Goodbye to many things
Gojyo and Hakkai do not speak the next morning. They awake around the same time, but Hakkai dresses in silence, always turned away from Gojyo, and Gojyo cannot think of anything to say that wouldn't spurn his lover to anger. Both of them are too deep in thought to think of anything constructive, so they do not speak at all, not even when each has their bag and Gojyo holds the door open for Hakkai as they leave.
Sanzo and Goku are waiting for them when they step outside. Sanzo looks annoyed, but Goku is full of energy, dancing about after Hakuryuu as if playing tag with the creature. For once, Hakuryuu does not seem to mind this form of play and even manages to tug at Goku's cape on occasion before being playfully swatted at in return.
The annoyed grimace from Sanzo is not being directed at Goku, though. He is looking at the sluggish duo walking towards him. He crosses his arms, a lit cigarette in his mouth to start the day. "Took long enough," he says, "You knew I wanted to be out of here early. We've spent too much time in one place. Or did you forget we have a mission back East?"
"Can it, blondie," Gojyo sneers, and habitually gets out a morning cigarette of his own upon seeing Sanzo with one, "So eager to be rid of Mommy, huh? And I thought you had such a good time."
A glare is exchanged immediately; today is not a good day.
Goku stops his playing with Hakuryuu, catching the dragon in his hands and gently stroking Hakuryuu's neck to show the game is over. He stares at his friends. Sanzo, who had been rather congenial this morning—even bought Goku some early breakfast—appears as pissy as ever just from looking at Gojyo and Hakkai. He and Gojyo haven't been fighting as much, so it upsets Goku that they would so easily fall back into it, and not in a fun way like usual, but actually looking mad.
What's worse is that Hakkai isn't even giving his, "Now, now," speech. In fact, Hakkai isn't doing much of anything other than stand there with his things, staring at nothing. It isn't right, not after how well things have been going. Their time in this town was supposed to be a good thing. When did all of that change?
For the silliest of moments, Goku wishes that Meiyuu was there to see them off. She won't be. Goku knows that. The kind woman understands Sanzo's needs for a certain amount of space, and agreed to keep their goodbyes limited to last night. Still, for some reason the idea of having a mother figure right now would be very welcome.
"Ummm…Hakuryuu's ready. Should we go?" Goku tries, gently tossing Hakurryuu into the air to allow the dragon to transform. Hakuryuu does so and 'kyuu's' to state his agreement that they can be on their way.
Sanzo says nothing, but he nods, still staring at Gojyo. Something seems to pass between them that has nothing to do with anger, and Sanzo turns his head to cast a look at the very quiet Hakkai. A second later Sanzo is in the jeep waiting to be joined. The strange thing is he isn't sitting in the back, but in his old place next to the driver's seat.
Gojyo says nothing against this and simply takes his old seat as well.
For a second, Goku looks as if he is about to protest. Why should Sanzo not want to sit by him? They had a good night. A great night. He even let Seiten Taisei out without a fuss and was fine getting the limiter back on after he woke up this morning.
Angry, Goku opens his mouth to spout disagreement, but he doesn't have anything to say after seeing Sanzo's expression. This has nothing to do with Goku. The monkey understands that all too well suddenly, as if Sanzo did more than look at him, as if Sanzo explained the problem in detail.
Goku gets into the back of the jeep next to Gojyo.
"Let's go," Sanzo says, puffing out a long breath of smoke.
The tension is tangible as stone, but Hakkai gives no sign of caring. He tosses his things into the back and takes his usual seat, saying nothing and wearing an expression of similar apathy. But when Hakkai takes the wheel in one hand and tries to start the ignition with the other, Hakuryuu shows no signs of starting. Not even a sputter. Hakkai tries again, but the dragon turned jeep acts dead, despite being fully capable a moment ago.
A shadow crosses Hakkai's face, breaking the placid façade he had been trying to maintain. He shakes his head hard to bring the apathy back, but his anxiety over Hakuryuu refusing to start gets to him quickly. After the forth unsuccessful try Hakkai, furious, slams his hand into the steering wheel.
"Problem?" Sanzo asks, seemingly cool and all-knowing. Hakkai freezes, silent, but Sanzo knows this cannot be left alone. "Someone once told me," Sanzo says, "that if animals are not treated with respect and kindness they won't take to a master. Those animals become wild and disloyal. Now, I may think that's a load of shit most of the time, but in this case, it would seem you have a dragon scorned on your hands."
