Sorry I haven't updated in a while; school's been a HUGE burden on my shoulders.
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.
The Secret Child
Year of the Cobra-Year of the Butterfly
No one could deny that Iroke was born and alive and healthy, but news of his birth did not spread from this ship.
For one thing, there was no decree that a new prince had been born. Iroke had no birth certificate, there was no celebration except on the ship, I once intercepted a letter being sent out and found that there was no mention of his birth in it, and whenever leaders from another ship came aboard ours, Iroke would always be sent away into Iroh's rooms.
These were probably warning signs I should have taken note of, but I was too busy doting on one son and making up for lost time with another to regard them seriously. Every time I awakened, either naturally or by Iroke's crying, I would get dressed and tend to him, if needed, and then go out onto the ship's deck, sometimes carrying Iroke, and lightly exposing him to the outside air.
Whenever I was called by Iroh to come and plan some kind of attack on the Earth Kingdom with him, Tai would usually take his brother and put him to sleep if needed so or show Iroke something such as a trick or an interesting knick-knack.
Iroh, whenever he had free time, would never miss a chance to care for or play with Iroke; he seemed to have that kind of feeling which until then I thought that only women possessed. Often, I would catch Iroh whispering to his little son a very strange phrase over and over again. 'You are a prince by blood. Never forget that."
He would whisper that every time he saw Iroke and assumed that they were alone or he was out of hearing range.
I did suspect something, but chose not to bring it up; I thought that if I waited, Iroh might tell me why he was acting so…strangely.
I gave him a sorrowful kiss goodbye and he disappeared out of the door.
Tai followed; kissing me and then his brother on the cheek. I, holding Iroke in a baby carrier strapped across my chest, leaned against the door and put my hands on the handle where my husband and firstborn son touched; hopefully not for the last time.
I received a constant feed of what was happening across the Earth Kingdom battleground—Iroh was still refusing to take me with him, this time saying that Iroke needed to be nursed—and would reply to the messages addressed to me, in coded Huowen just to be careful, with suggestions on what to do.
Iroh's Earth Kingdom campaign had extended the Fire Nation's conquered borders to nearly the stronghold city of Yuanzuo and that city was supposedly the keyhole to the rest of the Earth Kingdom; break through it, and there would be a vast forest with few inhabitants, but a cornucopia of resources to fuel the industrialized Fire Nation with their pursuit of war.
In an attempt to not become depressed, I would dedicate my time to Iroke; teaching him how to walk on the rocking floor of the boat, trying to get him to say 'mama', read to him the little fairy tale books that Iroh read to me back when I could not read or write Huowen, and other such things that an ordinary—well, in my mind what was supposed to be ordinary—mother would do with her son.
For months, I waited in anticipation yet dread for news from the war front; a letter, a printed paper article, anything that would tell me of what had happened when Iroh was fighting.
Then, shortly before Iroke's first birthday, there was news saying that it was alright to sail up the Bahli River; a long, wide, and very deep river which Fire Nation ships can enter, sail down, turn and exit with ease.
It was also a few miles southwest of where Iroh's main campaign was taking place.
Iroke was suckling when I received the news and, out of joy, I almost jumped up and might have dropped him had not he pulled my hair moments before I was about to suddenly move without supporting him.
As a few selected ships sailed up the river, I saw that the towns along the riverbed were seemingly deserted; there were no signs of life in the houses or in the forests.
At first, I thought that the ship had run onto shallow waters, judging by the sudden shakings and unsteady leanings I felt, but that was impossible; the river was at least a thirteen knots wide; more than enough for two Fire Nation ships to sail side by side along the river and not be run ashore.
Looking out the window, but not getting too close to the glass, I saw why the villages had all been empty.
They were firing at the ships mounds of Earth and I wondered how far behind in technology they were; the metal ships could not be damaged—dented, at the worse—by such blows with round balls of earth and rock. Suddenly, a page burst into the chamber.
"There is no time, my lady! We must go!" he shouted; grabbing my hand and trying to pull me along.
"My son—!" I began, but he did not cease his actions.
"We must go!" he insisted.
I swatted his hand away and scooped Iroke up just before a rock broke the window and landed in his cradle. I ran out of my chamber with the pageboy; my mind in turmoil with new thoughts. When the page boy, he later told me that he was under Iroh's direct orders, burst into my chambers, he only grabbed my hand; wanting to make sure that I, seemingly I alone, was safe and did not even mention my infant son.
He took me to one of the many secret safe-rooms on the ship with a few other women as my 'roommates' and told us all that when the danger has passed, there would be some kind of a signal; such as firecrackers or bells.
"Are you alright, my lady?" one of the other ladies asked.
I nodded; tightening my hold on Iroke a bit. Again, no one mentioned him.
Hours later, it was long enough for the ones standing—such as myself—to feel their legs become numb, there were the sounds of multiple bells being run throughout the hallway.
Cautiously, the women opened the door and stepped out.
The sound of whoops and cheers came from up on the deck and, I presumed, the rolling of barrels containing spirits being pushed onto the deck and the tops broken so soldiers could stick their cups into them and drink their fill.
The ship began to move by the time it was sunset and the journey up the river recommenced.
"Forward!" the leader shouted to his regime.
A day or so before, we had arrived at the base of the river and would have to take the rest of the journey on foot.
The others who stayed behind were to make a quick detour to the key resource places they had conquered in order to take more of what the nation needed before returning to the Fire Nation.
