Something in the Water
There is something so glorious about the way the sun can be so many colors and still maintain most of its gold. Sanzo doesn't particularly care about the gold in himself that Goku finds so fascinating, but he loves the gold in Goku. Those eyes have been with him for longer than he remembers. Literally. The more he stares at Goku, really looks into the different hews of yellow and gold and amber in Goku's eyes, the more he remembers seeing those eyes in his dreams, even as a small child. He remembers. But he can't remember more than vague images and feelings. Goku has always felt like home even before Sanzo could admit that. Back when he first picked the brat up he wasn't in the mood to replace the family he was still mourning. Koumyou was the broken home Sanzo could never rebuild.
Somehow, he has begun to rebuild that family now. He knows Koumyou would be proud of that. It doesn't dull the ache to know this, but it rounds the edges a bit.
Sanzo brings his now nicotine smudged fingers to his lips. He had pulled out his cigarette in haste, waking far too early with a severe craving he couldn't quench fast enough. Taking a slow, soothing puff, he curses himself for being so weak. He can admit that he had started to smoke too much before everything with the dreamworld happened, and now that he is smoking much less he is better off for it, though he will never give it up completely. He should be used to the lesser intake of the addiction, having gradually weaned down after they first left the dreamworld. But still, some mornings he wakes feeling like he quit cold-turkey, and nothing can calm him like that first breath of Marlboro.
Gojyo's weak-ass sticks can go to hell. High-lites? Pansy.
The bed behind him creaks. Sanzo has suspected Goku was up for some time, more than likely staring at the monk in the window and wondering how long he should wait before making his presence known. Sanzo rarely if ever speaks first when Goku is feeling particularly cautious. Usually Goku acts this way when he believes Sanzo wants to be alone and needs the quiet time to think. Usually Goku is right. Sensing the monkey coming up behind him, Sanzo knows that this time Goku is not as concerned about disturbing him as he might let on. A moment later Sanzo is proven right as strong arms slip under his and wrap around his chest, warm bare skin pressing against his own naked back.
Sanzo refuses to shudder. "Go back to sleep, idiot. It's barely dawn."
Goku murmurs a few unintelligible phrases and digs his forehead into Sanzo's back. "But, Sanzo…m'not…tired. 'Sides…you're up." The monkey's even choppier than normal speech proves to Sanzo that Goku is more than likely only half aware of any of his actions. That would certainly seem the case as Goku moves his right hand up and down along Sanzo's stomach like rubbing a damn Buddha belly.
Sanzo does not appreciate being used as a good luck charm, even if Goku doesn't know what he is doing. "Quit that." Sanzo says, and he grabs hold of Goku's hand to keep it steady. His cigarette is hanging from his mouth still and he takes a long drag.
Behind him, Goku stifles a cough. With a wrinkled nose Goku peers over Sanzo's shoulder, pressing their bodies more fully together, and stares at the offending cancer stick.
"Don't even try to bullshit me. You don't cough at smoke. I'm not stupid and I am not putting this out."
An indignant growl precedes Goku's words. "But, Sanzo…"
"I never said I was quitting."
"But you've been so good."
"And I'm still being…hey. Good? I'm not a fucking pet." It takes little effort to free Sanzo of Goku's close-quartered hold on him; the monkey is far from being fully functional at this early hour. "Sit boy is not something I respond to, monkey. The role of animal in this relationship is already taken."
Goku has grown accustomed enough to this treatment to only scowl, and he digs the side of his face against Sanzo's like a cat. "Meanie." He says.
"Speak for yourself." But although Sanzo sounds disconcerted, the soft twitches of a smile are pulling at his mouth. It really is too early to get ready and his nicotine addiction has been satiated, more or less. And Goku is up, after all.
Sanzo shifts in the window so he can better pull Goku onto his lap. The small brunette climbs aboard groggily but wraps his legs around Sanzo's waist with a slow grin and sits in a way that makes both of them shiver. Every part of them that can touch below the neck is connected. Goku is practically purring, mostly from being slightly drunk on lack of sleep.
"So noisy. And smothering. And annoying."
Goku makes a face. "Shouldn't you be spouted sweet nothings?"
