The Blood Island square had been transformed yet again. The remains of the cannon had been removed and a square wooden platform had been built, raised perhaps two or three feet off the cobblestones. Just in front of this stage sat a long table with three seats and three red buttons attached to a series of ropes and pulleys. These extended to a tall wooden framework directly behind the platform.

Darwin and the crew stood on the fringes of the crowd, waiting for the Pirate King to return from a bathroom break.

"Okay, so what's the plan this time?" Charles asked, his voice a conspiritory whisper. Honestly he was rather getting into the intrigue of it all. And so far the Captain's plans had been, if not exactly brilliant, at least successful.

"No plan." The Captain replied airily as he stroked Polly.

Charles blinked in surprise. "Pardon?" The Captain always had a plan. The crew looked a little bewildered as well.

"You don't need one." The Captain explained. "Not for shanty singing you won't."

"Oh, aye!" The Pirate with Gout punched Charles in the arm. "Ye've got the best voice on the boat!"

"Aside from mine, of course." The Captain added.

"Well, I…I did take choir in school." Darwin smiled, looking as if he couldn't decide if he should be proud or embarrassed by the praise.

"You see? You've got a handle on this one." He grinned down at the little scientist with what seemed to be a hint of pride. "Now, you've been with us long enough. I know you've picked up several rousing shanties. Pick a good one, lad."

Charles frowned in thought, tapping his chin with one finger. "Perhaps that one about the mermaids."

The Captain shook his head. "No not that one. You always blush when you get to the chorus. Pirates don't blush."

Darwin felt his cheeks flush and he fiddled with his tie. "I'd rather forgotten about that part."

"There's always that cheery one about putting your right foot in." The Captain suggested.

"That one's good." Said the Pirate who likes Sunsets and Kittens. "But 'It Smells Like Dead Fish' has more of a beat to it."

"It's My Ham Night and I'll Cry If I Want Too!" Suggested the Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate enthusiastically.

"Or 'Blowing Up the Dock of the Bay'." Said the Pirate with a Hook for a Hand.

"Nah!" The Pirate with Gout shook his head and waved a hand. "Go fer an old standby. Try 'Back in the Crows Nest Again' and ye'll win for sure."

"I kind of like the one that goes: 'The waves on the boat go splash, splash, splash-splash, splash, splash…'" The Albino Pirate waved his hands merrily as he sang, "The waves on the boat go splash, splash, splash aaaalll across the sea!"

"That's a good sing-along." Remarked the Pirate with the Accordion. "But he wants something that can show off that voice of his. Like 'Where Has All the Seaweed Gone'."

I…Am…The…Very…Model…Of…A…Personage…Piratical.

"Oh, come now, Mr. Bobo." The Captain said with just a hint of scolding. "You know he can't speak properly for hours after doing that one."

"I think I'll try Blue Suede Boots." Charles finally decided. It had a nice beat and he knew it well.

The crew still liked their own choices and probably would have argued about them all day but the conversation was cut short as a pirate from the crowd stepped in among them. He went straight to Charles and threw one hairy hand over the startled scientist's shoulder. "Yer doin' good here, boy!" He said with a smile that was missing several teeth.

Charles managed to wriggle away from him. "Um…thank you?" He said uncertainly.

"Have a drink, boy!" The pirate shoved a large decanter of grog into Darwin's hands.

"I-I really don't…" Charles began but then remembered how everyone had reacted the day before when he had refused grog. He forced a smile. "Thank you."

The Pirate with the Scarf smiled a bit. It seemed that Darwin was growing in popularity. That was what he thought, that is, until he happened to glance to his left and see Black Bellamy at the edge of the crowd. The pirate had a sinister grin and looked as if he ought to have a couple of yellow canary feathers caught in his moustache. This was not an expression he liked on Bellamy at all. He followed the black-mustached pirate's gaze and found that it rested squarely on Darwin. His brows lowered in suspicion then suddenly they shot up nearly into his hat as Darwin lifted the decanter to his lips. "Darwin, STOP!" He lunged toward the little biologist but there was a great deal of crowd between him and the rest of the crew. "Don't let him swallow!"

Mr. Bobo was quick to respond. He leaped onto Charles back and grabbed him by the throat and giving him a sound 'whack' in the back of the head. Darwin choked and managed to spray the majority of the crew with a mouthful of grog. Now, being sprayed with grog was generally a pretty joyous affair. But being sprayed with grog that had previously been in someone else's mouth just wasn't quite as festive.

Charles dropped the cup as he reached up both hands to pull Mr. Bobo's hands from his neck with a desperate gasp.

The Pirate with the Scarf pushed frantically through the crew, who were still trying to wipe the grog from their faces. "You didn't swallow any did you?"

"No." Darwin croaked. He would have been annoyed at the manhandling he had just received but he could see the urgency on the first mate's face.

"What's all this, Number Two?" The Captain asked, sounding a bit put out as he wrung out his beard.