Contrary to what many Earth Kingdom and Water Tribe citizens were told to believe, the Fire Nation did have restriction. We would not chop down an entire forest—why would we have needed such a superfluous amount of wood?—or empty out an entire coal mine just to torment the Earth Kingdom citizens and there was next to nothing to plunder from the Water Tribes; the only times when the Fire Nation would ever do such things would have been to fuel psychological warfare.
I walked alongside a supply wagon, Iroke was strapped in a backpack-like contraption at my chest, and glanced warily at the trees; rebellion groups had been known to meet and attack around here, and guerilla tactics were their version of psychological warfare—and very effective, at that. Ignoring the insistences of the other women who were riding in another wagon, I continued to hold onto the leather rope that I tied to the back of the wagon and walk on; saying that I did not want to become fat and idle.
By the late afternoon, every other woman had gotten off the wagons (some because they heeded my 'warning', others because they didn't want to look stupid or stuck up) and were walking; though most of them complained all of the way.
"My feet hurt." "My toes have blisters." "I have blisters on my blisters." "I feel as if my ankles will break!" "I think I broke something!"
I was relieved when we arrived at the first fort just before nightfall.
The many days and miles that we traveled on foot were very eventful; one heavily pregnant woman even had to give birth on a pulled wagon with only myself and a handful of older women to be her midwives, Iroke had sustained an injury to the right side of his forehead in one of the guerrilla attacks from a band of Earth Kingdom 'soldiers'; but nothing that growing out his hair wouldn't cover up, we once had to pull dozens of our wagons through mud during a hammering typhoon that suddenly appeared and all the while try to preserve the food and supplies we had brought for the soldiers, and a handful of other events that should be recorded in the soldiers' surviving journals and memoirs.
The 38th regime was the one I traveled with, if I remember correctly.
By the time we reached the current battlefront, everyone looked much thinner and gaunt but still alive nonetheless.
Iroh and his fellow officers welcomed us with a small feast of hot foods and freshly brewed ale—when we came, a very chilly wind had been blowing upon us and we had little more than our cloaks to protect us from such weather—and slaughtered some of their best animals 'to fatten you up' as Iroh told me. I laughed and ate my fill.
As Iroke slept in the makeshift crib, I flopped down on the cot; not realizing until then how tired my body actually was.
"Was the walk too much for a woman like you?" Iroh taunted; rubbing my knee with one of his hands.
"Don't mock me; you try walking while carrying your infant and your calm façade is worn thin by women's sometimes-outrageous complaints." I replied; stretching my back as far as I could.
"Poor thing." Iroh remarked; his hands moving lower to my calf.
"That feels good." I murmured; turning over on the cot and trying to rub at my shoulders.
"Yes, there." I encouraged when he began digging his thumbs into the spot between my vertebrae and shoulder bones.
"Maybe I should go into the massage business after I retire as a militant." Iroh teased.
"But you would have too many duties as Fire Lord, when you are crowned Fire Lord anyways." I put in; arching up to his hands as he pressed them a bit lower.
"True, but I will have time in between; Kuzon and Azulon's deaths are not imminent anyways." He replied; rolling his knuckles onto my lower back.
"Far enough." I said; lifting myself up. He raised his eyebrow at me in curiosity.
"You need to focus tomorrow; I doubt sex will do much to benefit your thinking." I answered; swatting his hand away.
"You don't know that." He replied arrogantly.
"Just sleep, you oversexed womanizer." I said; lying back down onto my back.
"Oversexed, I can call myself; but not a womanizer." He said; caressing my face with his lips and reaching for my hand. I laughed; letting him interlace his fingers with mine and lie down next to me.
When I woke up, Iroh was already gone and Iroke had awakened peacefully; he no longer cried when he woke up, preferring to call people by the names he had given them—Ma for me, Ba for Iroh, Tai (the only name he could pronounced correctly) for his older brother, a few other ones for a few of his playmates and nurses and so on—over to him.
I took Iroke out of his cradle and went outside; seeing that everyone was packing up.
One fourth or so of the regime had gotten up early to march out for a surprise attack and the others were supposed to take what was left of the carts and wagons and animals and move them eastwards.
I sat in the back of the wagon that day, watching Iroke as he cooed and chased some of the chickens that were on the jostling wagon with us.
I probably fell asleep or sunk too deeply into my thoughts, but the next thing I knew the sound of battalion-commanding shouts filled the air and the ground was shaking below us. I grabbed Iroke who, upon sensing that we were in danger, clung onto me and buried his face into my collarbone as we rushed the oxen forward to the nearest group.
Supply wagons always made sure to carry lightweight sheets of blackened metal for many reasons; to make new equipment with, or to make something like a giant tortoise shell, with spare holes for seeing, attacking, and air circulation, around the regime which was light to carry yet provided efficient protection for the people traveling with the army and the animals. The shelter could be made within a few seconds if the sheets were welded together correctly and could be melted down as easily to make into something else.
What all of those domes must have looked like to the opposing side; something like giant, shiny stones moving quickly across a path in as much of a line as they could form.
The four or five months following that event, we had gone deeper towards the battleground and stayed there; the Fire Nation was trying to push forward, but the 'Keystone City' of the Earth Kingdom was putting up a hell of a fight.
"We only have a bit of time." Iroh replied; trying to undo the complicated part of his new armor.
"And you want to waste it on sex?" I demanded; despite that I was helping him out of that thing.
He looked at me as if I had sprouted a second head.
"In this world, there are only two things that matter to a man: Conquest and Survival." He replied. I raised my eyebrow at him; confused.
