LUCKY CHANNEL!
Akira Kogami cheered to the 4th wall, "HIYA, LUCKIES!"
She then added, "It's been so long, and it's great to be here, in this special Lucky Channel post-story special chapter! I am your often-imitated, never duplicated, idol, Akira Kogami!"
Minoru saluted, "Yes! And I am the super-popular, Minoru Shiraishi! I am Akira-Sama's loyal assistant!"
He bragged, "I don't care what you say! I am popular!"
Akira huffed, "I don't care what you do…"
She said to the 4th wall, "As you know, we once again presented a new Lucky Star fic called "Miss Cosplayer", a follow-up to "The Advanced Class", the first Lucky Star one-shot, with a scary ending!"
Minoru said, "That's right. In case you missed it, here's what you missed: Konata Izumi is acting strange, no longer the otaku we knew and loved, as Kagami noticed some changes into her personality. But as the story progresses, Konata is revealed to be a robot. But she is called Miss Cosplayer, which is a project, created by Patricia Martin."
Akira said, "In other words, she's an antagonist."
Minoru said, "Uh, no… I don't think she wa-."
She slammed her hand down and shouted, "HUH? Konata's bratty friends were antagonists in the last fic!"
"Yes, but that was-."
"And you had to play a crazy person, with the one behind her enigmatic chimeras. In other words, it was a dream… and a dream, within a dream! So, admit it! I'll bet you were the one in the mannequin bin. I noticed the eyes and hair, and that dopey grin."
"Well, yes, that was me."
"Hey, wasn't one of the mannequins me?
"No. I don't thi-."
"NO! I WASN'T EVEN IN IT! AS ALWAYS!"
"Okay. No need to shout…"
"I get to appear on "Miyazawa & May" and that tribute to Abbott and Costello, but never in one of those fics. No wonder the series ended."
Minoru said, as he was concerned, "Not to be rude, but you got to be in an episode of Lucky Star."
"Yeah, but we did feud at each other. At least my anger toned down at you."
"And I finally got that bug off my chest… namely you. But, let's let bygones be bygones."
Akira ignored him and said to the 4th wall, "OH! I almost forgot! We have a special treat in store for you! Minoru, would you like to tell them?"
Minoru smiled and said, "I'd love to. Tonight on Lucky Channel, for the first time ever, we're bringing you the alternate ending to "Miss Cosplayer". That's right! This was cut from the cutting room floor, and dropped to the trash can!"
He reached down and grabbed a film projector, as Akira said, "So, what does this alternate ending have?"
"The writer didn't say. He said it was from a fellow reader named Zeltrax541. And Miz-K Takase would like to thank him, for the wondrous idea."
"Which one? Miz-K or Cucumber?"
"Akira-Sama… Shouldn't we watch the alternate ending?"
"Yeah, yeah. LIGHTS!"
The lights go down, as Minoru turned on the projector. Akira mumbled, "Let's get this over with."
She let out a tear, as Miyuki said, "But it still bothers me, Kagami. Whatever happened to the real Konata?"
Miyuki said, "That part, I don't know… all we saw was one lone pod, with you inside. And it seemed that she is like you, exactly with your tone and characteristics."
Tsukasa sobbed, "Don't scare us, like that, again!"
Kagami then thought, as she figured it out, "SO… Konata was the one that abducted me, but… but it's so sudden… I…"
She asked, "Tell me. Was there anyone else that appeared, during the whole android thing?"
The phone then rang, as Tsukasa picked it up. She called, "Hiiragi Residence. Tsukasa speaking."
She heard who it was and said to Kagami, "It's for you, Sis."
Kagami held the receiver and it was from Konata. She said, "Whatever this is, Konata, I'm NEVER speaking to you again!"
Konata said, "Look. About earlier, I'm sorry. Patty-Chan really didn't want to abduct you, like that. She was let go, with a warning."
She then asked, "Listen, differences aside, how about a study session, at my house?"
Kagami sighed and said, "Ah, sure."
She hung up, as she said to her friends, "Well, it appears that Konata wants a study session, at her house. We better watch over her, tonight."
Miyuki responded, "You're right. We'll keep a close eye on her. Right now, you need your rest."
XXXXX
That night, Miyuki arrived, with a huge bag. Kagami and Tsukasa let her in, as she walked past her, without responding. She approached the plant and grabbed it from the table, and placed it in her bag. She then continued walking, as she was heading straight. Tsukasa asked, "Hey… Yuki-Chan? Are you okay?"
Miyuki then beeped, "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine."
She spoke in a loop, as she was walking to the wall.
Kagami cried, "LOOK OUT!"
She bumped into the wall. She fell, facefirst, moving and fidgeting her legs, like a broken doll.
Kagami ran to her and held her. She cried, "MIYUKI! She's…"
Miyuki kept saying "I'm fine", as she was still moving. She sparked a bit, as Kagami was struck lightly in the hand. She asked, "Miyuki, control yourself! Calm down!"
