Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.


The Southern Water Tribe

Year of the Shark-Year of the Lion


The seas did nothing to stop me either; it was always smooth and I had plentiful fish to cook and eat until I got to the Southern Water Tribe.

When I first set foot on the land, I only saw a few tentative eyes peering from their tents and igloos—I must have forgotten how much I despised the cold; it was freezing even though I wore the thick Water Tribe clothes and used my Firebending techniques in an attempt to keep myself warm.

Before the war-ravaged tribe abandoned their ice abodes, the Southern Water Tribe was a mirror image of the Northern Water Tribe, only a bit smaller and with less canals and no high wall.

Slowly, a few men came outside of their houses—with their weapons, might I add—and kept staring until an old woman came outside.

I had cut off all of my red-coated hair and arranged the rest of my regular brown hair into a simple braid, but there was nothing I could do about my smooth skin and red lips; which was probably why they were all staring at me.

"State your name." she said in a very tall and deep voice for such a woman.

"My name is…" I hadn't thought of a name yet. "Yuki."

"Yuki of…?" the woman demanded.

"The Northern Water Tribe. I have…run away to try and seek a better life here." Not the best or most convincing lie, but the citizens bought it nonetheless and it gave them quite the ego boost.

The old woman came forward.

"Welcome, Yuki. My name is Leoma and I am the head elder of the Southern Water Tribe." She said in a pseudo-sweet voice and bowed slightly.


At first, I stayed in Leoma's igloo with her family because I had no shelter of my own.

Leoma had a granddaughter, Kava, who was the only member of the family remotely close to my thirty years—she was twenty-five—but she, in my opinion, had a very naïve and boring outlook on life; tradition before everything, anything outside of tradition was hellish and lamentable, et cetera. She, of course, was married to some other man who, though the raging sexism was still apparent and always showing, was a good and gentle man nonetheless. I can't seem to recall his name though.

Once, she and I were talking about the outside world.

"What is it like?" she questioned me.

I had seen much of the outside world, even though most of it was through the eyes of myself when I was a Fire Nation soldier, but I think my perspectives would have been a bit too outdated if I told her.

"It is very beautiful; the warm places are great for relaxing and…" I began to tell her of what I did remember about the Earth Kingdom and spoke little of the Fire Nation except for vague references to their landmarks, climate, food, celebrations, and people.

"That sounds so pretty. I wish I could go." Kava said; a dreamy look in her eye.

"Why don't you?" I asked; remembering too late the 'traditional roles' of a woman in the Water Tribes.

"Tradition forbids that a woman goes anywhere without a man, and (whatever her husband's name was) does not want to leave." She told me.

"Tradition be hanged; you can leave home anytime you want." I had forgotten to watch my tongue yet again; what I said was more or less very offensive in the Southern Water Tribe.

At once, Kava stood up; her hand over her mouth and her eyes showing disbelief and shock as if she had heard sacrilege being spoken against her. Instead of acting as a woman her age should have—or at least the way I'd expected her to—she began to whine and burst into tears.

"Grandmother! Yuki is saying that tradition is not important in a person's life; she will surely burn in hell for that! I do not want to burn in hell with her for thinking such things." She wailed. With her hands over her ears, she began to sing off-key and run from the room.

I heard the thump of a body throwing itself onto the ground over a sleeping bag and Leoma had come out while Kava was screaming.

"Oh, for goodness sake!" Leoma scoffed.

I thought she was talking about how Kava was acting, but I saw her eyes on me instead.

"Kava loves her home and traditions are everything to her! If you want to live here, it would be better for you to hold that impudent tongue of yours." She snapped.

'Is that a challenge?' I wanted to respond, but that would have been 'unfeminine' of me and so I grit my teeth and kept silent.

"I am sorry."


A few days later, some people led me about forty feet away from the town center and told me that this was the spot where my house would be. "We don't have a house built yet, but we will." one of them said and then they all walked away.

The house, among other things, never happened, and I spent the first few nights after I had been kicked out in a small hole curled up in a fetal position.

Though many people avoided me altogether, there were a handful of people who did extend a hand of friendship to me while at my first stay at the Southern Water Tribe.


His name was Yao and I believe that he is the only man I could ever call a friend from the Water Tribes.

While I was struggling with building my igloo, he came along and helped me.

"Aren't you just going to ignore me, like everyone else does?" I asked him while he was cutting an ice block for me.

"Of course not; the ones who do are narrow-minded dimwits who cannot see what a beautiful and intelligent woman you are." He replied.

I couldn't help but be honest with him.

"Let's get these things straight," I said, "I am thirty years old, I am not a virgin, I've had children before but had to leave them, I have been married, I can fight and fend for myself, I am somewhat masculine, I have muscles, I am independent, I think that the blubber and the jerky and especially the stewed sea prunes here are disgusting, I refuse to marry, I am stubborn and arrogant, I am not weak-constituted, and I like meat."

Yao did not even bat an eye. "You look like the woman who likes meat." He said with a smile.

I stared, dumbstruck.

"You just skipped over all of the other things that would make any other man—or woman—who heard me say these things wrinkle their nose, look at me in disgust, throw up, or run away screaming." I said, recalling from when they did.

"There are things about me which are deemed to be 'disgusting' and 'unduly' here too." He said smoothly.

"And what are those characters? That you choose to actually respect your wife and make sure she receives her end of pleasure during intimacy?" I asked sarcastically.

He laughed at my wry comment.

"Shun me if you wish." He said; his eyes brimming with good humor.

At least there was no awkward silence between us after that.

Yao was a few years older than I was but a very good builder, hunter, and fisher despite his age. He, like most other men over the age of thirty, was married and had little children of his own. His wife, Ata, was not very happy to find that he chose to spend more of his time with me than with her.

Though I repeatedly told her that there was nothing happening between us, she demanded to know why he still spent more time with me though my house was complete.

