Breaking and Bonding


Gojyo can't remember the last time he was this mad at one of his friends. Especially at Hakkai. He's never mad at Hakkai. It's Hakkai. He gets a little frustrated with him from time to time, but actual anger is pretty hard to come by when the healer is just so damn nice all the time. Sanzo, to this day, appears to be the only one immune.

Therefore, Gojyo is even more put out that he is as mad as he has found himself. Mad doesn't even describe it right. He is thoroughly incensed. He could just…he doesn't know what he could do. And that alone frightens him.

Which is exactly why he has wandered his way to the closest bar and ordered a heavy drink. No beer tonight. The strongest liquor, please, and don't skimp by handing out the cheap stuff.

After knocking back a good many shots, Gojyo sits nursing something bitter that burns a little on the way down but feels good once it settled warm in his stomach. He doesn't even know what it is. The bartender just gave him a wink and set it down. For Gojyo that isn't suspicious; it's damn good service.

"Idiot," he grumbles to himself, not exactly sure who the word is meant for. The bottom of his drink is getting closer and he stares at the liquid inside to find his marred reflection. His own red head wavers back at him.

What was Hakkai thinking? Sure, what happened was terrifying, but Gojyo would have been able to separate the incident between beast and Hakkai just like Sanzo did when Seiten Taisei pulled that stunt. Gojyo could have forgiven Hakkai. But Hakkai had to go and do a worse wrong and make everything horrible. Gojyo never thought he would doubt his friend. Maybe he shouldn't ever trust Hakkai but he has always prided himself on being one of the few people who can. Now he isn't so sure.

"Nother one a those, man, okay?" Gojyo tells the bartender, passing his now empty glass down the counter. Gojyo's eyes are getting heavy and his words are a bit slurred, but as far as he is concerned, he isn't even close to done. Not if it still hurts this much.

The bartender complies, though a bit more hesitant now, and says, "You sure, man? You're getting pretty far gone. Must be one helluva broad you're pining over."

Gojyo chokes back a laugh and tosses a swig of his drink down his throat. "Man," he says, "You have no idea."

Drink after drink and Gojyo still can't get the returned memories out of his mind. Never mind how scary Hakkai had looked, how frozen Gojyo had felt when he realized it wasn't really Hakkai at all, and how he'd said fucking 'stop' and the monster still kept going. What played over in Gojyo's mind was the words that came after, when he was forced into sleep.

"I'm sorry, Gojyo. I'm so sorry…"

"Asshole. If you were sorry you'd be sittin' next to me," Gojyo hisses into his drink.

"Mind if I sit next to you instead?"

Looking up, half surprised and half not entirely sure he has heard correctly or is just imagining things, Gojyo finds a rather buxom youkai brunette on the stool beside him. He remembers her. She's the one who got him in trouble the last time. And looking just as drop dead gorgeous as she did the first time he saw her.

Shit.

"Don't see your friend tonight," she says, batting too long to be natural eyelashes while making a point to cross her legs away from Gojyo to better show off the slit in her dress. A very high slit. Near up to her hip.

Shit.

Gojyo shakes his head, "No, you won't see him tonight, honey, believe me." He does his best to return to his drink, but the brunette holds her ground.

"Shame," she says, "Seemed like you two were close. Or am I mistaken?"

Gojyo is no stranger to that kind of grin and the way she's leaning up on the counter in a way that pushes her amble chest together and has the ladies waving Gojyo one fine hello. He also gets it real clear how she is steering around the subject of Hakkai. If Hakkai had been a woman, this scenario would play out just the same.

Still, Gojyo does all he can do when this drunk. He tells the truth.

"You know…I may have been mistaken about a few things myself," he says.

The woman's grin stretches to show off perfect white teeth and those pretty fangs. Gojyo had nearly forgotten how attractive a youkai woman can be when she's not trying to rip him a new one. "Really now," she says, "Seems to me then that you might be wanting some company tonight. Handsome thing like you really shouldn't be alone, after all."

Gojyo has to laugh, because this woman really is something else. She flirts just like he does, scoping out a challenge, and makes it clear what she wants. Gojyo has to respect that. "No, don't suppose a handsome thing like me should be alone," he says, and he sets aside his drink, half finished already and turns to better take in the woman beside him.

Drink in his system and fire in his veins, Gojyo's blood burns against his will and she really is looking finer than anything.

Long legs, short skirt, that damn near illegal slit, the low-cut top, the long brown hair and even green eyes behind those lashes. And just to be exotic and that much sweeter in Gojyo's mind, there's the pointed ears, the fangs, the nails like claws, painted red. Then it strikes Gojyo that she doesn't have any visible demon markings, and before he can start imagining where she might be hiding some, his ignorant fun takes a dive.

Suddenly, she has quite a few markings. Everywhere. Black coiling vines that stretch and capture and burn into whatever they touch.

Gojyo almost screams shaking his head to clear out that image. When he looks again at the woman she is just as beautiful as she should be, but he is sobered enough to know she isn't what he wants.

He doesn't want anything familiar. If she had been human, if she had been blonde, anything, maybe Gojyo would have faltered. But she had to look like him.

