Unlike the previous tests the last trial was not to be held in the town square but on the Pirate King's very own ship. The thing was a monarch in it's own right, an enormous, French merchent that dwarfed the other boats in the harbor like a whale swimming with dolphins. The entire assembly had been relocated and the audience was either crowding the ship's deck or lining the boardwalk. Some pirates had even pulled their own ships nearer to the King's and climbed into their rigging or the crows nest for a better view of the proceedings.

It was about ten minutes before the final test was to begin and the Pirate Captain and his crew were no closer to coming up with a plausible plan than they were an hour ago. They stood near the ship's railing right under the first web of rigging a little off from the rest of the crowd.

"Coat his hands with glue so he doesn't slip." The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate offered.

"Good thinking, lad!" The Pirate Captain exclaimed enthusiastically.

The Pirate with the Scarf shook his head. "That will keep him from falling but it will also keep him from climbing. He'll be glued to one spot."

The Captain's face fell. "Yes…yes I suppose that would make a bit of a mess of things."

"Tie a rope around 'im and hoist 'im up from the crows nest." The Pirate with Gout motioned heaving on an invisible line.

"That sounds like a good plan, doesn't it Number Two?" The Captain asked hopefully.

"It's too obvious. Everyone will see it and know we're helping him."

"What if we had an invisible rope?" The Captain suggested, sounding quite proud of his idea. "No one would see it if we had an invisible rope."

"Do you have an invisible rope?" Number Two asked, cautiously hopeful. It was so obsurd but no one ever knew exactly what all the Captain kept in that luxuriant beard of his.

The Pirate Captain looked away and fidgeted with his collar. "Well, not on me. No."

The Pirate with the Scarf sighed. "I didn't think so."

The Pirate with a Hook for a Hand waved his hook in the air in an 'ooh pick me' gesture. "I say we fire him from a cannon!"

Darwin dropped his jaw in disbelief. "That…that…No! I'm not—"

"Unfortunately the test is mast climbing." The first mate explained. "I'm sure that would be against the rules." He hated assuming the role of logical wet blanket but they needed a plan that would work. They had to get Charles to the top of the mast in the allotted time without being caught and without the little scientist plummeting to his death. And they had to reach a decision in under...he glanced at his pocket watch...seven minutes.

"I've got a plan!" Darwin squeaked. "Why don't I just…hide. Maybe after awhile everyone would just forget the whole thing." He stared straight up at the mast. It was taller by half than the mast on the Pirate Captain's boat. The rigging was far more complicated and he was sure he could get lost in that spider web of ropes. There was no way he could climb that in any reasonable amount of time.

The Pirate with Gout rolled his eyes and motioned to the crowd surrounding them. Pirates were as thick as barnacles. "Sure, why not? Slip out. Simple as that. It's not like there's anyone around to notice."

Darwin glared a bit at the sarcasm but he knew he was right. He was the center of this event and there would be no way he could get away unnoticed. It was plain and simple…he was a dead man. He glance over the railing and swallowed hard. It seemed everyone knew he would fail. A plank had already been set up, the long ten foot board protruding straight out from the side of the ship. Two triangular dorsal fins, both nearly as tall as Charles, hungrily churned the water below. "You…you know, I've always wanted to study sharks. I-I just never thought it would be the last thing I would do." His voice rose to a despondent whine.

"You know, I lost my left leg to a shark." The Pirate with a Hook for a hand remarked as if entering a conversation about the weather. "Or was it my right?" He looked down at his two wooden legs and scratched his head. "Well I lost one to a shark. The other I lost in a poker game."

Darwin let out a wavering whimper, dropped his face into his hands and mumbled to himself.

"Don't worry." The Albino Pirate smiled encouragingly. "Just climb a lot faster than you usually do."

Black Bellamy stood near the steps that lead to the quarterdeck. His arms were crossed and a pleased smile spread under his black moustache as he gazed up at the mainmast.

"So. Are you sure this plan will work?" Cutlass Liz stood beside him, clearly unimpressed with his self confidence.

"It's covered, okay? Those ropes are slipperier than a squid with a cold. He gets about two thirds of the way up and he'll be coming back down…fast."

She looked satisfied but nothing more. She was quiet for a moment, watching the crowd mill about the deck laughing, and spilling grog. "You know," She polished her nails on her shirt. "Making the little lubber lose isn't going to make the reward for the Pirate Captain disappear. He's still more wanted than you."