"W…what was it?" Charles asked, staring nervously at the puddle of liquid at his feet as if it might come alive and bite him. "P-poison?"

The Pirate with the Scarf shook his head, looking about for the pirate that had offered Darwin the drink but he had effectively vanished into the crowd. "I'm not sure. But Bellamy was far too happy about you drinking it."

A scruffy looking little dog wandered into the group, its tongue lolling happily. It yapped at them a couple of times in a doggie voice surprisingly loud for its size.

Both the Albino and Surprisingly Curvaceous pirates 'awwwed'.

The dog discovered the puddle of grog and began to gleefully lap at the discarded spirits.

"No! Don't drink that." The Albino pirate cried in alarm, scooping up the little animal into his arms. "It's a bad idea to drink things that are poisoned, especially if they're on the ground."

The pirates watched the little dog intently, waiting for something to happen. But it didn't drop dead or turn green or mutate into some kind of monster. It just sat, panting happily in Albino's arms. They were beginning to wonder if the first mate was wrong until the little thing barked. Well, it tried to bark. Whereas moments ago it had yapped quite loudly, now its little mouth moved but no sound came out.

"Your plan didn't work." Cutlass Liz's full lips quirked in a mocking smile.

"It would have worked fine if it wasn't for that blasted first mate." Bellamy seethed. This should have been easy. But the Pirate Captain was cheating here and so he had to even the odds or preferably tip them in his favor. "I have an idea."

Cutlass held up one tanned hand. "No. You've failed twice already." She said with a bit of contempt creeping into her voice. "It's my turn."

"Alright." He snorted. "Let's see you do better."

Her eyelids lowered and she gave him a slow smile. "I will." With that she turned away from him.

"Hey. What're you going to do?"

She struck a pose and turned a bit, glancing at him over her shoulder. She batted her long dark eyelashes as she pulled her sword from its scabbard. "Talk to the judges."

The crowd cheered as the Pirate King strutted back onto the stage, a bit of toilet paper trailing behind one of his white leather boots. "Pirates!" He threw both arms in the air clearly reviling in the attention of the crowd. "I have been struck with inspiration!"

There was a round of impressed 'ooohs'

The Pirate Captain and his crew listened intently, a sense of foreboding descending upon them.

The Pirate King continued, his big voice vibrating through the cobblestones. "Any lubber can sing a shanty!"

The Pirate with the Scarf shook his head a little, knowing what was coming next. "He's going to change the rules."

Mr. Bobo held up two notecards. Uh…Oh…

"But can he create a shanty?" The Pirate King continued.

"What?" Darwin squeaked, his mouth falling open in alarm.

"The next test will evaluate both the contestant's performance and creative ability." The burly monarch announced. "He will compose a shanty on the spot and our panel of three judges will determine whether it is truly piratical or a jingle for a landlubber." He motioned to the two pirates and a mermaid who sat in the judges seats just in front of the stage. They waved cheerfully at the crowd.

The audience met the new terms with rowdy enthusiasm.

Charles turned frantically to the Pirate Captain. "He can't do that, can he? Just change the rules like that? I mean, I thought this test was just singing."

"He's the Pirate King." The Pirate with Gout remarked. "He can do anything he wants."

"I can't do this!" Charles cried frantically. "I can't just come up with a song on the spot. I'm not creative!"

"Oh, come now, Chuck. Sure you can. Every pirate can do that."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not a pirate!"

"Of course you are."

"But I'm not!"

"Listen here, Chuck. Pirates live on pirate ships, right?"

Darwin gave the Captain a cautious look. "Um…yes."

"And you live on a pirate ship, right?"

"Well, yes…currently...but…"

"So according to the strict laws of logic and reason you must be a pirate."

"I..." Charles raised a finger, about to protest but couldn't think of a reply. There was a major flaw in the Captain's reasoning but he just couldn't pinpoint it. He gave up with a sigh.

"We just have to convince everyone else of the fact." With that he shoved the little scientist up the steps and onto the stage.

Charles looked down at the three judges just below him and gave them a nervous little wave. "Heh, heh. Um..hello."

"So, you think you have what it takes to be a shanty singing pirate, so you?" Asked the pirate judge named Simon.

Charles wanted to scream: 'No! I'm here against my will. Why can't you people leave me alone?' But he couldn't. He just stood there wringing his hands and said: "Um…I-I suppose so."

"Well, show us what you got."

Darwin just stared blankly at them, his mind feeling as hollow and empty as his spare specimen jars. He couldn't come up with anything!

"Go ahead." The mermaid judge said, making a little shooing motion with her hand. "Don't be nervous."

"Well, go on, Chuck!" Darwin turned to see the Pirate Captain standing near the stage, cheering him on. Polly sat contentedly on his shoulder, watching the proceedings with only mild interest.

Charles turned back to the judges with a forced smile, swinging his arms just a bit as if he really didn't know what to do with them. "Um…okay. Here it goes." And with that he burst into song:

"There was a pirate had a bird and Polly was her name-o!