Gojyo snorts from the backseat.
Goku, afraid to ask, keeps quiet.
Hakkai, starting to shake and unwilling to look at his companions or explain himself, raises his hand to strike the wheel again.
Sanzo catches that hand and holds it mid-air. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see how what you're doing fits your usual logic, Hakkai."
Hakkai continues to shake, staring at the wheel he had intended to strike. Slowly, he turns his head to look at Sanzo and his good eye glows jade and dangerous.
"I'm driving," Sanzo says. He releases Hakkai's hand and gets out of the jeep, walking around quickly to Hakkai's door. "Move over. Or get out."
It is a battle of wills between a bad student and a determined teacher, with the whole class watching anxiously, afraid to see the outcome but knowing there is nothing they can do to help either of the quarrelling parties.
Several minutes pass with Sanzo standing there, waiting, and Hakkai simply sitting and staring at the steering wheel again. Eventually, Hakkai moves over.
-----
"The idiots are asleep. Couple hours on the road and they're already passed out on each others' shoulders. Must be all this peaceful shit. 'Bout damn time they learned to shut up."
Little else has been said in the jeep since Sanzo managed to get Hakuryuu to start and took off out of town. He has not improved terribly as a driver, but is adequate enough, and they are on the road now, headed for the next town eastward.
As Sanzo has said, Goku and Gojyo fell asleep a few minutes prior, both softly snoring. Hakkai sits stiffly next to Sanzo, staring ahead at the desert path. He makes no move to respond to Sanzo's observation.
"This is going to get old real fast. Keep it up and I may just have to shoot you. Seems not too many of this group will mind right now if I do, either." Sanzo pats the steering wheel with the hand holding his cigarette. He is on his second. And he had been doing so well too. "You idiot," he says, looking at Hakkai's un-reaction and glaring, "You know you and Goku are not the same. Before Houtou Castle you were practicing removing your limiter too, weren't you?"
Still, Hakkai says nothing.
"Damn you!" Sanzo growls, "don't you get it? Goku is what he is; you are cursed. Your youkai half has no control button. We use it as our trump card, fine, once or twice over long periods of time, when there is no other option, but I told you before that taking your limiters off at all should be avoided at all costs. Houtou Castle lasted too long. With your practices, if you've been taking them off more frequently, then we might have a real problem here."
There is a long pause while Sanzo grows more and more impatient with Hakkai's silence. But finally, Hakkai closes his eyes, takes a breath to keep himself calm and says, "Pay no mind to it, Sanzo. I have it under control."
"Do you now? Then how come the dragon wouldn't even start for you and your lover boy back there can't even look you in the face."
Hakkai's movements are fast but Sanzo is ready for him. When Hakkai moves to lash out, Sanzo has his gun in his left hand, cocked and ready, and pointed at Hakkai's head.
"A lot has changed between us," Sanzo says, "I had thought for the better, but it looks like maybe not. Still, there is one thing that will never change." Hakkai has collected himself again, but Sanzo keeps his gun in place. "If you lose it," he says, "I will kill you."
No further words leave Sanzo, and nothing leaves Hakkai in reply. The gun is put away. Tempers are momentarily stilled, but both young men stare forward, contemplating the other as if sizing up a great enemy who is preparing for attack.
Hakkai hears again and again the words Sanzo spoke, "I will kill you," and as much as it pains him, all he can think in response is…unless I kill you first.
-----
It is several more hours before a town is reached. Sanzo almost thinks to drive through it, push further into the evening, but tensions are high enough and Hakkai needs to be dealt with. When they left, Sanzo did not realize just how bad the healer had gotten. Having driven with him all these hours, despite the persistent silence, he knows now that things are already out of hand.
It is after supper when they stop at that next town, a town much smaller than Meiyuu's but with several inns and bars. Sanzo chooses an inn that seems clean but inconspicuous and parks Hakuryuu out front.
Gojyo and Goku wake at the feel of the jeep's engine stopping. When they begin to unload their things and are sizing up their surroundings, they notice immediately that this town has an even larger population of youkai than they saw before. Most of the town is youkai, actually, with only a handful of visible humans. Again, like before, no one seems to mind the mixed species. It is as if the minus wave never happened.