Bellamy's dark eyebrows lowered like brooding storm clouds and his moustache curled into a sneer. "Listen, babe, you and I both know that little bucket of squid bait they're testing isn't any more a pirate than the Queen's corgis. Second, somebody's got to shoot the Pirate Captain of his high horse! The guy's a loser. You know he's only wanted because of that dumb bird of his." He glowered darkly for a moment before his cocky grin returned. "Besides, I'm doing him a favor. If he really wants to be a successful pirate he's got to learn to not be so attached to his crew."

A drum roll vibrated across the deck of the ship, silencing the waiting crowd as the Pirate King took his place on the poop deck.

The Pirate Captain and his crew looked up from their planning. Darwin's eyes widened in horror and all the color drained from his already pale face, leaving him a ghost white. "It's starting! We haven't got a plan. What am I going to do!" His breath started to come in short panicked gasps.

"Calm down Chuck." The Captain patted him briskly on the back. "No use making yourself dizzy."

"Welcome pirates to the next and final event in this piratical evaluation!" The Pirate King honked the ship's horn which played a series of notes from 'Blow the Man Down'. (most ships had a ships bell, but the Pirate King was wealthy enough to have a horn installed)

The enormous ship rocked as the crowd of pirates cheered, popped open bottles of grog and threw streamers.

"Will we welcome a new pirate to Blood Island?" The Pirate King motioned one gigantic hand in Darwin's direction and the little scientist waved weakly. "Or will we have a long overdue shark feeding?"

"Sharks! Sharks! Sharks! Sharks!" Several hundred hairy piratical fists pumped the air in unison.

"Oh…" Charles shrunk as far into the midst of the Pirate Captain's crew as he could. This congregation seemed so anxious to see a carcharodon feeding frenzy that he wouldn't be surprised if they began throwing random people overboard. He looked up and gasped, his jaw dropping in shock and hurt. "Mr. Bobo!"

The manpanzee looked down from where he stood on the railing, one fist frozen in the air and looking as if he had caught it in the cookie jar. He grinned sheepishly. Sorry…Mob. Mentality.

After a moment the Pirate King motioned for silence and the audience reluctantly complied. "In this climactic event the contestant will climb the mainmast to the top of the crows nest and back again before five o'clock."

Darwin pulled out his pocket watch. "That's only ten minutes!" He cried and looked in horror up at the endless tangle of rope that seemed to stretch into the heavens.

"That's nothing, Chuck. Any good pirate can do it in half that time."

"I'mnotapirate!" Charles hissed through clenched teeth.

"Pirate Captain, is your crewman ready?" The Pirate King asked.

Darwin shook his head frantically. "I'm not ready. I'm not ready!"

The Captain ignored him. "All set!" Without warning he simply picked Charles up and the little scientist let out a surprised squawk as he was set onto the first line of rigging. "You can do this, lad."

Mr. Bobo looked up Darwin seriously and held up two cards. Don't. Die.

Darwin couldn't help but roll his eyes just a little. "Yes. Thank you for that encouragement."

The Pirate with the Scarf placed a hand on Darwin's shoulder. "Listen." He said gently, making sure he had the little scientist's attention before continuing. "You'll be alright. We'll make sure of it. Okay?"

Charles looked uncertainly and then at the surrounding crowd. If these fellows wanted to throw him to the sharks he couldn't imagine there being anything the crew could do about it. But the look on the first mate's face was so determined he couldn't help but believe him. He gave a small nod.

"READY!" The Pirate King bellowed as the pirate drummer began his drum roll again.

"Don't think about the clock. Just think about climbing. One rope at a time."

"SET!"

Albino tapped him on the arm. "Pretend there's a Polly at the top."

"GO!"

Someone fired a pistol and Charles started to climb, hand over hand, foot over foot, his heart racing in his ears. He had to keep a steady pace, if he got tangled he probably would never make it.

The crew was cheering him on with an enthusiasm they usually reserved for ham night. The Pirate with Gout was waving his crutch, the Pirate with the Scarf had removed his hat and was brandishing it enthusiastically, the Albino Pirate had found a white bit of fabric somewhere and had written 'Drwn' on it and was waving it with all his might. They were all shouting encouragement at the top of their voices.

The surrounding crowd was cheering as well, not necessarily because they wanted Charles to succeed but more because pirates just generally enjoy cheering. Although there were quite a few 'boo's and 'go home, lubber' thrown into the mix.

