Why love, if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone.

These words were engraved on my book that I held in my tense hands. I hadn't chosen the book to read. I just picked it up without thinking. We needed things to fill our bags when we got on the plane. I didn't plan to look at any of it…but I did.

I regretted it instantly.

Why did I do it, all that time ago, when I knew, truly in my heart, I couldn't ever be happy?

I knew that love hurt. That was common knowledge, it had gone around since practically the beginning of time. I didn't care for that feeble fact because it didn't mean anything to me. I wasn't in love then. I only knew that love of a family, not true love. She came and she smelt so sweet. I didn't attack, no, I eventually fell in love with her. I knew I would get hurt when she found out what I was but I did it anyway. I told her…and she didn't run. She stayed. She wanted to know more. She wanted to learn more about me. She cared about me. She loved both the monster and the real me. Both of them. I knew that I would get hurt. I knew I would get hurt because every time I could smell her beautiful blood I had to stop myself from ripping her head from her shoulders. I would hurt myself in so many different ways if I did, I wouldn't be able to live without her, or live with what I did to my angel. I left to let her live, to let her be happy. She couldn't have a real life with me. It would be one of darkness and I knew how much she loved the sun. She did try to hide it from me but living in Phoenix for so long left a mark on her, however small that may have been. It was there. She was my sun and she was the only one who could give me that warmth… Maybe that was why I didn't change her. I was too selfish to loose that heat… No, that wasn't it. I just didn't want her to live a half life. Always in the gloom and shadows of the night, and if we were very lucky, occasionally the day. She, glorious, beautiful, spectacular Bella didn't deserve to be shunned into the dark. She didn't belong in the dark, she never had.

Those times in the holidays were the best I had ever had. I could scarcely decide which I would prefer; when she was asleep or when she was awake. When she would sleep I would hold her close to me. I would often day dream about when she would be a vampire. It was a horrible thought and I pushed it away as quickly as possible but I couldn't help thinking of it. It kept popping up in my mind and I couldn't do anything about it. To hold her tight enough not to break her spine in two, to hold her close enough and not have the monster inside me wake reminding me what I truly was, to kiss her properly…Those non-existent times were what I day dreamed of. I would dream of them when she was silent and when she wasn't I would hang on her every word. It filled me with so much joy and love when she whispered my name. It was indescribable. Other times she would say the oddest things, they would frequently make me laugh. From 'no, that's my fish' and 'Emmett, you shouldn't be wearing a skirt. Jasper get out of that dress'. That made me laugh to the brink of waking her.

But it was my sleeping angel and my woken angel were two different things entirely. It was a hard to compare the two. When she was asleep was the only time I could hear her mind without her editing, which she seemed to do, repeatedly. She would be so lively, the simplest things would make her happy and in turn, make me happy. I loved to make her happy. It made me feel like I was possibly worthy to be in her presence, but the slightest thing would get me angry. Like if anyone would show the slightest disrespect to her I would end up frustrated. Like Rosalie for example, but the past few weeks had been exhausting, emotionally and physically, and that was putting it lightly. Rosalie even warmed up to the idea of Bella joining our family. However faint she thought that idea was, I was still rather shocked. Rosalie wasn't normally the biggest problem. Mike Newton on the other hand…

A low grumble left my chest and I got a strange look from the man I was sitting next to. I turned my head to the window and looked out into the lights below us.

I didn't like the idea of men like Mike touching my Bella. For she was mine and she still thought herself mine, as I was hers. I didn't want anyone but me holding her close. No one deserved her but if she wanted me she could have me, I had no objections. I wouldn't be complaining when – no, if she was in my arms. As much as it hurt me to think it, there was no guarantee we would get there in time. Victoria had taken her to the epicentre of our kind. There was always that chance that she would end up dead and none of us knew Victoria's despicable plot or how Bella would play a part in it.

But the words on my book made sense. I knew I wasn't alone, like I was before she existed. I didn't know the meaning of alone before I met her. I knew what it meant, I just didn't know what it meant to it's full extent. Or how it felt to be alone after being together.

My strange family were dotted around the large plane. We booked the tickets at the very last minute so the random spaces between us couldn't be helped, even if I wanted to be close to Alice to hear if she'd seen anything. Carlisle and Esme sat in the middle strip of seats, the only one's sitting next to each other. Rosalie was all the way on the other side of the plane with Alice and Jasper sat two seats away from Emmett who was presently sitting behind me.

"C'mon, Edward. Please!"

I turned to face him through the gap in between the seat. "No, Emmett."

"Why not?"

I said it fast enough so the other passengers wouldn't hear. "Because Emmett, one, even if we could, I wouldn't do it, two, I'm trying to sort out what we're going to do when we get to Florence and three, I don't think the passengers would react well to us breaking the plane by falling on it, whilst being inside it. I'm not arm wrestling you. Defiantly not here."

"Fine!... But do you promise when we get off the plane."

"No!"

"Please!"

"Fine! If it'll shut you up!" He leant back, looking rather smug. I would have to find a way to get out of that. Whatever it took. Maybe Jasper could come in handy. I closed my eyes.

