Author notes: Still setting the scene for final showdown. As usual I own nothing.

Jane had never really reflected on the stroke of luck that had meant the crew of the Enterprise had already been selected for her before her first five year mission. All hand selected by Pike (and Spock) and each a perfect match to their assignments.

Her refusal to have ANY (well except for Bones) of the Enterprise crew on the new Starfleet flag ship had been causing her hell for the last couple of weeks.

Oh sure replacing the yeoman's and minor members of the crew would be a breeze but the senior officers? Her bridge crew?

The Enterprise had been the fleets flagship and had for that reason had the cream of the crop of Starfleet officers.

Sure, Lieutenant Samura could speak 79 dialects perfectly, but Uhura could speak over a hundred.

Sure, Lieutenant Commander Horanto had glowing references that spoke about his genius with engines, but could anyone be more brilliant, more of a crazy genius and more in tunes with a ships engines than Commander Montgomery Scott?

And who honestly could outshine Spock, Starfleet's finest science officer, when it came to being chief science office. All of the applicants for his position only had about half the qualifications.

Not to mention who could possibly be her First…

Jane dropped her hands into her head… could she really so under equip her new ship?

Give it and the new five year mission such a major disadvantage by staffing it with Star fleets (let's face it) second best just so she could save face (and pride) and not have to once again face the crew that had let her down so badly.

She still believed in the argument she had given Pike. She still did not know how the mission would go if it was manned by the crew that had failed her so much.

She did not see how any mission could succeed when the captain could not trust the bridge crew but at this point she could also not see how it would succeed with a second best crew…

Pride came before a fall indeed…. Hopefully it would not be the Endeavors fall.

888

It was after midnight that Jane staggered home, no closer to picking out or recruiting even one senior member, and opening up her front door she smiled as she stepped past the small foyer to the living room beyond and saw Bones (who had been babysitting Isobel for her) past out on the couch.

Walking up to him she lightly shook his shoulder "Bones wake up"

Bones hazel eyes flew open "Jane. You're home"

"Yes. Sorry I was so late" She apologized "But the crew recruitment is going..." Jane made a face "Badly. Why didn't you just crash in the spare room?"

"I didn't mean to crash at all" Bones confessed "But I just pulled a double at the hospital and dozed off" Bones shook his head as he tried to wake up "I was trying to stay awake to tell you, you have a visitor"

"What" Jane face creased in a frown "Who is it?"

After all she wondered who would visit and not tell her? Her Mum? Sam?

'That would be I" Jane spun around eyes wide as Selan, Spock's older counterpart walked out of the kitchen a cup of hot tea in his hand.

888

"Selan" Jane muttered, shocked at seeing her bondmate older counterpart "What are you doing here?"

"I think I will just head home" Bones said awkwardly "As long as you will be right, Jane?"

"No that's fine" Jane told bones weakly eyes still on Selan."

"As you and your bondmate know" Selan started after Bones had left, his face more solemn than she had ever seen it " I have made a vow never to give you information that could potentially alter your destiny. Your path is yours to walk, and yours alone. That being said, your destiny has already changed. My Jim and I were never blessed with children. Although the technology was there we came together later in life and our path was different. Yours however has blessed you with a child. It is the reason I feel compelled to speak in the aid of my counterpart."

"And aid could he possibly need?" Jane asked "Soon he will purge all emotions and live in…"

"He will not live at all" Selan interrupted "This is the aid of which I spoke"

"He won't… WHAT" Jane stared at Selan in horror.

888

Jane sunk down on the couch in horror "What do you mean Spock won't live? Is he ill? Is he dying? What aren't you telling me"

"He cannot live without a bondmate. It is the curse of the Vulcan male." Selan sat down next to Jane "Our health both mentally and physically is dependent on our bondmates during our adult life."

"But that's why he is going to New Vulcan" Jane shook her head "So he can go through the rites of kolinahr. So he can purge all emotions and our bond."

"He will not succeed" Selan told her bluntly "I could not purge my own bond with MY Jim Kirk. We were t'hy'la and no matter what ritual I tried I could not purge him from my mind, my heart or my katra."

"Why did you even try" Jane whispered "Why did you betray your Jim or is that just universal?"

"I was young and although I tried to suppress it, scared of the emotions I had been raised to believe I should not feel ."Selan sighed "I did not falsely accuse him like he did you, Jane; I did worse – I had no reason to leave my Jim except for my fear of the feelings he arose in me."

Bowing his head Selan admitted "So, scared of the emotion that my Jim arose in me, I ran like a scared little child. I ran all the way to the temples of Gol and once there I tried to purge the emotions that had scared me so."

Raising his head to look at Jane, Selan voice was quiet when he went on "But like I have already told your bondmate, I failed; our bond was not just an ordinary bond; it was as yours is a thy'la bond. Your bond is unbreakable, Jane" Selan told Spock "He will never be able to purge his feelings for you; they are too strong, too deeply imbedded in his psyche for any chance of success."

"Did your Jim forgave you" Jane whispered. And if her counterpart had forgiven HIS Spock did that mean she could forgive hers?

"Yes" Spock agreed "But it took time; he did not welcome me back with open arms but with distrust and hesitation to rely on me in anyway so burnt by my betrayal he was." Seran eyes closed as he once again remembered that trying time "But I persevered I worked hard to rebuild the trust I had so carelessly thrown away, to prove my love for him and eventually he allowed me back in his life, back in his heart and I considered my lesson learnt; I never strayed from his side again until death parted us."

"Then why did he go" Jane demanded "Why is Spock even trying to purge his emotions if you have already told him he cannot."

"Because he knows he has failed you so badly. He knows he has broken your bond beyond repairs and so feels he does not deserve your forgiveness." Selan told her sadly "So he has chosen to give you back the freedom that you have expressed desire for. He is choosing the only path he feels is left open for him."

"Death?" Jane spat out.

"With Kolinahr no longer an option it is his only choice." Selan told her bleakly "He spoke truly when he told you that the Pon Farr cycle had hastened. Male Vulcans are now reporting only 2-3 years between cycles. There has even been documented case of 18 months between some cycles. With Spock's last Pon Farr two years ago his next cycle could be imminent." Selan broke off and looked at Jane severely.

"He chose to leave with the kolinahr adepts because he feared if he went into Pon Farr on earth that when the blood fever broke he would seek you out and take you willing or no. He would not be able to stop it his biology would drive him to seek out his mate and complete the cycle."

"So you are trying to tell me" Jane looked at Selan in disbelief "That Spock has run awayto New Vulcan to protect me? By dying?"

"Without a willing mate it is his own choice" Selan told her severely "He will burn in the fires of Pon Farr and you will have the freedom you have been asking for."

"I don't want him to die" Jane whispered "He is Isobel's father even if he is not my bondmate."

"But he is your bondmate" Selan told her "While humans can easily dismiss marriages that have failed, Vulcan's are bound to their biology and cannot dissolve their mind bonds so easily unless through death or Kolinahr. You knew this when you bonded with Spock."

Jane thought back to the ceremony at New Vulcan and to T'Pau grim face that had told her almost sneered at her as she had informed her soon to be granddaughter that "unlike human marriages bonds and could not be so easily dissolved.".

At the time Jane had just smiled and told the elder she was glad as she planned to be Spock's bondmate until the day one of them died .

Looking at Selan Jane did not know what to say. Horror filled her mind as she thought about Spock, her Spock dying as he was ravished by the flames of Pon Farr, crying out for a bondmate he knew would not come. Writhing in pain until it burnt through him, consumed him. Ended him.

Forget the kobayashi Maru. This was her no win situation.