Author's Note: First update came quick! They won't be all this quick, but I hope they will come at a decent pace. You'll also notice there is shameless ripping off from other movies, TV shows, and novels. Remember, this is Sheppard telling a story. The king of the hockey mask fiasco. So if it seems a little goofy, remember the real story is what is going on in Atlantis. Thanks for the reviews!

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis, or It, or Lord of the Rings, or King Arthur. I especially don't own Batman, though that would be awesome.

The First Night

"I don't see why we have to come along," griped Rodney unhappily as the many residents of Atlantis trudged through the underbrush of the mainland a few evenings later. "I mean, after all, it's not like John's story's going to be a big deal. It'll probably be just one slasher movie after another, and anyway it's going to be a boring night."

"You didn't have to come," grunted Ronon in annoyance.

"Yes, he did," corrected Teyla. "It's imperative that you be there to support your friend. It's how these things are done."

Rodney rolled his eyes skyward. "Sheppard needs my support like I need the help of a calculator," he grumbled. "Honestly, Teyla, you have no idea how bad this night is going to be."

"You're just jealous because Sheppard is the guest of honor, not you," Ronon commented gruffly.

Before Rodney could reply, Teyla stepped in with a fierceness that was quite unusual for her. "You are both guests of honor to my people," she stated. "Please, do not make me regret inviting you." That shut the both of them up for a while, and Teyla continued to lead the procession in a contented silence.

The Lanteans arrived in Teyla's village half an hour later, and were welcomed with bowls of hot stew. The mainland was around the equator of the planet, and so it never truly snowed, though the temperature of the planet was much colder and damper than Earth. John had arrived with Elizabeth a little earlier so that he could prepare for his "telling" that evening (the storyteller was to dress in traditional garb), and Elizabeth kept glancing across the clearing at Teyla, her eyes shining with merriment.

"How does he look?" asked Teyla, slightly concerned.

"Terrified," Elizabeth replied, "but also excited. I know John's been planning an interesting story; he told me he'd put all of us in it!"

Teyla grinned happily. "Oh, to be immortalized by a story in my own time," she said with a laugh. Then, her eyes still mischievous, she glanced conspirationally at Elizabeth. "Do you think there will be clowns in this story?" she asked.

Elizabeth grinned. "Undoubtedly," she affirmed.

oOo

When the sky grew dark, Teyla's people lit torches and formed one huge procession. Everyone was carrying blankets to sit on, and several families were carrying baskets loaded with food and treats to be served after the first night's telling. The first night was always the most fun; it had an air of celebration to it that was surpassed only by the last night. Teyla had always considered this strange; after all, when her people hid from the Wraith wouldn't they be afraid? Why then was the first night so joyful?

Halling saw Teyla's face just then and gave a short laugh. "Just like when you were young," he stated.

"What?" Teyla asked in reply.

"You... always trying to see the other side of things. Thinking that we should be somber instead of joyful. Teyla, the reason that we rejoice the first night is that we are happy we have the ability to hide. We always had people with the gift, like you! This celebration is as much of an honor to you as it is to honor the memories of our ancestors who hid so well before us."

Teyla smiled at Halling, her eyes showing her gratitude. It had been so long since she had shared a celebration with her people, she had forgotten how good it felt.

Pretty much all of Atlantis had turned out for the first night of telling, and when everyone squeezed into the small cavern where the Athosians had hidden from the Wraith time and time again, there was little to no space to move. Teyla, Weir, McKay, Ronon, Carson, Halling, and a few select Athosian elders were spared such distresses; they sat on a small shelf above the cave floor, otherwise known as the place of honor. Everyone else sprawled out on the cavern's floor, packed tight like ants in a hole. A small raised platform stood at the center of the cavern, and when the people were comfortable they hushed expectantly. Halling stood.

"My people," he began, "let us give thanks for this cave that has sheltered so many over the times. Let us have silence now in remembrance of those who have gone before us; those that made it not to this relative safety."