Before I could relax again, an air stewardess decided to 'make a move' as I heard it in her mind.

"Excuse me, sir." I looked up to see a woman, dressed in the airline's uniform with a badge that said 'Charlotte'. Charlotte was obviously trying to show herself off by bending over a little to show her cleavage. I looked straight up into her eyes. Her thoughts were jumbled up but it went something like this. Oh my god, Shelly was right…He's a hotty and he can't be related to that man he's sitting next to. He's on this flight alone! And those eyes… "Um, err, can I get you anything, sir?"

"No, thank you." I sighed in frustration. Then, an idea hit me. A revenge plan. I turned back to look at Emmett through the gap. "Emmett, do you need anything?" He just looked at me like I was crazy for asking, but then he saw Charlotte and scowled at me.

I chuckled and shut my eyes again, letting the two talk. Somehow, the only way he got out of it was saying he was engaged. I would have a tough wrestling match coming up, I was sure of it. I would prolong it for as long as I could.

However, sliding out of awkward situations and wrestling was not on my mind for long. Before I knew it, Bella was, again. Not that I minded, I loved to think about her but it was the thought she wouldn't be living that petrified me. My angel would fall again but this time, I would make sure I would be the one to catch her.

Volterra was no place for a pure, divine creature like Bella. She needed to be kept far from a place filled with the damned. Angels and ogres didn't come into contact, it wasn't right. I was probably the worst of them all for loving an angel but it didn't stop me. I wouldn't push her away this time. Quite honestly, I was sure I was doing the right thing that September evening. Every fibre in my being was against the very thought of it, I did have some self preservation because I knew it would kill me all over again. I was the masochist. But... the pain on her face…

It was all my fault. I put the pain there. I, the ogre, had ripped the angel's heart up and in doing so, mine. It was my fault she had been kidnapped by Victoria. No one else's but mine.

I slammed my eyelids shut, clenching my jaw to try and keep myself from sobbing. Sobbing was the last thing I needed to do. I needed to talk to Carlisle desperately. I had no real idea of what was going on. The Volturi hardly ever held a ball, only when there was some big event happening in the vampire world. I couldn't help but worry.

Edward, please… Jasper's begging voice rang around my head. I had totally forgotten about how I would affect him. I had to concentrate on calming myself down, it wouldn't help when we landed.

Thank you… I sighed, somewhat satisfied I could do something without hurting someone. I just had to calm myself down.

My gift was always slightly odd, it really was like being in a crowded room. I could hear everyone, well, except one person, speaking at the same time. I just had to focus on certain people. Any words would set me off, no matter who they were. Any words that meant something to me. Edward, Bella, doesn't want me, love, hate, Vampire, Volterra, Volturi, die, dead, death…

As it tended to do, my mind drifted to my family's thoughts, I stopped after hearing and seeing the first two. Rosalie and Emmett's I won't even go into but, somehow, simultaneously, they were thinking about their 'private time together'. I shuddered. Another oddity that came with my gift. I got to hear, and see things I didn't want to. It was like stalking people. I didn't like to stalk, that wasn't me, but on the other hand, we didn't really get a choice with what we're given. It was take it and live with it – or don't.

I remembered telling Bella how I wasn't going to live without her, how I knew Jasper and Emmett wouldn't help me end my life and how I would go to The Volturi. I remembered it distinctly.

Bella shook her head in confusion. "Contingency plans?"

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." I rolled my eyes at the idiocy of the thought. "But I wasn't sure how to do it – I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."

"What is a Volturi?" She demanded. I could see she was angry with me.

"The Volturi are a family. A very old powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his years, in Italy, before he settled in America – do you remember the story?"

"Of course I remember." There was a glint of curiosity in her eyes.

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die – or whatever it is we do." I was calm, I could talk of my death so freely. It wasn't really dying if we were already damned. She took my face in her warm hands.

"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"

I frowned in her hands. "I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."

"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault? How dare you even think like that?"

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?"

"That's not the same thing." I chuckled at this.

"What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to gooff myself?"

I winced. The idea of Bella committing suicide, though I was talking about myself doing it, hurt tremendously. "I guess I see your point…a little. But what would I do without you?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."

I sighed. "You make it sound so easy."

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."

I was about to argue. She honestly couldn't see how amazing she was. The angel thought she was normal. She was anything but that. She was perfect, but for once I left it. "Moot point."

Here I was, on a flight to go to Volterra. Not to kill myself but to save myself and my love. Half of myself, that half being with Bella, was ripped away from me.

Edward… Please try to control your emotions. Oops. I really needed to distract myself with something. I would end up giving him a headache.

Luckily enough for Jasper, we were beginning to land. The pilot announced our descend into the 'sunny land of Italy'. Thank god it was night time now or the whole plane would be a disco ball.

We collected our luggage with ease and made our way to where you could rent cars but before we got there, Carlisle got a phone call...

...From Aro...

"Yes, yes, we've landed. We were just about to pick up a car…Oh, really?... Well that makes it a lot easier…Okay, we'll see you soon. Goodbye."

No one spoke, again. These awkward silences were becoming ridiculous. I had to break it.

"What's going on?" I sounded very frustrated, which I was.