I told her the truth—that he was helping me learn how to sew and do other 'ladylike' things, and that he was helping me with my cooking (for some strange reason, I could not acculturate and cook with what the Water Tribe climate had given me)—but she didn't believe that 'her' Yao could do any of those things and let her skeptical imagination run wild.

Ata was years younger than I was, Yao's third wife, and her jealousy always got the better of her.

She, and other ladies who felt threatened by me, began to rally together and beg Leoma, the unofficial 'queen' of the village, to marry me off; stating that I was 'ruining their reputation'.

When I came into the public building to protest, one of the women ran behind her husbands and begged for him to 'take the heathen away!' That was more or less how I was referred to, ever since some of the females caught me harvesting icicles to eat and fishing on my own.

I yelled at her and threw in a curse word or two, then she screamed and hid behind her husband more, he started shouting at me, I shouted back, and somehow everyone else got caught up in it. Sitting in the corner was a young man I had failed to notice, except that he was not involved in the shouting match.

"Fine! I am leaving!" I declared; turning my heel. One of the men shouted that I wasn't, and I heard his footfall. Upon spinning around, I saw that it was the woman's husband--the one who had actually coined the nickname 'the heathen' for me. Losing my temper, I threw out my arm to punch him but miscalculated his quick ability to dodge; I wound up hitting the young man behind him.

Women screamed, one of them even fainted, and men rushed to his side and to Leoma's. "You killed him! You killed Paha!" one of the younger females was screaming. It took me a moment to realize that Paha was actually Leoma's favorite, a term used in the Water Tribes that was usually synonymous to only, grandson.

"He's fine; I barely touched him!" Nobody would hear that, and they continued to accuse me ("Heathen! Savage! Manly!").

"I'm fine, I'm fine; really." Paha said; standing up and trying to smile. His jaw had been damaged, and there was a coagulation of blood that would form a bruise around his cheek. When he smiled, his teeth were stained red.

"I think it would be best if you go." Leoma said coldly. I bowed humbly and went.


After I'd punched him, it seemed that the Water Tribe itself was edging away from me; some people even refused to sell me fish or a basket. But I had already picked most of the icicles sitting on the low end, and I needed water. So, borrowing Yao's horizontal pickaxe, I climbed upon a small platform and began to chip away at a large icicle about three feet overhead.

"You're doing a lot of work, Yuki." someone commented. I remained silent and continued to pick away. "A woman shouldn't be doing such things." He persisted.

"I need to eat and drink, like everyone else." Paha regarded me for a moment, and then tried to step up onto the platform. "I'll do it for you." He stated; trying to take the pickaxe from me.

I tried to yank it back."No, it's fine." Our little power struggle resulted in both of us nearly tumbling in the chasm below the place where I had obtained most of my icicles. Paha screamed until I shushed him ("If you scream any more, this entire cave might just fall in on us.") and I began to pull both of us up. As I got to the top, helping him up first, I saw that citizens had flocked here. Paha stated that I had saved him, but it was obvious by the looks on their faces that they didn't believe him.

As they were whisking him away, I picked up the pickaxe and continued to chip away at the icicle.


About a month, and a few rendezvous, after that incident, Leoma came to me looking as if she had eaten too many green apples and told me that I was to marry her grandson.

At first, I burst into laughs; was that a joke?

But after she coldly ordered it so, I stood up and said that I was fine being independent; why did I need a man? That she was submitting to the wills of others as if she was a weak puppet and did not make her own decisions.

She snapped back that she was the head elder, but she was a fair 'monarch' and had her people's best interests at heart. I think that she was more or less scared; she was never taught Waterbending for attack or defense and there would be nothing to stop the citizens from launching a rebellion against her if they were displeased.

So three months after I first came to the Water Tribe, I was married off to Leoma's dismal grandson.

I dreaded the wedding; not only because I had already had one twelve years earlier, but also because it didn't even seem as if we were married at all. There was no priest or a so-called 'holy place' for us to marry. There were only the citizens as our witnesses and Leoma to try and wrack up the matrimonial vows in her old mind and even when she conferred with other elders, they could not remember. I felt as if I had an adder clamped to my bosom and wanted to just run away screaming, but kept my feet on the ground and continued; even with the near-overwhelming pull of the weight in my conscience.

After the mentally painful ceremony was finally over, I let him guide me into his own little 'house'.

I did not like him very much; he kept staring at me in a 'lovelorn' manner for some time, but instead of feeling flattered as I did with Iroh and a few other men—most of the other men were from the time when I was in the army and unmarried—I felt disgusted; he looked too much like a little boy. His face was still round and as smooth as a girl's, his eyes had that soft and innocent childlike expression in them, he seemed clumsy and inexperienced at practically everything, and he was obviously not ready for the developmental milestone that he was thrust into.

At least he had the decency to go to my igloo after the wedding instead of his grandmother's house.

When he got in, his gaze darted from me to the bed.

"I'm not a virgin." I said to him.

"I know." He replied; fumbling to shed off his parka.

"The Fire Nation?" he suddenly asked.

I turned; confused.

"Did they…force you?" he elaborated.

I thought I had to lie in order to remain in the tribes. I buried my face into my hands with false grief.

"Please; I wish not to talk about it." I whispered shakily; shedding a few forced tears.

Maybe I unmanned him with those words, but he let me sleep without any disturbance or any suggestion that he might want to do the deed with me that night.

"Let us sleep, then." He said and lay on the mattress he'd had moved in here.

I did not object and lay on the mattress with him.


The marriage had started badly, and it was much worse afterwards.

I was not allowed anywhere without my husband's company or even without his permission and I could not do anything but stay at home while he went out with his friends.

A woman was, and probably still is in the Water Tribes, expected to just be idle and sit around all day; completely dependant on her husband.

I was not used to that; with Iroh, we were equals and I did not feel like a second-class citizen; ever.