Charles tried to hurry, but his progress was painfully slow. He was certainly gaining altitude, though. As much as he didn't like looking down couldn't help it, he had to see where he was placing his feet. The crowd of pirates and indeed the ship itself was shrinking with every step. He tried to keep his breathing steady and tell himself that he was not afraid of heights. After all he had flown in an airship! But there had been a floor beneath his feet then. Now all there was between him and the deck so far below was a few bits of rope. Of course he supposed falling to his death was much preferable to the alternative. He shuddered and nearly slipped. Sharks. He had never been afraid of animals. His scientific curiosity always got the better of him when he was around them. No matter how big or dangerous they were he always wanted to get closer. He had plenty of scars to show for his studies of lions, tigers, even bears. But, oh my, sharks? It's not that he had anything against sharks and he would have been perfectly happy to observe them from the deck of a boat. Why, if there was a way to observe them safely underwater he would do that too. But to be torn to shreds and eaten alive…that just didn't sit well.

"Neptune's nappy!" The Captain frowned into his spyglass. "Can't he climb any faster?"

"If he goes any faster he'll get himself tangled. You know how he is when he's flustered." The Pirate with the Scarf squinted at the rigging above them, his hand shading his eyes.

"If he doesn't go any faster he'll be fed to the sharks."

"I wish we could help him."

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen." Bellamy had appeared out of nowhere. He too was watching Darwin's progress, his arms folded smugly across his chest. "Not this time."

The Pirate Captain frowned at the intrusion. Bellamy had been accusing them of cheating since Charles tests had begun. They had been, of course but the other pirate had no proof. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

Bellamy nodded sarcastically. "Uh huh, yeah, sure. And I'm sure you know nothing about an extra cannonball or four little dogs?"

The Captain lifted his chin and tried to look disinterested. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. And it was three little dogs."

The Pirate with the Scarf dropped his face into his hand with an audible 'smack'.

Black Bellamy's grin widened. "Yeah, that's what I thought!"

The Captain raised a finger and opened his mouth but Bellamy stopped him before he even began. "Don't try and deny it. I'm not stupid."

Mr. Bobo rolled his eyes and moved a hairy hand in a seesaw gesture.

Number Two's brows lowered suspiciously. "If you think we're cheating why don't you turn us in?"

He chuckled dangerously. "Come on, where's the fun in that? No, no, no. It's way more fun to beat you at your own game."

There was a far-off scream and the surrounding crowd burst out laughing.

Bellamy grinned. "That would be my move."

Bellamy had had their attention for the moment but now the crew looked up and simultaneously gasped. Charles was perhaps two thirds of the way to the top, upside down and hanging from one foot that appeared to be tangled in the rigging. He was struggling frantically to right himself much to the amusement of most of the crowd below.

"He's going to fall!" The Albino Pirate brought both hands to his mouth in alarm.

Bellamy leaned in so he was in the center of the Pirate Captain's crew. "I just love beacon grease, don't you?"

Without warning the Pirate with Gout hauled back and caught Bellamy full in the stomach with his crutch doubling the pirate over and leaving him gasping for breath. "The lad was havin' trouble enough as it is! Now be off with ye!"

With a weak cough Bellamy staggered backward and disappeared into the crowd.

All around them pirates were cheering and laughing but the Pirate Captain and his crew simply stared skyward in an anxious silence.

It seemed to take forever and a lot of grunting and flailing but Charles finally got himself oriented. He hugged the rope for a moment trying to steady his panicked breathing and trembling hands. He was wasting precious time. With an audible 'gulp' he started climbing again, very carefully and highly aware that someone had spread grease all over the rigging. There was no doubt in his mind who it had been. A frown of determination creased his forehead and he climbed with a renewed determination. He wasn't about to let the scoundrel best him.

There was a great roaring cheer as Darwin reached the crows nest. It made him smile for half a second until he realized that they would have cheered just as loud if he had fallen. Instead of climbing down the port ropes he had come up he decided to descend the starboard rigging in hopes it had not been tampered with.

"He's going down the other side." The Pirate who Likes Sunsets and Kittens squinted, staring straight up, one huge hand shielding his eyes. Darwin was so tiny up there he could hardly make him out.

"Smart lad." The Captain nodded approvingly. "With a head like that there have got to be plenty of brains in there."

"He's goin' faster now!" The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate bounced excitedly on his heels.

They watched anxiously as the little biologist scurried downward toward the opposite side of the boat.

"Twenty feet to go!"

The Albino clapped his hands. "He's going to make it!"

An alarm blared and the Pirate King's voice shook the ship. "TIME!"

The Surprisngly Curvaceous Pirate clamped both hands over his mouth. "Oh, no!"

"Blast!" The Captain said. "He was so close!"

Without a second's hesitation the Pirate with the Scarf leaped into the crowd, hurrying as quickly as he could for the other side of the boat, pushing frantically through the sea of bodies. He could hear the crew somewhere behind him, following his lead.

