatsuhana still might not have mastered her Firebending powers, but I knew that she was not to be underestimated.
"Y-You—you—!" spittle was flying from her blood red lips as she could barely even say anything other than that.
Without warning, she launched herself, knife first, at me. I dodged and grabbed her hand over the knife.
We struggled over the knife and I suddenly felt a pain at my shoulder; she had bitten me! I let go of my hold on the knife to check for blood on the wound. She had bitten me, but not deep enough to draw blood.
She charged at me again and I, conjuring fire, blasted her hand so that the metal heated up and melted onto her skin. She gave a yelp of pain and dropped what was left of the dagger.
"You ruined me!" she shrieked.
Again, the overwhelming urge to scream at her how I ruined her when I barely even spoke to her or Ozai surfaced, but I kept quiet. We both began to run, as if in a duel, and began to engage in martial arts; or at least, I began to use my knowledge of martial arts against her. As she tried to punch me, I grabbed her wrist and managed to block her other one as she tried to grab at my hair.
"What have I ever done to you?" I snapped at her.
She only snarled in rage as a reply and, with an impressive knowledge of Firebending for her level, pushed a shield of fire at me. I landed on something a bit sharp and I found that I was already pushed back into the row of scrolls.
I sent a fire arc at her and, ripping the long robes away from my body, readied myself into a fighting stance.
She prepared herself (maybe it was self-tutoring that made her Firebending somewhat improve over the course of the 2 years I've known her) too, but her blasts were made to the hallway leading outwards.
"Wh-what are you doing?" I nearly shouted at her.
"Sealing your fate!" she seethed.
"You fool! If I'm in here, then you'll also be trapped!" I shouted at her, praying that she had more common sense than that.
She then reached for some leftover bottles of liquor, a few careless people brought those into the library to drink in secret, and threw them into the flames. I heard the shatter of the bottles and could only watch as the fire greatened to such proportions.
"I don't care." She said and I thought I had heard an insane laugh within her words.
She threw herself in my direction and threw many Firebending punches and kicks in my direction. I easily deflected them, careful not to guide the flames to any of the precious books and scrolls. The fire in the doorway was quickly spreading through the hall and if either of us got away soon, we would both be trapped.
I listened desperately for the sound of other Firebenders, but the hall seemed strangely empty. I attacked her with a ball of white lightning; watching as she flew back and painfully hit the stone wall. She pulled herself up again, I guessed that stubbornness and anger was keeping her on her feet, and continued to try and attack me.
She hit me in the stomach once and I reeled back out of shock before feeling her push me back towards the fireplace. I pressed my foot against the edges of the coals and, also grabbing her own shoulders, began to push her backwards.
She reached out and painfully pulled a section of my hair. I responded by dealing to her a blow to her chest. Fire flew from my clenched fist to add to her pain. As I was about to attack her again, I heard it; the splintering and caving in of the wood. Smoke hung heavily in the air and I could not get out.
Hatsuhana would've kept me fighting until the fire either spread to this side, burning the library and us within it, or one of us would've died before and the other would've had a chance to escape to safety. She charged at me again and, with unrestrained strength, a blast of lightning insinuated from my hands to her.
Hatsuhana was thrown into a stack of scrolls; some of them even collapsing on top of her and I found myself staring into the eyes of Xuechi; one of the ancient Fire Nation goddesses.
I had run out of breath and my lungs began to act up again; no wonder Iroh wanted to keep me off of the battlefield.
I began to cough heavily and feel very light-headed. I needed to get out of here. As I began to walk, I turned back to Hatsuhana; she was still alive, judging from the shift of the scrolls. I came over to her and offered her my hand. A life was a life.
She threw her leg at my ankles and knocked me off-balance. I coughed uncontrollably now and felt a liquid rising in my mouth. Hatsuhana stood over me.
"Almost no woman will leave behind a legacy in the Fire Nation. You have. And so will I." she hissed, raising her knife at me. I thought I had melted that.
"From this day on, all of the history books will say 'and so perished Yukihiya.'" This was what I got for being kind to her.