"And here I thought sex was the only thing that mattered to a man." I said sarcastically.
"Part of survival." Iroh answered it as if it was common sense.
The next morning, I awoke to him shaking me up and beckoning me to hurriedly dress.
I complied and rushed outside with him; seeing that the battle was beginning once again and a stableman was coming towards us.
He gave the reins of the Tiger-Horse to Iroh and bowed to me. For a second, all I could do was babble like an idiot in front of them both; I was on the battlegrounds already, so why in the name of the gods couldn't I join him? He leaned down; giving me a light kiss on the forehead.
"Do not fret, wife. I will be back by sundown today." He said sweetly; as if addressing a young daughter instead of his own spouse.
"You—!" I began in outrage, but he chose to gallop off prior to when I would have exploded at him.
Over the next month or so, it became something of a routine for Iroh's regime to continue to travel closer to the outskirts of the city of Yuanzuo, meeting resistance from every Earth Kingdom village in between since they felt that the results if the Fire Nation conquered the city would be drastic for them, and I had to follow behind.
I felt my hands become weather-beaten and rough with the manual labor I did, most of the time with ill-fitting or no gloves, and despite the repeated remedies of mashed avocado and milk I made for my hands every night, the roughness of my hands stubbornly refused to smooth out.
"My lady, you have been working too hard." Amia, one of the women who came on the trip as well, said as she held Iroke. I pulled the leather strap tightly against the wagon and turned to her.
"Nonsense; I will bear my fair share of the workload." I replied to her. Almost immediately after the words came from my mouth, I felt the ground shake; causing myself to lean heavily against the wagon and clutch the strap.
"I-Is it an earthquake?" I asked; feeling my head pulsate and my eyesight almost fail me.
"My lady?" Amia inquired; coming closer to me.
I do not know what happened then, I only remember letting go of the leather strap and…falling.
I awoke to feel whatever I was laying on shake roughly.
I pushed myself up onto my elbow and saw that I was on the back of a wagon and resting on a makeshift bed. I tried to pull myself up further, but a pair of bony, yet very strong, hands pushed me back down.
"Rest; a pregnant woman should not overwork herself. Rest." The old healer, I think her name was Moraga or something, instructed.
Pregnant? Did she really think that I was…?
Instinctively, I reached underneath the blanket and laid a hand onto my abdomen. I had felt it become tauter, but it was the first time I had felt it and actually considered…that possibility. I felt the area firmly bulge and bit my lip; was I really pregnant again? I wasn't keeping track of my courses anymore and felt tired constantly, but I only thought that it was due to the stress of having to constantly march and work while watching over Iroke at the same time.
Besides, nothing else happened; my breasts weren't even sore. I heard many cases in which a woman had almost all of the signs of pregnancy but when their labor time came, it turned out to be nothing but a false—a 'hysterical', in some people's eyes—pregnancy. Usually, it happened to women whose courses dried up shortly after; so many women took such a 'condition' as an ominous forebode.
"Where is my son?" I asked; remembering that I had last left him with Amia.
"Here he is, my lady. I must admit, he has been crying for you ever since they had to scoop you up and put you on this wagon." Amia replied; holding him out to me.
I accepted the bundle in her hands and held Iroke against me; feeling his small body press against my stomach. For a moment, I was taken back to when I was pregnant with my twin daughters; they would have been ten had they survived…
"We're here!" a voice shouted from the front of the procession line.
It looked like a dot at first, but as we got closer the more elaborate details of one of the Fire Nation forts outside of Yuanzuo came into view. Upon seeing that, I wondered how long I had been asleep; from what I remembered in my military days, a journey from so-and-so distance on a map took at least three days.
The formal shouts of welcome, most likely just whoops of joy that we had brought more food and supplies, rang through the air as the gates opened for us.
Surprisingly, the first thing I did when I stepped out of the wagon was stuff some hay into a potato bag and flop down onto it; feeling the proverbial fatigue that came with a pregnancy overtake me.
"Well, I'm not surprised." A woman's voice scoffed above me.
Prying my eyes open, I found Iroke being held by his father who was speaking with another woman; both of whom were a few feet away from me.
"Why not?" he inquired as he lightly jiggled his arm to wake up his youngest son.
"Because you have very fast-traveling seeds." She replied; obviously a ribald reference to my own pregnancies and to a few others.
"True." I agreed with the woman.
They both turned to me; the woman bowing deeply, and Iroh smiling brilliantly. As she left, Iroh kneeled down and placed his hand onto my abdomen.
"D'you really think…?" he asked softly.
"It still is a bit too early, but one can always hope." I replied.
As the months passed and the Fire Nation forces continued to bombard the walls of the city, it became obvious that a storming of the city was needed for such a crucial victory; a large-scale coup, so to call it.
After weeks of debating, the final plan was drawn and Iroh, being the adrenaline-seeking idiot—but he was my adrenaline-seeking idiot—he was, wanted to lead in the front line.
News from the home front had stated, or at least it was strongly rumored, that both Kuzon and Azulon had fallen ill and if they both died or were proclaimed too ill to rule, then Iroh—and myself, technically speaking—would have to go back to the Fire Nation to be made the new Fire Nation monarchs. If he were too late to do so, there was a possibility that Ozai might, in a sense, usurp the throne and were Iroh to die, Tai and Iroke were possible candidates for the throne.
"Your Imperial Highness, be reasonable! The royal bloodline must be preserved; not run headfirst into a city where they can be killed in an instant!" an elderly general protested.