I was also required to cook and since I did not know much how to prepare Water Tribe meals—I never paid much attention to my mother when I was younger and stated that if I was to marry, my husband would have to cook—Leoma had to become my teacher since Kava still would not speak to me on account of my 'loose and immoral' tongue.

What she found was a sulky and unwilling pupil; and one who was much more educated and interested in fighting, books, education, and many other things considered 'unladylike' in the Southern Water Tribe. She would constantly yell at me, but I would only take it in and not say a word.

Soon, my silent resistance had worn her down and she finally given up on me; resorting to let Kava cook for her family and ours.

I'm sure she still hated me, for I probably insulted her very much with that 'tradition be hanged' comment, but she dare not disobey her grandmother and grudgingly did it. I wondered if she would contaminate the food out of spite, but I remembered that the Water Tribe did not teach women about poison and their antidotes because they thought women didn't need to be educated in such things. They only taught the women to stay away from cooking this-and-that and mixing together so-and-so ingredients.

How I loathed the 'laws of Tui and La' both Water Tribes so austerely followed.

Paha was even worse; his so-called 'love' for me was only puppy love and for some reason he still wouldn't, or maybe he actually couldn't, gather his potency and consummate our 'marriage'.

Yao was a very good friend and easy person for me to talk to, but on account of his jealous wife—and the fact that she attempted to stab me once with her cutting knife—we decided to continue speaking to each other in secrecy, but with a chaperone to beat down those rumors about us being 'lovers'.

In the day, I just sat at home; idle, without a female friend, and forcing to wait for Paha to come home; and in the night, I would just roll over in bed because he still did not initiate anything.

Back in the Fire Nation, I used to think, life was so exciting and every day I woke up eagerly.

In the Southern Water Tribes, life was so dull and full of people giving me the cold shoulder.

Food was another problem; I still never liked any of the Water Tribe 'delicacies' and only forced the food down my throat out of bare survival needs. I grew very thin in those days and even missed my course a few times because I so vehemently hated the food.

I began to regret my decision to run away, but what choice had I?

I told myself that I would much rather be trapped here, in a cold and desolate land in a marriage where my husband had not consummated our marriage for some reason lost to me, where the food tasted terrible, where no one paying much attention to me and not asking about my past and with a hated grandmother-in-law rather than being held in the lap of luxurious, but still unhappy, cuckold while my husband ran around bedding other ninnies—and breaking my heart, as much as I hated to say that—and Agni knows who else, with the chance of poison being slipped into my food or drink at any day, with everyone around me plotting and counterplotting to either take my life or my crown or my riches or my husband or even my son, and with hated in-laws who could have had me executed or raped as a punishment for something I might not even have done.

But my regret never left me.


As I continued my—hopeless, desolate, near maddening—life in the Southern Water Tribe with my—passionless, one-sided, unready—marriage to Paha, I began to deny my past.

Were the last 15 years of my life nothing but a far-off illusion? Was I ever a soldier in the Fire Nation army? Did I become the wife of Prince Iroh? Did I ever have my son, Tai? Did I ever have such a luxurious home and a sense of belonging? Would I ever see that place again? All that was here for me in the Southern Water Tribe was discrimination, isolation, and being trapped in an unhappy marriage.

I never told anyone my birthday and for my thirty-first birthday, I sat in front of a bowl of clear water and stared at myself.

I had grown so thin, I forced down Water Tribe food only when it was necessary, and my hands grew brittle from the cold. My face seemed to have aged, my skin growing rough and my lips becoming thinner and fading, and I had to pluck out as many as thirty grey strands of my hair every time I looked into the bowl of water.

I heard him come in again and looked up.

"Good evening." I said, doing my best to smile at him. He smiled boyishly at me and I had to do my best not to cringe or seem bothered at that smile.

"Are you willing tonight?" he asked.

Though I liked that tender consideration about him, I still could never forget Iroh's fevered and demanding manner which never ceased to set my blood afire and after years of that ardor, that situation just didn't seem right.

"I am your wife." I said simply; pulling off my gloves, a hand-me-down from Kava for my dainty hands.

He seemed to focus on my hands—honestly, did he have some strange fetish or something?—and his eyes darkened with desire.

I had to do it for the sake of my marriage here, I reminded myself and continued to discard every article of clothing I wore.

As I shed my coat, he seemed to come out of his gaping trance and slowly step towards me.

I helped him remove his clothing, not trusting his hands to do so, and before I knew it, the process was over.

It was very awkward and a bit rushed for my comfort; I even had to get on top of him and he had almost no physical stamina.

After I climbed off of him, I lay on his side; my eyes questioning.

"I—I've never made love before." He admitted under my gaze.

A twenty-eight year old man who had never had sex before; what had I gotten myself into?


Months passed, Paha and I rarely did the deed—even if we did do it, he would always act like an awkward and completely inexperienced man—and Leoma was still staring at me intently, as were the other females in the Water Tribe.

Apparently, I would only be accepted if I bore a child.

"Do you take something to keep the baby from coming; some slut's trick?" Ata demanded coarsely and her female companions would laugh with her.

I rolled my eyes and ignored them; Agni knows I would have retorted in something else that was far worse than being called a slut had I let my tongue loose.


"He had nearly every other unmarried teenage and adult woman in the tribe pining for him! I punch him and suddenly he decides that he likes me?" I ranted.

Yao laughed. "Well, you know, every man has a secret fantasy for a controlling woman." He said simply. We were sitting out against the shoreline around the ice hole we dug; he was a good enough friend to accompany me to fish on my own.

"Here, I brought you some stew." Yao held out a small container for me. I eyed it warily as I watched the strands and octopus limbs swirl from side to side as I tilted the bowl. "Ata didn't poison it, I swear." I just looked at him, and took a sip.

It was bitter, but that was about it.

The open dish remained open until a layer of ice formed over it; either of us bothered to eat it anyways.