"Hey, maybe it'll all work out on its own," Goku says, swinging his pack over his shoulder with a smile at the passersbys, "Maybe Kanzeon just wanted to give us a hard time and this won't be a real mission after all."
A second after finishing his phrase, Goku trips forward. He looks back with a grimace to find Gojyo lighting up another cigarette. "Idiot," the redhead says, "Jinx us why doncha."
But there can be no humor found today. None of them are up for it. None of them know how to feign it like they might have in the past to force things back to a sense of normal. Bickering just doesn't do what it used to.
Goku sighs and turns towards the inn.
Sanzo is standing by the door, waiting for the others.
Gojyo doesn't move. He turns back and sees Hakkai still sitting in the passenger seat. "You coming?" he asks, but as he expected he doesn't receive a reply. Gojyo has had it with this. If the pissed off priest can't convince Hakkai to knock this off then the job is up to him.
Throwing his own bag to the ground, Gojyo stomps over to the passenger door, throws it open, grabs Hakkai by the front of his shirt and hauls him out of the jeep into the dirt.
"Asshole!" Gojyo seethes, "You think we're just going to take it? You think we're just gonna sit hear while you turn into a fucking zombie? Well fuck you, coz I don't give up that easy."
Hakkai stares up at Gojyo with glazed eyes, unmoved. He picks himself up from the ground, dusts off his clothing, and looks at Gojyo with as much nothingness as he can muster. Even his words are dead when he speaks. "Oh? You certainly seemed content enough to give up this morning, Gojyo, or was it my imagination that you allowed my silence then?"
All of the anger in Gojyo's expression melts into pain and accusations. He doesn't understand why Hakkai is acting this way. "I try to apologize and you push me away. I give you some space and you tell me I'm letting you go? I just want to understand what's going on with you."
"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Gojyo," Hakkai answers.
Gojyo's pained and accusing stare remains. "The point of being together is supposed to mean we take care of each other," he says, his voice small now, beaten, pleading.
"Sort this out yourselves!" Sanzo calls from the inn door, "I'm sick of hearing about other peoples' problems. You can get your own rooms." And Sanzo exits into the inn, not even bothering to see if Goku is on his tail. He is too upset that saving the world has not been enough to rid them of all this trouble. Again and again, they only seem to acquire more. It isn't fair.
Sanzo would kick himself for ever asking for fairness in life—it doesn't exist—if he wasn't so damn pissed that he can barely see straight.
Goku does follow after Sanzo, much as he is worried to leave his other companions alone. But much like his own arguments with Sanzo, Goku understands that sometimes they have to work things out just between them.
"So, you gonna talk to me or what?" Gojyo presses, still staring Hakkai down beside the jeep, "For crying out loud, you've got everyone thinking you've lost it. Maybe you have, but you know that doesn't matter to me. I'm not gonna be gotten rid of so easily. I love you. Damn it!" Gojyo growls suddenly, because Hakkai has turned from him and started for the small street beside the inn. "Get back here!" Gojyo calls, rushing to catch up. He grabs Hakkai's arm just inside the alleyway and spins him to slam back against the inn's wall.
Still, Hakkai looks impassive, unemotional, cut-off. "I would like some time alone, Gojyo," he says.
Gojyo has both hands gripping tight to the fabric of Hakkai's tunic. He cannot stand this impassiveness. Hakkai can be equilibrium but never emptiness. "You walk away from me when I say I love you," Gojyo says, still disbelieving that it happened, "Why? Why won't you let me apologize? I shouldn't have left last night. I should have stayed, worked things out, I know that. Maybe then you wouldn't be acting like such a—"
"What?" Hakkai finishes, "Like a zombie? Hmm? Like a monster?"
"Like an idiot. Hakkai…all you have to do is tell me. Whatever it is I'll listen and we'll work through it. We could have skipped all this shit if you'd have just let me talk to you last night. If I had just stayed with you from the beginning, and—"
"And if you had, I might have hurt you too." Hakkai speaks this quickly and looks into Gojyo's eyes with surprise the moment the words leave him, not having realized he said them until it was too late to take them back.
"Hurt me…?" Gojyo questions.