"Sorry, honey, but handsome or not, and wrong or not, I think I will be spending tonight alone," Gojyo says, standing up and tossing what little cash he has on the bar, "I think I need to walk off this buzz before I do something I'd regret."

"Oh? Like what?" A pout plays on the girls lips and she leans further forward onto the bar, practically spilling out of her shirt to keep Gojyo interested.

And damn it if Gojyo's isn't very, very interested, but plastered or not, his mind can't leave Hakkai. "You'd almost be worth it," he tells her honestly, meeting her eyes and just wishing this could be easier so he could have a good fuck and forget today the way he used to, "But as stupid as I am sometimes, even I'm not that stupid."

-----

Meiyuu had to admit, Sanzo certainly wasn't exaggerating when he mentioned how much Goku can eat. The boy has been happily devouring everything she sets in front of him for the past hour and shows no signs of being satisfied.

Naturally, Meiyuu finds the whole thing terribly adorable, and has to remind herself several times that Goku is nineteen, almost twenty, and not the little boy he can sometimes appear to be. He is growing, after all, and to Meiyuu, he is quite the handsome display of a young man immersed in his final growth spurt. Only when his eyes twinkle at her or he gulps down yet another bite of food does he display his more youthful side.

Sanzo, for his part, is pretending Goku is not making an obscene display, even with Goku's additions to the conversation coming through bites of food.

When the monkey finally shows signs of stopping and looks up at Meiyuu for the hundredth time to say thank you for the delicious meal, he then sits back with a sigh and cannot stop himself before saying, "Wow…you look so much like him. I mean…err…he looks like you, I guess. Sanzo does," Goku explains, "Always knew he had to get all that pretty from somewhere."

A bright smile floods Meiyuu's face, much as one is already there due to the very welcome company tonight, but Sanzo is far from amused.

"Shut up, idiot," he says reflexively. Although, to be honest, even he is beginning to recognize that his tone does not hold any of the malice it once did. The expression is entirely endearing.

And Meiyuu is quick to notice. "My, you two must know each other so well with all the time you've been together. So many years living so close. I almost feel I'd learn more about Koryuu from you, Goku, than from him."

Sanzo shifts a little uncomfortably; he can't help it if he isn't the chattiest or most open of people. He has made a number of strides today, with his mother as well as with Goku. Only so much can be expected of him at a time.

Goku just smiles and offers a shrug. "Don't know about that. I'm just getting to know Koryuu myself. But I can tell ya loads about Sanzo. Mostly involving a paper fan and the heel of his shoe," Goku giggles.

There are still many times when Sanzo contemplates pulling the fan out again or kicking the monkey hard like he used to, but generally speaking, a light bop on the head is as much as he dares anymore. He does so, making sure Goku gets the point that he isn't particularly fond of being talked about as if he isn't in the room.

As much as Goku does understand what the bop to his skull meant it does nothing to stop him from asking what he asks next.

"Hey, Meiyuu, I've always wondered. What was baby Sanzo like anyway? Was he a big grump like he is now?" Of course, even as he is saying this, Goku is smiling, because he loves his grumpy spoil sport of a monk.

While Sanzo is busy rethinking his decision to not bring out the fan, Meiyuu sits back and a look of peaceful nostalgia crosses her face. "Goodness, how many years it's been since then," she says, "But no, grumpy is hardly how I'd describe him. For a first child he was surprisingly well behaved. He laughed at everything. Was giggling months before he should have been. So smiley. But my was he a stubborn one. Things always had to be just so, and he was so picky about noise. He wouldn't eat, sleep, or tolerate anything if it was too noisy."

Goku is in a fit of giggles. "That is so Sanzo!" he says, "He is always yelling at me and Gojyo to shut up, and we're never even all that loud."

"Hn," Sanzo scoffs, "Your definition of loud and quiet is separated by a very thin line. I've looked for your volume control and it doesn't exist."

Really, it is terribly inappropriate, but Goku just can't help himself when he is having such a good time, and with Sanzo behaving so well. "Really? Maybe you haven't looked in all the right places yet," he says with a wink.

Everything in Sanzo tells him to attack the boy, but the most he can muster is a very red face and shaking fists.

Meiyuu laughs. "Oh my, you two are quite the pair, aren't you? It's hard to believe you've only been a couple for such a short time."

"You should see the other two," Sanzo grumbles. His arms are tightly crossed, and part of him is contemplating all the wonderful ways to torture Goku later, but that line of thinking always leads in the same direction these days. No longer does it go to the use of the fan, or starving the kid. Oh no. But inevitably to the bedroom.

And damn it if Sanzo doesn't care that his mind strays there. Their recent argument has left both of them with feelings unresolved that can only be dealt with in heated passion. Sanzo is sure there's a rulebook on that somewhere in the world.

None of this, of course, is spoken aloud, and Sanzo does his best to ignore Goku and Meiyuu's laughter.

Quickly though, Meiyuu continues. "He was a wonderful baby," she says, "Really. I would love to say, Koryuu, that if I could go back and make the decision to send you down the river again, I wouldn't do it. Or maybe that I would still send you but take you from the temple when I found you. But seeing you now…I don't think I can say any of that. How could I ever wish to change the man you are? It is this man before me that Goku loves. I hope it isn't awful of me to imply that I am glad things turned out as they did, but I am, if only to see that you are so strong now, and happy. I would wish for nothing more of you."