By sunset, we packed up our fish and walked back to our houses. "Well, at least I know of one guy who doesn't judge me because I'm new." I remarked as I wound my arm around his.

"Let them judge; they admire you nonetheless." Yao gave me a kiss on the cheek and I laughed; balancing on the tips of my toes to return it to him.

"Yao!" His wife, my husband, and nearly every person over the age of ten saw our 'amorous gesture' and rushed to separate us for the sake of our 'reputations'.

I fished alone and on the rare occasion Paha accompanied me.


One day, sometime in the tenth month, a boy came running from the borders. He reported seeing Fire Nation ships.

While the other women reacted with melodramatic gasps and fears, I felt myself intake a quick breath; was this…truly happening?

Every day, the black hulking ships came closer and closer until near the end of the tenth month, the ships docked on the shore.

The men of the Water Tribe had prepared themselves, but like in the Assault of the North they had too many weapons and too little armor for protection; it showed how full of themselves they were.

The largest ship's front ramp came crashing onto the snow and an old, leathery looking man with a company of four guards descended. Everyone in the Water Tribe had come out to witness the scene and I saw the fear in their eyes.

"Is this how the Water Tribe greets its guests?" the old man asked; a sneer in his tone.

My glance darted to the four men at his side.

While three of them were very tall and most likely fully grown, the fourth one looked as if he was probably a few years shy of the manhood age of sixteen, as said by the Fire Nation.

When he glanced around, I saw clear blue eyes. My eyes.

My son.

He had always said that he wanted to be a soldier…Iroh must have accepted it and enrolled him in the army.

Where was Iroh, then?

As much as I longed to see him, I longed to slap him in the face first and then confront him about Li and the entire scandal that went on little over a year ago.

In the end, the leathery old army officer said he only wanted a peaceful and segregated stay; no one in the Water Tribes would bother anyone of the Fire Nation and vice versa.

After that, everything was disbanded and both sides set out on their own agendas.


The time had spanned over three weeks until I finally got the courage to face the soldiers.

Ever since I saw my son amongst the soldiers, my anxiety about him had increased; what if he was killed?

Also, my thoughts often drifted to Iroh; was he also on that expedition and was he there, with our son, as well?

I found myself aching and crying at night; yearning to run to the Fire Nation ships, tell everyone who I was, and demand that the ships take me back, but I knew it would be useless; besides my knowledge of Huowen and Heiwen, I had no way to prove that I was Yukihiya.

Pride, again, also stopped me from doing anything; if I went to Iroh, it would seem like I was giving up and would seem weak. I was the one who ran away, and I could not risk it to beg him to take me back to the Fire Nation; he would probably use that against me and use it as an excuse to have more sexual romps with other women while I would be forced to turn the blind eye to all of it and never do anything to strike back at him.

Three weeks later was also the only time that I finally had a chance to slip away from the Water Tribe men and woman who seemed to do nothing but rant and insult my second home and its people.

The exception was Yao, and whenever I was present while someone was on the verge of insulting my home, he would stop the person and change the topic. I still wonder to this day if he knew about me and my past.

When the other citizens weren't looking, I walked the distance to where all of the Fire Nation ships were stopped and looked around; there were a few soldiers out on the ice, melting a hole with their Firebending and trying to ice fish. I went up to them.

"Who leads these ships?" I asked; forgetting that I shouldn't have done so in Huowen.

The men looked at me, startled that a woman from the Water Tribes could speak their languages.

They must have figured out who I was; otherwise, why else would they have answered my question.

"Prince Iroh." One of them replied.

"Arigato." I said; walking past them.

Iroh was here. He had come here, but probably only to repair his ships while in a remote place to stay.

But that niggling—and very hopeful—voice in the back of my head stated that he had come for me; he knew I would be here anyway, so he came here the soonest he could after his resting time was up!

Try as I might, I could not expel that hopeful thought from my mind.

I do not know how long I walked, but it must have been a long time; long enough for one of the soldiers I spoke with to run to Iroh and tell him what had happened and what direction I headed off in.

"Ah, there you are. A little worse for the wear, but nothing to serious, am I right?" a familiar voice said from behind me.

I turned, sure that I was delusional, but there he was; aged a bit after two years, but no worse. His hair grew out and he had to tie it into a ponytail at the crown of his scalp and wore a long black cloak over his Fire Nation uniform and spike-tipped boots with genuine leather gloves; a vision contrasting with the white and light blues of the Southern Water Tribe.

"Iroh." I whispered; acknowledging him.

It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from my heart and, with tears of joy in my eyes, I ran into his embrace.

We kissed and made up, I let him pick me up like he did years ago when I was his bride, and ran onto his ships and once inside, he swept me into bed and into joy as the ships sailed away; forever taking me away.


Oh, how I wish I could say those words and they be true.
In reality, after I did get the feeling of a giant weight being lifted off of me, my eyes did not tear up nor did I run into his open arms or did we leave the Southern Water Tribe.

Instead, I only stared at him and him me. Neither of us did anything and it was dead silent.

"Good day." I said through cold lips and walked away as fast as I could.

I almost ran back to the igloo Paha and I shared and found him in there as well.

"The Fire Nation has come once again." He said in a repulsed tone; the first one I had ever heard from him.

"They will not bother us if we do not bother them." I restated the old man's words.

"Oh, yes; but how long will that last?" he asked with a sniff.

I realized what he meant; how long before the men kidnapped and raped one of their women.

"They would not do anything as long as we do not; they might have started the war and killed many, but they are people raised with the idea of honor and pride before all; saying that they are not honorable and have no conscience is like saying that those of the Water Tribes are barbarians." I defended them.

Paha stared at me for a moment, but took my words into consideration. He beckoned me to sit down on our 'bed' and took one of my hands into his shaking and a bit sweaty hand.

"Do not worry, Yuki. I will protect you from those men." He said while lightly tracing the lines of my hand and never in my life had I wanted more to cuff him; as anyone else would have wanted to.

