Carly listened to Jason's discontented sigh as she waited for him to go on. She could tell that the words were not coming easily to him now, not that they ever really had. He raked his strong fingers through his sandy blonde hair with frustrating. Reaching up, she fingered the soft tendrils absently, wondering why he had ever let it grow that long. She had always preferred his hair shorter because it brought out his eyes. Those sky blue orbs held hers easily now, begging silently for forgiveness. Carly had no idea what he had done wrong, but she knew that he only needed to ask and she would forgive him. There was nothing Jason could ever do to change the way she felt about him. She loved him almost more than anything for he was her best friend.
"I don't know how to do this," he confessed, his steady gaze still holding hers. "I keep trying to find the right words, but I know that there are none. So, I need you to do me a favor right now and just listen. I promise that I'll answer every question when I'm finished, but I need to get through this. I'm afraid that if I stop at any point to look into your eyes, I'll lose my resolve. You've always needed me to be brave for you, but I'm not very courageous right now."
Biting her bottom lip, Carly moved her hands from his hair to trace over his strong jaw. Nodding slowly, she caressed his check tenderly and hoped that it brought him even an ounce of comfort. "You have me, Jase," she promised. "You can tell me anything, you know that. Whatever this is, we'll figure it out together. I promise that I won't even try to come up with a plan if you'll just tell me what's wrong."
A soft, unexpected chuckle rumbled in Jason's throat. "Did you just promise me that you wouldn't come up with a plan?" he asked teasingly. Carly smiled in response as she folded their hands together in her lap. Taking a deep breath, he knew that it was too late to turn back. Carly wouldn't let him walk out of her house without saying what was wrong, and Jason wasn't sure that he wanted to. He had made a choice to hide this from her for so many months, and tonight, he was making a decision to keep it no longer. As much as he had thought he loved Elizabeth, he knew that he loved Carly more. Right now, he needed her more than anyone else in the world.
"Well, do you remember that night of the blackout when I found Sam with Ric? I was so angry that I ended up coming back to the penthouse and trying to drink through my pain," he reminded her. Of course Carly remembered, he realized, watching as familiar hurt flashed in her dark eyes. They had fought after she had learned that he had slept with Jason. Half feeling like he had betrayed her and half angry that she had pushed him on it at all, it had been a messy argument that ended with both of them saying things that they didn't mean. "When Elizabeth and I slept together that night, we used an Enduro condom. I learned later that it came from the same faulty batch that Dillon and Lulu used."
Carly turned away from him suddenly, feeling instantly sick at her stomach. Jason knew that he didn't have to go any further and that she was slowly beginning to fill in the gaps. At the same time, he needed to tell her everything because she needed to hear it from him. If he was honest with her, there was no denying his life to her anymore. Everything (well, almost everything) would be out in the open and they could figure this out together. "Elizabeth was still in love with Lucky at the time and determined to make her marriage work. When she had the paternity test done, Sonny found out and assumed that the baby wasn't mine. Wanting to protect her child from the life I lead, Elizabeth went ahead and lied to everyone. She kept the secret from months to unbeknownst to everyone, including me."
"Somehow, Lulu and Spinelli found out, but they didn't even tell me in the beginning," he continued. "In fact, Elizabeth didn't even know that they knew. She was set on keeping it from everyone until we got trapped in the elevator the night of the hostage situation at the hotel. We both thought that we were going to die, and she ended up telling me the whole thing. I had just lost Alan and didn't really know what else to do. Sam had also just found out that she couldn't get pregnant. Between the two, I was reeling and just agreed to whatever Elizabeth wanted."
"That bitch!" Carly exclaimed, her eyes wide with disbelief and anger. Jason reached for her hand and brushed his thumb over the place where her wedding ring sat. She peered down at their entangled fingers and moaned with frustration. "Okay, go on."
Jason searched her eyes for a moment to make sure that she was okay before moving on. "Shortly after that night, Elizabeth decided that she wanted to remarry Lucky. She convinced me that it would be the best thing for our child, and I couldn't really disagree. I was still in love and committed to Sam. I knew that there was no way I could guarantee that a baby would be safe when my fiancée had just been shot in my arms a few months before. So, over the next few months, we kept the secret between us."
"That's why you kept going by to check on her," Carly realized. Looking back, she couldn't believe that she hadn't seen the signs before. She had tried to tell herself on more than one occasion it was just Jason being Jason. He had always been a devoted friend, even to Princess Lizzie. Carly had convinced herself that he was just trying to make sure that she was alright. In hindsight, she could now see what was really going on.
He nodded knowingly. "I knew that there was no way I was going to be around my son once he was born, so I would take any connection that I could get. The night Jake was born, I was the first one to get to hold him. He was so amazing staring at me, and I think that he knew. Everyone always said that he had Laura's eyes, but every time I look at him, I know that he has mine. Elizabeth had tried to tell me that the love was indescribable and unlike anything I had ever felt before. I never told her that she was wrong. I felt it the first time I held Michael, our son."
Carly had missed many of those first moments with Jason and Michael, the first true family she had ever had. Still, she remembered most of the times over that next year when everything had been perfect. She still counted that year as the happiest of her life, this perfect time before everything went wrong. In a shoebox on the top shelf of his hall closet, Carly knew that he still remembered their life together as well. Those photographs that he showed to only her, they were their proof.
