I was in grave danger.

It was crucial I didn't start hoping.

Hoping was the last thing I needed happening especially now that the dreams were getting better and better. It was wonderful. He was wonderful. I couldn't imagine a better thing to happen to me. Me of all people. Going crazy was one thing, but going crazy with style was another. If this wasn't style I don't know what was.

Edward Cullen was firmly stuck in my mind at all hours when it was possible and when I was awake and always when I was asleep. It was peculiar, when I wasn't sleeping, I felt oddly empty. Alone somehow, which was total nonsense considering I had felt no different than before. Okay, that was a lie. I felt lonely when I wasn't locked away in my mind with Edward.

The dreams had pressed themselves further than I would have thought. Somehow, in some amazingly unrealistic way he kissed me in one. It was wonderful, but it didn't feel genuine – was it meant to? It was a dream. How were dream kisses meant to feel like? – It didn't feel like I was really there. Then again, even if I could feel it, I would have nothing to compare it with.

And another thing was that I was getting to know his imaginary family well too. I knew their personalities off by heart now. Carlisle was the father figure, there to keep them in order and decide where they were off to next (this didn't bother me seeing as it was all in my head). Esme was warm hearted and the second mother I never knew but she did have the other motherly side to her where she could get really angry at one of the boys for bringing mud into the house. Emmett seemed strong willed at first but once you got to know him he was a real teddy bear and would play practical jokes on anyone he could. Rosalie was beautiful, that was for sure, she wouldn't speak to me but I got the feeling I shouldn't be worried about it too much. Alice was hyper on her own happiness most of the time and some of my dreams were filled with, to my dismay, her just doing my hair and make-up. Jasper was cautious but thanks to his power you knew he meant well. I knew he didn't want to risk attacking me and I didn't really need to be killed in a dream. I'm sure Edward wouldn't have thanked him either.

Then there was Edward. My flawless, incredible boyfriend though boyfriend wasn't a strong enough word. Each time I saw him I would melt. His bronze hair was tousled and dishevelled in a different style but perfect all the same. His butterscotch eyes would blend in with his hair but they created enough distraction as it was.

Oh, and then there were the dreams about Jacob. Sometimes I would see him jumping out of his skin into a wolf that would be taller than me and have a wish to kill Edward. Each time I would roll my eyes because I knew Edward would win. He always did. Jacob would hang around with 'The Pack' that were his group of friends and occasionally, they would jump out as wolves too. It was utter nonsense.

I really was contemplating writing a book. You were allowed crazed authors.

The whole that was my heart could only be filled to a point when I was with Jacob. We were getting close. He was, in truth, my best friend. I only hoped he didn't want more than that. Not that I didn't like him, I just didn't like him in that way. He was always like an older brother to me, looking out for me if I got into trouble or if I needed help.

And that was what was happening today. We were going to go out to First Beach again. It had become like a ritual to go there once a week with him, to see if I could remember anything about before. Every time we went, I got the déjà vu feeling but nothing ever came back. I was beyond hoping it would and now I just enjoyed the presence of Jacob and the calm waves that would splash against the rocks.

Oh, I hadn't been in any more comas recently, which was good thing.

The doorbell rang and I went to get it. It was Jake, early as usual. I couldn't help but notice the rain that was splattering outside, though I tried my best to ignore it.

Jacob stood in the rain, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. My eyes widened but then I remembered. I faked a scowl.

"You're early, mister."

"I am. What would you like me to do about it?" he said with a grin.

"Come inside, maybe?" I stepped inside to let him in and shut the door when he was. "I just need to finish getting ready then we can go."

"Okay."

I dug about in my wardrobe for some shoes and an umbrella I didn't know I had. I had been finding a lot of new things lately, some where surprises and some were not.

We said goodbye to Charlie and made for Jacob's Rabbit. Charlie said something about having fun and how I didn't need to make dinner because he would. I rolled my eyes at this. Charlie trying to cook anything was a bad sign, but then again, what did I know? Jacob shook his head once we were in the car, getting me even wetter than was necessary, seeing as I didn't bother to take my umbrella out.

I faked another scowl at him and he grinned back. I mused over his lightened mood. It was raining, which meant we probably couldn't or wouldn't go to First Beach, but he was ecstatic all the same.

He took a glance from the road to see my reflecting expression. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just you seem to be in a very good mood, considering it's raining."

"Oh…Yeah, I suppose we can't go to the beach then."

"Nope." I said, suppressing a grin.

"Well, what'ja wanna do instead?"

I shrugged. "I really don't mind."

"Well, I say I turn this car around, drive up to Port Angeles and see a movie. Yes?"

"Sure." I said with a smile and he did a contagious grin back. My smile grew.