She shivered, as she cringed, "No… it's not true…"
Miyuki kept speaking in a loop, as part of her skin was peeling off. Kagami then beeped, as she was shaking, "Not true… Not true… Not true… Not true… Not true…"
She kept speaking in a loop, as a figure was behind Tsukasa, who was terrified by the sudden loops of her sister and Miyuki. Tsukasa was scared stiff, as the figure knocked her out, pressing her neck. Tsukasa collapsed, as Miyuki and Kagami wound down, fading their eyes to black. Tsukasa was motionless, like a rag doll, as the figure grabbed Tsukasa. She said that she'll get the others, later.
XXXXX
Moments later, Kagami was reactivated, as the woman with long hair and a lab coat was in her vision, again. She had long blonde hair and glasses. She said, "How is it going, Kagami?"
Kagami then said, "Huh? Wait… Patty?!"
Patricia removed her wig and said, "Sorry I brought you into this."
Kagami barked, "WHERE AM I? How did I get here?"
Patricia then said, "Forgive me… But you knew the truth about Konata, too little, too late."
"Huh?"
Patricia remarked, "You see, while the others were busy working here, for part-time, we wanted to make a young girl, only for standards of knowing her knowledge of anime, manga, and video games. You know Konata's father, right?"
Kagami said, "Yeah."
"Well, he offered to have a daughter, ever since her mother stumbled onto a secret project. Of course, she couldn't bear kids, so she wanted a daughter."
"A daughter? You mean Konata's late mother is NOT REALLY her mother?"
"Yes and no… While she has Kanata's looks and beauty, she is still one of us."
"Oh. So, when was she created?"
"18 years ago. You see, Kanata wanted her own child, just for her care, but it's sad… since it was a robot. She was happy to care for her, until she died."
Kagami refuted, "I know. We heard it from Konata. But who knew it was the truth, coming from an android and all?"
"A lot… including Mister Izumi. We had her built to look older, every time, so no one would suspect her age. But, by the time she turned 10, her height stopped, and we had to grow something from in her body, including her hair, skin, legs, arms, and even her breasts. But, she said that flat chests are awesome. It's no wonder she's an A-cup. And because of that, she has the fetish for moé points, anime knowledge, and even some trivia. When she became 13, it was time to educate her. We enrolled her to a middle school in Japan. Then, by 16, she joined our school, and the rest was history. But the real reason was to have a full-time employee in the Cosplay Café… so, by 17, she got the job and became a part-timer, hence our name "Miss Cosplayer". But at 18, we decided to give her a new personality and make her stay, as a full-time employee."
Kagami replied, "So, that's why she gave up on her mangas and games… and why she chose to study…"
Patricia smiled, "Exactly! That's because her memories were copied and pasted into the drone, in case we needed you to know her, as a human, and not an android. The Miss Cosplayer Robot is only good for helping out in Cosplay Cafés. They are untested, since we started the project, eighteen years ago, so we can learn, and also see what updates that the technology world has to offer. And we knew that the Kagami Robot, i.e. you, was a failure, anyway. Her body looks cute and ravishing… but her personality was borderline."
Kagami yelled, "In other words, I'm ugly, right?"
Patty chuckled, "I never said that! I mean, it wasn't expected into our qualifications. In any case, Konata was too perfect. She was our pride and joy, thanks to her parents, who helped created her. WE did the rest."
Kagami felt bad, as she said, "Still… This Miss Cosplayer is so great and all… but not only we gained an android companion… but lost a best friend."
She cringed, "It's my fault! If I didn't push her too hard or even make more smart remarks, I would still have her! I miss the old Konata!"
She then gasped, "Wait! What about the others? What did you do to them?"
Patty smiled and said, "Oh, them? Don't worry… It was time for your upgrade, anyway."
Kagami cried, "Upgrade?!"
She then showed Miyuki and Tsukasa, on a table, in pieces, being repaired by three technicians. Kagami gasped, "NO!"
She looked down, but saw nothing. She was just a head, connected to cables. Patricia then said, "You see, we built you, too, following our test on Konata. It's a week long process, but they'll understand, when you're gone. I can tell, since you, Tsukasa, and Miyuki were made from the same development as Miss Cosplayer. You're wonderful androids."
Kagami sobbed, as she was crying out, "NO! I'm not a robot! I don't believe you! NO! I'm not like Konata! HELP! NO!"
Patricia petted her head and said, "Now, don't worry… This won't hurt a bit."
She unplugged Kagami, as she wound down.
"No! No… I'm not a robot… I feel… dizzy… why… am I… a robot…? I… No… Kooooonaaaaataaaaa…"
Her head shut down, as her eyes went black. Patricia then copied her memories and said, "Well, your body was unfixable. So, I decided to transfer your memories into another Kagami Cosplayer Robot. Shouldn't have escaped from your pod, now, huh?"
She then approached a trash can and opened the lid. She held up the broken robot's head and said, "Goodbye, Kagami. Like I said, Cosplayers fail, the trash heap you go."
She tossed her head away and said, "Oh, well. We do have spare bodies of Kagami."
