Just saying, I'm Australian so if you don't get something I say don't hesitate to ask me what it means.

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xo

xxx

Control

Chapter 2 – Secrets are exposed

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"It's just ketchup," Ziva said, mentally kicking herself. She could not believe she had spent so long trying to hide her cutting and it could be found out all because she hadn't controlled her emotions.

"In perfect lines like that? Yeah right. Anyway you don't eat anymore. Ziva what's going on? What about the smoke smell?" Tony asked, clearly worried.

"I smoke, what is wrong with that?"

"I didn't know you smoked," Tony said.

"Well I do."

"Ziva, do you cut yourself?" Tony asked. He knew she would never admit to it, but asking her was worth a shot.

"No! You obviously think I am crazy! Just leave! I need to get in the shower. So just go."

When Ziva shut and locked her front door, Tony didn't even try to stop her. She already felt bad, and that made her feel was. Although she did not want her secret found out, she thought he cared about her but obviously he didn't.

She went into the bathroom and started to undress. She also took off her bandage. She hoped into the shower, turned on the water and just stood there. The water hit her arm and it stung, but she didn't care; she was hardly aware of the pain. She didn't want to believe Tony didn't care, but there was a voice in her head saying that he didn't. She couldn't stop herself from crying. She just showered and washed her hair while tears poured down her face.

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When Ziva got out of the shower, she re-bandaged her arms, got into her pyjamas and walked into her lounge room.

"You know I could have you charged for breaking and entering," she said to the person sitting on the couch.

"Technically you can't. While I have entered your house without permission, I didn't break anything. I picked the lock instead."

"Tell that to the judge," Ziva said with a laugh. "I am glad you stayed, Tony. I actually thought you didn't care."

"Of course I care," Tony said. He stood up and went to hug her but she took a step backwards and shook her head. He sat back down, thinking about how, since Somalia, she wouldn't let anyone touch her. The only person who had was Abby, and that was only a hug when Ziva first got back.

"Sorry, I just cannot handle it," Ziva said, seeing the falter in his smile.

"It's fine. I understand."

"Ziva, you need help. You can talk to a counsellor or Ducky, or even Gibbs."

"Leave! Now!" she screamed suddenly. "I am fine!"

Tony walked out of her house without a fight, thinking about how dumb he was to say she needed help so abruptly. He should have suggested it gently, with more of a build-up so it didn't shock her and make her so angry.

Before Tony had even shut the front door, Ziva was outside lighting a cigarette. She needed to feel calmness and, like every time she lit up, she soon did. She soon went to bed, as she was both mentally and physically exhausted from today's events. She just hoped tomorrow would be better, but she severely doubted it.

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When Tony got to Gibbs' house he didn't even bother to knock, he knew the front door would be unlocked. He walked down to the basement and, as expected, Gibbs was working on his boat. He walked over to where Gibbs kept his bourbon and poured himself a glass.

After taking a sip he said, "Hey Boss."

Gibbs didn't reply so Tony kept talking.

"I need some advice. I have a friend who I'm extremely worried about. This friend is doing some pretty scary and dangerous stuff. I'm scared this person won't be here much longer."

Gibbs thought for a couple of minutes. "Have you tried talking to them?"

"Yes," Tony replied. "They just made me leave."

"Show her you care, show her that you can't lose her," Gibbs said.

"Boss, I never said it was a girl."

Gibbs ignored Tony and kept talking. "Go to her house tomorrow after work and tell her she means everything and that you're scared she won't be here much longer."

"Thanks boss, will do." Tony finished his bourbon and started to walk up the stairs.

"Tony! Make sure you tell Ziva that the rest of us care just as much as you," Gibbs said with a knowing look on his face.

Tony just nodded and continued to walk up the stairs. He drove home and although he went straight to bed, he took forever to fall asleep, his brain kept awake by thoughts of what he would say to Ziva tomorrow.

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Ziva's alarm went off at 4:45am. Like every morning, she got up, had a smoke and then got changed into her gym clothes and went for a run. She ran for an hour, coming home at 6. She had a quick shower, and came out with a new cut on her leg.

She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. She looked inside and grabbed her breakfast, a quarter of an apple. Tony wasn't right last night. While she doesn't eat much anymore, she still does eat. She just liked to control what she put into her body.

As she had come straight home from the crime scene yesterday, not stopping to get her car, she called a taxi and went to work, hoping she could prove to Tony that she was fine.

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Tony woke up at 10 to 7. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night. He had spent too much time worrying about what he would say and Ziva's reaction, and after yesterday, he knew her reaction wouldn't be too good.

In true Tony DiNozzo style, he just put on deodorant and clean clothes, well he was pretty sure they were clean, and drove to work, stopping at a drive thru to get breakfast and coffee, for not only him but for the boss as well.

He arrived at work 30 minutes late. He walked to Gibbs' desk and put the coffee he had bought him on it. Ziva and Probie were at their desks, tracking down leads, and Tony had no idea where the boss man was.

Tony sat down to play a game on his computer, and soon enough Gibbs walked in.

"Morning boss," Tony said, shutting the game down as fast as he could.

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee and then replied with, "I thought I told you to delete that game last week."

"I will do it now."

"And Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't be late again."

"I can't promise that forever, but I won't be late again this week."

"Uh-huh," Gibbs said, knowing he would probably be late again tomorrow.

The day was pretty quiet, with the whole team tracking down leads. Ziva was finding leads on cold cases, while the rest of the team tried to find a suspect for their current case.

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At lunch Tony ordered Chinese. He asked everyone what they would like and was surprised when Ziva actually ordered something. He didn't say anything but it was obvious to Ziva he was happy and that he thought his comment about her not eating had made a difference; that what he had said had made her eat.

When the food arrived, Ziva felt sick just looking at it. She had only eaten more than 300 calories a day a couple of times since she had returned from Somalia. And even then, she had gotten rid of it soon after she had eaten it.

This was another secret of hers, that she had an eating disorder. She had a combination of anorexia and bulimia. She loved the feeling of not eating or eating then vomiting it back up. It made her feel in control, like everything else she did.

Ziva ate her lunch, drinking water after every bite. She noticed Tony looking at her, and he was obviously happy she had eaten something.

Tony was ecstatic that Ziva was eating. He even thought maybe he could put off taking to her for another couple of nights. Maybe she was getting better; maybe what he had said to her last night had done the trick.

Ziva had finished her meal and went to the toilet. She made sure no one else was in there, then walked into a cubicle and locked the door. She got down on her knees and placed her head over the toilet. Shoving her fingers down her throat she started to retch.

Tony decided to follow Ziva into the toilet and talk to her in private. When he was outside the door he thought he heard someone gag. He walked into the bathroom quietly and saw that only one door was closed. He heard Ziva gag again and he couldn't handle it. He walked out, not caring that the door slammed closed.

"Shit!" was all Ziva could say. She knew it was Tony who had heard her. Even though it upset her, she just went back to vomiting. It was another 5 minutes before anything came up. When she was finished she flushed the toilet, making sure no evidence of her vomiting was left behind, washed her hands and washed her mouth out with water.

The rest of the day went by quietly, with Tony avoiding Ziva and Ziva avoiding Tony.

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It was 8pm when Tony pulled up outside of Ziva's house. He had no idea what he was going to say, all he knew was that he had to say it, that he had to help her.

He walked up to her front door and knocked…

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