"You fool." Carly's words stung Jason deeply, the pain searing through his body like nothing he had ever known. Despite the gunshots and even the painful rehabilitation after the car accident that had taken his former life, he couldn't remember a time when he had felt more hurt. He'd always known that her words could be biting, but this simple statement was set to kill. Her stoic poise did nothing to settle his nerves either. Jason had expected her to be angry and scream out accusations; he was prepared for that. He wasn't ready, however, for calm silence. He hadn't seen that one coming at all.
Marching across the room, Carly perched on the edge of the overstuffed armchair, not trusting herself enough to sit next to him right now. There were a million things racing through her mind all at once, leaving her brain to be nothing more than a jumbled mess. She tried to ignore the overwhelming pain tearing her heart in two. With anyone else, she would scream and make demands. If it was Jax or Sonny, she would know exactly how to react and what to do. She had never expected anything like this from Jason, leaving her completely unsure of herself in a way that only he could do. Whatever she had to say to him, she knew that she needed to be calm for now. Their relationship had always been different from any other relationship in her life, so the issue called for an entirely different method.
"Did Sonny know?" When he was silent, she took his response to mean that her instincts were right. "So, let me get this straight, Jason," she drawled evenly. "Elizabeth knew. Sam and Lucky knew. Spinelli and my baby cousin, Lulu, both knew. Sonny knew, and if what my heart is telling me is right, Emily knew. That's seven people that knew besides you. That means that you trusted seven people more than you trusted me. What the hell is wrong with you?"
There was no defending himself in this situation, Carly was right. He had thought he was being protective, both of his son and her heart. Now, he knew that maybe he was trying to protect himself more than anyone. He could never stand the thought of letting her down, and this was doing it in the worst way possible. Over the years, he had dreamed of having a child many times, but there was only ever one scenario that really seemed to work. The way that she stared blankly at him now, it only broke his heart. "It wasn't that I didn't trust you," he confessed finally. "Carly, I didn't trust myself."
She scoffed at the statement. "I don't understand how you could lie to me for months. I'm supposed to be your best friend, Jase, the place you go to when nothing else makes sense. I would have helped you figure this out. I know you hate my plans but I could have at least been there to hold your hand. You've been going through this all alone for so long. And don't even bother telling me that you had Elizabeth because we both know that she is as selfish as they come! She's always treated you as if your lifestyle wasn't good enough for her, but really, she is the one who was never good enough for you."
Even in her own anger, she was still defending him. That was Carly, his Carly. "I should have told you, but I didn't know what would happen if I did. There was so much going on with Alcazar and then Anthony Zacchara. I didn't want to put my child at risk, and I knew that Elizabeth wasn't strong enough. You're right, she never has been. We all know that it takes an exceptionally strong woman to endure this life, and so far, you've been the only one that ever could. You stayed the course, but I couldn't risk losing my child."
Putting aside the fact that he had lied to her, Carly needed to make Jason see that he could do this. It wasn't an ideal situation by any means, but plenty of children had been brought up in the mob world. If it was good enough for her sons and Kristina, Carly knew that it was more than enough for Jake. Jason was an amazing father, and Carly knew that better than anyone. She wasn't about to let some pathetic little nurse take another opportunity from him. "It's not too late, Jase," she urged him. "We can still figure this out. You don't have to go through this alone. You would do anything you had to do to protect your child. Lucky's a cop and that puts Jake at risk. Children are never completely safe, no matter whom there parents are. You don't have to walk away from your son."
Jason shook his head, knowing full well that it would only take a few minutes and Carly would have him convinced. He believed her when she said that they could do this together. He had never once doubted their power when they were united together. "I have watched what this life has done to you and the boys. So many times, I have regretted ever pulling you and Michael into my world. I don't want to have to live with those same regrets for my son. He has the chance at a normal childhood, one without gunfire and bodyguards."
"First of all, you did not pull me into any world," she informed him. "I walked willingly, knowingly into this life with you, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I loved you, Jase, I've loved you all this time. I can't imagine my life without you. A world without Jason and Carly, it just doesn't quite make sense. I was the one who showed up at your door in the pouring rain, asking you to be the father of my child. I didn't regret it then, and I haven't regretted it a minute since. In fact, that is the best damn decision I've ever made. Without that, I don't know where I would have been."
He loved how confident she seemed in that moment, sure that she had made the right choice a decade before. Guilt had eaten at him over the years, breaking his heart time each time this life had touched her or the children. Knowing that she didn't regret it despite everything that had happened gave him a little bit of peace. "Thank you for telling me that," he retorted quietly. "You know that it would have killed me to know that you would have ever wanted a life that didn't include me."
"Don't even think it!" she ordered him firmly, leaning forward in her chair to stress the point. "Now, to continue on my earlier argument because you know that I'm not about to let it drop, you can't walk away from your son. I know you better than anyone, and I know that this is going to break you apart. You want a happy childhood for Jake, and I can't think of a happier life than one with you as his father. I don't give a damn what Elizabeth wants anymore; her opinion isn't the only one that matters here. You have a right to be in his life if that's what you want."