"Let us sleep; it has been such a long and eventful day." I suggested; stripping from my outer garments and laying on the bed.

I felt his hand trace my arm and wondered if I should refuse him; he seemed to be taking the initiative and since Iroh was here, I could prove to him that I did not want to return to him. Turning, I watched as he gently kissed me and began to remove my clothes—again, awkwardly and very shakily—along with his own. I said nothing; parting my legs and letting him get between them; after all, it was the way children were procreated. I felt him barely touching parts of my body and then there was something soft trying to…something soft?

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled; sitting bolt upright in realization of what he was trying to do.

Paha looked at me as if I had just cursed him.

"Ah—." He began, but I was too busy ranting to pay attention to him.

"Are you crazy? It's flaccid, it's weak, it's—!" I shouted; hardly believing that he was trying to do such a thing.

Ever since I first took the lead, we had done next to nothing that a married couple would do; we wouldn't even look at each other in public. Did the fact that I was not a virgin REALLY affect his virility—even though I'm not sure if it existed in the first place—that much? Instead of remaining even-tempered, I chose to defy him.

"Look, I find this marriage as inconvenient and dull as you probably also do, so why not ask your grandmother for a divorce? Then you can marry some virgin!" I demanded.

Paha looked stunned for a moment; probably because he'd never had a woman tell him off.

"A woman should not object her husband's decision; you should consider yourself lucky that I do not choose to rape you." Paha said back.

I was taken aback by his coarse remark and, my impulsiveness seizing me, I dashed out of the igloo; not caring that I only wore a sleeping gown.

This couldn't be happening.

Iroh was back in my life with Tai, both of them willing to forgive me and take me back home, while I refused their offer; stating that I would be happier here.

But here, I was faced with an impotent husband whose ego is now being blown out of proportion yet again! The people now resent me for some unknown reason, I was choosing to stay in this hellhole, and I was stuck here in the first place because of my own virtuous flaws!

I blindly ran, sobbing as I did so, and half hoped that I would run into the ocean and stay down there forever.

Instead, I collided with a wool cloak with a warm body enclosed inside it. I grabbed onto the rough fabric; screaming into it and continuing to cry and beat my fists against this person's tone chest. I must have looked humiliating, but I did not care; it was all becoming too much for me.

"Yukihiya, don't cry—I can't bear to see you like that." Iroh's concerned voice begged; his hands, encased in leather gloves, circling around my back.

I did not hesitate, then; turning up, I pulled myself up to his face and kissed him.

I put in all of my sorrows and desires and my wants to apologize into the kiss and it seemed to have worked; he was surprised at first, but then began to kiss me back with matching desire. I wanted him so much.

He swept me into his cloak and I eagerly accepted the warmth; pulling at his garment underneath to try and get to his bare skin.

"Yu—." He began again, but I could not stop myself; I did not want such a moment to end.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I never should have done such a thing. Please, forgive me. I need you so badly." I mumbled a lot more things that I cannot remember and Iroh seemed to be warming up to me because of them, but there was one phrase which won him over completely; a simple and very common phrase.

"I love you."

He grabbed my jaw and kissed me hotly; taking off his gloves and slipping his hand under the neck of my sleeping gown and touching my bare skin. The warmth radiating off of him was electrifying for me and I wanted so much more.

"Not here." Iroh breathed raggedly; pulling me and a few already discarded clothes with him and leading me quickly to the open steps of his ship. The distance to his chamber seemed to be so long and I could not wait.

As soon as he closed and locked the door to his chamber, we both fell upon his large and feather-stuffed mattress supported on the ornately carved and polished wood.

I eagerly accepted his touch and kisses and, in a single word, ravishment and gave my own with equaled passion.

It was blinding, it was eye-opening, it was red-hot, it was pure raw sex, it was ecstatic, it was intense, it was rough and vigorous, and it was…

It was exactly what I wanted.


I woke up naked and, for a fleeting moment, wondered if I actually consummated my 'marriage' with Paha.

Clutching the red silk sheet—'red silk sheet?' I thought, looking at it and around the room. It was like the captain's quarters in a Fire Nation ship…but this room was more spacious; like it was for royalty.

I quickly turned around and saw Iroh next to me; as naked as the day he was born.

For a fleeting second, I felt a sense of belonging; that I truly belonged here, in bed and in the Fire Nation, with Iroh. 'He is a philanderer!' my mind shouted at my heart.

Fear overtook me—I seemed to have forgotten that I had taken the initiative by running into his arms and kissing him last night—maybe he was a bit too drunk and couldn't tell apart me from a random serving woman and what would happen if he woke up and I was still there?

Male arrogance and frankness would probably set in for him, I thought.

Hurriedly, I looked for my clothes—most of which had slight burnt parts—scattered about the floor.

I reached for the nearest object of clothing, an undershirt, but found it out of my reach. I pulled my body further from the bed, but not out of the sheets, and persisted.

I finally reached it. But I fell with a loud 'thump' on the carpeted floor as a result. I pulled myself up, I had nearly forgotten about the unpleasant side of the morning after since I hadn't had real sex for nearly two years, and leaned against the edge of his bed.

"You don't have to do that, you know; I've seen it all before and I saw it all again last night." His voice said from behind me; the heat from his form drawing closer to me.

It was as if I was all over 18 again; modest and embarrassed.

"Look away!" I cried out; clutching the sheet around me more tightly.

"Really, Yukihiya; modesty and embarrassment are unnecessary for you. Sure, you've lost a considerable amount of weight in the nearly two years since I last saw you, but we can fix that." He said with a shrug.

"Fix? How so?" I asked; wondering why he said that.

I turned back to him and saw his golden eyes regard me curiously.

"Once we return to the Fire Nation, we can fatten you up with oden and those desserts you love so much and we can recommence your training." He said as if he were telling me the weather.