"General, my decision is final. I refuse to be only a figurehead and sit back to let others take the burdens of my actions." Iroh replied firmly; obviously not going to be swayed otherwise.
"But—!" the same man began. It was then that I chose to cut in. Unable to find a person to temporarily hold Iroke, I came into the tent; infant and all. At first, the military leaders were relieved to see me, them obviously thinking that I would beg or say something to Iroh that would make him reconsider or that the sight of me and Iroke together would make him realize what Iroh might leave behind if he was killed, but then they realized that I was not there to dissuade Iroh; quite the contrary.
I stood next to him; glancing for a moment before turning to the others.
"He will go; as I will also." I stated. At once, protests erupted from the other men in the room considering my current (possible) bodily state—apparently, they only cared about what they believed was in my womb at the time—but I knew that Iroh, despite how much he wished to protest, would not; it would be hypocrisy on his part if he did.
"It is settled, then." Iroh said; his voice instantly quieting the uproar.
"We shall both be going out to the battlefront." He then turned to me.
"You only wish to relive your glory days, don't you?" he asked; his eyes alight with amusement. I smiled back.
He leaned closer to me; just to whisper in my ear.
"I'll be looking forward to it." He then exited the tent; leaving me with about a dozen curious eyes directed at me.
Back in my small tent, as I saw my tired face in the mirror, I sighed; ghosting my hand over where the slightest of wrinkles was appearing.
"Don't worry; I'm aging too." Iroh whispered; coming up from behind me and wrapping his arm around my upper torso.
"We're growing so old." I sighed; stroking one of his cheeks.
"But we are growing old together." He replied; giving me a small kiss.
"My lady! Wake up!" I was jolted up to hear screams and the violent shaking of the ground.
The woman pulled me up quickly and threw a bundle of clothes at me. I dressed as hastily as I could and ran out.
The scene was a wreck; the ground was cracked and divided everywhere with trees tossed askew and the splintered wood from the wagons sticking out in all directions. The animals had begun to panic, I would not blame them; considering that the ground they were standing on was suddenly not-so-stable, and there was chaos among the ranks because of the surprise attack from the Earth Kingdom. So the town finally decided to fight back.
"Iroke!" I shouted; panic filling me at the missing status of my son.
A loud cry filled the air and I saw behind me that a man, possibly the turncoat who had arranged the surprise attack, grab my son roughly by his arm and attempt to run off with him.
I reacted instantaneously. I ran up to the man and, with a swift kick to his groin, forced him to the ground and the shock forced him to let go of Iroke and the weapon he held.
With a foot on his neck--the abdomen was too far down and not vulnerable enough, I scooped up my sobbing infant and began to apply more pressure on his neck.
"Don't touch my son." I hissed. He did not bother anyone else ever again, but to quiet Iroke was no easy feat; considering that he also heard the sounds of the battle and the screams.
He clung to my hair for dear life as we ran further up to the battle and I desperately tried to find the remnants of our family. Iroh was the first to spot me and ran over.
"You idiot!" he shouted at me; grasping my arms.
"I can fight just as well as you can!" I screamed back.
"Not while you have an infant on your breast!" he fired back and tried to push me away, but I stubbornly refused.
We were both so caught up in our argument that we took no notice of the battle around us; particularly not that of the Earth Kingdom soldier creeping up to us with a club. The first time I had noticed that man was when someone shouted out my name and I turned towards the sound. Seeing him, my first reaction was to get anyone close to me out of danger.
I turned to Iroh, knowing that he had just now also seen the imminent danger, and pressed his son towards him. No sooner than when I had shoved Iroke into Iroh's arms did I turn around and was hit in the stomach; hard.
I felt my leg muscles lock in place because of the shock as the blow was riveted throughout my body. My knees felt like they were water and I fell upon the ground; holding my stomach. The pain would just not go away; I felt as if I would throw up and faint any second. I could not stand; I could not move; I could barely feel as someone grabbed me roughly and half dragged me across the bloodstained earth.
Something bright soared over my head and I felt whoever it was dragging me quicken his or her pace.
I never knew how close I came…
My first instinct was to cringe in pain from my sore abdomen, but I still felt numb.
Opening my eyes, I saw women whispering rapidly above me; paying no attention to my newly-regained consciousness.
"But if she does die, will Iroh marry someone else?" one whispered.
"Maybe it'll be me." another said haughtily.
Some more arguments about who it might have been ensued before I made a sound.
"I don't think that it will be necessary." I replied; clearing my throat.
The girls looked terribly embarrassed and scuttled away; other women replacing them.
"How are you?" Ming-Ming, the older woman who had told me that I was pregnant, inquired. I turned away from them; pressing myself deeper against the bed.
"I…I lost the baby." I told them quietly.
In the moment I had regained consciousness, I heard the midwife doing something to me and shaking her head as Iroh, who was opposite of her, asked her what was wrong. "The baby. I'm sorry, but…" she said, but I slipped back into that in-between world before I heard anything else.
I heard the door open and close again; knowing that it was Iroh.
I felt a cold sweat seize me; should I just stay like this or should I break down in front of him? Should I cry, would it make me look weak?
"I'm sorry. I lost the baby." I whimpered; much like a servant after being disobedient to its master and knowing that it would suffer some branch of punishment. I heard him sigh and his weight shifted my mattress. He reached out and placed his hand over my stomach; probably not missing that I winced when he did that.
"There was no baby." He replied; his voice heavy.
"It was all in your imagination. The blood was not from a miscarriage, it was only your time of the month coming late" Iroh whispered.