"Aro says he has sent cars to pick us up and drive us to Volterra. We need to wait outside the airport." Carlisle started walking at quite a fast pace. I jogged to talk with him. The others followed.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why has he sent cars? Doesn't he trust us to make are own way there?"

"Edward, Aro is most likely being a good host. He always was one to be extravagant. Caius and Marcus do not care for how we get there, only that we do. And…" He trailed off, frowning.

"And what Carlisle?"

"And that makes me worried. Normally, Marcus wouldn't be bothered about what happens to us or if we came and Caius is usually the same. But if they're getting involved, then it must be big. And I fear Bella will be involved."

Carlisle and I came to a halt by a bench outside the airport. The night air was refreshing and a little humid.

I asked the one question I had been dying to ask. "What are we going to do when we get there?"

"We'll just have to act normally. Aro shouldn't have any need to suspect we are up to anything. We don't know what place we play in this game nor do we know what place the Volturi play. We wait, Edward and we can not talk about this in the cars. The drivers will no doubt tell the three and we will have no chance of getting her back." I nodded, grimly.

Two jeep like things pulled up to where we were standing. When they got closer, I could see the brand on the hood. Two black Porsche Cayennes with tinted windows came to a stop. The driver of one got out and asked with a heavy accent if we were the Cullen family. We were then ushered into the large vehicles, splitting us in too. Jasper, Alice and Rosalie in one and Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and I in the other.

I was being hassled.

"No, not now Emmett!"

"You promised!"

"Yes, I promised when we got off the plane. You didn't qualify when, where or which plane so, therefore I do not have to arm wrestle you here, nor ever if I choose!" He opened his mouth to make a come back but I didn't let him. "Leave it!"

He sighed, sounding exasperated and glared out of the shaded window. He could be such a child at times.

The drive was very quick but I couldn't concentrate. Bella was all but a few miles away and she could be killed at any moment. The Tuscan landscape would fly past us in the dark and all I could think of was if she was hurt or if she was being given enough food. I think Jasper was right when he said he should go in the other car. I would be giving him a brain tumour with all of my worry.

The closer we got, the worse it got.

If my heart could beat I'm sure it would have burst out of my chest by the time we got to the city gates. I was quivering with anxiousness and there was nothing I could do about it. As much as I tried, nothing. Jasper had to go as far away as possible so it wouldn't affect him. Alice stayed back to help him.

We were greeted by three vampires, dressed in black cloaks and I was on more of an edge than before.

If I had known then, what was happening at that time I would have crashed through the doors to get Bella and help her through the horrible pits of hell she would be going through. Or at least try and stop it, or kill the one who damned an angel but I didn't hear Alice gasp as she had the vision. Nor did I think to check her mind,I was focusing on the three hooded men. Only when Alice fainted did I know something was wrong.

Bella was in grave danger and I had no idea how much.


A/N: So, how many of you are willing to scream at me in a review. (I'll gladly listen if you would care to scream.)
I don't like having to do this to Edward. I, myself, want Bella and Edward to be together too but I'm planning this out very nicely and the ball will be an occasion and a half (tee hee). I'm feeling very evil today (as you can tell) and I like doing this to you all. Some people have been getting confused with my POV swap overs when I jump about and all I have to say to that is that I like messing with your heads (because I am evil, if you haven't noticed yet). I really can't wait to start writing the next few chapters (aren't you lucky?) so I won't, but don't expect a lot. The reason Edward's memories are in italic is because he knows they are memories and not dreams. Don't get too fussy. PROCRASTINATING IS FUN! EVEN IF YOU HATE ME FOR NOT UPDATING SOONER!

I know, it's a love - hate thing, isn't it? You love me for that chapters but hate me for doing this. -does victory dance-

EDWARD; MOVIE UPDATE:
Now we know from my ranting last chapter, that I was strongly against having a certain Cedric Digory playing our beloved Edward but after sportzytwigirl told me to get on YouTube and type in 'Vanity Fair - Altenate Ending' (The person who uploaded it spelled it wrong -sigh-) I was given hope. Playing whoever this guy is in Vanity Fair (haven't seen it, sorry) he actually looks like he could possibly pull off an Edward. Of course, I'm not getting my hopes up too high, because, I mean, we're humans. He's human and so are we and the real Edward won't come out of hiding (-looks about-) we are stuck with this guy. Protesting will do nothing because even Stephenie and us lot can have no impact on what happens in the movie. The rights to the movie aren't with her.

In other news, I'm not a car fanatic. I just used Google for it's intended term: research. 'Posh cars' gave me a link to a link of posh cars like Chrysler's, Lamborghini's, Porsche's, etc. There's a link to pictures of the two Porsche 4x4s on my profile now. It is one week exactly until I can relax into my Christmas Holidays. (Xmas more chapters). I truly hope I don't get too many pieces of homework and I am very glad I haven't had much this week or I wouldn't be able to submit this...So keeping with the festive theme...

Review for Yule Logs or Christmas pudding!

(I only like Yule Log because it has chocolate and Christmas pudding has currants so I stay away from that. Do tell me which you'd like in a lovely review Hint, hint.)

Emma