A/N: I know! It's been forever. Still, better late than never!
Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl. Nor do I own Sage Roseheart. He is on loan from Sand Fox.
August 16/2006
Wednesday 11:06 p.m.
Fowl Manor
Diary,
You will never guess what I figured out today. Here it is;
The sole purpose of the female gender is to drive the males into sheer insanity! Those ridiculous, chattering girls were staring at me all day! They did not stop once, nor did they say anything. When, at last, I stormed over to them to demand to know why they staring, they giggled! Nothing even slightly humorous was happening! They must be mentally ill! I-
A moment, please. Mother is calling me.
Later…
I cannot believe her nerve! I went downstairs, and the first thing she said was:
"Sit down, Arty dear. We need to talk." I sat, dreading what was to come. Memories of the last "talk" I'd had with one of my parents kept flittering through my head, and so I was uncharacteristically fidgety.
"Yes, mother?" I asked, trying to keep some remnant of calm.
"Arty," she sighed. "well, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. I've noticed that you don't have any friends." I snorted.
"Of course not! Why would I ever need friends? What assets do they provide?"
"Well," said mother. "they can comfort you when you're sad, they can talk to you with you're bored, and they're there for you when you fall." I frowned.
"Mother, I am rarely 'sad', nor do I see that as being a problem in the near future. I have many projects, so I am never bored. And, honestly, when was the last time I fell? I do not need friends, mother. Now, if you will excuse me, I have many things to do…"
"Arty," she cried. "this is exactly what I'm talking about! You have no tolerance for any suggestions, and no friends to make them. That's why I didn't ask you before I made the call." My frown deepened.
"What 'call'?" I asked harshly.
"I have a friend in Dublin; Mrs. Claudia Roseheart. She has a son about your age named Sage. Sage is going to come spend a few weeks with us. You need a friend, and since you didn't seem to be inclined to make any, I've made one for you."
Do you see? I cannot believe her! I do not need friends! And now, I will have to put up with some sniveling child for weeks. Oh, she assures me he is "quite intelligent". But the last "intelligent" person she wanted me to meet had gotten an A- on his report card. Things cannot possibly get any worse.
-Artemis Fowl the Second
A/N: Review!