"You have FAILED!" The Pirate King stabbed an accusing, bejeweled finger at Darwin and several pirates reached up to grab him.

"Aaah! Listen!" The little scientist cried trying to kick back the huge hairy hands. He started back up the ropes but jarred to a stop as something caught him around the ankle. "Listen! You seem a reasonable man! Can't—can't a fellow have a-another chance?! This is not fair play!" He clawed at the ropes, trying to hold on but despite his struggles he was dragged down to the deck.

"You are a LANDLUBBER!"

The crowd booed and roared their indignation.

The first mate shouldered his way through the sweaty mass. He had to get to Charles before thy got him out on that plank. This was their fault. The Captain and the crew. They should never have brought him here. He knew this whole trip was a bad idea. He should have been more assertive.

"I can do it!" He heard Darwin beg. "Let me try again!"

The Pirate King didn't even acknowledge the plea. "There is only one fate for lubbers on this island!"

The pirates cheered. Darwin struggled.

The Pirate with the Scarf punched through the edge of the crowd. Darwin looked up and saw him, his eyes wide, clearly relieved to see a friendly face. The first mate whipped his cutlass from its scabbard. "Let him go!" Suddenly there was an elbow in his ribs. A blinding flash of pain stabbed through him and he crumpled to his knees, his cutlass clattering to the deck.

"It was your right side. I wasn't sure." Black Bellamy loomed over him, polishing his fingernails on his green jacket. "Dude, do you really think you're little group of misfits is going to stop this? There's gotta be, like, five hundred guys on this ship that want some entertainment."

"You will WALK THE PLANK!" The Pirate King's command vibrated through the very timbers of the ship.

"Shark bait! Shark bait! Shark bait!"

Darwin let out a frantic cry as he was lifted off his feet and tossed like a doll over the railing. He landed on his side, the plank bouncing under his weight. He looked down and gasped. The water broiled beneath him, slick grey fins and tails churned the sea as the two massive animals jostled for position.

The first mate clutched his side, trying to blink the stars from his vision. He pushed the pain to the back of his mind and forced himself to his feet. If he could just…Before he could take a step two sets of burly arms surrounded him and held him firmly in place. He tried to wretch away but the two men were much bigger than he was.

He could hear his crewmates facing the same predicament. Most of them were shouting threats and demanding to be released, a few were pleading, but they weren't making any headway.

The Pirate Captain's first thought had been to take the Pirate King captive and force him to let them leave with Darwin in tow. But he hadn't even reached the steps to the upper deck before he had been caught. It seemed the crowd was not taking any chances of Charles' mates attempting a rescue. He fought to get free of three big men, shouting and cursing up a storm. He had lost his cutlass, his coat was rumpled and his hat was trampled somewhere beneath the forest of boots.

One pirate had hopped up onto the plank and was enthusiastically waving his cutlass. Darwin edged backwards, glancing nervously at the water below. "Really, this is just barbaric!" His voice was high and wavering. "We're all civilized people here." The heel of his shoe hit the edge and threw him off balance. With a startled scream Darwin slipped off the edge of the plank and plummeted out of sight.

The Pirate with the Scarf stopped struggling and let his head sink to his chest. They were too late. There was no reason to fight now. There was nothing more they could do. The two big men released him with a chuckling sneer.

The Albino Pirate let out a small whimper and buried his face in the Pirate with Gout's shoulder. The Pirate with the Accordion played a mournful tune while the Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate let out a few petite sniffles.

The Pirate Captain wretched away from his captors, who now had no reason to detain him. He rushed to the banister knowing very well the gruesome scene that was below. As much as he didn't want to he had to look. He had to know. He had known very well that Charles wasn't truly pirate material when he had asked him to join the crew. Bringing him to Blood Island had been his idea. What was happening now was his fault. He reached the rail and took in a sudden breath. "Hold on, Chuck! Hold on! Don't let go!"

There was a collective 'awww' of disappointment from the gathered pirate crowd. For there, at the end of the plank, dangling precariously by one hand, was Charles.

"HELP!" One of the sharks lunged out of the water, jaws wide. Darwin pulled his feet up just in time to keep them from being snapped off as hundreds of razor sharp teeth clamped shut inches below him. He flailed in the air, trying desperately to get his other hand up to the board. But he didn't have a good grip and he was slipping. Finally his fingers simply couldn't hold him any longer and he fell.

A hand caught his wrist.

Charles looked up. The Pirate with the Scarf pulled a strained smile and with a groan of effort hauled him back onto the plank just as Wendy leaped from the water and took a giant chunk out of Charles coat.

Darwin threw both arms around the first mate and held on with a death grip, looking wide-eyed at the hungry fish below.