As if by some divinity, a long "kyuu" from Hakuryuu sounds, and the dragon, transformed back, flies up towards the roof of the inn instead of seeking out the perch he once loved on Hakkai's shoulder.
Gojyo understands immediately, because Hakkai's eyes have lost their surprise but gained regret. "That's why he wouldn't start. You got mad and hit him or something, huh? For the gods' sake, Hakkai, shouldn't that be enough to tell you that you need help with this? It's Hakuryuu. Jeep! You'd be as likely to hurt a kid as—"
"But I have hurt children, Gojyo. I killed many that night. Demon children. Human children from the village. My own students." As Hakkai speaks his eyes are drawn downward until he is staring at his hands, like he used to so often.
"Stop that," Gojyo growls, swatting Hakkai's hands out of sight, "You don't do this anymore. You're over it. You're Cho Hakkai now, friend and love of Sha Gojyo. Happily ever fucking after! What has happened to you that you're forgetting that?"
Hakkai is shaking again, staring at Gojyo without the apathy or nothingness, but with watery eyes and lips that tremble.
Moved, concerned, Gojyo reaches out to touch a hand to the pale, beautiful face he has known and loved so long. But Hakkai slaps it away in a sudden fit, watery eyes still ready with tears but wild now.
"What do you know about me?" he says, "What do you know about what I am!" His voice is low and gravelly, and he pushes Gojyo hard enough to slam the kappa's back against the wall of the opposite building. He walks forward until he has Gojyo pinned. "You think you understand. How could you? You didn't know me then. You didn't know the monster that killed all those people. I killed all of them, Gojyo. More than that perfect thousand. Much more. My entire village. You didn't know the man whose hands gripped small necks, whose dagger pieced the flesh of young women as they cried for their lives. Young women, Gojyo. And neighbors. And friends."
Gojyo presses himself back into the wall as much as he is being pressed. He cannot believe the darkness surrounding his companion; he cannot believe the dark jade eyes, the strange touch of youkai to Hakkai's entire appearance. No, it isn't Hakkai. It can't be.
Whoever it is, he has no remorse for his words. His hands reach up as if to grab Gojyo by the neck. "Tell me, Gojyo," he says, "do you really think it would be so hard for me to do it again?"
Red eyes close tight. It isn't real. He must be sleeping. This has to be a nightmare. Hakkai is good. Hakkai is loving. Hakkai is not a killer.
But someone is.
"I love you, Hakkai," Gojyo whispers, and in an instant the ghost of hands on his throat disappears. Gojyo opens his eyes. Hakkai is shaking again, staring at his hands again, and it is Hakkai, even if it hadn't been a moment earlier.
The words were all Gojyo could think of. He didn't say them to save himself; he said them because he had to. It was the most prominent thought on his mind. He loves Hakkai. The imposter who keeps wearing his skin needs to be stopped.
"Hakkai…"
"Stay…stay away from me, Gojyo," Hakkai says, looking everywhere but at his friend and backing his way further down the alley.
"Hakkai, wait!" Gojyo calls, "Talk to me! Tell me what's going on!"
No, Hakkai thinks. It's too risky even being around Gojyo, being around any of them. He has to get away. He has to stay away from them. If he doesn't stop this soon, he'll lose himself completely.
Thinking only of Gojyo, of protecting Gojyo as he once failed to protect the one he loved, Hakkai turns down the alley and runs.
-----
"I'm worried."
"You're always worried."
"I mean it, Sanzo, this is bad."
Sitting in a large chair in their room, Sanzo has the paper in his lap, his reading glasses on, and his third cigarette for the day in his mouth. He plucks it from his lips and glares at the thing like it must be somehow responsible. "I know," he says, and snubs the cigarette out, "Hakkai's limiters are failing."
"What?" Goku is at Sanzo's side in a moment's time. "Failing? How long have you figured that?"
Sanzo folds his paper and sets it on the table next to him. "I couldn't have been sure until today. All you have to do is look at him. Forget the way he's been acting. He's ears are practically pointed. His nails like claws. His eyes…he isn't human much at all anymore. If he loses it any further, his limiters will mean nothing. And if that happened…we'll have to put him down."