"If you'd like me to lie to you then why don't I start be saying how clever and intelligent and—"
"Alright." Goku breaks in with a sudden frown. "Jerk. I know in your own warped way calling my a noisy monkey is a sweet nothing but could you at least—"
Sanzo decides to cut Goku off in the best way possible to avoid any further pointless talking. He kisses the chimp with enough force to elicit a yelp. Goku forgets about complaining and the pair of them spends the rest of the morning discovering all the wonders of window-seats as useful hard surfaces.
-----
Breakfast is rather uneventful other than the strange fact that they are allowed to eat it. Sanzo's response to their incredulous questions concerning breakfast is that they rushed to the West for life and death reasons. They are heading East now to return sutras that will do at the Temple of the Setting Sun the same thing they are doing now. Nothing. And they can continue doing nothing while the four hellions make a leisurely trip back.
If Kanzeon wants to keep them from speeding back on dragons, Sanzo plans to take his time.
"Thank you, Miss." Hakkai smiles kindly as the waitress leaves. She looks a little flush but this is expected considering the amount they ordered. Turning back to his companions, Hakkai reaches into his pocket for the small guidebook and map Yaone lent them, hopefully ensuring them a more pleasant trip home.
Gojyo peers over the top of his tea; morning is the only time of day he can stand the stuff. "Hey, Hakkai. How far we gettin' today? Any nice big cities? There's supposed to be all this west we missed using those dragons. Haven't seen much of it yet. I need a real town pronto."
Emerald eyes dance across slightly rolled pages, but Hakkai's expression is not hopeful. "I am sorry to disappoint you, my friend, but a good sized town won't be anywhere in our near future. The first one is still at least a week away if not two. It appears we will be sleeping under the stars tonight."
A round of groans passes between Gojyo and Goku.
Sanzo grunts. Let him be locked in a room with the (un)Merciful Goddess for five minutes. Just five. If he wasn't certain she would be the one listening to his prayers, he would have gotten on his knees to beg for that chance.
"Damn it, Sanzo." Gojyo says, focusing his frustrations on the most convenient target. "If you weren't a god damned priest that it-she what's-her-face would have let us get back the way we planned. But no, you have to be Sanzo. Fuck. Just throw down the robes and the sutras, flick her mighty godliness off, and let's call on Kougaiji already for those dragons."
Much as it irritates Sanzo to have Gojyo talk to him ever, this particular conversation is getting old. The kappa seems to think it prudent to bring up the whole "we almost had dragons" thing at every setback in the journey. They have spent only a few nights outdoors. The redhead has no reason to complain. Sanzo hasn't complained. Not aloud. He hates the situation just as much if not more. If he thought throwing down his robes and sutras would keep Kanzeon off his back, he would have done it. In fact, though the kappa seems to forget, he already did do it! If Gojyo doesn't drop this soon, he might conveniently forget his promise to Hakkai and put a whole in the kappa's head.
"Hey, Sanzo, did you hear—"
"I heard you, asshole." Sanzo says through grit teeth. "Go ahead and flick off the sky if you want. See if it makes a difference. You're more than welcome to walk back."
Gojyo's fists clench. If it weren't for Hakkai's warning glare he would be up on his feet. Sometimes Sanzo was more than he could tolerate. "Fine, Mr. All-High-and-Mighty. I was just saying. Shit. And here I thought getting laid regularly would mellow you."
A huff leaves Sanzo's lips. To anyone with any true intelligence, it would be clear the priest is holding back his real anger. Gojyo knows this. But it doesn't mean he isn't going to push at every possible opportunity.
What a boring ride it would be if everyone got along.
"Regular sex sure as hell hasn't made any part of you more tolerable. Why the fuck would it mellow me." Sanzo says dismissively, lifting his glass to his mouth for a large swig.
Goku coughs back a laugh.
Hakkai's face turns a little red and he clears his throat.
Gojyo spends a few seconds debating continuing the argument but in the end can only chuckle loudly. "Whatever you say, bouzu. I s'pose if you changed too much we'd miss your skinny ass."
Sanzo refrains from smiling outright, but allows a corner of his mouth to twitch upwards in reply.
Gojyo takes a drink of his tea and grins into the bottom of the cup. "Still your fault we lost the dragons." He adds.