She left to give her memories to one of the technicians, as Kagami's body was thrown away. Miyuki and Tsukasa were being put together, as Patricia added, "Hey! I forgot! I can erase their memories, so they cannot know about them. Remember, we cannot lose any of our friends."
She then thought, "Maybe I can have Konata back to her old self, just in case. She'll fool the others, they'll never know the difference."
She winked, as she returned to work, on the Miss Cosplayer Androids.
XXXXX
One week later, Tsukasa and Kagami were walking to school, as Konata was waving to them. She called, "HEY! Tsukasa-chan! Kagami-Sama! I'm ready!"
Kagami smiled and said, "Hey. You ready for school?"
Konata said, "You bet. I hope I make it, in time, after school, for the next anime episode."
Kagami sighed, as she held her head, "You know… I had a weird dream that we were with you, and you suddenly stopped caring for anime."
Konata laughed, as she said, "Oh, what a nightmare. But it's impossible. I'm otaku forever!"
Kagami huffed, "It's all you'll be, when you flunk out of high school."
They walked together, as they were going to school. Patricia decided to erase their memories of the whole Konata incident, while they were being repaired. They headed to school without any care for the world… and without any memory of being Cosplay Robots.
XXXXX
As for Patricia, she reproduced four different Miss Cosplayers of Konata, Kagami, Tsukasa, and Miyuki, in four different maid attires. She then giggled,
If all goes well, we could have a brand-new Miss Cosplayer line. Hopefully, I'll be able to create a way to have ALL my classmates and friends be with me."
She then giggled, "That reminds me…"
She rushed to the phone and called one of her friends. What could she be up to?
"LIGHTS!" Akira called, as the alternate ending ended.
She smiled and said, shaking off her tired look, "OH, WOW! What a shocking ending! Who knew that robots were created, by Patricia Martin?"
Minoru said, "For those who read the original story, if that ending happened, you should ignore some of the usual stuff, including how they were-."
"Yeah, yeah. Enough. I think the viewers here get the point."
"Akira-Sama, ever thought of becoming one? An android, I mean…"
"Yeah, like I act as a gynoid, pleasing your every whim. Baloney! I'm not going down the sex robot road. It's disgusting, immoral, and at my reputation, it's very deplorable. Of course, if you add me there, you got a deal. But sci-fi fics aren't right for me. What I don't like is how they manipulate a woman's picture and become a robot, demon, or anything. Would YOU see me in robot limbs?"
Minoru said, "Well, I imagine you, with hydraulic arms and legs, motorized body, and those twin drills on your head. Even some cute golden eyes… like Kandy Potter."
Akira strangled Minoru and shouted, "I told you NOT to mention Steven Cooke's gynoid wife! I am NOTHING like HER! And her eyes are AMBER, by the way! My eyes are a REDDISH PINK!"
Minoru shivered, "Sorry… I didn't mean to say that."
Akira let him go and said, "But still, as an android idol, I'd please my audience, being all stiff and robotic."
They blushed and sighed. Akira then grumbled, "But that would be cheating. And I am nowhere near that jealous tin can. I mean, how can a human date a motorized wind-up doll?"
Minoru said, "Well, maybe because it was true love. Steven Cooke is from The Gang, and Kandy Potter is from Miranda's Adventure; both are hit titles from Miz-K Takase. And Kandy started out as a-."
Akira snarled, "OH? WHICH ONE? There are TWO of them! What if that one was a robot?"
Minoru refuted, "No… THAT was his fellow Mr. Director, Jerome Holowitz, a.k.a. Cucumber. He is currently the director of "The MIS-Adventures of Miyazawa & May", after Miz-K struck 100 chapters. It's a milestone he made, which is also a stipulation, when writing very long fan fics."
Akira smiled, "Oh… Maybe I can ask if he'd put me in an android fic, as me."
Minoru said, "I wouldn't do that. He's a lunatic. The guy has a screwloose that puts Jack Klugman and Curly Howard to shame… and spinning in their graves, too."
Akira jeered, "Takes one to know one, you snobbish jerk."
Minoru pleaded, as the Lucky Channel theme played, "Look, what I was trying to say is-!"
She barked, "SHUT UP! SHOW'S OVER! Now, keep quiet!"
She turned to the 4th wall and did her cheery smile, "Aw, and just when everything is going clockwork (NO pun intended). It looks like we'll do better, next time, when we run our batteries into recharging mode for another hit fan fic from Miz-K Takase and his sidekick, Cucumber Man!"
Minoru said, "And, as always, we'll see you in the next episode."
They waved, as Akira cheered, "Bye-nee~!"
Lucky Channel
(Akira): About that android part… If I were selected to be an android, I'd be a walking human-shaped time bomb.
(Minoru): Of course. It works perfectly on you. You sing "Cape at Age Thirty", before you self-destruct. I can see it now… She sings the song, and after one line… BOOM! NO MORE AKIRA-SAMA! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!
(Akira): Yeah, yeah. Keep laughing, buddy boy! Why don't you guess who my first victim will be, as the walking Akira Kogami Robo-Bomb?
(Minoru, nervously): Uh… Do I have three guesses?
(Screen shuts off)
Thanks for Reading!