All thoughts of Goku-torture and self-loathing are cast aside. This same sentiment is all Koumyou wished for Sanzo as well, and to hear it from his mother melts Sanzo a little further, so much so that he almost smiles. Almost.

Meiyuu returns the almost smile with a full one of her own and gets up from the table to begin clearing the dishes. "Dessert?" she asks, which is always the wrong thing to say to Goku, at least from Sanzo's perspective.

The monkey's face lights up completely. "Really?"

"Of course."

"Great," Sanzo grumbles.

It's not that he isn't enjoying spending time with his mother but that this feels so much like introducing one's spouse to their in-laws that Sanzo can't help feeling anxiety over the whole scene. He knows he will have to say goodbye to his mother tonight, and for who knows how long, but he looks forward to being done with all this and going back to a sense of normal. Preferably a sense of normal in which he and Goku are living amorously whenever the sun goes down.

There was a time Sanzo never would have even contemplated lying with his charge and now he thinks of it so eagerly and often that he wonders if he is developing a problem. It must be because of their fight, Sanzo decides. It had been so brutal. So final. Sanzo had been fully prepared to deny Goku his love forever. Maybe. A thought like that reminds him—as if he needs such reminders—of how short a time they may have together.

Perhaps dessert doesn't sound so bad after all.

"Hey, Meiyuu, you don't have any extra baby Sanzo pictures lying around, do ya?"

Then again…

-----

Gojyo's head is throbbing. He knows better than this. He knows exactly how much alcohol will cause him to be sick instead of blissfully numb, and he passed that number long before his encounter with the youkai woman. Which is why it has taken him a good hour to return to the inn despite the fact that it took him only fifteen minutes to get from point A to point B while sober.

He nods at the young man at the front desk and stumbles into the hallway where his and the others' rooms are. His drinking and reflection have granted him nothing but the ill feeling in his stomach, his headache, misplaced steps, and a great desire to hold Hakkai as tight as possible for as long as possible so neither of them ever again forgets that they can get through anything. As long as they do it together. They've been through enough hell already to know that.

The problem is, even as Gojyo is thinking this way, he is also still doubting. Drunk or not, he remembers everything. It isn't even what youkai Hakkai did to him that bothers him but that Hakkai, fully sane and clear-thinking Hakkai, chose to lie.

How can they do anything, be anything, if there is not trust first?

Nevertheless, as Gojyo opens the door all he can think is that he doesn't care about any of it so long as he can tell Hakkai it'll all be alright and hear the same words said back to him.

He could be satisfied enough by that perhaps if the first thing he sees upon entering their room wasn't Hakkai's back as the brunette lays very still on the bed Gojyo found him on earlier, as if he had simply returned there when Gojyo left and never moved. It crushes Gojyo to see it. Hakkai has the covers pulled up tight, as if to burry himself, and he is so far to the edge of the bed, it seems clear he wants only to separate himself from everything. Even the window is closed, closed off, just like Hakkai. Gojyo does not notice that Hakuryuu is gone.

Shit, Gojyo thinks. He had to go and storm out, didn't he? He had to get drunk, agonizing and mulling over everything, and he didn't even think how Hakkai must be feeling. Maybe Hakkai acted in the wrong, but if the turned youkai can't control what is happening to him, it is no wonder he is terrified. Gojyo should know better.

He tries to understand, tries to think from Hakkai's point of view for a moment. Hakkai was scared. Hakkai did the only thing he could think of to make things easier on Gojyo. Well, it backfired, but Hakkai's intentions weren't based around the lie, they were based around concern. Around love. For Gojyo.

Hakkai is terrified to lose love again. And Gojyo walked out on him.

Sobered a little now, Gojyo is able to walk over to Hakkai's bed and sit on the edge. He had at first thought Hakkai wasn't moving, but now that he is closer he can see the small tremors, consistently shivering through Hakkai's body. Barely audible, Gojyo can hear the small sobs as well. He feels like such a fool.

"Hakkai…" he says, and he reaches a hand to touch the blanket covered shoulder.

Gojyo almost expects a flinch, he would understand if that was Hakkai's initial response, and therefore he is disturbed when Hakkai does not move at all.

"Hakkai," he says again, moving onto the bed so that he is lying down behind Hakkai with his hand squeezing the shoulder tightly, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry I left like that. I was just so…mad. I never thought I would have to worry about you, of all people, not trusting me. But I was too harsh, okay, I get that. I wasn't thinking about what you're feelin'. So don't go doing this to yourself, alright, I'm here. I'll always be here, you know that. I just needed some time to cool off but now—"

"Gojyo." The voice is so soft and low Gojyo would find it dark if he didn't think he was talking to Hakkai just now.

"Yeah, baby?" he says.

When Hakkai responds, despite the shivering and the sounds of light sobbing, there is no sign of tears in Hakkai's voice when he speaks. "Don't touch me," he says, and there is finality in the words, cold and commanding. Hakkai does not move but his body seems to pull inwards, away from Gojyo to leave the hanyou very much alone in the room.