There is a small hush. The Smith & Wesson does not appear but the sound of its hammer being cocked makes a resounding click. "Tell me, Hakkai. I could neuter the cockroach with one shot and he'd still serve most of his usefulness. Right?" Sanzo's twitching mouth has formed into a malicious grin.
Hakkai does not immediately answer, appearing to be very seriously considering Sanzo's question. "I can't think of anything I'd miss." The healer says, his face a well-played mask.
Goku is failing miserably now at stifling his laughter.
A few weeks ago Gojyo would have exploded with indignant shouting to such teasing. However, seeing as how he knows Hakkai is only playing along and really, he enjoys his "sparring" matches with Sanzo now that there is no longer a threat of actually being shot, Gojyo sits back and allows a new comeback to wash over him.
He grins when it comes to him. "You know, Sanzo, I'd say the same thing back to you, but I know it wouldn't be true."
Violet holds onto crimson, waiting for the catch.
Gojyo's grin lengthens. "The monkey can't top you." He says, "Your ass is so tight there's no way Goku could be man enough to make it worthwhile."
Only Gojyo can insult two people that smoothly in one sentence and Sanzo coolly admits defeat. After all, he sure as hell didn't receive the brunt of that one. Gojyo must have decided it was high time Goku got brought into this bout too.
"Hey!" Goku yells, a few seconds delayed since it had taken him a moment to realize the joke had somehow come back to him. "I'll have you know—"
"Goku." Hakkai says quickly, his tone acting like a hand across Goku's mouth. "Please, I don't think I could handle your rebuttal. Such adult ideas concerning you is difficult enough sometimes. I'd rather not suffer details."
Hakkai's words are left with a long pause as all of his companions turn to look at him. Hakkai knows what they are thinking. They are thinking of the night they no longer speak of. The night details would have been unnecessary since all four got first-hand views of their companions. Out of the four of them, Hakkai is the one most unnerved by their delinquency. He holds strong.
"It would be most inappropriate conversation for the breakfast table, don't you think?" he adds, actually saying, though without words, that if they deem it okay to speak of sex in more detail to one another they are bound to head down a dangerous path. Or possibly be forced to speak of the night when their rule of walls didn't apply.
It is unanimously decided to follow Hakkai's lead.
The group is saved from having to decide what topic they should change their discussion to when the waitress, heavily overburdened, arrives at their table and begins filling every inch of space with various plates. Sanzo pays without questioning the ridiculousness of the order.
-----
"So, Goku, what you are saying is that you would like to continue practicing without your limiter as we head East."
Goku shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't want to seem as adamant about this as he actually is. He wouldn't want to worry the others with his urgency. "Well…yeah." Goku says, kicking the dirt at his feet. "I want to get to a point where…I don't need my limiter at all. And I can't do that if I don't practice."
The group is camped in a small clearing inside a patch of woods. They could probably afford to camp more out in the open now that there isn't a youkai army on their tail, but a year of watchfulness has made that rather difficult. They cannot help being overly vigilant and they feel perfectly justified in it. There could always be rogues out and about that might think to ambush them.
Hakkai is speaking with Goku while finishing setting up camp, laying the sleeping bags out neatly around what will soon be their fire.
Gojyo had gone out fishing for dinner and is in the process of cleaning them before Hakkai cooks them up.
Sanzo is sitting on a nearby rock, looking out into the trees somewhat distantly, deep in thought about many things but also wondering how easily it would be to sneak a second cigarette for the day without Goku nagging him. The kappa has the nerve to be taking the withdrawals more easily. Damn him and his weaker addiction. Those pansy High-lites are sure giving him an advantage now.
"Goku, I thought you had the beast whipped already." Gojyo says, eyes staying on his fish as he readies them for Hakkai. His leather jacket has been laid down at a safe distance though his white tank top will more than likely be snatched by Hakkai later for a thorough cleaning in the river.
Lifting off from his perch on a nearby tree, Hakuryuu flutters down to sit on Goku's shoulders, kyuuing softly as if to say he would like the same explanation as Gojyo.
A smile tugs at Goku's lips as he looks at the friendly little dragon. The red eyes. The silvery scales. The way he picks on Gojyo more than anyone else. Goku knows the dragon is more than just a pet. He wonders if he should tell the others that he is beginning to understand those kyuus a little better.