I was blown away by hurt and his surefire frankness; did he truly expect me to go back to the Fire Nation with him sans a word of complaint? I had run away from the nation; did that not tell him enough on what I thought of it?

"Don't be stupid, Iroh." I snapped at him.

He did not look disheartened or even angered at my comment.

"Say whatever you would like to, Yukihiya, but I know the truth." He said smugly.

"What do you know?" I asked; meant to sound sarcastic, but coming off more as curious. He grinned in almost a wolfish manner.

"That you still love me, that you obviously still want me, that you did not and would not have really stayed here forever, that you're a Fire Nation woman through and through and nothing can change that." He replied smoothly.

"I am a woman from the Water Tribe." Around him, I was always a bad liar and the situation was making it worse.

"No, you're not. You have fire in your veins; through and through." He remarked.

"I do not!" I yelled; trying to stand up when he pulled me down again; into his lap.

"Oh?" he whispered; his breath raising the nerve endings on the shell of my right ear.

His hand went from cupping my cheek to idly tracing my eyelids, the shape of my nose, around my lips, and brushing past my neck.

"Then I suppose that you have no fire in your blood when reacting to this." His fingers brushed against my inner thigh. "Or this." He nipped at the erogenous area of my neck. "Or even this." I felt the heat of his fingertip as it traced circles around my breast and slowly inched up to its peak.

"But—." I began, but was at a loss for words.

He turned me around; kissing me chastely on the lips.

When he pulled away, I saw his expression.

The look in his eyes he gave off was intense beyond measure.

"If you are pregnant once again with my son, you will come back to the Fire Nation with me." he said; his eyes speaking volumes for what his stony voice did not.

Extemporaneity was a virtue I obviously possessed; I thought that I was only going to bed with my husband.

"So this is all a ploy to try and get a baby on me? To make it easier for me to submit to your demands?" I snapped; trying as hard as I could to abstain from cursing aloud.

His eyes widened a fraction in realizing that I had not thought the entire thing out and he smiled—I thought it was more that he smirked—at me.

"So you just jumped into bed with me at the snap of my fingers without a second thought, by Agni; how has your husband what's-his-name been treating you?" he asked with a leer.

The pain and humiliation inside of me increased by tenfold; how could I have allowed myself to behave as a whore did? Then a new thought struck me.

"What if the child was not yours?" I shot back. He barely even looked at me.

"How could it not be?" he replied arrogantly.

"What if I laid with Paha and conceived his child?" I emphasized his name. Iroh clucked his tongue at me.

"I thought you knew me better than that, Yukihiya; I've seen and used spies, so I more or less know all about that husband of yours and your so-called 'marriage' to him; he doesn't even have enough potency to initiate anything; it's always you who must get on top of him and, of course, that position has been known to fail to conceive a child many times." He replied simply.

"It doesn't mean I cannot teach him how to be dominant." I retorted before I thought.

"Do you even want to?" Iroh countered me.

A part of me liked to be the dominant figure in the marriage, even if it was unorthodox, but I never really followed orthodox ways anyway.

"It's best you go before that paramour of yours worries too much about you." Iroh put in and pulled out some new clothes for me sans burn marks.

He helped me dressed, though I never asked for such unwanted help, and made sure to practically molest me every chance he got just to prove that his touch still set my blood afire in a way no other man could and just before we parted, he grabbed me by the neck, for a moment I thought that he would strangle me, and pulled me into a long kiss.

It was hot, wet, heavy, forceful, and, in a single word, incredible.

When he pulled away, I whimpered; wanting more.

The icy wind blew at my back and pride once again forced me to turn away and walk towards the tribe as if it had not affected me at all.


When I re-entered the igloo, I saw Paha sitting on our 'mattress' and staring at me.

Instantly, I felt apprehension cripple me; what if he saw me kiss Iroh or someone else did and then told him?

A part of me asked why would that be bad; after all, if Paha chose to divorce me, my ties to the Southern Water Tribe would be dissolved and nothing would keep me from showing my true colors and leaving with Iroh and Tai.

"Good morning." I said as a wife should have.

Paha did not return my greeting; he only continued to stare at me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked; noting his expression.

"Come here; sit with me." he said as a weak order.

I wondered what brought about such strange behavior, but complied.

His hands gripped the edge of my parka, pulling it up, and I let him do so; still wondering the source of his conduct.

He suddenly stopped, he had almost completely undressed me, and I heard him sniff the air.

Could he smell the scent of sweat of me and another or the musky aroma of sex wafting from me?

He said nothing and resumed his task of undressing me.

For the record, at least he finally summoned his manhood and was the dominant one in our marriage bed that…morning.


He apparently told Tai, for while I was walking the coastline a few mornings later, I saw him coming towards me.

I froze, as any other mother in my situation would, and watched as he came to within a meter of me.

I thought he would show resentment towards me or just refuse to speak to me, but all he did was take a step closer, then another, and another.

"Mama." He whispered softly; his arms beginning to encircle my waist.

With a muffle cry of joy, I almost fell on him and began weeping for joy; tightening my embrace on him and whispering my apologies while kissing his cheek frequently. He, like the little adult he was, soothed me and told me it was alright; that he and Iroh were more than willing to take me back and reaccept me.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"Walk to that forest of ice; I'm sure you will see him." Tai replied simply and, kissing me on the cheek one last time, walked back to a docking ship.

I was a bit confused—why would Iroh be outside when he could just meet Tai and myself then?—but complied and walked to the forest of ice.

He snuck up from behind me and held me fast over his body; letting me feel the strong and rapid beat of his heart.

"N-No." I began, but did not get the chance to refuse him; he wouldn't let me.

"Here? It's freezing." I said; though the wanton and daring part of me wanted to do it here also.

"Nobody's watching; come now, don't you remember what we said in bed on that night?" Iroh asked; lightly biting the pulse point at my throat.

I laughed, but it came out as a moan of pleasure instead; how could I forget? During such pillow talk, we said that we would try to do the deed outside in cold weather for once; there was a rumor we had heard at the time that such climactic conditions would make sex better.