Goku recoils back, his eyes wide with disbelief. How can Sanzo say it so calmly? Goku used to understand, especially where it pertained to him, but now, after everything they have been through, the idea of any of them going berserk shouldn't be an issue.
"You know I would kill him, Goku. I've said it enough times."
"Yeah, and you said it enough times about me too, but you still always managed to find another way."
Casting his eyes down, Sanzo removes his glasses and sets them aside on top of the newspaper. "Maybe this time there won't be another way."
There is nothing Goku can say to that. They have always been willing to be each others' executioners if need be; they know it would be what each of them would want rather than living with having hurt someone they care about. But this is too much.
Goku crumbles to the floor at Sanzo's feet.
"How could this have happened so fast?" he says.
"Hn," Sanzo huffs, "Who says it did? The signs could have been there since we left Houtou Castle. We just didn't see them until now. I'm surprised he's made it this long."
A silence falls between them. The window of the room they took for themselves is open to allow a gentle breeze, and even Hakuryuu is silent when he swoops his way inside and lands in Goku's lap.
Goku would like to take Hakuryuu's appearance as a good omen, but he can only see it as a bad one. Hakuryuu should be with Hakkai. If he isn't then it means the little creature is still afraid of his master.
"Give him and Gojyo more time. It hasn't even been an hour," Sanzo offers, reaching forward out of his seat to tousle Goku's hair. There was a time he never would have so cavalierly offered comfort. These days he almost enjoys it. "Let's talk about something else. I can think of things I'm much more interested in. Things we actually have answers to."
"Like what?" Goku asks, stroking Hakuryuu and looking up at Sanzo with a look so innocent, Sanzo could almost forget the seemingly cute picture before him consists of a young man who is slowly gaining on him in height.
"Like you. Like the things your other half talked about last night," Sanzo says.
Goku shifts in his seat on the floor. "It's nothing important. He told you pretty much the gist of things."
"Yeah. I was kind of hoping for a more detailed answer."
As much as Goku is trying to be accepting of Seiten Taisei, especially now that they will soon be one, he still finds it uncomfortable to discuss what he used to be. It is strange remembering being something that is so removed from what he is now.
"The mark," Sanzo prompts, catching Goku's eyes and holding them with authority, "The symbol on your stomach when he's out. Equal to the gods. Is that what you are? Something more than a god?"
Goku doesn't respond at first. Part of him would rather never talk about this. Part of him would rather things go on being as they have always been, just without the fear of going berserk. There is also a part of him that remembers how much freer he was when nothing tethered him. The limiter is unnatural. He should want to be without it. And, after all, there is nothing to be ashamed of concerning his original form.
"Tell me, Goku," Sanzo says, leaning further forward in his chair so that their faces are very close and he can hear Hakuryuu's purring, "I want to know. I want to know everything. If you're going to change on me…I need to know."
"Change?" Goku repeats, and then he remembers what was discussed the night before. "Oh, Sanzo," he says, "I'm not going to change. I won't stop being me. I'll just…be stronger. I'll have all my powers again. I'll be everything I used to be, but that doesn't take away who I am. I am Goku because of you. You gave me this name. You made me me. I would never change." With a strong tug, Goku pulls Sanzo onto the floor with him and kisses the priest to prove his point.
Sanzo allows all of it, and when the kiss breaks he stays on the floor with his back against the chair he had been in before. "Okay," he says, "I believe you. So tell me about these powers then. Your speed, I've seen. Agilty. Strength. Fortitude, certainly. But I get the feeling you mean more than just being a physical superpower."
If Sanzo didn't know better, he would swear Goku blushes. "Well…yeah, there's a bit more to it than that. But, I mean, it's gonna happen soon so…so…why doncha just wait til I got 'em and then I can show ya."
"I might allow that, but you're going to have to give me something. I want to know." Sanzo leans back further against the chair and looks up at the table, contemplating another cigarette. No, he tells himself. He doesn't need one. "Okay, Goku," he says, "Save the powers. Tell me…tell me about Shangri La. You said—I still can't believe it—you said you created it."
"Actually, you said I did. I just didn't deny it," Goku grins.
A good punch to the arm gets rid of that. "Smartass," Sanzo says, trying not to grin back, and failing.
"Okay, sheesh. It was because of the people."
"The people?"