"I can control him." Goku says in answer to all those listening. "I mean, me and him…we remember that we're the same person so he won't try to hurt you guys anymore, but…we're still kinda separate and we really shouldn't be. If I practice more I might be able to talk when I'm him and think and really be completely me no matter which me I'm being." Goku pauses, his nose crinkling like he just caught a whiff of Gojyo's fish that was not particularly appetizing. "Does that make any sense?"
Hakkai smiles at Goku with a gentle expression, heading over to sit beside him on one of the rocks near their fire pit. "It makes perfect sense, Goku. Would you like to try before or after dinner?"
"Oh! We can wait til after." Goku says in earnest, already eyeing the fish hungrily. Gojyo may not be the best cook, but he is a very good fisherman. Combined with Hakkai they really are the perfect pair.
Gojyo shakes his head at Goku and laughs loudly, though he agrees with the monkey and has had to ignore the rumbling of his stomach the entire time he cleaned his fish.
Hakkai reaches out to playfully tousle Goku's hair and then stands to survey his work on their makeshift camp. It certainly isn't as hospitable as an inn, but it will do.
Since Sanzo has remained rather quiet throughout all this, Goku asks Hakuryuu to go back to his tree—to which the dragon is not at all offended—and walks over to the daydreaming monk. "Sanzo?" he prompts, plopping himself down in the dirt at Sanzo's feet. "Something wrong?"
Goku has long since learned that Sanzo rarely responds to such a "stupid" question, and isn't really expecting anything. So it disturbs him a little when Sanzo looks down at him without even the smallest trace of his usual masks.
"Sanzo?"
"I never said I was patient."
Goku has a pretty good idea what Sanzo means. "Sorry. I don't want you worrying over something that's really…not…that big a deal. I mean…I'll tell you what I remember. I will. I just…not yet. I don't want to spoil things."
Sanzo's eyes narrow in sudden questioning.
Really, Goku hates when his mouth speaks without use of his brain. "Not that it will spoil things." He says quickly, knowing that adding a qualifier will do little to alter Sanzo's reaction. Judging by the monk's cross expression, Goku is pretty certain he isn't being believed anyway.
He reaches up to place his hands on Sanzo's knees and feels a bit like a beggar seeking coins. Or food. It isn't as if he hasn't pawed at Sanzo for such things before.
"Is it the practicing?" he asks, "Coz you said you didn't mind. And we know it's safe now so…it's not like I'm gonna change by doing this."
"Hn. Maybe you already have."
Goku is worried now. "What are you talking about?" he demands. "You're the one who keeps saying it's okay if I'm not ready to tell you. What changed?"
"Nothing." Sanzo asserts, though his eyes flicker with a hint of falsehood. He is allowing Goku's childish position, but does not reach his own hands down to take Goku's or give any indication he is comfortable. "I've been thinking. And the more I think about this…the more I feel I…remember, even when I don't. It doesn't make sense, but I know there's something about this, something about what you remember that scares you. Are you trying to hide it from us by bringing your two sides together?" The question is asked point blank, with Sanzo bending down low enough for their eye contact to be almost chilling.
Goku tenses. He should know better than to try and hide things from the person who can hear his voice in his mind. Sanzo has always had incredible intuition in Goku's case. Maybe Sanzo knows more than he realizes.
Receiving no answer, Sanzo at last makes contact with Goku, reaching down to grasp the monkey's stiff shoulders. "Goku," he says, his voice low and serious, "what are you so afraid we'll find out?"
Drowning in all that familiar violet, Goku finds himself wishing for the fan. At least it would distract from what he knows he will have to tell Sanzo and the others soon, even if only for awhile. That is the real reason he seeks such immediate practice without his limiter. Well, maybe a small part of him wonders if he really could keep the truth from them forever. Seiten Taisei is still unpredictable. At least if Goku is in control he can protect his friends from yet more bad memories of unfair pasts.
Goku wishes he could answer Sanzo, but right now the only response he can offer is through his trembling.
"Sanzo, Goku. These fish will fry rather quickly, so we'd best set things up for dinner."
Hakkai's voice could be calling to them from heaven it feels so far away. Goku still sometimes expects to see Tenpou when he turns at one of Hakkai's summons, after all.