Gojyo wants to question this, to challenge it, but Hakkai's tone, the way the words are made of steel sharpened and hard make him think better of it. A part of Gojyo still wants to wrap his arms around Hakkai as tight as he can until everything is okay again, but he gets the distinct impression that if he doesn't remove his hand and his presence quickly he might end up worse off than being hung over.

Something has broken. Gojyo isn't sure what it is and Hakkai isn't sharing. For now all he can think to do is listen to Hakkai and remove himself from the bed. He walks over to the other one, empty and still made, and falls on top of it, not bothering to get under the covers or change out of his smoky clothes from the bar. The only thing that will get Gojyo to sleep tonight is the alcohol in his system, and even with that he imagines he will lie awake for sometime, staring over at the shivering form of Hakkai that won't tell him what to do.

Gojyo doesn't know what to do. And he fears that when he finally figures it out, it will be too late.

-----

"Too much drama," Sanzo grumbles, pushing Goku down the hallway to get them to their room all the more quickly.

Goku heartily allows a giggle. "Ah, you just say that coz I got to see you naked."

Sanzo decides against commenting that Goku has actually seen him naked on many occasions, but in this instance it was just…different.

"You were all squirmy with Meiyuu looking over our shoulders too. S'not like she hasn't seen it before. Besides, I thought you were cute. Your little white butt."

"Enough. Do you want me to smack you upside the head?"

Turning to walk backwards the last few paces to their door, Goku leers his response, "Depends on which one you're talking about, Kory," he says.

"I'll pretend you didn't say that."

Sanzo pulls out their key and nudges Goku roughly out of the way in order to unlock their door. His patience has been entirely shot with all the embarrassment of the evening. Goku is one thing, but with the brat and his mother ganging up on him it was practically unbearable. The fact that he has no desire to murder the woman must be a sign he actually has some affection for her, though he is not quick to admit it. The hug he gave her before he and Goku left was merely for her benefit. He is almost certain of it.

Once the door has been opened Sanzo means to step immediately inside, but finds that Goku is dawdling down the hall a few paces, staring at the door closest to theirs. Gojyo and Hakkai's door.

"Naked baby photos aside, and it better be put aside or I'll shove my fan somewhere you won't find a pleasant place to get papercuts," Sanzo warns, "I had all intention of bringing you to bed. Of course, if you'd rather listen in at our neighbors' door…"

Goku sways on his feet, wanting to heed Sanzo and turn around but pulled by extreme concern for his friends to check on them first. "But…but Sanzo…I told you about Hakkai and…and it's so quiet around here."

"Consider it a good sign and come to bed."

Goku looks back at Sanzo but his expression is dismayed. "But Sanzo…"

No. Sanzo will not allow that annoying whine in Goku's voice to change his mind. There is a time to let friends' needs come before one's own—Sanzo assumes as much and is trying to believe it, though he would rather not find out for sure any time soon—but now is not one of those times.

Grabbing the monkey by the front of his shirt, Sanzo tugs and drags until both he and Goku are inside their room, the door is shut and locked, and he has Goku pressed so tightly against the shut and locked door that Sanzo might as well graft their bodies together. Sanzo kisses the monkey soundly and assures himself that Goku is firmly in place and rather nonverbal after all this spontaneity before he decides it is time to speak.

"Goku," he says, or rather, growls, "I am so sick of dealing with problems. I have enough of my own, thank you, I don't want to hear about anyone else's. Tonight…I only want to think about you. Now, does that sound like a good enough reason to leave those idiots to themselves for now so I can fuck. You. Into the mattress."

Goku's face flushes with immediate color. Sanzo is rarely the amorous one between them, especially like this. Pressed to the door with every wonderful inch of Sanzo that Goku could ever imagine being in contact with this tightly, there really only is one answer to Sanzo's question. "Works for me."

Freeing his arms enough from Sanzo's hold, Goku throws them up around the priest's neck and pulls the taller man down into another kiss, melding tongues eagerly. He can feel such amazing heat from Sanzo, he wonders if the monk had been resisting arousal for much of the evening, or at least for the walk back to the inn. Judging by how far along Sanzo feels in the aroused area, Goku imagines the monk has been rather happy to be home for several minutes.

It only fuels Goku's passions further, and his own heated and hard erection presses against the inside of his pants, desperate to meet the heat within Sanzo's. As always, the only thing they take care with while removing is the sutra, laid gently aside, but after that the robe is tossed away, uncaring to the many things that tumble out of its sleeves. Sanzo nearly trips over it when Goku begins pushing them back towards the bed. His legs hit it quickly, but he does not allow himself to fall. He keeps them upright as he pulls off Goku's affects and strips the boy of his shirt and pants. Goku kicks his shoes aside while slipping his hands down Sanzo's jeans to pull up on the tucked in leather and peel it slowly from Sanzo's skin. By the time that is off, Goku is ready to push Sanzo back for real this time, but Sanzo sees it coming and grabs Goku's wrist before the monkey can act.