Wrapped in only his cloak, we hurriedly and carelessly pushed away our clothes and made love leaning against a large icicle.

Even as we were both blinded by lust and starved of each other, I felt my once-broken attachment to him grow once again and become stronger than ever and, for almost the first time in my life, I did not know what would happen in the future; I simply could not envision it.


From then on, Iroh and I slipped into another cycle.

Every few days, I would depart from my igloo and meet with him at our pre-decided location. Whoever it was that arrived first would wait and, when they heard the familiar trek of their other's footsteps near them, they would turn and we would fall upon the closest object there was; whether it was the ground, the wall, the snow and ice, and stay there almost all day, until we both had to go back.

I suspected that Paha knew, but did not say anything; I could see it in his eyes.

There were days when I would kiss him on the cheek and bid him a good day, and there was a crestfallen sadness in his eyes that worried yet slightly repulsed me.

"Where are you going?" he boldly asked one day.

"I am going to see a few acquaintances; it will not be long." I replied; then making up a small list of Water Tribe women who clearly wanted nothing to do with me and I knew would deny so vehemently about spending time with me, the Water Tribesmen would assume that they were lying.

Such a cycle continued for a few weeks, but I never forgot Iroh's words.

Words in which he put into action soon enough.


Great Agni, it couldn't be.

But it was.

Morning sickness, fatigue, dizziness and nausea; they were all those dreaded symptoms.

To make matters worse, it was unquestionably Iroh's child.

As the months dragged on, I felt my belly becoming firmer and my breasts becoming larger; just as before.

It was in the fifth month that my stomach was almost visible from under my thick parka and that the Fire Nation ships were about to leave. I had told Iroh when I had missed my course twice and he reacted primarily with joy, and then repeating his words; insisting that I go back to the Fire Nation with him. When I told Tai, he smiled and rubbed my stomach lightly; saying that he could 'feel' his younger sibling in there.

Despite Tai and Iroh's tries to persuade me to go back, I still refused, but they were both persistent.

Iroh argued with me many a times. His words almost completely made me lose faith in the Water Tribes and reminded me of how happy we were, how all of the rumors about him being a cheater were untrue and that for the sake of the baby, I should go back—what would I tell the people, all of whom were expecting a pure-bred Water Tribe child, when my baby was found to have gold eyes?—and so many other efficient arguments that I remember having a minor breakdown at his words.

At once, his attitude changed; he became tender and took my hands in his.

"I promise you, Yukihiya; our lives will be better than before once we go back to the Fire Nation." He whispered and I nodded; hot tears still cascading down my cheeks.

"Will you come back with me?" he asked.

"Y-Yes. I will. I…I love you. Despite everything you've been rumored to have done and possibly have done, I still love you. Despite your past and the scandals woven around you, despite your womanizing, despite it all, I have and will always—." He didn't wait for another word to come out of my mouth; choosing instead to grab me and hold me tightly as I cried out all of my emotions.

When I finished, he kissed me on the mouth and smiled at me.

I felt myself smiling in return and we both began to talk about how we were to get me out of the Water Tribes without arousing suspicion.

By the end of the day, Tai had joined in and we decided on a plan.


I watched from the other side as the leathery old man made his announcement that they were leaving; just as Iroh had instructed him to.

"But first…" Iroh came forth; his eyes scanning the crowd for me.

When he saw me, his hand lashed out and grabbed me around the collar of my parka; pulling me back.

A gasp came up from the crowd, and I could see fear glint in everyone's eyes; wondering if there would be any more 'hostages'.

"A little souvenir." He finished; still dragging me aboard.

I saw Paha's eyes still alight with horror, but did not pay attention to it; possibly the biggest mistake that cost me my son's life.

When the door to his quarters was shut, I turned and threw myself into his arms; pulling off my blue clothes with increased anticipation.

Iroh gave me a maternity robe to wear and more Fire Nation foods prepared by the chefs. I had often eaten with him when we were on a ship, everyone knew that I was back and they seemed to hold no bitter feelings towards me, and I felt myself becoming less than a bag of bones for every meal I consumed.

When I finished my meal, I began to wonder what had happened during the lapse of my absence.

A little more than a year might not seem significant, but there was a large amount of time for change to occur; especially in the ever-shifting life in the Fire Nation.

I asked Iroh about it, and he filled me in on events for the Fire Nation: Kuzon actually married and marital bliss was apparently kicking in, Fire Princess Ilsa was on the verge of a debacle, the Fire Nation had suffered a drought within the time of my absence, Ozai had become worse, women tried to foist themselves on him, and so many other things, but I was more interested in the people I had known.

"But what happened to everyone while I was gone? What happened to Lo and Li and Kaku? What of Mira? Or Ane?" I asked.

He told me that Mira, still the woman she was, was alive and healthy and still at the palace while he had sent Li and Kaku away for facts he would not state—but I already knew why anyway—while Lo chose to remain at the palace. I saw Iroh's eyes flash with guilt at the mention of Ane's name.

"Did she…die?" my voice cracked on the last word.

My husband shook his head.

"She was…accused of being an accomplice in your disappearance." He told me.

I was horrified at that prospect, the theories about my miscarriage most likely still lived on and probably became more farfetched, and I knew that the price of being accused of high treason.

"She—she left this for you." Iroh hesitated, then reached into a box at his table and, opening it, produced an aged letter sealed with a shaky drip of wax, as if in haste, and the characters of my name was scribbled so sloppily, even I could barely read it.

I took the letter and broke through the long-cooled wax and saw Ane's handwriting, but it was in the common language of the world and scribbled with a trembling and hurried hand.

I read the letter with growing fear for my old friend's life.