"The human and youkai people," Goku explains, "There were so many of them, Sanzo, everywhere, and I didn't like it when they fought. If there was someone bad, sure, I'd do what I could to help and stop him, but…these people were fighting and both sides were good. The demons fought the humans just coz they were different, and the same the other way around. I didn't like that. After all, I had both in me. Demon. Human."
"God."
Goku blushes a bit again. At least the boy is humble. "Yeah. That too," he says, "So, I was a little bit of everything on Earth and off it. The people, when they'd see me, they knew it, they knew what I was, and they'd…listen. If I said they should stop fighting, they'd stop. They saw that I was something different. I was something…perfect. Yeah, me, perfect. Right."
"You can say it," Sanzo says, and Goku beams to hear the allowance. Then, "I can see how they made that mistake."
It's a good thing Goku knows when Sanzo is channeling his inner dick. "Thanks. Anyway, I wasn't like a halfbreed like Gojyo. I was a combination of everything and that made me…special. So they listened. They stopped fighting. And I told them that halfbreeds weren't bad either, coz they were just two good things in one, like me, and for awhile they listened to that too. Shangri La was easy. It just happened. It got the name later, after I was long gone. It was hard for them to keep it going without me to show them that things could be happy for everyone together. I mean, look how they treat people like Gojyo now. But…it was nice while it lasted. And everyone was kind. And there was always food for me. And the weather was beautiful. Soon, I didn't have to fight anyone. There were no more bad guys to fight. That's what I liked best. When it was just…peaceful. I don't know why, when we got split, the other me was so angry and violent. Maybe he kept seeing bad guys everywhere and thought it was all a game. Like we were still one, in a weird way, but we didn't know what we were doing. I don't know. I guess, real soon now, everything will be like it was before. And hey, maybe we can even get a little of the real Shangri La back while we're headed east. I know I wouldn't mind that."
Taking in Goku's story, Sanzo can at first only stare. He had assumed much of it from what Seiten Taisei said and his own assumptions, but to hear it makes a lot of difference. Goku is something alright. Part of Sanzo knows there is still quite a bit of this tale left to be told, but he leaves things here. Goku will tell him in time.
For now, Sanzo pulls Goku in closer to him and they sit there on the floor together, leaning into each other's bodies, with Hakuryuu asleep in Goku's lap.
"You're not…really immortal, are you?" Sanzo asks after some time has passed, sitting in silence.
"You mean aging?"
"Yeah."
"I can age if I want to. I started for the first time when you found me in the cave. I figure I'll keep doing it, you know, so I can keep you company. No matter where you go."
Sanzo pauses a moment before asking, "Even if you'll die?"
With the slightest, coyest grin, Goku pulls away from Sanzo enough to meet their gazes and says, quite pleased with himself, "Don't ask stupid questions."
A bop on the head later and everything feels close enough to normal to be okay.
-----
Everything is not okay.
Everywhere Gojyo looks is another dead end. Hakkai is gone. He is somewhere in this town, but either Gojyo keeps missing him or Hakkai is hanging around close enough to stay out of detection. Either way Gojyo is beside himself with worry, confusion, and a whole lot of anger.
It shouldn't have to be like this. The monk and monkey get to have fun playing master and pet and he gets stuck with chasing down the love of his life like a monster. He once thought Sanzo had it bad, but Goku was able to tame his beast. What about Hakkai's? But Hakkai's isn't Hakkai. It isn't like Goku, a whole unfairly split. Hakkai and his unlimited self are two separate lives.
Gojyo liked Gonou from the second he met him. But he fell in love with Hakkai.
It isn't any use. Half the faces Gojyo sees along the streets are youkai, and he doubts Hakkai would be willing to remove his limiters right now. Thank goodness too, because that might be all it takes for this to end. One more removal. One more…practice.
Gojyo kicks at the ground. Practice. He had been the one to push, to ask for it. Hakkai was afraid, unwilling, but Gojyo wouldn't let up. They should have included the others. They should have let Sanzo know. Then maybe the priest would have warned them sooner.
No, it isn't Sanzo's fault. It's their own. Gojyo shouldn't have pushed the issue. And Hakkai…he should have known. He should have been able to sense what was happening. But if the blame is on both of them, then fixing the problem should be up to both of them too. Why doesn't Hakkai understand that's how a relationship works? For crying out loud, Hakkai is the one who's actually had a relationship. Gojyo's only had the occasional chick.