A phantom pregnancy; I wondered bitterly for a second if it also signified that my courses would dry up soon. "I imagined that I was pregnant?" I whispered; glancing at him.
He nodded slowly and I griped his hand tighter. "I'm such a fool." I said; burying my face into my other hand.
"Leave." Iroh commanded the others present and then leaned down to act something like a warm blanket over me.
"But…it was at least half an hour before you received treatment from the healer. Babies have been known to disappear from wombs often." I wondered fleetingly if he'd seen me the moment I had temporarily awakened. "Let us not talk about that anymore; what happened to the battle?" I inquired.
"Let's just say that…we'll need to be here for a longer time." Iroh said plainly.
We may have lost that day, or we may have won. It did not matter; Yuanzuo did collapse and it took zodiacs, the last I had heard it was still trying to stabalize itself, since the day of its surrender to rebuild itself.
I smiled and accepted the bowl of hong mien, or red noodles, which were eaten on special occasions such as New Year and one's birthday.
"Thirty-five, what a grand milestone for you!" one woman said.
Iroke was attempting to grab a very slippery noodle beside me and Tai, though in the midst of a laughing fit as he regarded his brother's moue and determined expression, was helping himself—I think it could be called gluttonously—to his favorite sweets and dishes. I thanked them all and helped myself to the abundance of dishes that the cook had prepared.
It had been many months after my false pregnancy, and I had gotten over the primary shock, but even as I laughed at the jests and gossip that others around me said, I still wondered if I could have another child or even have enough confidence in myself to even try for one. Iroh was patient and understanding and slowly, with old techniques that we had incorporated when we were in the military, he seduced me back into our marriage bed.
By then, sadly, news of my false pregnancy had spread and I saw occasionally a woman look at me with the deepest pity in her eyes.
'I do not care. I do not care. I do not care.' I repeated the mantra over and over; clinging onto the (nonexistent) fact.
As demonstrated in the past, psychological warfare is an effective method to get one side to overestimate, even come to fear, the other side and so to flaunt the Fire Nation's innovative technology, a few miles away from Yuanzuo, the troops established a colony and begged for their families to come to the 'New Land', where there was a cornucopia of land and wood and fertile soil to till and be mercantilists.
Iroh, letting another commander take over, went to the settlement with myself and our sons; to relax, he said.
The settlement was housed in a long-abandoned temple that had been almost permanently destroyed in an Earthquake zodiacs before and because the Earth Kingdom was something of a fanatic to their 'faith', word spread that the temple was a cursed pagan one; where an explorer would be forever damned if he set foot on a single stone of it.
The Fire Nation, however, thought that it was lucrative and built it there anyways. Using the forests around them and whatever supplies the ship could spare, the colony slowly took form; as did the Toriis and monumental structures whose shadow would, at a right day and time, block out the sun in the city.
There was no time to rest; there were houses to be built, fields to plow, groundwater to be dug for, pens for animals to be built, an entire colony to be started from scratch.
I laughed when Iroh attempted to plow with a donkey—the animal rebelled at the last minute and, throwing off the harness on his back, ran squealing and braying until a tranquilizer-dipped dark stung him in the butt and quieted him.
"I can't believe it." Iroh murmured as he pulled me closer to him.
"What can't you believe, love?" I asked; relaxing at the feel of his warm body—sans clothing—next to mine.
"When we were royalty and on a grand bed of silks and feathers, we were alright, but occasionally miserable—." He began.
"And now, we're on a large sack stuffed with hay and only a badly-woven cotton blanket over us, and we're happier than ever." I finished with a laugh.
"Why are mommy and daddy wrestling?" a sleepy voice from across the room asked. Turning, we saw Iroke in the doorway; clutching his baby blanket and rubbing his eyes.
"Uh—why are you awake, sweetie?" I asked.
"You and daddy were saying something loud." Iroke replied.
Iroh and I turned to each other; embarrassed and wondering.
"Well, why don't we put you back to bed?" Iroh suggested; quickly grabbing a pair of pants and dressing himself. He scooped Iroke up and carried him out of the room. When he came back, I had redressed myself.
"We really need to get a door." I said.
"Congratulations, my lady!" Amia shouted when she had seen that I'd awakened.
"For fainting again?" I asked; my memory kicking in at last.
"No, but—." Before she could say another word, the front door to the room burst open and Iroh came in with a small entourage of laughing men.
"You're supposed to use fertilizer in the FIELD, Iroh!" one of them said and the others laughed uproariously.
"Are…Are you sure?" I asked Amia, who nodded.
"Absolutely."
"We have to go back to the Southern Water Tribe." Iroh announced to me one day.
"Why?" I demanded; appalled at the thought.
"A report has come from the spy I stationed there; talks of them entering the war are becoming louder and whether it is a red herring or not, we will have to crush any rebellious spirit within them." He replied.
So he did have a spy there; for a moment, I wondered if it was Yao—why else would he be so understanding and open to me while the rest of the tribe shunned me for being an 'alien'?
"But what about Yuanzuo?" I asked.
"I'll let some other official take the glory or shame." Iroh replied as he began to stuff his folded clothes, courtesy of myself, into various trunks.
A month or so later, I saw the ice caps and felt the change in temperature and shivered.
My poor baby; I was now five months along and occasionally felt flutters in my stomach; especially when we neared the cold.
"Are you nervous, mother?" Tai asked one day when he saw me looking ahead to where the faintest traces of smoke could be seen.
"It's probably just because I am a woman, but…I feel a sense of foreboding dread when I look southwards." I replied; to which Tai took my hand in his.