Somehow, the rain stopped as we pulled into the parking lot. It was still cloudy, of course, and the puddles were dotted everywhere but the downpour had finished, for now. I glared at the sky. I will have my revenge, someday. Just you wait…

"Bella?" Jake called my name brining me from my trance.

"Hmm?"

"You just shook your fist at the sky." I did? Oh, I only meant to do that in my head.

"Yes…" My eyes darted playfully around. "I did."

He rolled his eyes. "C'mon, we'll miss the showing." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I felt the burning temperature of his skin.

I instinctively pulled away. "Jake, you're boiling! Are you okay?"

He looked at me, bemused and then cautiously optimistic. "I'm fine, Bella. Don't worry about me."

I wasn't having any of that. I lifted my hand to his forehead, which, I admit was quite hard with him being so tall. He was at least 102 or 103 degrees. "No, you're burning up."

"I'm fine." I looked at him like he was mad – ironic seeing I was. "Okay, let's just see how I am after the movie."

I reluctantly nodded and we walked into the lobby. Jacob bought popcorn and cokes for us both and we made our way into screen 3.

The movie was a horror comedy about werewolves. I laughed at the pure idiocy of it and Jacob was in hysterics the whole time. He laughed so much you'd think he was actually a werewolf like in my dreams. I ended up laughing all over again because he was practically on the floor, rolling in popcorn, sweets and coke, whilst trying, and failing to get back into his seat.

I forgot about his temperature for a while until we were outside and could breathe fresh air. We began to walk back to the car. Then, I remembered.

I turned to face him. He looked down at me with innocent eyes, waiting for something. "Yes, Bells?" I frowned and held my hand up to his forehead again.

He sighed, sounding exasperated. "I'm fine, Bella. Really." He took my hand and pulled it away from his face.

"No, you're not. Your hand is scorching and I don't have to be a doctor to know that that's not good. You're not well."

"But I feel fine, Bells."

"That's not the point."

"If it makes you feel any better I'll go to the doctor's after I drop you off."

"Not good enough. You're sick."

"Bella…"

"Jacob…"

We were left in a staring contest by the car and I didn't notice the rain until he pointed it out.

"We need to get back. It's getting late." He made his way to the driver's door.

I pulled him back. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going back to Forks to drop you off."

"Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?"

"What condition?"

"You have a temperature in case you've forgotten and to be honest I don't think you can. You must be at least 100 degrees."

"I am perfectly capable of driving us home."

"Yes, but you know I won't let you. Hand me the keys." He frowned but did as he was told. I got in and smiled to myself, thinking about how I'd repeated Edward's words.

Jake got in and shut the door behind him. I started up the car. "You worry too much, Bells."

"No, I worry just the right amount. It's not healthy to be that hot."

"What if I told you that it was healthy for me to be this hot? What would you say?"

I thought about it for a while. "I suppose I would say okay but it's still not normal."

His mouth twitched a smile on the verge of showing itself. "When have I ever been normal?"

I thought about this too. "Never."

"Exactly."

We sat in comfortable silence for the rest of the journey, despite me glancing over to check on him whenever I could and then him saying his was fine. He was obviously not. That's precisely what he wanted me to think.

I pulled up to my house and then realised the flaw in my 'Save Jacob' plan. He would have to drive himself back or I would have to walk from La Push to Forks. He seemed to realise this at the same time and got out to open the door for me.

He opened it, holding out his hand and I looked up at him from my eyes that were slowly getting covered by my deepening frown. I was really worried for him now. What if he crashed?

I took it and we walked up to the porch. "Jake, I don't like this."

"How many times do I have to tell you, Bells? I'll be fine."

"If you say so…"My lips pressed into a hard line and I found myself lifting my eyebrows playfully as I spoke. "But if I find you wrapped around some tree on the 110 I'm blaming you and only you. I may, also, refuse to speak to you. We'll have to see."

He grinned another contagious grin and we burst out laughing. I was the first to regain composure.

"Please don't go and die."

"Sure, sure."

I rolled my eyes and fetched the key to open the door. It wasn't too late but the sun was setting now. Twilight, I mused to myself, Edward's favourite time of the day. I was about to walk in until Jake spoke.

"Bella…" I turned to face him, his face was torn in two emotions I couldn't read.

"Yes Jake?" Was he feeling sick now?

He didn't say anything. He just leant in and kissed me.

Jacob Black, my best friend just kissed me.

It wasn't like the one with Edward in the meadow. It was short and rushed but passionate all the same.

I felt myself pull away.

"I have to go Jake."

I shut the door slowly behind me.

My frame shook.

"That you, Bell?"

Who else Charlie? "Yeah." I would have to go in to see him.

I walked in and he was watching a game. I didn't register what kind it was. He looked up.

"You okay Bella? You look pale." The one time he notices… I would have to lie.

"Um, I think I might have caught Jake's bug. It's going around and he was burning up when we were driving back. I'm not feeling too well. What did you have for dinner?"