Goku is concerned but Sanzo shakes his head, his thin mouth curving up almost sinisterly. Goku decides to obey, and reaches instead for the clasp of Sanzo's jeans. They are off quickly and Sanzo's shorts with them, fitted so snug.

And then their bodies snap together like opposing currents, their mouths kissing deeply and hands roaming over whatever can be reached. Goku loves the contours of Sanzo's chest, around his hips, and back up to brush over small but very sensitive nipples that make Sanzo shiver. For Sanzo's part, he has snaked an arm lower, his fingers coiling tenderly at first around Goku's larger length.

He recognized that Goku is bigger than him their first time together, but it has never bothered him. He has no reason to feel shame for his own size, after all. Goku being exceptional is not hard to believe. The boy is practically a god; it didn't come as a surprise. And Sanzo's fingers are long and can take it in hand just perfectly, tugging and finding the forming wetness at Goku's tip to spread it up and over the whole length of him. Goku shudders just as Sanzo did and they can barely stay on their feet.

Ah, but Sanzo wants just that, for as long as they can sustain it. He wants to wait until their legs truly melt before giving it to the firm surface of the bed. He has been so worked up since he and Goku resolved their issues, now that he has the boy he wants him with fierce abandon. Even he never imagined he could feel this much carnal want.

After a few minutes of gentle fondling, Sanzo grabs Goku's hips and pulls their bodies together, grinding their erections with swaying hips above their unsteady feet. Goku's head falls back with a whimper, leaving it exposed, and Sanzo takes the offering, biting hard at the tempting sinew before licking a trail to Goku's ear and happily tonguing it.

Goku is all but a puddle, barely able to remember to move his hips with Sanzo's, working them into a fervor, but not enough for them to find release. It is torture. And Goku loves it. He just never expected this from Sanzo.

"Shit, Sanzo…what's gotten into you?" he manages, arching his neck further to give Sanzo more access to his ear and throat, "Not that I'm complaining, but…weren't you still pissed at me this morning? And now…now you're ready to…to…"

"Fuck you senseless," Sanzo finishes.

Goku moans at the sound of that phrase coming from his master. "Y-yeah. I mean…I just…don't get why."

Stilling their hips and pulling away from the work he had been accomplishing on Goku's earlobe, Sanzo keeps them tightly met but looks into Goku's eyes with complete seriousness. He says, "Are you ever going to lie to me again?"

"What?" This came out of nowhere, Goku thinks. "No, of course not."

"Really? Are you sure about that?"

"Well…I…I don't…"

"You don't know. You think you won't but there is no way to know if your idiot mind will come up with another reason one day to lie to me about stupid things. Are you ever going to leave me?" Sanzo asks then, just as abruptly as the first question.

Goku is feeling much more disturbed and not nearly as comfortable in Sanzo's arms. "Sanzo…what is all this…?" he says.

"Just answer me. Are you ever going to leave me?"

"I…I don't want to."

"But you will. Some day one of us is going to die, and chances are it won't be at the same time. One day…one of us will leave. And we don't know when, we don't know how. We don't know anything because we're just stuck on this shithole til it chucks us back at the gods and says good riddance." Sanzo's words are harsh but his voice is soft. Driving, yes, but gentle. "And if there is so damn much we don't know," he says, pulling his face in close enough to smell the last traces of dessert on Goku's breath, "then why the hell would I want to waste a single moment? I've wasted more than my share these past couple of decades. But not with you. Not anymore. Tonight I want full indulgence in you. Do you have a problem with that?"

It isn't often that Goku understands Sanzo completely, but this time he thinks he is about as close as he could ever hope to get. It has taken far too long for Sanzo to realize that people have to cherish what they love for as long as they can in spite of knowing they might one day lose what they cherish. Giving up and deciding it would be better to just not love at all rather than love and lose is not the road to happiness. The real road is dangerous and frightening, but it is the only way to truly live.

Having a place to call home.

"Sanzo?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"Hn. Stupid monkey. You know I love you too."

Yeah, Goku thinks, but he still likes hearing it.

Reconnecting quickly, tongues entwine and hips strain against one another, feeling the strength in their legs give out under the build-up that can only find release in more engaging activities.

Goku remembers well that Sanzo has more than once expressed his desire to be on top tonight, and having no problem with this, Goku decides to have a little fun. Pulling away from Sanzo, difficult as it is to escape the warmth and intensity of being so close together, Goku keeps his eyes trained on Sanzo's violet, all the while moving around the monk to reach the bed. He climbs like a prowling cat onto the mattress and lies back come-hither, spreading his legs with a smile.

Sanzo needs no such invitation, but he is damn happy to be given one.

Likewise crawling onto the mattress, Sanzo gives Goku's ankles a good tug to better align their bodies and runs his hands up Goku's calves until reaching soft inner thigh. Goku squirms and Sanzo wonders just how many places the boy might be ticklish. Having already decided he wants tonight to be long and relished, Sanzo sees no need to find their special little tube just yet. There are so many other things after all.

Climbing up Goku's body, Sanzo finds again the tender spots in and around Goku's ear before biting hard on the boy's neck and sucking with vigor. Small gasps escape Goku at this torture, spurning Sanzo on because he knows those sounds well.