"Do not worry; it is only a quick coup to keep them under control. I'm sure no one will be too hurt that our doctors and healers cannot treat." He said reassuringly.
'You have not been to war for long, have you?' I wanted to ask, but kept my mouth shut; giving my son a smile and squeezing his hand.
Iroh told me to stay inside with Iroke, but I still did not listen.
Though I was six months pregnant—often, I wondered if I had celebrated my thirty-sixth birthday at all—I was not weak and did not need to be petted like a little girl.
"Where is daddy?" Iroke asked; tugging at my robes.
"Daddy is outside." I replied sleepily; feeling him press his ear to my stomach once more.
When I woke up, Iroke was gone. I quickly shot up from bed; panicked. When a four year old boy sneaks away, often, he does not try and make it seem like nothing had happened; Iroke had forgotten to close the door behind him.
I was about to run after him, but hesitated; I was supposed to be dead in the Southern Water Tribe, I was supposed to have disappeared anyways…what would happen if I exposed myself?
To hell with it, I thought, I will expose myself and then kill the witnesses. Donning a dark overcoat that partially disguised my swollen belly, I snuck down onto the shore to hear much more than just a scuffle begin. Left and right, blood was being spilt and opposite elements clashed.
I ran through the battlefield; searching desperately for Iroh and Tai; maybe Iroke had gone over to them. I called their names many times, but it all passed unheard because of all of the screaming and horn-blowing.
"Mother! What are you doing here?" Tai shouted from behind me.
"Tai!" I breathed in relief; letting him clasp my arms.
"We need to get you back inside!" he yelled over the uproar.
"Iroke is missing! I-I can't find him!" I shouted back; still looking around desperately.
"We will find him! I promise! But you need to get to safety!" Tai insisted; pulling for me to go back, but I fought him.
"He is my son! Your brother! I must find him!" I yelled in protest.
"Get away from her!" a coarse voice shouted; unmistakably directed at us.
We hardly had time to turn when an ice dart shot past me and pierced my son. I reached out to support him, but felt a rough hand grasping at my wrist and half-dragging me towards the battlefront.
"What—?" I began to shout, then saw the familiar visage; it was Paha.
And yet, it wasn't him; gone was the awkward little boy, and the man before me was just so unlike him that even I didn't believe it at first.
"Come on, Yuki!" he shouted urgently; turning to me.
"But—!" I began.
"You will be safe from those Fire Nation bastards!" he added; glaring contemptuously at my son.
I wrenched my hand from his grip; punching him in the face as he reeled around. When I punched him, his hand managed to grip one of my hairpins and yank it out.
Paha turned; facing me. For the first time, he noticed that I did not look starved and ravaged like he probably expected. To the contrary, I looked much healthier and seemed to be happy; certainly never as happy as I looked when I was with him. His eyes drifted downwards to my Fire Nation attire. He might even have noticed the bulge in my stomach, but I will never know. The hairpin in his hand shed more light on 'Yuki', and then he glanced at Tai, bleeding profusely on the ground, not missing his light brown hair and blue eyes.
Lightning crackled at my fingertips, itching to be released, and my rightfully-placed aggression made me end the life of a man I once called my spouse with a single slash of Katana-Raikou to his chest; mercifully letting him die instantaneously unlike he was forcing my firstborn to die slowly and painfully.
In his hand, he still held my ornate hairpin; the one with the Fire Nation insignia printed on it and lightly studded with wood along the body for grooves.
Without hesitation, I took it and threw it deeper to where the fighting was taking place; it was contaminated by the touch of he-whose-name-I-would-not-speak-forevermore anyways.
I ran back to my son; pulling him up and pressing my head to his chest; desperate to hear a heartbeat or a sign of breathing.
Iroh came running towards me, carrying a runaway Iroke, and fell to his knees in order to help me. He slowly shook his head; he felt a weak or no pulse. I reached for my only other living son at the time; squeezing him tightly against my chest as Iroh lifted Tai's still body onto his shoulders.
"We have to go." He said; holding his hand out to me.
Though I wanted to go back, I took his hand and ran with him back to the sanctuary of his ship.
By the end of the day, the massacre, which had unintentionally broken out, had ended; once again, there was a shortage of adult men in the tribe but nothing else.
As the mound of ice disappeared from my sight in the window of the Fire Nation ship, I rubbed my protruding stomach and swore that I would never go back to the wastelands; foolishly, I added that if I ever did, the baby in my stomach at the time would die there.
Tai was in the infirmary; though he did survive, I knew from Iroh's grim expression that the doctors told him that our son would most likely die. The next day I asked the doctor if he had determined what was wrong with Tai and for a second, he seemed to wonder if he should tell me.
"My lady, the wound has punctured his lungs and, though the wound is slight, blood is still beginning to pour in and there is no sign of it stopping. He has time, but not much of it." He finally told me.
"So you are going to stand aside and let a member of royalty die as if he were a man with the plague?" I exploded. I knew that my anger was irrational, but years of experience had taught me to pocket my sadness and bitterness and replace it with anger; I had no control over my words or actions.
Iroh was affected as much as I was; there were times when we would sit at Tai's bedside for hours, Iroke also did but he mainly fell asleep quickly, and hold each other.
I begged Agni to spare my son, day after day, but he always seemed to be getting worse. The ship was sailing at top speed back to the Fire Nation, back to the center for the best medical treatments, but we all feared that it was not enough. Tai only spoke to me one time during the entire journey.