"Oh, just some leftover lasagna. There's a little left in the fridge." I nodded, knowing I wouldn't get a better answer with whatever was on. I took some out, placed it in a bowl and set it in the microwave to reheat.

I couldn't help my mind wander. I didn't like Jacob in that way, I knew that but he kissed me. That meant he had feelings for me, more so than I did. Did he expect me to feel the same? Did I feel the same? Did I love–

The microwave buzzed at me, sounding that my food was ready. I took it out and wondered about Jake again. Was I ready? Was I ready to do this?

I barely tasted the hot food as it made its way down my throat. I got myself a glass of milk when I was done and downed it quickly. It was already dark.

I walked to the stairs. "I'll be in my room, Dad. Lots of homework."

"'Kay Bells."

I finished the homework in less than an hour. I started to pace around my room.

What was I going to do?

This was one of the times when I needed Edward real. Just having him here would be a comfort, to see him… I sighed. That would never happen. Maybe Jacob was a good idea. Maybe he could be my Edward. I needed someone to protect me, like in my dreams.

My foot caught on something. I fell to the floor, hands outstretched, ready to break my fall.

It was a loose floorboard, sticking up, in my way like it was about to rule the world…or it was important…

I looked at it. It seemed to gaze straight back up at me and I thought of Edward. Great, Bella, now you're seeing things in floorboards. I rolled my eyes and went downstairs.

"Um, dad?"

He turned to face me. "Yes?"

"Do you have anything that I could fix a floorboard with? I've got a loose one and I almost broke my face by falling on it."

"Sure, there's a drill out in the garden under the cover. It's started raining again so be careful out there."

I nodded and picked up an orange Black & Decker electric drill. I went back up the stairs again and I heard Charlie shout "Be careful!" to me.

It was still there. I don't know what I was expecting. It to just have disappeared? I knelt and started to undo the nails.

I don't know why I did what I did, maybe some kind of force made me or maybe it was fate. I took the floorboard up, and moved it to look down into the dark, wooden caverns beneath my room.

A silver shoebox, no bigger than any other, sat plainly under my room. It clearly was important but I decided to wait. I didn't need Charlie coming in when I opened it, whatever it was.

I brought the drill back down and left it on the kitchen counter after drilling the wood back down. "Thanks Dad. I'm going to get off now. Night."

"Night Bell. I'll be up soon. I'm just going to put this back outside."

"Thanks, Dad."

I somewhat rushed back upstairs, forgetting all about Jacob and only caring what was in the box. I shut the door behind me, perhaps a little too hastily. I waited until I heard Charlie was in his room until I looked at the box.

Stepping over to the peculiar, innocent box was hard and it shouldn't have been. The silver was reflected off it from my bedside lamp. I walked over to it, feeling like I was about to open Pandora's Box and release doom upon the world. Was I? Could this inoffensive box ruin the world?

Slowly, I lifted the lid.

Edward's perfect face stared back up at me.

Pain ricocheted around my chest, tearing at anything it could find as everything he'd ever said came back to me. I felt ruined, kicked about. All it took was one look at this angel and I had fallen from where ever I had worked so hard to get. I remembered everything, absolutely everything he'd ever said to me. Tears trailed down my face…

I remember him. I remember who he was and how many times he'd said he loved me. I remember the first day we saw each other over the lunch hall. The first time he'd glared down at me. The first day he actually started speaking to me. The day when he stopped speaking to me for my own safety. The day he started speaking to me again. The time I tricked Jacob into telling me the true stories about his family. The night I fell in love with him. The day in the meadow when he stepped out into the sun like a star. The time when he almost ripped me apart when I leant in. The time when I rode on his back when he ran. The first time I kissed him. The night he stayed with me, held me close. The night I whispered I love you to himin my sleep and he heard. The morning I said it in his arms. The morning when I fainted in his arms. The day I met his family. The day he played my lullaby. The day he tasted one of my tears. The day I learnt about him completely. The day I sat in his room. The day he fake-pounced on me, taking me for his own, sitting me on his lap, holding me close again. The day of the baseball game. The day he had to tamper with my mind. The day he said he loved me. The day they came. The day he had to protect me from everything. The day he saw the want in James's eye and coven. The night I had to flee to Phoenix. The night he kissed me the hardest he ever had. The days I thought I would never see him again. The day I was tricked. The day I almost died. The day he had to suck out the poison. The first taste he got of my blood and how he didn't kill me. The empty days and months of bliss with him when I was out of danger. The day of my birthday when Jasper tried to attack me. The day he knocked me out of the way, fearing for my soul and for breaking me. The day he made up his mind. The night he kissed me for the last time. The three days when he had been so distant. The night that he told me the words that changed my life. The night he said he didn't want me…

…The night he came back…

…The night he kissed me…

…The night he told me that that was all lies…

…The night he said he still loved me…

…The night he said he would never stop loving me…

…The night when I pushed him away…

…The night where I'd torn his soul away and in doing so, tearing mine away too…

All this time, he just stared up at me from the box. With a blank, almost pained expression in his eyes, like he knew this was all coming. It was taken when we got back from my so-called party. It was my fault. If I hadn't got that paper cut Jasper wouldn't have attacked. Of course, I couldn't blame Jasper, he couldn't help it. It was my entire fault. I would never hear his voice again. He would never know I remembered.