Sanzo moves down slowly, nipping very lightly with his teeth at Goku's collarbone and chest, along a nipple, at Goku's bellybutton, at the crease where leg meets hip, on those inner thighs, and by then Goku is writhing and covered in a light sheen of sweat. Sanzo teases the boy with a swipe of his tongue along the tip of Goku's cock but does no more than that. He moves then instead to nibble at the other inner thigh and begin a trail back up the same way he came down. Once he has reached the opposing ear, he steals a deep kiss before going immediately down between the boys legs again where he takes a tender sack into his mouth and sucks.

Gasping, Goku bucks and whimpers at this and their eyes meet across the plains of the boy's body. Goku's gold pleads, and out of the goodness of his heart, Sanzo decides to give the boy what he wants.

Another swipe of Sanzo's tongue has Goku reeling, but when Sanzo begins to bob, taking Goku deeply into his mouth, the boy can merely mewl.

The night is long ahead of them, and when Sanzo is certain Goku can take no more or burst, he obligingly pulls away and climbs once again up the boy's body to claim a kiss.

"You're evil," Goku says, out of breath and grinning.

"Are you complaining?"

Goku's head presses back into the pillow.

"I didn't think so." Sanzo swoops down for another kiss after saying this, and decides that all of his teasing has amounted in no more than his own heightened arousal. Perhaps their special little tube would be a good thing to find.

"Top drawer," Goku says, pointing to the nightstand beside the bed.

Sanzo looks at Goku, wondering for a moment how the boy knew exactly what he was thinking, but decides against commenting on that. It really isn't all that surprising, just annoying. Except, perhaps, in this case.

Sanzo retrieves the tube and fills his hands, rubbing them together to spread the wetness evenly before applying it to his very hard and eager length, weeping at the possibility to be inside Goku again. Feathering moistened fingers along Goku's entrance, Sanzo looks at the boy for a response.

Goku shakes his head. No prep. He's strong enough, after all, and just now he can't imagine how crazy it would drive him to feel Sanzo's fingers when what he really wants is to be filled.

Understanding, Sanzo nods, but uses his fingers anyway to better guide him in, to ease things at least a little more than they might be if he just pressed.

After the first inch it is easy, so easy, because they have been here before, many times now, and the ease startles them with wonder. Before their first time, they could have never imagined being like together this would ever be easy.

Once Sanzo is in he wastes no time before pulling back and beginning a rhythm. That too is easy, because they know each others' bodies so well now. Goku, below him, knows how to twist and raise his hips to meet Sanzo's thrusts, and it presses Sanzo in deeper with every movement, making Sanzo shiver and Goku moan blissfully on the bed.

When they are like this Sanzo cannot think about the boy Goku was when he fist found him, pitiful and not even a teenager. No, he can only think of the Goku that managed to claim him, to tame him and prove to him he could love. The Goku that grew up when Sanzo wasn't looking and is now this beautiful and amazing man. Sanzo pretends he didn't notice that when they were standing with their naked bodies so wonderfully locked, the top of Goku's head isn't all that far from his own anymore.

When did everything change? Was it the dreamworld, that first time when they were shown easier lives? Or had it begun before then? Sanzo doesn't know the answer and doesn't care because they have changed, and for a better he could never have imagined if not for a stupid monkey's persistence.

"I love you," Sanzo whispers, still moving but desperate to get close to Goku and kiss him again, "I love you," he says again, and he cannot believe how much he wants to say it. Only Goku could do this for him, only Goku could make it so Sanzo not only loved but loved loving. Only Goku.

And for Goku it is even easier, "I love you too, Sanzo," he says, enthralled by passion but by that purer emotion as well. The road here was never easy, but loving each other has finally found a way to become just that.

The knowledge of that brings them both to their heights amidst empowered movement, and while Sanzo grunts and Goku gives a small cry, the sheets may stain but they are clean. There is no past argument, no tension. Now they are only them, together and happy for it.

And while they are still glowing, still sticky and panting, with Sanzo still sheathed, Goku gives his keeper a terribly mischievous grin and reaches up a hand to his limiter.

"What are you doing?" Sanzo questions, his first instinct understandably being one of blind panic.

Goku grins wider. "Sharing."

And the limiter is off before Sanzo can protest. It lands on the pillow like a tossed garter and for a moment Sanzo stares at it, not believing, until the change in Goku steals back his attention. For the first time Sanzo can physically feel Goku's change, still inside the boy. He couldn't say what it is that changes besides the appearance Sanzo knows well, but he feels it nonetheless.

A moment later and Goku is the beast, long hair, slit eyes, claws and fangs and an impossibly brilliant grin. The grin is what halts Sanzo's fears. He knows now of course that Seiten Taisei will no longer try to hurt him, but that doesn't mean the imp has complete control. At least, that's what Sanzo would have thought. But the grin, it isn't the teasing grin of the eternal child he would be used to from the beast. Brilliant or not, it is still Goku's, older, and yes, controlled.

"Goku…?"

"Mmm…almost. Sanzo," the beast says, his voice already the purr Sanzo has come to recognize, "You smell…like me," he says, grinning all the more, "Like me. All over."