"Anyhow, I guess that night I held Jake, Sam must have overheard. As our relationship started to fall apart and she moved on to Lucky, she began to use it against me. Between knowing who had kidnapped Jake and setting up the fake threats at the park, there was no way I could forgive her. When we broke up, it devastated me beyond words. There was this woman who I had loved so completely for three years turning into a virtual stranger right before me. I didn't understand how I could have been so blind. You had tried to warn me so many times, but I had chosen to believe her. I should have never gone against your instincts."
She was glad that he knew she was right but didn't need to point that out to him. Instead, she tightened her grip on his fingers and urged him to tell her the rest of the story. Instinctively, she knew that there was more. While the story was devastating in and of itself, something else had a hold on him. She was angry at him for his lies, but right now, she had to put her emotions aside. They would definitely have to deal with that later, but there was so much hurt in his eyes.
"The day that Elizabeth and Lucky agreed to a divorce, I thought that I was going to finally get my chance to be Jake's father," he laughed humorlessly. "Of course, Liz came to me and told me that she wanted to continue to pretend that Lucky was the father. We probably would have gone our entire lives without telling him if we hadn't all been cooped up in that damn barn at Wyndamere. The night of the ball, the night that my baby sister died, I told Lucky that Jake was my son."
"That's why you were so angry," she deducted. "You screamed at me for putting myself at risk, but I knew that there was something more. There was no talking to you. You were on a mission, so stubborn and determined."
"I wanted to tell you then, but I knew that it wasn't the right time. You would only worry about me and scream at Elizabeth. The chance that it could hurt either one of you was just too big for me to risk," he retorted. "You had already been attacked, and I needed you to be on highest alert. We found Emily a few minutes later and everything kind of becomes jumbled then. It was all pretty much a haze until the day of the funeral. When you came to see me, that's the first moment of clarity I really have since finding my sister on the floor."
Carly had shown up the day of the funeral to check on Jason, needing to see with her own eyes that he was okay. Although she had never been a fan of Emily, she knew how much Jason loved and cared for her. Loving Jason had meant putting all that aside for many years. He was hurting immensely, suffering one of the biggest losses he could ever imagine. At the time, she had thought the only deaths that could hurt him more were the boys and possibly her own. It was one of the few times he had listened to her without arguing, going to the funeral because he knew that she was right. He had also told Carly that he loved her, and that was the one thing she really wanted to take away from this all.
After the funeral, I didn't know where to go. I just wanted someone who would understand the anguish that I was feeling. I needed to be with someone who loved Emily as much as I did. I thought about coming here first, but I didn't want Michael and Morgan to see me like that. They were dealing with grief of their own, and they didn't need to worry. Besides, the only thing that really made sense to me was my son. So, I went to Elizabeth's house to hold him."
"And of course," he smirked, "luck wasn't on my side. Audrey still had the boys and Elizabeth and I ended up talking. Later, without too many words, we ended up doing a lot more than talking. She understood me in that moment, we were connected. We not only shared a child, we shared in a loss. I thought that I had fallen in love with Elizabeth over the past several months, and for the first time in so long, she let herself love me back. I knew it was a long shot, but I thought that maybe things were starting to fall into place. God, I don't think I've ever been so wrong."
Tears were starting to well in his eyes again as he turned his face toward the dark window. Just when he didn't think he could go on, Carly mustered her patience and forced him to look at her. "What changed that, Jason?" she asked. He nodded defiantly, not wanting to tell her anymore. "Dammit, Jase, you tell me what changed. I have been patient and listened to every single word. There is so much I want to say to you right now, but I need to know what happened. All of it, you have to tell me. You need to do this for me. Go on."
It was a desperate plea at best, but it worked just as she knew that it would. There was nothing in the world that Jason wouldn't do for the blonde sitting next to him, the woman he had always called his best friend. "Lucky showed up the next morning. He was brazen, determined to keep on calling Jake his son. They fought, but Elizabeth gave in at the end. She said that it would be the best option for Jake, our child, without even asking me what I wanted. I fled the house without even giving her the chance to explain and came here."
With the story finally finished, Carly pushed herself from Jason and allowed the story to sink in. Crawling from the couch, she paced behind the short length of the living room as her brain began to comprehend. She counted backward, trying to figure out how many months he had kept the truth from her. It had been nearly ten months since that horrific night at the Metro Court, and yet, he still hadn't told her. They had spent numerous hours together, both alone and surrounded by people. Yet, he hadn't found a single moment to share this life-altering news that he had a child. Jason Morgan had a son – a son with another woman, a son with someone who wasn't hers.
"Carly?" Jason implored, twisting his body to watch her behind him. Her focus was set on the wall in front of her almost as if she wasn't aware that there was anyone else in the room. After a few silent moments, she stopped and looked toward the front door. Her head dropped to her chest as she covered her face. "Please, Carly, say something."
She turned slowly, crocodile tears dwelling in a pair of chocolate brown pools. He started to reach for her hand, but she recoiled at his touch. Her features were schooled in steady defiance, determined not to let her sadness or anger get the best of her. Finally, dragging her eyes away from the hardwood floor beneath her feet, she stared back at him, right past the surface and burning into his soul. "You fool."