The people were silent. After a moment, Halling started again. "Let us remember the first time we hid from the wraith. Those with the gift warned us. Those with plenty shared their stores while we hid here below. And last, the one man who had nothing to share kept up everyone's spirits with stories of his own. Nine nights we hid, and each night he told a story, constantly moving towards hope in his tales like we did in our lives. Let us remember him with honor, and make way for a new teller-of-tales, John Shepphard."

The Lanteans started to clap, but were gently shushed by the Athosians. It fell completely silent in the cave, and any remaining torch lights were extinguished. It was pitch black. Then, the torches on each of the four corners of the raised platform were lit, illuminating a wild-looking figure.

Even though Elizabeth had watched John get ready, she was not prepared for the sight of her second in command standing on the platform. John looked like a figure straight out of fantasy. He was wearing a dark blue cloak that sparkled with jagged shards of mirror, reflecting the firelight at odd angles; almost as if fire had melted into John himself. His hands were gloved in thick oiled leather, the oil reflecting the light almost as well as the mirrors. Even John's face looked wild. The Athosians had applied a silver root-paint to his hair to simulate the elder that had told the stories so long ago. The silver streaked through his black spiky hair, making his head look like daggers had sprouted at all angles. The cloak covered his neck, so all one could really make out was his face, which had been painted with dark black lines to make his facial expressions easily visible. Up on the platform he was transformed from ordinary John Sheppard into something straight from the heart of Athosian culture, and Elizabeth inexplicably felt her heart skip a beat. Thankfully, it was too dark for those around her to see the blush that accompanied this feeling seconds later.

It was Rodney who broke the spell as he whispered to Carson, "Celebration for the kids, huh? If I'd seen this as a kid I'd have nightmares for weeks."

"That's because you're a wimp," Ronon whispered back before Carson could respond. "Now shut up."

Elizabeth shook her head in mild amusement as the gasps from the kids in the first few rows settled down. John stood tall, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, the intensity and anticipation pulling everyone in. Soon, everyone was holding their breath. Then, John snapped open his eyes and the story began.

"This is an Earth story. It is one that has been passed down from family to family and generation to generation. It is a story of joy and pain, of love and loss, of freedom and slavery. It is a story perfect for the Nine Nights; a story of how a great people fought against an even greater enemy."

"Once upon a time there was a Kingdom in the High Hills. It was a vast Kingdom; Gondor was it's name." (Rodney coughed into his jacket at this) "The Kingdom of Gondor was for much of the year covered in snow and ice. It was a winter kingdom; cold and deadly to those who were not of the ice themselves. Yet, the people who dwelt in the heart of the Gondorian mountains were a joyful, strong people. They lived their lives in strength and beauty, and taught their children to do the same. To them, the snow and ice merely challenged them to grow stronger, and stronger they became, till they were a fearless, noble people." (Teyla smiled at Halling during this and Halling nodded back his appreciation; the Athosian was very warmed by John's nod to his people.)

"In the center of the land was a great city; the capital city of Camelot." (Now Carson was also coughing discreetly into his shirt.) "The great capitol was ruled by two queens; twin sisters of their noble mother. Their names were: Queen Beth and Queen Tala." (At this Rodney murmured something sarcastic, followed by an "ow" as Ronon presumably poked him in the ribs.)

"Queen Beth was the Queen of Order; she ministered to all of her people. She was the one who ran the administration of the country; she was the negotiator and the judge and the general problem solver. She was tall and strong and courageous, and her eyes could shoot fire. Her hair was dark and wavy though her skin was pale, giving her the look of a somber, serious woman. She always wore dresses made out of red material.

"Queen Tala was the Queen of Music, though she was the Warrior Queen as well. She rode out with the armies towards their enemies and fought at the front lines. After the battles, she would tend to the wounded and lead the people in songs of victory. She also sang for the people in all of their ceremonies. She was brave and valiant and true, and her songs lifted the hearts of her people. Her hair was light, which set off her bronze skin, and gave her a happy, cheerful air. She wore garments made out of sky blue material." (Had John have looked up, he would have seen Teyla and Elizabeth both sitting up straighter, although Elizabeth looked fairly self-conscious. Rodney was smirking at them.)