In a second Sanzo finds himself flipped, back on the bed, pulled out of Goku, and with the boy atop him straddling his hips in wait of another round. Sanzo certainly wasn't expecting this tonight. But then the beast has wanted this for a long time. The question is whether or not Sanzo will live through it.

For a moment Sanzo is distracted from his anxieties, however. With the beast above, Sanzo is getting quite the view, seeing Seiten Taisei naked for the first time. For the most part there is little difference, but what stands out is the symbol tattooed to the beast's stomach. It almost looks painted, thick and wildly written. Sanzo tries to look closely and read what it says, but his attention returns to Seiten Taisei's eyes after a frustrated growl.

"Hey," Sanzo warns, "If you're really almost Goku then you can calm the hell down. Let me breathe. You can't expect me to roll over and beg for it."

Seiten Taisei purrs.

"Not after what you pulled last time."

And then deflates. "I was still angry. Still confused," the beast pouts, "I would never hurt you now, Sanzo. Goku and I are nearly one. He has made a big step by trusting me with you."

"Yeah, well he could have asked my permission first," Sanzo says. Then it dawns on him, "And since when do your speech patterns make sense?"

The beast grins wide enough to show off fangs and leans down to kiss Sanzo softly. "It is a big step to accept and trust each other. The next time the band is removed…we will be one."

"But…you don't sound more like Goku. Just…more articulate."

"When we are one we are…different than either of us is apart."

"What?" Sanzo feels a sudden cold chill like water poured down the back of his neck. This has never been said before. Different? Sanzo has always expected Goku at the end of this. A stronger, wiser Goku maybe, but Goku. He has to know. "Just how different?" he asks.

Seiten Taisei growls again, impatient, and rolls his hips in an attempt to return the subject to a more desirable one, and he is pleased when Sanzo's lower regions react accordingly, even if the monk is still talking.

"Answer the question," Sanzo says, sucking in air through his teeth to avoid the tremor he feels building in the pit of his stomach, "Or there'll be no sharing tonight."

Another growl builds but is swallowed, rumbling at the base of Seiten Taisei's throat. He crosses his arms, displeased, "What does it matter? When we are one we will be our true form again. This is what we have wanted. Goku understands this. I understand. Why do you not?"

"Just answer the damn question!" Sanzo is too tense to be patient.

Seiten Taisei lowers his eyes slightly, cowed, but still upset. "We are of the earth," he says, "Human, youkai, and god together. Before the gods brought the gold band, we lived eternally. Perfect. We brought balance. We were meant as a guide to keep the balance here. We did not have to be told this. We knew. It is in us because we are made of all things. We had to make a place of balance so the people would be happy."

"A place of balance…?" Sanzo repeats. The truth of it cannot be so simple, can it? But it makes more sense than Sanzo would ever have dared believe. "You…created Shangri La. Didn't you?"

The beast nods as if it is the most common thing in the world that Goku created paradise when the world was still young, back when it really was a paradise. Which also means…

"If the idiot gods hadn't ripped you from the earth and split your powers, Shangri La would never have gone to shit. Humans and youkai would still live in harmony. Those stupid fucks!" The burst of anger in Sanzo is stilled only because he has yet to learn what he seeks. He stares hard into the slitted gold eyes above him. "You still haven't answered me. How will you be different?"

Seiten Taisei sighs. He wants Sanzo and he wants the monk now, damn it. He will answer, but he clamps his hands down on the monk's forearms first to prove that he is in no mood to talk further. "Goku will still be Goku," he says, "You will not lose us. But we will be more. You have not seen our full power. I can show you some now though," he finishes, leering the last phrase and swiping his tongue over sharp teeth.

A small part of Sanzo's distress is banished, but he is not completely quieted with this information. He has always assumed Goku would just be Goku without a limiter; he didn't think about how their minds would meld and something new might be born as well. But he takes some comfort in Seiten Taisei's words and focuses on that.

Goku will still be Goku. That's all he could ever ask for, right?

"I did this…?" the beast says, touching the pad of his finger to Sanzo's eyebrow, careful not to scratch with his claw. But it is not the eyebrow he means to touch, but the part where there is no eyebrow, only scarred skin, thin and small, but noticeable enough when the person looking is the one who dealt the blow that created it. "I am sorry, Sanzo," he says, "I was angry. I wanted you to yield but you wouldn't. I'm glad though. Because now it can be better."

"Better…?" Soothing as that sounds, Sanzo is not soothed. Seiten Taisei wants to bed him, but Seiten Taisei has claws, and fangs, and uncanny strength. Goku does as well, but…it's different.

Seiten Taisei purrs loudly and rolls his hips again, throbbing for round two and clearly wanting to remain on top this time.

Sanzo begins to panic. "Wait. You need—"

"I know what I need," the beast dismisses, reaching for the tube still beside them. His claws make it difficult to hold, but he grins and hands the tube to Sanzo, "Unless you want me to do it," he says, and he holds up his claws to prove his point.

At least the beast is thinking rationally. Had he attacked without preparation, Sanzo would have been in trouble, but not as much trouble as he would have been in had Seiten Taisei actually attempted preparation himself. Sanzo shivers at the thought.