My lady Yukihiya,

A thousand begs for mercy will never even be recognized to you as a plea from myself. I could spend each second for the rest of my life saying 'I'm sorry', but you would never forgive me. I cannot even forgive myself. You showed me nothing but kindness and forgiveness ever since you first came to the palace, but I was ungrateful and only shamed both you and myself; cruelly and heartlessly, just like the brainless slut I am, I failed you.

The ones who are after me come closer with each word I can manifest onto this sheet of parchment and I have barely any time to explain, so I shall make it quick.

The tea that I gave to you all those years ago that forced you to miscarry, Hatsuhana had not tricked me into giving it to you; in truth, it was Kakis.

I didn't know it at the time, but he was a loyalist to the Earth Kingdom out to assassinate the Royal Family of the Fire Nation. I was so smitten by him, that I had barely even noticed the suspicious ways of his background and actions. I had slipped out that you were constantly sore for carrying those twins in your belly and he gave me those herbs; saying that they would help you feel better. I actually believed him when he said that, a hundred thousand begs for forgiveness for my own blinding stupidity.

When you came to question me, I looked around; looking for someone other than Kakis to place the blame on. I know many people hated Hatsuhana, so I lied.

In the years after that, you defended me when people began to suspect me and I sought to Kuzon for permission to banish Kakis and I myself tried to murder him. I do not know if he had survived or not, I pray that he did not.

When the resurrection of the theory that I had turned against you began, I then saw the price I had to pay.

I cannot hold my head high like you once said I should, I cannot face those who are after me.

For my own cowardliness, I hope my life will be enough so that you can one day come back.

So many soldiers go out onto the battlefield each day to fight and die for their nations; their deaths are undeserving. Mine should be.

I pray that you should never experience the loneliness and fear that has nipped at my heels ever since the years of your miscarriage and that no one else will ever try to shame you. I pray that one day you will go to Al-Yanna and live with your husband Prince Iroh, your son Prince Tai, and Princesses Katara and Laetitia while I burn forever in hell, always regretting my mistakes.

This may be my last chance to say my farewells.

May you live a long and prosperous life with all your heart desires fulfilled.

Ane

"What happened to her?" I demanded as soon as I saw her signature; she had not even tried to attempt at any of the calligraphy seals I had taught her.

Iroh sighed, obviously troubled and wondering if he should really tell me.

"She was taken away." He said vaguely and I glared at him.

It was a struggle in his inner mind to whether tell me or not; something very bad must have been her fate.

"Maybe other things are better left unsaid." I offered; letting it slide.


Iroh still had to go off to war in the Earth Kingdom, so we did not go to the Fire Nation straightway.

The months passed and I saw myself growing big again; often feeling my baby's kicks day and night. It seemed that this little one was eager to come into the world.

Because this child was conceived while Iroh was still fighting, I often fretted that I might have a miscarriage out of fright; the human body, though it has a strong resistance to die, has many weaknesses and ways that might make it die.

Once, when a physician's assistant told me that Iroh had been hit in the head to knock him off his horse and he was dozing between consciousness and unconsciousness, I felt the coldest of chills run through me and pain stretch through my pelvic area. Another time, the ship lurched unexpectedly and I almost fell against the deck tummy-forward.

Finally, after months of worry and fears, on the twentieth day of the eighth month, I brought my second son into the world after an arduous labor.

The labor was probably due to the fact that I had apparently grown weaker in my years of idleness in the Southern Water Tribe and that the little infant also seemed to be a bit larger than I had anticipated and I had a very difficult time pushing him out.

Some of the midwives—Iroh, for some reason, had taken a few of them along for whatever reason I would probably have not wanted to know—even suggested that they perform a surgery-like incision on the area right above my womb and pull the baby out of that hole.

Appalled and frightened by the suggestion, I vehemently refused.

With a final heave, I flopped back against the pillow and felt my suddenly flaccid belly; listening for the newborn's lusty cries, but there were none.

Sitting up the best I could, fearing that it was a stillbirth, I looked over to the doctor to see that the baby did not cry, but it was undeniably alive.


This time, my son had my skin tones and Iroh's eyes and hair; practically the only physical contrast between Tai and my new son.

I had barely any time to sit up when Iroh burst into the room; obviously worn out from a rushed journey back to the boat.

"Did I miss it?" he panted. "No, they are about to give him his first bath." I replied; smiling at his flushed cheeks.

He looked up from me, then to his right; where his new son was about to be given his first warm bath.

"If I may." He said quietly to the doctor holding him; extending his hands.

The doctor handed our son to him and let Iroh give the infant his first bath. I wondered briefly if he did the same for Tai, and made a mental note to ask him later on.

Tai came back into the room—he had lost all of his nerve upon seeing something poking out of his mother's 'area'—and held his baby brother after the midwife had lightly bundled him in breathable linen.

"I still say we should name him Zuko." Iroh suggested; why was he always suggesting such a name for our son?

"Let us name it after you, instead." I suggested.

He looked a bit disappointed, but did not lose another moment faltering.

"What kind of name did you have in mind?" he asked.

I was glad he was not the kind of man who got very austere over names.

In the Fire Nation, names were almost as important as one's social standing; men and women alike believed that if they named their child wrong, its name would not be accepted in the afterlife and the child's spirit would be stuck wandering an in-between world. Also, a name was also supposed to stand for the child's characteristics and how she or he will turn out in life. I had once heard of a dispute between a married couple over the name of their child which resulted in one of them killed the other. I'm not sure which but the paper that told of the case seemed to suggest that the woman was the one who killed the man. I looked at my baby's face; noting its symmetrical and angular structure.

For a moment, I envisioned that he would be just like his father; proud with a touch of arrogance, noble and very kind, and—of course—becoming a master in seducing women and almost radiating sex appeal.

With a mischievous smirk, I looked up to meet my husband's gaze.

"Iroke."


Okay; I know what most of you readers are thinking: 'What? Where's Lu Ten?'

He will come a bit later in the story line and the next chapter will explain why there is no record of Iroke.

Review, please.