We had passed the borders of the Fire Nation official sea territory prior to beginning their campaign for world domination, but my hope for Tai's survival was dwindling.
"Mama." He rasped; so softly that I thought for a moment that he'd just sighed loudly.
"Tai. I am so sorry." I choked out; dropping besides his bed and taking his hand into both of mine.
"Paint." He simply whispered.
I inquired if the ship had any supply of paints and went to get them; graphite, brushes, a canvas and a table for my son and watched as he drew and paint with incredible speed and concentration; it almost seemed as if he were well.
For days, I fed him and gave him mashed soft foods and water between his resting intervals and watched as seven figures emerged from a sunny background surrounded by sakura blooms and sakurako trees.
One day, about a week after he first began, he nudged me awake.
"Huh?" I awoke; startled.
"Look, mother." He whispered softly; pointing to his picture. I looked upon the canvas and gasped.
Immortally dried on the canvas was a family portrait; a forbidden mirror.
In the painting, Iroh and I sat on grand and ornate chairs with a sixteen year old Tai standing between us along with his arm around Tenera who was holding a 3 year old infant, whom I was later told to be Tai's legitimate and biological son, and twelve year old Laetitia and Katara—both looking so realistic and beautiful that I almost cried upon seeing it—sitting on smaller stools with their legs tucked between the legs of the stool. Iroke sat between the two; his face bright and beaming. In my arms, I held an infant lightly swaddled in gold-lined red muslin. All of the faces were smiling; a happy vision of a great family built on love.
"Oh, Tai…" I murmured; at a loss for words.
"I know. I would have wanted that too." He replied; taking my hand.
My eyes widened at how cold it was and how weak his grip had become.
"You need to rest!" I exclaimed; taking the canvas away.
"At least let me seal it first." Tai insisted; reaching for the painting. Every artist had their personal seal and their art wasn't finished until they pressed it onto the painting with vermillion ink.
"Alright." I consented; putting the canvas back onto the table. The door opened and Iroh stepped in.
"You should rest, Yukihiya." He whispered; lifting me up. I was very hesitant on leaving my son.
"I will watch him, I promise." My husband whispered and I nodded; leaving for a quick meal and a night of sleep.
I woke up to hear a great wail and knew the worst had happened.
Dressing hastily in a loose shift and dressing gown, I ran the hallways and staircases towards the infirmary; throwing open the door. Iroh was in the chair at Tai's bedside; holding the young boy's limp hand and weeping openly.
I ran over to him and threw my arms over his shoulders; my own tears rolling down his back and staining his richly embroidered shirt. Looking up, I saw the painting. He had pressed his seal onto the bottom right corner; it seemed to be the last thing he did.
I had to sign Tai's death certificate the next day and the message was sent back to the Fire Nation.
We held a service for him, a royal service, and cremated his body; keeping the urn of his ashes until we got to the Fire Nation where we could store it in the royal crypt.
"Where is Onii-chan?" Iroke used to ask me sleepily; since it was his brother who usually read to him at bedtime.
"He is away." I whispered.
"When will he come back? I want a rematch in Pai Sho." Iroke added with a pout. I did not know whether to laugh or cry at that comment; I only kissed him and sang a lullaby to hopefully make him fall asleep faster.
No sooner than when I heard his breathing pattern elongate, Iroh came in.
"What is it?" I asked; rising. He came over to me and kissed me feverishly; a sign that he was going to tell me some kind of tragic news.
"We have to give up one of our sons." It took me a full minute to realize the meaning of his words.
"What? No! I cannot give either of them up!" I declared; hugging my rounded belly and trying to reach for Iroke's hand.
We had both already lost one son, his death being partially my fault, and now he wanted me to just abandon another? Tai's ashes were still in that urn on our nightstand; the miniature portrait on the front of it seemingly watching us.
"I cannot either, but you know how life is like in the upper class ring; siblings are pitted against each other until one of them is murdered or gives up. Do you want Iroke and his brother to be born into that world?" he asked.
He had a good point there; that was why only one child, preferably a strong son, was most popular among families in the upper class circle. Sibling rivalry took on a new height when two legitimate, especially if they're both male and prodigal, children were born to royalty. But motherly affection could not force me to part with Iroke or Lu Ten, even if I don't know how he will grow up. I had already lost Tai, his death being a huge weight in my heart, and now I had to lose another son?
"How do you know if it will be a boy?" I demanded; clutching desperately at straws.
"How can I not?" he replied grimly; his hard expression almost breaking my heart.
I kneeled down and embraced Iroke very tightly; so tightly that he tried to squirm away from me.
"Let's put you to bed again." I whispered to my son, for what seemed to be the last time I did so. I kissed his forehead and whispered my goodnights and left for Iroh to say his goodnights. When he came back out, it seemed to be a very long time before he did so, I saw that Iroke was asleep and he himself looked to be crying. We did not speak.
"I do not want history to repeat through Iroke and our third son." He finally said. I would not have wanted it to repeat with Tai or Iroke either, but abandoning a royal child--considered treason in some cases--could not have been the sole answer.
"Do you remember the many times I've told you that Ozai is often considered a mistake?" he continued; leaning against the metal wall. I had heard this story many times.
"You were such the perfect son; no parent could ever want for more. Then came Ozai; your exact opposite." I said.
"Exactly. Azulon didn't even bother to pit us against one another, despite that we were his two sons. Ozai also knew that; thus beginning his hatred for me. The more everyone would praise me and curse him, the more he felt that we would always be rivals and the more power-crazed and anger-driven he became." He told.