"And then, there were the People of the Court. The Silver Knight protected Queen Tala. He was silent but fierce, a warrior of great distinction, who had once killed one hundred of his foes with a stick at one time. He struck fear into the hearts of his enemies, for he was fearsome to behold. His skin was the color of the earth and his hair was like a lion's mane. No one dared approach him." (Ronon looked pleased.)

"There was also a knight that protected Queen Beth. This knight was called the Dark Knight, for he always wore black." (Rodney looked ready to burst at this and Elizabeth was bracing herself.) "He was... charming and full of good humor, though some might say he was serious. At least, a little. He held a dark secret no one knew but himself, and that spurred him to fight for justice."

Suddenly, John looked up towards the ledge where Elizabeth and company were seated. His eyes zeroed in on Rodney, who was having an extremely difficult time restraining himself. "There was also the Court Lore-Master, who was the smartest of all the citizens of Camelot. He was quirky and somewhat likable, if you could get past his propensity to be annoying." (Now Elizabeth was considering asking Ronon to knock Rodney out; the indignation coming from him was almost palpable.) "His name was Meredith." (Rodney went dead still, after whispering a shocked, "No he didn't!" But his name was no big secret, and anyway if he kept silent none of the Athosians would be the wiser. John still had his eyes locked on Rodney, and suddenly Rodney realized that he would have to keep quiet or else John would spill all. After a moment, Rodney resigned himself to that fact and sat back on his ledge, properly hushed.) After a moment, John continued. "Meredith, for all his faults, though, was still a very valuable member of the Court and had gained the respect of the Queens and knights alike. He was assisted by many couturiers a day, and had made great advances in science. The Queens often commended them."

"And the final member of the court was the Court Physician, named "Ker" but often called 'Bones,' for he disliked travel of any kind away from the mountains and often grumbled about it. He spoke in an accent like one from the highlands would speak, but his voice was always kind, and though he was a doctor, he never let his physician's temper get out of control. Well, almost never."

"Though these six are the core of our story, there are countless others that I would indeed mention if I had the time. Some of them will be mentioned later, of that I can assure you. But it is safe to say that our tale will follow the adventures of these six brave people, as they led their great city Camelot in battle with one of the fiercest enemies known to Mankind: the Clowns." (At this, all the Lanteans smiled wide. Sheppard's dislike of clowns was legendary.)

"The Clowns. There were many of them. And they just kept sending them in! How can I describe the terribleness of their kind? Their faces are white. Dead white, like the white of a dead creature painted over with white paint. Their eyes are deep set and cunning, like the calculating eyes of a deadly predator. Around their faces are drawn patterns, and their teeth are ground sharp. Their hair is curly red, and they wear suits of yellow and blue, like some demented Uno game gone bad. If they capture you, they will torture you until you loose everything that makes you human. And if they decide not to eat you, they may make you one of them. Turning you into a clown, so that you loose all former memory of who you are and become a denizen of deserted carnivals and children's birthday parties. Maybe you recognize them?" (This question was directed to the children in the front row, who all called out in one voice, "Wraith!" John nodded and looked up at Elizabeth.) "For all you know, they could be cousins of the Wraith," John said. (Elizabeth stifled a laugh.)

"Every time the clowns attacked Camelot, they were defeated by the squadrons of knights and soldiers that lived in Gondor. Again and again the Clowns attacked and were again defeated. Sometimes, it was as if a miracle had happened. Yet it was always that way; the Clowns were always defeated."

"But then there arose one Clown, one Clown who was far more cunning than those around him. One Clown to rule them all. His name was Pennywise. 'Let us attack the people of Camelot,' he told his followers, 'but as we attack, let one of us sneak past their guard into the heart of the city. There, we will steal Queen Beth. It is she who runs the City itself, and if we take her, we take the very heart of Camelot.'"