Grateful that Sanzo releases him, Goku quickly gets to his feet, his eyes trying to explain how sorry he is for not being able to tell Sanzo what the blonde wants to know. His eyes will have to do, because his mouth can only manage, "Not yet."
Sanzo doesn't push. After all, the monk said he would wait for Goku, but he has never been known as a patient man. With each passing day he feels this nagging voice growing at the back of his mind, and he has begun to wonder if it is the monkey's own sorrowful subconscious trying to break through on a new level. Perhaps Seiten Taisei isn't as afraid to tell the truth.
This, of course, is exactly what Goku is afraid of. The monkey doesn't want his companions to know the truth; the truth that he is the reason their lives were mapped out in pain and suffering and insurmountable loss. He doesn't want them to know that he is the reason…Kanan, Koumyou, and Gojyo's mother all had to die. He cannot deny that he is the reason his friends are broken. He is the reason they were punished. When they discover that, how can they not hate him for causing them such anguish?
Goku eats his share of the fish with a feigned smile. He really could one-up Hakkai in a contest of who is most skilled at it. Everyone always assumes his joy is genuine. Lately, it rarely has been. Thinking back to that very morning, when things seemed so much brighter, Goku had taken much joy in Sanzo. In their playfulness. In their lovemaking in the window seat. In their comfort next to each other as they road in the back of the jeep for hours. But Sanzo is often one step ahead of Goku, and this time is no exception.
While there is a part of Goku that believes he should confess all in a torrent of tears and apology, there is a stronger part that thinks of how much easier it would be if they never had to find out. Heaven is in the past. Perhaps it should stay there. And where that possibility lies, Goku thinks, is in making it so that Seiten Taisei no longer exists.
-----
The river is far cleaner and clearer than some of the water holes the Sanzo-ikkou encounter next to towns. This little bit of brook is deep in woods, only for the enjoyment of animals and those travelers wishing to remain extremely under cover. Hakkai finds himself wishing the river were larger, or perhaps a lake. He could use a refreshing swim. It really is unfair that the only things getting to feel the cool laps of water are Gojyo's dirty tank top and the pots and pans from dinner.
Lately, the weather has been hotter than normal for this time of year, so Hakkai, feeling a little less formal than usual since they are miles from other people, undoes the four clasps at the top of his tunic. A teasing amount of his clavicle is exposed in doing this, and still, it is far from the amount of relief Hakkai would like.
"Goodness. I am moments from stripping down completely in this heat."
"Heh. You won't hear any complaints from me."
Hakkai resists the urge to grin. He had left Gojyo back at camp, shirtless and relatively listless too. He half-expected the kappa to follow him and is not at all disappointed to be right. "Gojyo," he says, hiding his smile by keeping his face on the water, "would you be so kind as to give me a hand over here."
The short laugh Gojyo replies with indicates he has understood the command correctly. By the time Hakkai has placed the last pot to dry on the clean cloth he spread over the ground, Gojyo is already enfolding him in possessive arms from behind. "I'm sure the monk and monkey can entertain themselves for a few minutes." The redhead purrs.
"Minutes? You underestimate me, my friend."
The pots scatter, one managing to be knocked off the safe cleanliness of the cloth completely to land in the dirt, as Hakkai twists in Gojyo's hold and knocks them both back onto the ground. The addictiveness of Gojyo is starting to overtake him, he thinks, or perhaps his newly rekindled hormones are driving him mad.
"I…can't seem to get enough of you." He says breathlessly against Gojyo's ear, his mouth striking down to deliver wet kisses between words. He has Gojyo straddled by the waist and pressed down into the dirt. Gojyo's bare chest—his now clean tank only a few feet from them—presses up against Hakkai with each heaved breath.
Undone or not, Hakkai's tunic needs to go.
Hakkai is thinking nothing close to clearly as he rips his shirt off over his head, successfully catching his monocle and headband in its folds to be lost until he tries to put it on again.
Gojyo does not mind this urgency in Hakkai, but he is shocked the healer doesn't pause to at least fuss a little over…something. The kappa decides to consider it a blessing and quickly forgets he ever questioned the beautiful brunette since Hakkai is grinding down against him and meets their mouths for a ravenous kiss. Gojyo laughs he is so amazed by Hakkai's passion. Shouldn't he, the infamous lover Sha Gojyo, be the insatiable one?