"Then why? Why would you want to be friends with him? Why did you tell me ten years earlier to marry him when we both detested him?" I burst out. Iroh only stared at me; his eyes full of understanding and remorse.
"I do not detest him; he is my brother. And because he is my brother, I know many things about him. I know what he thinks of you and I know how he thinks due to years of observation." Damn his riddles! Why couldn't he just tell me the truth?
"Iroh; the child you are telling me to give up will either be our son or our future child; you are going to throw away the future of one just because of sibling rivalry?" I demanded; near tears.
He grabbed my upper arms and pulled me tightly against him. I felt moisture against my temples and realized that he had already started to weep as well.
What an impact of losing one of his children must have on him. We held each other, choking on our own melancholy, until we looked towards Iroke's room.
"I will tell the captain to change course." I murmured sadly.
Iroh nodded and the hall was silent once again. Just before I went up the stairwell leading to the main deck, I turned my face and I saw out of peripheral vision Iroh's face twist and grimace with such torturous anguish.
That expression burned an image into my mind and remained there until we found our son again.
I had somehow stumbled my way into the steering room.
"Change this ship's course." I said; forcing my voice to be cold and aloof.
"Where to, my lady?" the sailor asked; not daring to disobey an order from me. I thought for a moment; where could we go to find a family that would willingly take in Iroke without telling anyone? Then, I thought about the sole island that was a stopping point before we arrived at the Fire Nation.
"Set a course for Kinjo Island."
As we neared the small island, I saw little to no traces of firelight or smoke illuminating the way and nobody took any notice when our ship stopped at the docks.
"Are you ready?" Iroh whispered from behind me. How could I have ever been ready for such an act?
I nodded once and pulled Iroke onto my back.
It was late and Iroke's weight did not do anything to hound out my fatigue, but I had to keep searching. Iroh could not go onto the island sans attracting attention and I had to wear a dark cloak, even if it was at least seventy degrees, to conceal myself and my sleeping son.
On the island, one of the slightly drunk and talkative townsman told Iroh and me of a couple who had a child, but the child drowned only an hour or so earlier—the news about his death had not gotten out yet—and I set out to find the spouses.
The townsman had not given the best of directions, all he told me was their house was on a hill at the foot of the mountains, and I had to go quickly.
At last, I found a small hut with light flickering through the gaps in its structure. Careful not to wake Iroke, I ran as fast as I could to that house and knocked on the front door.
A very weary man with sadness and disappointment etched in his face answered the door. He was very lanky with slightly tanned skin and sallow dark eyes with hair varying in shades of grey for what seemed to be every strand.
"I've heard about your dead child." I whispered softly.
The man tensed, hesitated, and then opened the door a little wider to let me in. it was a one-room hut and off to the right side, his wife was weeping; almost blanketing the small body of her dead son.
She looked fairly young, her hair was still black and her skin did not seem to be pigmented, but the wrinkles around her eyes made her look so much older. In her grief, she did not notice me come over to her and did not look up until I lowered Iroke off of my back and onto the floor next to her real son.
The woman took a sharp intake of breath, mainly because she saw that my son was breathing, and almost touched his head but held back when she noticed me. With my gloved hand, I gently pushed her aside and took her son from her lap.
He and Iroke were about the same height, their skin tone were the same (I guess the dead son loved the outdoors very much), their hair and facial features were similar enough to pass them off as each other, and they were supposed to be about the same age. They would do.
I began to lift the dead child when the mother reached out in an attempt to stop me, but her husband held her in a way that she would not reach the child.
"Yoh…" she murmured; it must have been the boy's name. I only pointed to my sleeping son.
"Your son." I whispered; a knife tearing through my heart at the words.
Unable to say anything else, I took the corpse into my arms and was about to go when the woman spoke up for the first time.
"What is his name?" she asked me; still staring at the sleeping child. I hesitated, but it wouldn't be any use hiding it.
"Iroke. His name is Iroke." I said; slightly drawing back my cloak so light would hit my face.
The couple looked startled for a minute, for the first time since I saw them they did not look like the living dead, but then they nodded; stepping forward with their left foot and slightly inclining their upper bodies in my direction.
"Iroke it is...your highness." For years, it would stand as the last time I saw my only surviving child.
I carried the dead child back to Iroh and we, after making his body seem like it was smothered, arranged him on Iroke's bed.
"They look so alike, it almost scares me." Iroh murmured and I nodded; when we examined his pupils, we found that Yoh and Iroke even had close to the same eye color!
"We'd best think of how we are going to react when we find our son dead in the morning." I sighed and we once more retired to our bed.
The entire discovery and funeral was shameless acting on both of our parts.
Iroh made the discovery, since I was still asleep and if I and people would have expected me to have a miscarriage if I discovered him first, and I had learned how to shed a tear on demand years ago; putting that skill to good use as we watched the ignited boat of 'our dead son' sail away from the ship.
Iroh gave orders that no one is to speak of Iroke; not after the funeral, not in the Fire Nation, not until it was supposedly safe to bring him back. This was why he had made an order that no birth certificate is passed announcing Iroke's birth and told the crew, even when writing a letter to their family members, never to mention our new son; it would be as if he had never existed.
Many remarked that I cried more than usual on that day, but I only continued to let my eyes be fountains; only Iroh and I knew the truth.
A few days later, it was a very bitter birthday for me. I was thirty-seven and carrying the sole heir to Iroh's line—at least, the only heir the nation would soon know about.
Whew! Another chapter finished! Reviews are welcome.