"'Why not take Queen Tala?' asked another of his lieutenants. 'She is far more accessible than Queen Beth. She is always fighting on the front lines with the knights and soldiers alike.'"

"'Tala is guarded by that Silver Knight, who slew one hundred of us with a pole. Do you want to risk those odds? And if you manage to get past him, what about the Queen herself? She has slain her fair share of our kindred as well. Besides, the Dark Knight also comes out to fight on the front lines when we attack. If he comes with them, it will leave Queen Beth unprotected. She will think she is safe in that great big castle of hers, but she will be wrong. For you see, I have already found a way in.'"

"'What is your way?' asked another Clown."

"Pennywise smiled evilly. 'I will enter Camelot by crawling through the drain pipes. We will attack the unsuspecting citizens of Camelot... at dusk tomorrow.'"

With that, John fell silent. The phrase "at dusk tomorrow," was the way every storyteller was to end each night, and Sheppard felt pleased with the way he was able to weave the phrase into the dialogue. The Athosians sat silent for a moment, content to let the last of his words ring out to the back of the cave. Then, all the children in the front rows stood and made a line. They set down on the platform several small items; storyteller gifts. There was a small leather pouch, a smooth river-stone, a red feather, a bone carving, a wooden spoon. Trinkets, really, but small presents that the children had found or made, and the gesture touched both John and the rest of the Lanteans. When the children had finished laying the objects at his feet, John squatted down and looked at them intensely.

"I accept your gifts," he said in traditional Athosian style. The children smiled, and then the cave exploded with sounds of cheers, laughter, and clapping.

oOo

After the story ended for that night, everyone lit the torches on the wall until the cave was illuminated almost as bright as day. Picnics were unpacked, treats spread out on blankets, and family after family gathered for their meal. Each family adopted a Lantean or two, until everyone was settled in and happily chattering away. John had ducked away quickly in order to change his attire, and by the time Rodney and Elizabeth were settled with a family he was back to his old John Sheppard self. He sat with Teyla and Halling for the first night, and Elizabeth had to repress a sudden unbidden pang of jealousy.

"I must be going crazy," thought Elizabeth to herself as she shoved the rush of emotion away and attempted to be charming to both her hosts and Rodney. Fortunately, Rodney was doing most of the talking, and Elizabeth found that it was easy to get by by smiling and nodding. She wasn't feeling one hundred percent either; the cold cave was doing nothing for her tight lungs. In fact, the cave felt like an iceberg. She had been freezing all evening. Elizabeth wondered if the cave was part of a larger system that went deeper under the mainland. She'd have to ask Rodney about it. If he would give her a chance to speak.

oOo

"It gets really hot in here, doesn't it?" asked Sheppard. He felt like it was a million degrees. So did everyone else; as he looked around, he noticed that people were sweating and fanning themselves with left-over packaging materials.

Teyla nodded in response to John's question. "Imagine what it would have been like for the first people who hid in here. We were much larger numbers then." She looked at her food suddenly, as if her statement had been in bad taste and she was realizing this in hindsight. Then, she glanced up and grinned mischievously. "The Queen of Music?" she asked sarcastically.

It turned out that Teyla's question was the first of many John was going to receive that evening. Everyone had thoroughly enjoyed John's story, but almost everyone had something to say. First, John got ribbed for how he went into detail describing the girls; as Rodney pointed out, "it was like listening to an internet dating site." Then, Rodney continued to rib him about the use of his real name, even though everyone on base already knew it was his real name and the Athosians wouldn't even care. Rodney had to take a breath sometime, though, and when he did Carson and Teyla both alternated with praise for his attention to detail. Then Ronon wanted to know where the clown Pennywise came from, which started a rather spirited discussion about the movie "It." Elizabeth was strangely silent, though, and John thought that if he could get away for a few moments, he'd ask her what was troubling her. He never got the chance, though. The stream of people who wanted to congratulate him seemed to be never-ending, and when it was finally time to leave John was so exhausted that he hardly said one word to anyone while piloting the jumper back to Atlantis.