The Captain's 'So You Want to Be a Pirate' show had been a complete shipwreck. Oh, it had gone alright at first with the Pirate Captain reading his letter and Charles had been quite happy to discuss the wind. But everything went downhill from there. The wind machine had gone completely mad, the Pirate with the Scarf had nearly blown himself up, the colossal squid went on a destructive rampage and to top it off the Pirate Captain had managed to dye the Pirate King's beard green. Considering all Charles was quite surprised everyone still had all their respective body parts. He had treated quite a few bumps and bruises but amazingly no one had been seriously hurt.

Then they had gone shopping. Charles had been astonished at how much ham was involved. He had been quite happy to purchase a crate of tea so he didn't have to endure grog all of the time.

Now he stood on the ships deck, leaning a bit on the railing as he watched Blood Island shrink into the distance.

"Ahoy, there, Chuck!"

Charles turned a bit and smiled as the Pirate Captain waltzed up to him. "Captain."

The Captain glanced at the island for a moment with both hands on his hips. "Now didn't I tell Blood Island was a lark?"

"Oh, yes." Charles managed to not roll his eyes. "Loads of fun."

"I knew you'd think so!" The Captain gave him a slap on the back that nearly sent him overboard. "It's really too bad we only visit once every month or so."

Charles jerked his head up. "Every month or so?" If he ever had to revisit Blood Island it would be too soon. He was going to say more but then he noticed a shuffling behind him. He turned around and nearly jumped out of his skin. The entire crew had come up behind him and were all trying to look as if they weren't up to something. The Pirate with Gout was making a show of tightening a screw on his crutch, Number Two was casually fiddling with his scarf, Mr. Bobo was whistling with both hands behind his back, the Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate was filing his nails and the Pirate who likes Sunsets and Kittens kept buttoning and unbuttoning the top of his shirt. The Albino Pirate just smiled and waved. Darwin eyed them suspiciously and gave a tiny wave back.

The Pirate Captain pretended they weren't there. "You did a marvelous job with those tests, you know. With my help, of course. And you would have made the last two on your own if it weren't for Bellamy meddling in things."

Charles smiled a little, still rather disturbed at the way the crew was milling about as if they were waiting for something. "Um…thank you, Captain. But I-I'm really not cut out for that sort of thing."

"Oh, nonsense! You just haven't had enough practice." The Captain waved the comment away. "Besides, it says in the books that a doctor doesn't have to know a think about pirating. Quite handy that line, wasn't it?"

"It was." Charles had long ago given up denying the whole 'doctor' thing. In fact he was rather getting used to the idea. Of course his passion was science, zoology to be specific. But if he could patch up a scrape or treat a cold now and then to earn his keep he was happy to do it. He may not have been up on every latest medical practice but he certainly was more qualified than any of the pirates on the boat. He frowned a little. Now that he thought about it that law had been terribly convenient.

"Are we going to give it to him yet?" The Albino Pirate spoke up. There was a lot of silencing gestures and shushing from the rest of the crew. Albino shrugged innocently. "What?"

Darwin glanced warily from the Captain to the suspiciously gathered crew. "Give me what?"

"Well we had an elaborate…" He made a little twiddling gesture as if his hands were searching for the right words. "…thing planned. But as it was sort of given away." He glanced at the Albino Pirate who looked thoroughly ashamed. "We might as well give it to you now. Mr. Bobo, if you please."

From behind his back the manpanzee produced a wooden box with a big red ribbon tied around it and handed it to Darwin.

The little scientist blinked rapidly, looking completely bewildered. "What's this for?"

The Pirate with the Scarf shrugged. "It's a little late but it's rather like a 'welcome to the crew' present."

"We would have got you a card too." The Albino Pirate swung his arms a little. "But the only ones left were 'we hope you mend your sails soon' and 'happy shark week'."

"They didn't really fit the occasion." The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate shrugged.

"I…I don't know what to say." Charles turned the box over in his hands, shaking it just a bit near his ear.

"Sweet Neptune's doddering grandmother!" The Captain exclaimed, clearly tired of waiting. "Don't say anything. Open it, lad!"

With a tiny nervous laugh he untied the ribbon and opened the lid. "Oh!"

The crew grinned expectantly as Charles reached into the box and pulled out a stethoscope.

"You can't be a doctor without one of those little listening thingies hanging around your neck."

Charles stared at it for a moment, speechless. He had never been a particularly popular man and presents weren't something he came by often, especially ones as expensive as this medical instrument. His grip tightened around it and he looked up at the crew with a wide smile. "Thank you."

"Try it out!"

"It works good!"

"We tried it out for ya."

"I never got to hear my own heart before!"

Darwin put the buds to his ears and placed the other end to his chest. It indeed worked well. It wasn't new but it was certainly well made.

"Spendy little bloke." The Captain remarked. "But we all chipped in, you know. Pegleg's ship just came in yesterday and it seems they found it on a Navy boat."

Darwin's grin seemed to grow impossibly wider. The Captain slapped him on the back and began heading for the forecastle door. "Now, how about using that thing on tonight's ham? Got to make sure it's good and dead before we slice it up, you know."

Black Bellamy stomped down Blood Island's boardwalk. His fists were clenched and he looked like he just might pull his cutlass on anyone who approached him. He had been in a foul mood since the pirate test yesterday. He couldn't believe they had found that loophole. The Pirate Captain had bested him. And for the second time it had been over something completely ridiculous and unpiratical. First with a mangy bird and now with a few words in a briny book. It wasn't even that he had failed. If it had been anyone else he would have conceded victory…well, somewhat graciously. But the fact that he had been outdone by the Pirate Captain and his pathetic band of misfits, that was the worst cut of all.

"You know, that's a good look for you." He looked up. Cutlass Liz was leaning casually against one of the waterfront shops. She motioned to his hat which now had a huge bite taken out of it.

"Go chew on a cannonball." He shot back and continued on his way. He would show them. He'd show them all!

As if to add insult to injury a piece of paper, blown by the wind caught him smack in the face. He ripped it fiercely from his face only to find it was the Pirate Captain's wanted poster, his big toothy grin staring up at him from the page. With a savage roar that was impressive even for a pirate he shredded the paper into bits, tossed them to the ground and fired his pistol at the pieces.

He stared at the shredded paper at his feet, panting through his nose and his hands trembling as if he would very much like someone to walk by that he could throttle.

His gaze moved toward the watery horizon and the tiny makeshift pirate ship shrinking in the distance.

"This isn't over, man!" He hissed under his breath. "I'll get you, Pirate Captain and you're little doctor too!"

THE END