From behind my tear-stricken eyes, I could see the other contents of the box. The CD he made for me, blank from writing or scratches, photos of him, the two tickets to Jacksonville from Carlisle and Esme. Absentminded, I put the CD into my player and my lullaby started. Why?

Why? Why? Why did I ever forget him? How could I forget this of all things?! I could have forgotten Jessica or Mike, gladly, but Edward?

My heart gave a cry as I thought his name. I looked back to the box through blurred eyes. I'd missed something, it was right at the bottom, buried under the pictures of him I would cherish as long as I lived. A letter, folded into three. Bella was written on the front in his elegant script.

My dearest, beautiful Bella,

I'm writing this after my visit to the hospital. I now know you do not remember me at all and as much as it pains me, I must leave again. When I came back, I hoped to find you and I never believed for one second that you wouldn't know me, remember me. The idea never came to me once, even when Alice saw you jump. I was honestly shocked and although I left, wanting you to forget me but as I came back I wanted you to at least recall me, recognise me. The worst part is that it was my entire fault. If I had not left you, you would not be in this mess, wrapped in wires that would check your heartbeat and breathing, as easily as I could.

I can not convey my deepest regrets on speaking those words to you on that fateful September night, and I doubt I ever will be able to redeem myself in the slightest. As I began saying those lies, I wanted to take away the pain on your beautiful face and knowing that I put it there made it worse. I didn't mean a word but it was for the best at the time. I now know that this was also wrong. I put you in more danger than if I'd been there.

You must know, even if we never meet again, I do still love you and I shall always love you, no matter what happens. I will stay away from you, no matter how many times I wish to hold you and want never let you go. I have no idea if you'll ever find this but I had to put it down on paper, although words will never truly express how much I do truly love you. I've taken one of your jumpers, I hope you don't mind, the blue one, it was lovely with your skin. I needed something of yours that would remind me of why I was doing this to myself. You'll be reading this and think that I am some kind of psychopath but you need not worry.

I will never bother you. That is one thing I can promise. I will never come back into your life and ruin it for you, like I did before all this. I'm sorry that I wasted that precious year.

My love for all of eternity.

Edward.

I pulled the page into my chest and my tears hit the paper hard, gushing and flooding off my face. I felt like I was crying for two. Filling in where he could never cry. Damp splodges were dotted around the page.

He really did still love me but he wouldn't dare come near me because he thought he would ruin my life. He blamed himself for what I did. My life, my soul, those where things that didn't matter. They were already Edward's anyway and he would never know I knew and that I still felt the same way. I would always feel the same way, always. I was in far too deep just to pull out and walk away without a scratch. I wanted to be with him, just as much as he wanted to be with me. Knowing this now, I knew I could never be complete. Not with my heart in this shape. I would never be the same person I once was.

My life was so much better when Edward was here, I had a reason to get up each morning because I didn't know what we would do next. I revelled in that fact, but now? How did I do it before? How could I even live with being apart from him?

That was it. I couldn't live without him.

I re-read the letter twenty times before I came to that conclusion but I knew I would love no other. I would never love someone with so much force as I did Edward.

My floods of tears became quiet and shaking sobs. I was still clutching the paper to my heart and I almost didn't hear my window open, softly. I listened out as it shut just as silently as it was opened, tense, with my eyes closed.

Very, very slowly I turned to face whoever had decided to come to my room on such a late night, understanding they could not be human and prayed it to be the person I loved most.

Cautiously, I lifted my eyelids to greet the intruder that I recognised. My breath caught and my heart spluttered.

"Bella…"


A/N: AND THAT, MY LOYAL READERS, IS NOT IT.
Of course it's not I wouldn't dare leave you on that cliff hanger...or would I? I haven't exactly got the next chapter written up yet, per say, but in memory of Edward (-swoons-), I'll need to write it up soon, but in case I don't, this is a apology because I keep getting a lot of homework and we have mock exams for the real one's in May... -sigh- So many things trying to take me away from this place... What will I do? Keep writing? Good plan.

This chapter was at least nine pages long. I hope you enjoyed it...I have Edward POV next and oh, I am so evil it should be illegal. Mwahahaha!
However, I'm not giving anything away. Take your theories and leave... (or write a review, it's up to you...)

Please review! Please, please, please!

Emma