this tragedy is paving the way to my heart

.

aren't you somethin' to admire?
'cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
and i can't help but notice
you reflect in this heart of mine

- mirrors, justin timberlake


PART THREE.


Somehow, Damon had fallen asleep after they'd had gone upstairs to avoid Liz. He wakes with a jolt, shooting upwards in Caroline's bed, eyes frantically searching the room. Caroline is nowhere to be found. It was a dream, he tells himself. She wasn't really here. He falls back onto the bed, rubbing his eyes. They feel raw and heavy. Like he'd been crying, or trying not to. He hates this feeling, the feeling of helplessness. He's never felt this hurt, this deep. Not even when his parents had passed away some years before. At that time, he'd had Stefan to worry about. But now, he had nothing.

Because Caroline had been everything.

Since they had met, and he'd wiggled his way into scoring a date with her, his whole world had been about her. Her happiness. Her laughter. Her smile. She was the sun he revolved around. I should have picked her up. He mentally slaps himself again for letting this happen to her. It's his fault. He might as well have bashed her face into the ground himself. He doesn't think he'll ever stop blaming himself.

Reluctantly pulling himself from Caroline's bed, he fumbles around in the dark, looking for his phone. He'd promised Elena he'd call Stefan. His little brother was probably out of his mind with worry. Damon wasn't exactly the most stable person. Caroline had kept him grounded, had pulled him out of every rut he'd been stuck in, and now that she was gone...well, Stefan had every right to be worried. Because Damon couldn't live without her.

Finally, he finds his phone resting on Caroline's bedside table. He dials Stefan's number, avoiding the picture of Caroline's smiling face that was on his screen. Stefan picks up in the middle of the first ring, "Damon? Damon, where are you?" Stefan sounds frantic, and Damon feels a little bad for making him worry.

"I'm at Caroline's. I just...I needed to sleep here one last time."

Stefan deflates, letting out a gust of breath, "Oh."

"Relax, brother. I'm not going to off myself." Damon sneers. Yet.

"Damon..." Stefan sighs, always so levelheaded and calm, "I know it feels like the end of the world, but it's not. Caroline wouldn't want you to hurt yourself-"

"With all due respect, Stef, you have no idea how I feel. Come talk to me when Elena's head gets smashed into the ground." Damon snaps. He sighs, running a hand through his hair, Stefan stays quiet, "I'm not going to do anything stupid, okay? I just...I just need some time."

"Okay," Stefan sighs, and Damon can imagine the brooding look on his face, "Come home when you're ready. I love you, Damon."

"I love you too, Stefan." Damon says, and it sounds like a promise. He hangs up, tossing his phone onto the bed. He rests his head in his hands, rubbing his temples with his thumbs. He can feel a pounding headache coming on. Caroline used to force him into the shower when he got headaches. She would strip down to nothing, a perfect vision, and wash his hair and massage his scalp and sing to him until the headache was gone. He'd always gotten bad headaches, and he'd never found a remedy for them until Caroline.

He supposes he'll have to find a new solution since his go-to was dead.

Damon stands, finds a towel hung on the back of Caroline's rocking chair, and opens the bottom drawer of her dresser, pulling some of the clothes she'd stolen from him out. He finds a clean shirt, boxers, and a sweatshirt. The little devil was always making off with his things. He'd always pretended to be mad when she made off with one of his shirts, but he enjoyed seeing her in them when she slept. It was a thing. Just something they did that made them Damon and Caroline.

Now it was just Damon.


Caroline had her own bathroom, joined to her bedroom, something she loved and never stopped bragged about. When he enters the bathroom, he's assaulted with her. The smell of her shampoo, her body wash, her lotion. He turns on the shower, stands by the counter until the room has steamed up completely. He showers quickly, not wanting to be surrounded by her anymore. It hurts, thinking of the showers they'd taken together or the times she'd been sick from drinking too much and he'd held her hair away from her face. He can't picture himself doing any of that with anyone else. Caroline was it. His soul's other half. He feels like he should be dead, too, without her.

Damon towels off and changes quickly, leaving the bathroom. The headache had dwindled a bit, but was still very present. He thinks it's time for him to leave anyway. He's already spent too much time wallowing here. He leaves Caroline's room, knowing full well he'll be back. Going down the stairs, he can hear crying coming from the living room.

Liz sits on the couch, head in her hands, shoulders shaking.

Standing in front of her, looking lost and helpless, is Caroline. Bloody cheer uniform and head wound included. Damon stops moving upon seeing her. So she was real. She must have been down here the whole time he was upstairs sleeping, watching her mother cry for her. Liz is mumbling something that sounds like, "My baby, my sweet baby." and there are tears streaming down Caroline's cheeks. She reaches out, as if to rest her hand on Liz's head, but her fingers go right through. She growls in frustration, trying again, and again, and again.

"She can't see me!" Caroline cries, tears in her voice, "And I can't hug her and tell her I love her and I'd rather be completely dead if I can't tell my mom I love her." she sinks to her knees in front of Liz, "It's okay, I'm here. I know you can't see me or hear me, but I'm here. I love you, mommy."

Caroline looks at him, desperate, eyes pleading with him to do something.

Damon can't take his eyes off of the scene, and if his heart wasn't in pieces before, it would be now. He comes forward, sits on the couch beside Liz. He rests a hand on her shoulder, and Liz responds immediately, collapsing against his side, her sobs growing louder, "My baby." she cries, over and over.

"She loved you, Liz. She loved you so much." Damon promises, holding his girlfriend's mom as tight as he can. Caroline sits on the couch on the other side of Liz, hands raised as if to help, and Damon knows it's killing her, ahem, to see her mother like this and not being able to do anything about it.

Eventually, Caroline's mother cries herself to sleep, head in Damon's lap. He moves himself out from underneath her. Caroline wraps her arms around herself, asks, "Will you take her upstairs?" Damon nods, lifting the older woman in his arms. He winces when she mumbles Caroline's name in her sleep. He cannot fathom the pain she must feel at losing her only child. Her hurt probably mirrors his own. He deposits Liz onto her bed, tucking her in. Closing the door behind him, he walks quietly to Caroline's room.

Caroline is sitting on her bed, eyes downcast. "Why couldn't she see me?" she asks as soon as Damon sits down beside her.

"I don't know."

"Why can you see me?" she asks.

"I don't know."

"Well, what do you know?!" Caroline snaps in frustration, rubbing a hand over the wound on her head. "It itches." she whines, turning to him. "Why did this happen to me?" she breathes, voice cracking. "I thought I was a good person."

Damon shakes his head, placing his hand over hers, even though it goes right through, "You are. You are a good person. The best. The best person I know." he wishes he could hold her tightly, make her feel better, wipe her tears away like he'd always done before.

"I wish I could kiss you." she hiccups, looking away from him. "But you would't wanna kiss me when I'm all bloody and dead, anyway."

Damon rolls his eyes, "Caroline, I'd kiss you even if you hadn't brushed your teeth in a week."

She giggles, the desired effect, and he allows himself a small smile.

"Will we get through this?" she turns her eyes onto him, shiny and tear filled.

"One way or another." Damon promises.


A/N: Don't KILL ME I'M SORRY I FORGOT ABOUT THIS STORY I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON and to be honest I sort of fell out of love with Damon in the last couple of seasons because he became a royal asshole. But, my love for Caroline urges me on, and I WILL finish this story. I'm thinking there will be ten parts, so seven more to go. Bear with me here. Hopefully you guys haven't forgotten about this story.