The only time Hakkai acts like himself is when they are with their friends. Even then sometimes Hakkai finds little ways of being naughty. The other day Hakkai had been the one rebuking Gojyo for trying to fool around in the jeep. In a few days more, Gojyo suspects Hakkai will be the one with roaming hands. He wonders if this should worry him, but he enjoys the idea of frisky Hakkai so much, he can't think of a good enough reason.
He has to ask. "Wasn't there a rule…about walls?" the kappa grins, panting after the force of Hakkai's kiss. Their foreheads are pressed tight together as they struggle to regain their breaths, their bodies tight and hot against each other, with equal pressure beneath their slacks demanding more attention.
Hakkai licks his lips. "Fuck walls." He says, and attempts to capture another kiss.
Gojyo's head hits the hard ground as he pulls back to avoid the contact. "What?" he says, unable to articulate much more than that. He doesn't mind the thought Hakkai spoke, but he never thought he would hear Hakkai speak in such crude words so smoothly. For a moment Gojyo swears he sees the pupil of Hakkai's right eye tremor and the redhead's passions turn into a lump in his chest. He stiffens. "What's with you lately?" he asks, sounding perhaps more accusing than he means to.
Confused and lingering rather close to angry, Hakkai tilts his head in question. "What are you talking about? If my more amorous qualities offend you, Gojyo, I will be more than happy to suppress them."
Much as Gojyo's mind is a little too fuzzy to compute all of what Hakkai just said, he knows it wasn't good and that it was spoken with much sarcasm. "Hey, no harm, baby, I just…well…I've been noticing you're a little bit…rougher, that's all. Not that I can't handle it, I just want to be sure…you're okay."
The anger melts from Hakkai's face and his expression becomes dark and devilish once more. The healer licks lightly at the opening of Gojyo mouth, tickling Gojyo's lips, until finally pushing forward and tasting deeply. They kiss for a long time before Hakkai pulls away, sighing blissfully.
"Gojyo…" he growls, "I assure you…that I am…more…than okay." This assertion is stressed by Hakkai pressing deep enough with his hips to grind Gojyo's lower back into the ground.
Lips trembling, Gojyo bites back a moan. Had he allowed it, there is no doubt the sensory-mastered monkey would have heard it.
Gojyo rebukes himself for being stupid enough to think passion meant anything was amiss, and he reaches his arms around to grip Hakkai's ass and pull to find that same pressure again. Doing it out here in the dirt; Hakkai would never have allowed this before. Swearing. Sneaky touches. Dirty implications. Gojyo decides he knows what has come over Hakkai.
After four long years, the kappa has finally started to rub off on the well-bred healer. And as far as Gojyo is concerned, with results like this, it couldn't have happened sooner.
Pants are soon yanked down to puddle around ankles, and without protest Gojyo allows Hakkai to lift his knees into the air and press inside of him. The sun is almost set now, leaving shadows and growing darkness around them so that the faint light from their nearby campfire is the only reminder that they are not completely alone.
Each thrust of eager hips brings Hakkai and Gojyo closer together until Hakkai can no longer support his weight and no longer wants to. While they are still at the height of passion, with Gojyo all but whimpering and Hakkai's breath sounding like that of a hunting wolf, Gojyo suddenly laughs. To ensure he does not suddenly find himself in a large amount of pain, he is quick to explain where he finds the humor.
"This…" he breathes, "…those other…selves of ours…it had to be this."
Hakkai is just as breathless. "Had to be…what…?"
"Ten to one…" Gojyo says with a grin, "Ten to one…says…Gonou and Gojyo…ended up as their…merry married selves…because they…had…three one night stands…and couldn't get enough."
Because everything takes a little longer to register when you're fucking your lover in the middle of the woods, there a few more thrusts given and taken before Hakkai echoes Gojyo's laughter. "Haha. Yes, my friend," he says. "Most certainly."
tbc...
A/N: Expect the next chapter to NOT continue here, but to delve into a bit of fun in the dreamworld. The chapter after that will continue where this left off showing Goku's practice session. Lots of little things are in the works and will soon start causing more problems. You'll just have to wait and find out. Thanks for the amazing welcome back, everyone. I look forward to yet another journey with you. Don't forget to tell your friends.
Crim