Well, there have been a few steadies over the years, but nothing like Hakkai. That is, unless he wants to count those years with…
"Gojyo?"
Gojyo stops in the street. No way. That voice…it couldn't be.
"Gojyo, dude, is that you?"
Turning slowly towards the side of the street, Gojyo seeks the owner of the voice and finds a very familiar face. "Holy shit," he says, looking over the youkai man standing beside a tavern doorway, "Banri…?"
It goes without saying that within ten minutes the pair is inside the tavern sharing a drink.
Some might see this as a mistake on Gojyo's part, seeing as how Gojyo has been betrayed more than once by the same man, but he sticks to his original idea on the subject. People don't change, so don't expect them to. All you can do is take them as they are.
"Geez, man, where you been since that time, anyway? It's been, what, three years?"
"'Bout four now," Gojyo says with a half smile, drinking another gulp of his beer.
He and Banri are sitting at the bar. It's a small place, practically empty besides the two of them. They have finished off a couple pitchers, several shots, and are pleased as all hell to be having more. Up until now, as always when they get together, they've been spending most of their time reminiscing.
"Me," Gojyo says, "I been all over the place. Don't s'ppose you've heard of the Sanzo party?"
"No shit, man, really? You the redhead they talk about?"
"Don't believe too much a the stories. Only the good ones are ever true anyway, right?"
Banri gives a great laugh, slapping Gojyo on the back, which causes Gojyo's most recent gulp to go down the wrong pipe. Coughing and laughing through it all, neither of them really minds a little spilled beer.
"You got a girl then?" Banri asks, taking a cigarette from Gojyo's offered pack, "Bet the girls just throw themselves at ya. Not that they didn't before, right?"
For a moment, Gojyo tries to laugh the comment off, but he's been drinking, and drinking always makes the worst of liars fess up the truth. "You might have a hard time…b'lieving me."
Taking a good puff on his new cigarette, Banri winks, lowering for a moment one of his half-shaved eyebrows, and says, "Try me."
"Well," Gojyo starts, staring into the bottom of his now empty glass with eyes that can't quite focus, "r'member that guy I was living with?"
"The well-bred type who hated youkai?"
"That'd be the one."
"Shit, Gojyo, you really did switch teams on me," Banri laughs, calling the bartender over to top off both of their drinks. Again, he slaps Gojyo on the back, this time almost crushing Gojyo's teeth into the rim of his mug. "Guess I shouldn't be too s'prised. He had one pretty face, I can remember that. And you always were up for a little experimenting…if the night was right. Remember?" Banri winks again, and Gojyo does indeed remember how things used to be a lot more interesting between them.
"Let's forget that, huh?" he says, glad to have his drink refilled, even if he can't quite get the mug to his lips, "Don't wanna…talk about it."
Banri takes a good swig before turning in his seat to face Gojyo better. "Don't wanna talk? The guy break your heart, pal, coz I can beat him up for ya. Know some muscle 'round here and—"
"No," Gojyo breaks in, sober enough not to go thinking that stupid. He still can't quite see straight, but he manages to set his beer down, deciding maybe he better stop now and quit while he's…marginally almost entirely behind. "Don' wanna hurt him. Just wanna know why he's…so bent on hurting me."
The bar gets real quiet for awhile with Gojyo not drinking, and Banri sipping slow. They're the only ones in there now besides the bartender, who's half asleep anyway. Finally, hating a sorrowful mood on principle, Banri slips his arm around Gojyo's shoulders, tender this time instead of a hard smack. He says, "You remember when we met, huh? Remember, Gojyo?"
A small smile breaks onto Gojyo's face. "Yeah, man, I remember. Dark night. Alleyway. Buncha thugs trying to get the better of me but failing. You asked how much I was."
Banri laughs, "Right, right. And you got all defensive thinking I meant your body for fun instead of work. Hehe. Course, if I recall right, time goes by and I find out the reason you got all pissy that time is coz you actually did that shit once, right? Half-breed body for sale to keep any girl or guy warm for the night? A few bad nights of our own go by, no winnings, no good jobs, and no women, and you and me don't sound so bad. Remember? We weren't so bad at all." Voice soft now with nostalgia, Banri leans in close to say the final words beside Gojyo's ear. Then, with Gojyo lulled by memories, he turns the redhead by the chin and leans in further for a kiss.
