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Control
Chapter 6 – The Truth is Revealed
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Tony wasn't supposed to go to Ziva's tonight. They had decided that everyone at work, especially Abby, was becoming too suspicious about why they were always at each other's houses. Although they had agreed on this, tonight Tony was going to surprise Ziva. He had planned it all out; he had packed a picnic basket and they would have a picnic in her backyard. He thought it would be sweet and secretly hoped that it would turn into something more than just two friends eating dinner together.
When he reached her house, he knocked but no one answered. Finding that the door was unlocked, he walked inside. Maybe she has gone for a run and forgot to lock the door, Tony thought. He really had to go to the toilet and hoped that Ziva wouldn't come home before he was finished.
Tony walked into the bathroom.
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"Shit!" Ziva said.
She had her sleeve rolled up, with a razor blade resting on her arm. She had not cut yet, but it was obvious she was planning to. Tony could also see cuts that were less than a week old. He was shocked. He was so sure she was going great. He thought that she would be fine after talking to him about everything. Not only was he shocked, he was also angry. She had lied to him, she had said she was fine and the fact she lied to him pissed him off.
"Are you going to do it or not?" he said, his voice slightly raised.
"Tony, get out," Ziva said quietly.
"No."
Get out!" Ziva screamed. She was desperate to cut; it felt like she needed to cut more than she needed to breathe.
"No!" Tony yelled back, "If you are going to cut, you are going to do it in front of me!"
Tony thought that what he said would stop her; his threat was outrageous. Ziva looked him right in the eyes, and that was when Tony knew it didn't matter what he said or what he did, Ziva was still going to cut if she wanted to.
Ziva pulled the blade across her arm again and again, until after what seemed like an eternity, Ziva was finished and there were 7 fresh cuts on her arm.
Tony was so angry. He walked out and left Ziva to bandage her arm.
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Ziva walked into the lounge room. Tony was standing at the back door, looking out. He was silent.
After a couple of minutes Ziva decided to start the conversation, "Are you going to say anything?"
"Yes, I am," Tony replied, obviously pissed. "How could you do this? You lie to me, and then you cut in front of me! Are you really that fucked up? Or did you do it because you didn't think I would find out? I thought you were fine! You said you were fine! And I feel like a complete dick because I believed you!"
"Did you ever think that I do not want to stop hurting myself? Did you even consider I prefer my life like this? I prefer being fucked up, because at least I know how I will deal with things and what I will do when things turn bad," Ziva said, her voice getting louder and louder with every word she spoke.
"That is totally fucked up and you know it! I should have made you get help when I had the chance!"
"Why do you care? You are not my boyfriend! We are just co-workers so leave it!" Ziva screamed back.
That comment hurt Tony so much more than he thought it would. He couldn't believe that Ziva had just said that. Tony walked towards the front door.
Just before he was about to walk through it he turned around and said, "If it was Gibbs or Abby here, you wouldn't have said they shouldn't care because they are just a co-worker; what's different about me?"
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SLAM. Tony had shut the door and walked out. Ziva turned around and that was when she spotted the picnic basket. She leaned against a wall and slid down it; she had no strength left to stand. She had no idea what to do. She had lost Tony, she had no one left to turn to when she needed them and she could only think of one way out.
She walked around in circles while she planned. It was an hour later when she finally acted upon her plan. She wouldn't leave a note; it would be too hard to write. She knew exactly how she would do it. She ran a hot bath, grabbed her razor blade and got in. She ran the blade across her right wrist and then her left.
And with that, Ziva David tried to end her life.
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