Wiling all of the energy I had left, I felt heat course through my body and into my hands.
With a push from my elbow, I jumped up and struck her with what strength I had left. She went flying, this time, into the fire hearth. I heard her scream as she landed in the heat, then watched in amazement as she rolled out; her eyes still saying clearly that she was still intent on destroying me.
Great Agni, could this woman never die; I found myself wondering in disbelief.
Just then, I saw her clutch at her back and she collapsed on the floor.
My coughing had gotten worse and I had little choice but to accept the towering darkness.
A second before I collapsed, though, I thought I had seen someone coming out of the flames.
I woke up on a hospital bed and shot straight up. Ane, Lo, Li, and Mira were nearly all asleep and many others were there as well.
"You are well again, my lady!" Li exclaimed.
I sighed, inhaling the air. A smell of smoke lingered and then everything came back.
"Hatsuhana—!" I began, but Mira silenced me.
"It's alright. Someone pulled you both of the fire before the East wing collapsed." Mira informed me.
"What about her?" I asked.
"She has much more charges to her name now, that's for sure." Mira replied.
"The library…" my voice trailed off; all of those priceless books and scrolls.
"There was little to no damage to the books and scrolls." Kuzon informed me. I nodded.
"Who saved me?" I asked.
"Jeong Jeong." Azulon said.
A man around my age came up. His appearance was what I remembered. A rough build, pale skin, slanted dark eyes, and black hair tied up in a knot on the top of his head. A bit older and with some new battle scars, but no worse.
"Thank you." I said gratefully and he bowed.
"It was the least I could do, my lady." He replied and turned to leave.
After a few moments of silence, I turned to Lo and Li.
"I want to see the wreckage." I told the twins
It turns out that nearly the entire east wing was burnt and some of it beyond repair.
I wasn't present when Hatsuhana was banished from the palace but I'd heard enough. I knew that Ozai had taken her in and might've developed feelings for each other as Iroh and I have, but it must've all disappeared. From what I'd heard with the generals and Mira, the moment Hatsuhana entered the room, Ozai came over to her, slapped her brutally across the face, and said he never wanted to see her miserable face from this palace again.
The charges for her were read—resistance of orders, destruction of property, assault on the Fire Princess, pyromania acts, harm to Fire Nation Royalty, resistance of superiority, trespassing on forbidden premises, abuse of given power, and careless acting—and she was forevermore banished.
Monsoon season had just started, but no one cared; no one wanted to be seen with a criminal, and Hatsuhana was ordered to leave with only a dirty sackcloth on her back, clumsy bark sandals not even the lowest of slaves would wear, and not even a goodbye.
She was stripped of her ranks, her power, her riches, her chamber, and her wardrobe so in the end she got nothing, but that did not seem to affect her. I watched as she walked away through my window, safe from the storms, and not once did she look back.
Were she and I truly as different as our exterior repuations deemed us to be?
She must've once been innocent, she must've once not known about her family's sly progress to power, she once hoped, she once loved, and she was ruined by her own family.
I realized that the woman walking from the palace—names didn't matter now—could've, would've been me; it could've been nearly any other woman or man within the court. It usually never was a matter of 'if' for those who were not bloodline royalty, but 'when'. Like fire, like the tides, changes occur very quickly and those who do not adjust fast enough are left behind.
Hatsuhana had nowhere left to go; her family rejected her and now she was disappearing within the rain.
Years later, I'd heard small gossip that a man had once seen her working in the Pansuke province, a province almost world-famous for having been drowned in prostitution, and felt worry for her.
Maybe Hatsuhana had thought better and made her own life. That, or she might've succeeded in intoxicating herself to death; certainly not the first person anywhere in the Fire Nation to do so.
Many days after Hatsuhana was forced to leave, I would be found in my chambers. I would be sitting on the scooped out area before the window, paying no attention to the heavy rains and galling winds, and gazing at the path Hatsuhana had left on.
It scared me to think of how easily I had imagined myself to be the one on that path.
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: TLA nor do I own Howie Day's song 'Collide'