"Hey," Gojyo pulls back, "I'm drunk, dude, not that drunk."
Banri's not quite there eyebrows furrow. "You kidding right? You fucking or being fucked, whatever, by this dandy asshole and you won't even offer old Banri a kiss?"
"Look," Gojyo says, and though he allows Banri's closeness, and a few of his words are halted or slurred, he tells the truth as clearly as he can, "It's a fight. Not an end. I don't…want it to be. Me and Hakkai, we'll work it out. I already said no to the sexiest broad around in the last town. What makes you think I'd do something stupid for a dude? One I wasn't already sleeping with?"
A slow grin spreads across Banri's thin face. "Easy. Coz it's me. And though it's been awhile, I used to fall under that category quite a bit." Banri leans in again.
Gojyo holds him back. "I love him," he says.
Banri huffs, "He love you?"
There isn't an easy answer to that just now. All Gojyo can think to say is, "Maybe too much."
"Damn it, Gojyo," And Banri is on his feet beside Gojyo's stool, putting out the cigarette that had been burning down in his hand, "Don't you wish things could be simpler? Just for a night? Guys like you and me, it's never about love or commitment, just about the best time at the right time. And I think you gotta admit, old friend," he says, spinning Gojyo in his stool, spreading Gojyo's legs and placing himself in between them to better reach a kiss, "There couldn't be a better time…than right…now."
The kiss isn't something Gojyo can stop. At least, that's what he tells himself while Banri's digging fierce holds into his jacket and cloying for Gojyo's tongue.
Gojyo's mind is fuzzy, and tonight Banri feels familiar. Banri is familiar. Banri is, was, like a brother. A brother he sometimes fooled around with if there weren't any good female prospects, but someone he could always trust. Maybe not trust with his life, his money, or his word, but someone he could always trust to stay the same.
Gojyo can't say that about Hakkai anymore. Hakkai has changed and is refusing the help that might bring the old Hakkai back. It isn't fair.
And what is even more unfair is that Hakkai, having followed Gojyo as Gojyo searched for him, knowing it would be the only way to stay off the kappa's radar, has been watching the whole development since Gojyo first saw Banri in the street.
When Hakkai's first impulse was to attack, he managed to squelch it. When Banri and Gojyo made up so easily and entered the bar, Hakkai was able to contain his feelings of betrayal. When hours passed and the pair kept getting cozier from the drink and laughing about everything, Hakkai was able to stay calm.
But when Banri kissed Gojyo and Gojyo did nothing to push him away, Hakkai was beyond keeping any of the final shreds of himself from losing control.
Oh, he tried to keep himself together, tried so hard because he knew how bad this would be if he lost the battle, but it wasn't enough.
Staring at the infuriating scene, when Hakkai reaches up to touch his limiters and be sure they are still where they belong, all three perfect cuffs melt in his fingers.
-----
Goku jumps to his feet long before Sanzo can sense the building chi.
"What is it?" the priest asks. They had been kissing languidly on the floor, where they had not moved from for hours.
The only thing Goku can do is shake his head, before his hand reaches up to his limiter and he tosses it to the ground. "I told you it was bad," he says, in his own voice.
Sanzo doesn't have to know what is happening. He simply grabs his gun and asks Goku to lead the way.
-----
Gojyo pulls out of the kiss, much as he hates to admit he had been enjoying it. He turns back towards the bar and stars at his mug. "Sorry, dude," he says, "but…I…I don't think I can—" Gojyo turns his head to address Banri directly, but cuts off, surprised to find that Banri isn't there. "Banri? Dude, what the hell are you—" He spins further on the stool, all the way around to see if Banri slipped behind him or something, and discovers a very close, very dark jade eye.
"Hello, dear," Hakkai says, and suddenly very long and sharp claws are pressing into Gojyo's neck, lifting him from his stool. Gojyo can't breathe, but he doesn't have time to question much, other than noticing that Banri is tucked under Hakkai's other arm, before he hears, "My, my, haven't you been naughty," and everything goes black.
tbc...
A/N: It's 2am. I love you. Please review.