He decides it would be best to go along with things since there is no immediate danger. But the very small rational part of his mind screams at him when he pours lubricant into his hands for the second time, only now he is coating the beast's length and has begun to stretch himself. That small part of him screams that this is foolish. Dangerous. But the larger part of Sanzo, damn it, yes, that part finds the beast sexy as hell, and is very up for round two.

So Sanzo does on himself what he did not need to do for Goku, stretching with long fingers as best he can without being able to see. But he can feel. And when the beast looks about ready to pounce him, watching those fingers eagerly, and Sanzo knows he is ready and can barely stand to wait any longer himself, he pulls his hand away, catches Seiten Taisei's eyes, and braces himself.

Sanzo gasps at the suddenness of entry, much as he should have been prepared. It is not painful, but intense pressure, unexpected, and he cringes. The beast is rough and quick, like a rutting animal at first, unable to take the time to bring pleasure more slowly. It is not as brutal as Sanzo would have expected if Seiten Taisei got his way that time before, but it is still enough to lift him from the mattress several times.

"Goku," Sanzo gasps, teeth tight and eyes clenched through the rough rhythm, "This isn't…a meal. Learn…to fucking…savor a moment. Damn it!" He is off the bed again, his prostate struck like a nail by a hammer, and his lower body goes practically numb for a moment in recovery.

It is a struggle for Seiten Taisei to slow and enjoy the sensation without seeking a quick and dirty end, but he immediately tapers off, bringing the thrusts curved and deep, but slow. Almost too slow after the fierceness from before.

This slow rhythm lasts long enough for Sanzo to be trembling head to toe before Seiten Taisei finally picks up again. Only this time he is more precise, more attentive to Sanzo's needs along with his own. It is remarkable. The beast is selfish by nature, but whatever Goku really is, the boy was not originally selfish at all. Like the Goku that Sanzo knows, the true form of this being is something divine. And Sanzo snickers to think that Goku's halo is starting to show. The demon is on the way out.

"Goku…" Sanzo breathes, and he says it only to say it, because it has to leave him.

"Sanzo…" Seiten Taisei says in turn, grinning still, the rhythm quick but more tender, and he bends down to steal a deep kiss, bending Sanzo in half in the process, though the priest barely notices.

It is an easy end after that. Soon, the beast, childlike but not so childlike anymore, curls up in Sanzo's arms, purring. Sanzo, exhausted and sore in places he forgets exist inside his body, lays limp with the boy beside him, but has enough energy to hold the beast close. The purrs turn into little snores and Sanzo doesn't see the need to put the limiter back on just now. The beast is satiated and asleep, and Sanzo is soon to join him.

Pulling them both up onto the pillow, Sanzo sets the limiter on the end table, and lies back. Really, all he can do tonight is laugh at what a single day has brought him. A continued fight that ended well, an outburst that resulted in a mother, and a bout of sex with his lover that didn't want to end. All in all, he doesn't think he has any right to complain. As far as his life goes, the present is becoming blissfully easy.

-----

Gojyo is asleep now. Even that frightens Hakkai. If he should fall asleep as well, would Gonou wake in his stead and do something, something awful to Gojyo like he tried before? Hakkai doesn't know. He knows, has always known, that the real beast is Gonou, not any youkai blood or his own youkai anger. Gonou is his monster. And if Hakkai loses control to Gonou, then everyone will be in danger.

If Hakkai keeps them at a distance, perhaps he can solve this more easily on his own without having to worry that one of his friends will get hurt. He already tried to hurt Hakuryuu.

Hakuryuu, his long time friend and treasured pet. He would never hurt the poor creature. He loves the dragon like a child. How could he have done such a thing?

Voices, impulses, and thoughts that are not his rise up in Hakkai between each thought of his own. He struggles to still them, to ignore them, but his limiters are burning, and soon they may not be enough to retain any of Hakkai at all. He feels it. He knows it. But what more can he do? He is tainted. He has lied and betrayed his dearest love, and for nothing. He could have told Gojyo the truth before, but he didn't. There is no coming back from that.

Oh, Gojyo would forgive him, tried just now even, but Hakkai is not yet ready, and he is too afraid of himself to trust himself with Gojyo. He has to think. He has to be stronger. He has to distance himself if he is to protect those he loves until he can fix this. He should not be this weak. Goku has triumphed over his beast, surely Hakkai can do the same. He will. He must. Or it will not be the loss of his friends that repeat the past for him, but his own brutal tendencies that lead to a massacre.

Gods help him.

tbc...

A/N: OMG! How long have I been away? Well, I have excuses. I'm engaged! I'm a senior in college with two majors and final projects for them both! I'm directing a One Act! But I have still let you all down and I apologize. I love you all, and hope you will stay with me even after that hiatus. Here is the 39 so many have been waiting for, but Hakkai is on the downward slope. What will tomorrow bring, eh? Also, I would like to return to Sanzo's musing over the marking on Seiten Taisei's stomach. However, it is hard to read in all its pictures and hard to research. Does anyone know what kanji it is? Otherwise, PLEASE REVIEW and remind me you are all out there, and I will do my best to post sooner.

Crim