Jane had put Isobel to bed for her afternoon nap and had just settled down on the sofa to try to process the last four hours.
Spock was gone.
She had watched his shuttle depart the embassy airspace, a sobbing Amanda and stoic Sarek beside her.
It was done. It was officially over.
Spock would purge her and she… she would have to learn how to move on. Learn how to put her love for him aside.
Rejecting him had been one thing, it had been necessary for her mental well being, but she had never, no matter how hard she had tried to kid herself, stopped loving him.
How was she going to start? And start she would have to.
Hadn't she had seen her future in the blank eyes of that adapt eyes? Pretty it was not. Spock may be able to purge her but could she really purge him.
Swiping her hand over her cheek she was shocked to feel the tears coursing down her cheeks. Once again she was crying over a man she had sworn not to lose another tear over but no matter how she tried she could not stop.
Maybe she was making a mistake and if she was it was going to be a doozy because this was a mistake she was not going to be able to come back from.
Her non belief in no win situations would be shot to hell if faced with a kolinahr Spock Robot. Especially if Uhura was right and she wanted him back.
Leonard McCoy raised his hand for the fourth time to knock on the door in front of him before lowering it again.
This was the fifth time he had stood in front of this door. It was about the hundredth time he had tried to knock on it.
Each time he had failed to knock and had left, each time he had slinked away like the guilty cur he was.
Trying to summon up all the courage he would need to face Jane he raised his fist one more, positioning it into prime knocking position when suddenly the door swung open and Jane was in front of him.
Lowering his arm he stared at his ex best friend, who was looking at him in shocked surprise – she obviously had not expected him to have the gall to come anywhere near her.
"Jane" he stuttered
"Bo… Mccoy" she returned.
Finally face to face with the friend he had wronged so badly Leonard did not know what to say so he just stared at her.
When Jane had gone to check the mail and had opened her front door she had not been expected to be confronted by her ex BFF and as she stared at him she could not help but take in his appearance.
He looked like a man who had been through hell. His clothes were untidy, his hair was a mess and his eyes were blood shot.
Pity poured over her and she could not help but asked "Do you want to come in"
His eyes flicked up to her face and she watched as he gave a nervous nod and croakily said "Please"
Leading him inside and down the short corridor that led to her living quarters she silently gestured towards a chair as she settled on the sofa.
"Why are you here" she sighed as she studied the silent, scruffy man in front of her.
McCoy (not Bones she repeated to herself) eyes flicked towards her "To apologize mostly"
"Okay" Jane nodded "I get it. You, Spock and Uhura are all sorry. You all want to apologize. Should I tell you what I told them?"
"That you hate me" B.. McCoy sighed "That's okay" He told her "I hate me too. I hate me for throwing away the only person I have truly cared for since the messy debacle my divorce was."
"I hate me" McCoy eyes locked on Jane's "For equating you with my lying bitch of a wife. For believing that you were capable of her lies and finding you guilt of her sins."
"But it brought it all back" McCoy whispered "It brought back losing Joanne, losing the only good thing in my word since I lost my father."
Wiping an angry hand against his tear filled eye he went on "It brought back losing my baby girl, my reason for living and so I made the worst mistake in my life." Bones stood up and shrugged "I deserted my best friend. NO" he shook his head "My sister when she needed me most."
Standing up he looked at a shell shocked Jane "You were right." He told her "I came here today to ask for forgiveness but we both know I don't deserve it. So I'll just" at that he made a vague gesture towards the door.
Watching as Bones headed towards the door Jane broke "Wait" she told him.
McCoy turned around and Jane weakly smiled at him "Don't you want to meet Isobel?"
Watching as Bones rocked in the cream rocker, his eyes fixed on an equally enchanted Isabel who was firmly ensconced in his arms, her finger wrapped around his, Jane sighed.
Why was this so easy, she wondered? Why could she so easily want to forgive Bones? Was it because she knew that his belief in her guilt had been attached to the worse year of his life?
The year he lost his darling daughter, his reason for breathing. The year he had lost his will to live and had joint Starfleet in a desperate hope to lose himself in the black of space.
But watching her cranky, angst riddled best friend gently rock her baby in his arm her anger at him died a sudden death.
She had watched him ride his demons over losing his daughter for eight years too any times. She had watched him try to drink away the memory of her too many times to count. She had known his hatred of infidelity like she had known her hatred of no win situations.
She was also beginning to process the information that she had been given by Pike. That the man standing in front of her had tested and retested Spock fertility many times, BEFORE believing in her guilt.
She also had the lab hours and results of experiments (courtesy of Pike) he had been in charge of AFTER her departure where he had been trying to work out how a sterile man could impregnate someone.
Hours that had been fruitless as the results had always come back as conclusive that a sterile man could not become virile temporarily.
Her guilt she was now beginning to admit had looked rock solid from a scientific point of view. And Bones was nothing if not a man of science.
(But wasn't Spock also…. A little voice asked inside of her and Jane ruthlessly crushed that little voice viscously)
"You know I have a CMO position vacant. If you're interested" Jane said nonchalantly
Bones arms tightened around Isobel and he looked sharply up at her "But.." he
"Who else could I count on to keep my allergies straight and keep my neck jabbed with hypos" Jane grinned at him.
"Look Bones" she sigh "I know why you did what you did. I lived the fall out of Jocelyn remember? I know what losing Joanne did to you."
"But I should of "Bones cut in
"Should have run experiments on my husband to prove my innocence? Continued on those experiments and theories even after I left? You did" Jane smiled wanly "Admiral Pike gave me the heads up"
"They all came up negative" Bones croaked "But I shouldn't have believed the results. I should of"
"What" Jane cut in again "Hijacked a shuttle, left the Enterprise without a CMO and hurtled back to Earth to tell me that you believed in my innocence. Even when I looked dead guilty?"
"Yes" Bones shouted "I should of believed the girl I called sister was not guilty of the crimes I labeled her with without scientific proof."
"And maybe if Jocelyn had not fucked you over so bad you would of" Jane sighed.
Bones carefully put Isabel back in her bassinet "I want the job" he gruffly told Jane "I would not trust anyone else with your health. I hated not knowing how you were faring these last nine months. I hated to think of you giving birth without me supervising" Breaking off he looked at his hands "I also promise never to betray you like that ever again. Even if you look guilty, I promise to always fight to prove you are not."
"Deal" Jane smiled watery before Bones pulled her into a bone crushing hug.