Jason shook his head pathetically and stared emptily at the wall. His heart was pounding in his chest as he tried to decipher the various feelings consuming his taut body. In Carly's mind, he knew that she believed that it was really that simple. She believed in him enough to think that he could do this without fail. He had never seen that same resilient streak of his that she had always clung to. "I'm not sure what I want."
Carly covered her mouth and thought for a moment. Then, crawling off the chair, she knelt on the floor in front of him. Reaching up hesitantly, she cupped his chin and pulled his gaze down toward her. "I know what you want, and if you won't go after it, I will fight for you," she promised. "This is hard, Jason, I know it hurts like hell. We can't fix this if you keep lying to me. You know what you want, even if you're scared. I just need to hear you say the words."
Thinking about all the times she had shared a similar sentiment, Jason finally understood what she meant when she said she hated that he knew her so well. With anyone else, he could pretend that this was the best decision and order them to support him. However, with Carly, he knew that there was no sense in fighting it. She had always seen right through him. Other than lying to her about this, he'd never been able to keep much from her. In her usual way, she would stride right into the middle of his chaos and make her presence known. Even when he was yelling at her for one of her impractical plans, he never took that for granted. It was rare that you ever found someone who was willing to accept and love you so easily for yourself. "I don't want to give him up," he admitted, the tears rolling past his closed eyelids.
With all the lies and anger temporarily forgotten, Carly enveloped him in her arms. Jason pulled her effortlessly into his lap, basking in the warmth of her body against his. He buried his face into her shoulder, quickly soaking the soft cotton of her shirt while inhaling the scent that was distinctly Carly. He soon heard her own sobs meeting his, mixing together in a discontented wave of grief and sadness. "You won't," she swore. "We won't."
"We?" he asked anxiously. "Carly, I can't ask you to devote your life to my cause. You're married to Jax now, and that family should be your first priority. The last thing you need right now is to be dragged into the middle of my problem. Knowing that I have your support is enough. I can do this on my own."
"This is my family," she countered, looking him straight in the eye. "You and the boys are my family. You three come first, no matter what. If Jax doesn't understand then he'll just have to learn to live with it. I've stood by and watched while he fought for his family. It's time that he learns what I'm willing to do for my own. This is my first priority now, helping you. You focus on getting your son back and let me deal with him."
"No," he insisted. "You love Jax. The boys have already been through enough. It's not fair to any of you to put you in the middle."
Carly put her hand to his chest to stop him. "Jax left me, remember?" she reminded him. "You've never left. Not once in the entire time that I have known you have you ever left me when I needed you. It didn't matter what was going on with you. You would drop it and show up for me. You need me right now. The only way that I would ever leave you is if it had to do with the boys, and even then, I know that it's only because you would make me go. More than likely, I wouldn't have to leave because you would be right by my side. That's what family is, Jase. They show up for each other. No one has ever shown up for me like you."
He smiled at her genuinely for the first time in hours, happy that she still saw him. There were few people in the world who ever had, but she had always seen him more clearly than anyone. "I don't know how to do this. I won't even pretend that I do. But I trust you, and you seem to think that I can do this. We can do this," he emphasized. "I don't like asking anyone for help, but I need you. I need you to help me do this, just like I've always needed you."
"I told you that you have me," she told him again. "No one loves me like you do, Jase, just like no one loves you like me. The boys and I will be there to help you do this. If you needed me to help you raise this child, you know that I would. I would leave Jax in an instant if you asked me to, and I think you've always known that. You promised that you would always be there to catch me if I fell, but in case you had forgotten, the street goes both ways. You would do anything for me, including give up your life. I would, too."
Brushing his thumb over the underside of her chin, he winked at her. "I would never ask you to give up your life for me, Carly," he whispered, drawing her closer to him again. Words were being thrown around now, dragging up feelings he hadn't allowed himself to feel for years. He knew that she was being honest and that it only took a singular, simple request. Carly had never belonged to anyone wholly before, refusing to give all of herself to anyone. However, with Jason, she had given her entire being to him so willingly – heart, body and soul. Ten years and eight marriages between them hadn't changed that. They both still remembered where they belonged.
"What if I wanted to?" she dared to ask. "Jase, we both know part of the reason you were so afraid to tell me. I can't lie to you. I hate the thought of any other woman having a part of you that I always thought I would someday have for myself. It's not fair that Elizabeth has a claim on your life, this irrefutable connection to you. You knew that it would break my heart that anyone could ever mean something to you that I couldn't. I hate that it's not me, but I don't blame you. As much as it hurts, this child is an amazing blessing."
"Carly…" he warned. He didn't want to do this, not now. Still, with the vulnerable way she looked at him, he knew that everything she had just said was right. She loved him. She always had and always would. They were their own kind of perfect. "I understand. I get it. I love Morgan with all that I am, but it was hard knowing that you had a child with another man, even if it was him. I never told you, so you couldn't have known." There was so much that she didn't know, he thought. What she doesn't know, more than anything, is that I love her that same way still.