Number Two let out a pained gasp at the sudden pressure on his side but Charles was quite distracted by the sharks and wasn't about to let go of his lifeline. "Aah…Let-let go!" He grabbed both Darwin's arms and tore them off of him.

Startled, Darwin released him. Somehow even though they were still hanging over shark infested waters and pirates from the boat were still shouting and throwing things it wasn't quite so frightening with the first mate there. It was only now he noticed the tight look on his friend's face and the way he was clutching his side. "Oh dear, what have you done?"

"I'm fine. Really, I'm fine." He struggled to his feet, the plank bending slightly under the weight of the two men. If only he hadn't dropped his cutlass at least they could have tried to fight their way back onto the ship.

"As…as the ship's physician….I'll have to have a look at that when—when we get back to the ship." Charles stammered; anything to keep his mind off their hopeless predicament.

"I don't think you're going to get the chance."

Charles peeked around the first mate to see a pirate with an enormous evil grin and a saw. He pressed it to the plank and began to cut. It looked like they were going to drop them both, plank and all, in with the fishes.

"WAIT!" Shouted the lawyer pirate, who had suddenly appeared on the upper deck beside the Pirate King. "Did I hear that he's your ships doctor?"

The Pirate Captain hopped up onto the ship's railing so as to be better heard. "Yes! And a rather good one at that. We only just got him a month or so ago! It would be a pity to lose him already."

"What is this?" The Pirate King bellowed shoving his huge meaty hands on his hips. He had clearly been enjoying himself and was annoyed at the intrusion. The crowd too was quite indignant.

The lawyer pirate and flipped through a massive book he seemed to produced from nowhere. "Aha! Here it is. Under article 47, paragraph 6 of the 'Law of Crew and Shanghiees' it states…" He cleared his throat and adjusted his spectacles. " 'The ships physician is exempt from possessing any practical qualifications or skills save the ability to pronounce a crewmember as deceased.'"

"I can do that!" Darwin shouted at the top of his voice, frantically waving an arm. Even though they were invisible in the sea of pirates the Captain's crew shouted emphatic agreements.

"Hmm." The Pirate King rubbed his chin as the entirety of Blood Island awaited his next words. "Well, it seems you are at liberty. Our pirate rules protect you."

"Can't go against the pirate rules, you know. Excuse me. Pardon me." The Pirate Captain added happily, pushing his way through the crowd until he came to the plank and welcomed his two crewmembers back onto the ship.

"Hold on!" Black Bellamy leaped onto the upper deck. "Is that it?" He spoke directly to the audience. "Come on, all that build up and nothing to show for it? We wanted to see a shark feeding! Are we going to stand for this?"

There was a great chorus of "NO!"

The Pirate Captain wasn't phased in the least. He hopped up onto the rigging and spoke loud enough that the whole boat could hear. "I know you're all terribly disappointed and I feel rather bad about that. There's nothing like a good plank walk. But what do you say I make it up to you?"

There was an air of suspicious murmuring. What could he offer that was better than a plank walk, especially one that involved sharks?

"I've got a colossal squid in the hold of our boat and I do believe it is time for another enthralling episode of 'So You Want To Be a Pirate'."

The entire assembly burst into enthusiastic applause!

The Captain gave Bellamy a grin that clearly said 'top that'. "And!" He held up an emphatic finger. "Since you've all been so entertained by him today, Chuck, here can guest star!"

"I will?" Charles asked, surprised at the sudden cheers and backslappings he was receiving from pirates who only moments ago had been crying for his head.

"Sure." The Captain looked down at him. "You can spout some of that sciency stuff you're so fond of. Haven't had that on our show before."

"That sounds like a marvelous plan!" The Pirate King agreed.

"But! But!" Bellamy pleaded but no one was paying any attention.

Cutlass Liz casually walked by him and shoved him overboard.

"No! No! Bad fish!"

She leaned on the rail and watched in amusement as he swam frantically for the shore, two gigantic grey fins racing behind.

The crew pushed through the crowd surrounding Charles.

The Albino Pirate gave him a hug. "I just knew you weren't going to die!"

The Pirate with Gout ruffled Charles hair. "Ye did good, lad!"

The Pirate with the Scarf still looked a little pale and his hand was still placed firmly over his left side, but he managed a smile. "I'm just glad you're alright."

Mr. Bobo held up a card that said: Hooray!

"You see, Chuck!" The Pirate Captain threw an arm around the little scientist's shoulder. "You're a real pirate now! It's in the rules and everything."

Charles held up a finger to disagree but he stopped. Instead he just smiled and said: "Sure, Captain."