P-O-L-L-Y, P-O-L-L-Y, P-O-L-L-Y,

And Polly was her name-o!"

As he sang he did a little soft shoe that was all elbows and knees. Then came the second verse.

"There was a pirate had a bird and Polly was her name-o!

*clap* O-L-L-Y, *clap* O-L-L-Y, *clap* O-L-L-Y

And Polly was her name-o!"

"Not bad!" The Pirate Captain remarked, looking extremely proud of his newest crewmember. "Not bad at all! Didn't I tell you he could do it, Number Two!"

The Pirate with the Accordion played along with him, adding a little music to Darwin's song. The Albino Pirate was dancing a little and clapping enthusiastically.

"There was a pirate had a bird and Polly was her name-o!

This time some of the audience clapped along with him.

"*clap, clap* L-L-Y, *clap, clap* L-L-Y, *clap, clap* L-L-Y

And Polly was her name-o!"

At the positive response he was getting Darwin began to gain a little confidence. He danced more enthusiastically and sang a little louder. He had a clean high voice that was easy to sing along to and by the fifth verse the entire square was clapping and singing.

"*clap, clap, clap, clap, clap*, *clap, clap, clap, clap, clap*, *clap, clap clap, clap, clap*

And Polly was her name-oooooooo!"

There was a round of thunderous applause and the scattered 'boos' were shouted down and thrown from the bleachers. Charles was grinning like an idiot, extremely pleased with himself and quite amazed at the reception he was receiving. He had won this round.

The applause died down and the little scientist faced the three judges.

The Pirate judge named Simon spoke first. "I don't mean to be rude but...That was horrid! Absolutely horrid!"

Charles face fell. The Pirate Captain's crew looked at each other in surprise and the entire audience voiced their disagreement.

But the judge continued undeterred. "I mean I've keelhauled men for shanties like that. Who are you, Mother Goose? Where were the cutlasses, the cannons, the loot? And that jig! What was that? It was like you were in a three penny ballet not on a pirate ship. That is a definite 'no' from me!" He pushed the red button on the table in front of him and a huge sheet unfurled, hanging from the wooden framework behind the stage. On it was painted a giant, red 'X'.

That was one thumbs down. If he got one more he would lose this test. And he was only allowed to lose one. If he failed the test after this he was a dead man. Darwin swallowed hard, glancing nervously over to the pirate crew. The Pirate Captain gave him a big grin and two thumbs up while the Pirate with the Scarf gave him an encouraging nod.

Darwin snapped his attention back to the judges table as the mermaid spoke.

"I thought you were adorable." She said with a little flip of her tail.

The little scientist couldn't keep himself from blushing. "Really?"

"The story could have been more exciting but every pirate loves his parrot and I don't believe I've heard a shanty about one before. And I liked your jig. Shows off those skinny little legs of yours."

Darwin could feel the color rising to his ears and he let out a tiny, self-conscious chuckle as he shuffled his feet.

"I say 'yes'." She pushed a button before her and a sheet with a big green 'O' appeared beside the red 'X'.

The Pirate Captain's crew cheered

The pirate judge who used to be a lifeguard was next. "It didn't rhyme." Was all he said and gave Charles another thumbs down.

The crew gasped.

"They didn't like it?" The Albino Pirate said, looking both worried and confused. "I thought it was good."

"Yes, well, it appears that sinister forces are at work." This time it was the Pirate with Gout who noticed the wink and 'thumbs' up Black Bellamy and Cutlass Liz were giving the two judges.

"Well!" The Pirate King boomed. "Things are getting interesting!"

Charles stood in the middle of the stage looking as if he would very much like to faint.

"That is one loss, lad!" The island's monarch said jovially. "One more and…"

The crowd of pirates began chanting: "Fish bait! Fish bait!"

The Pirate King seemed pleased by this. "Mast Climbing, the next and final test will begin in one hour!"

Pirates began to trickle down out of the bleachers and into the streets. Some off to get a bit of lunch, others simply to stretch those stiff wooden limbs that had been sitting for so long.

The Pirate with the Scarf came up and steered a stunned Darwin off the stage. "Don't worry. Everything will be alright. I'm sure the Captain has another plan."

Charles just gave a little whimper.

"Alright, Captain, what's the plan for 'mast climbing'?" The first mate asked, hoping it would be something that would encourage their 'ship's doctor'.

The Captain fidgeted with the belt buckle at his chest for a moment before confessing. "I-I haven't exactly got one."

The Pirate with the Scarf looked about as stricken as Darwin. "You can't be serious, sir!"

The Captain frowned defensively. "Well, I was counting on Charles to pass that last one!"

Charles moaned, dropped his face in his hands and leaned against the stage. He knew very well how ill-equipped he was for this next test. He was a painfully slow climber and he had a tendency to get his feet caught. He was as good shark bait right now.

"But never fear, Chuck!" The Captain held up an optimistic finger. "I'm sure I can come up with a brilliant plan in an hour!"