Jason could feel Carly coming toward him as his ice blue eyes slipped shut. Carly's whispered answer tickled his cheek as she confessed something he had waited so many years to hear. He had thought that her proclamation would finally bring him some kind of vengeance, some kind of relief. At the last minute, something in his head forced him to turn away. More than anything, he wanted to give into the temptation of kissing her. He could still remember how her bottom lip tasted. He knew the heaven that was her bare skin beneath his. He knew everything could happen, but it still surprised him in every way. It was all too much, too soon, and had the potential to ruin everything.

Turning his head, Jason physically had to put space between himself and Carly to keep his mouth from crashing back to hers. Her wide eyes flew open to meet his, overwhelming him instantly with her guilt and his own regret. "I'm sorry," she whispered hoarsely. Covering her face with her hands, she felt embarrassed that she had once again acted without thinking. If it was anyone else, she would get angry at the rejection and kick him out of her house. She hated to feel weak or shame about anyone, especially when it left her vulnerable. "Maybe you should go."

"No." She was taken aback by his strong answer, how confident and sure of himself he seemed. The strength of his words killed her, knowing that he could see right through the wall she had put around herself. "You're scared right now, but you're not going to push me away. I know you, Carly. I can hear the thoughts crawling inside your brain. You just promised to help me get through the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. We're both feeling something right now, but we have to put it aside. I need you too much to risk losing anything."

Somewhere in her mind, she knew that Jason was right. It didn't mean that she was any less scared about what was going on in front of her. Carly had fought many battles in her life, but few had meant more to her than the one going on inside her heart. She could be selfish and force him into the conversation, or she could do this for him. He was standing before her, asking for her help. That wasn't easy for him; she knew that better than anyone. "Enough," she murmured, as much to herself as to him. Shaking her head slowly but resolutely, she let go of her own needs. This wasn't about her. This was about him. This was about his child. "We need to focus on Jake. There are a lot of things we need to do to get you ready. You can't raise a child in that penthouse. You'll have to redo the nursery upstairs and buy all new things. I'll help you look for a nanny to help out while you have him if you like. If not, I can be around when you have Jake. I'm sure that the boys would love to help."

He listened to her endless ramble as she finally ran out of steam. She was doing whatever she could to convince herself that this didn't hurt like hell. "It's okay, Carly," he whispered, trying to draw her back into his arms. She recoiled slightly at first before allowing him to envelope her into his comforting embrace. Jason was rarely affectionate with anyone, but he had always given himself to her so freely. In fact, Carly could have any part of Jason that she wanted except the truest part of his heart. "You don't have to pretend that you're okay. We don't have to make any choices tonight."

"Jase, don't do that with me. With anyone else, you can patronize and coddle, but I know what you're trying to do," she implored. "I don't have a plan. I can't even seem to muster the energy to come up with a good scheme. I just want to try to figure this thing out with your son so that I can feel useful. If I can pretend that my heart wasn't just ripped out, maybe I can actually believe that everything is normal."

As he watched her nervously cross and uncross her ankles, Jason knew that he had to choose his words carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her any pain, even though he understood that this wasn't his fault. It wasn't hers either. They were victims of circumstance, just as they had long been. Carly was always running back to Sonny or running into the arms of another man to escape her ex-husband. Jason was forever put in the middle, the one person could seem to mediate the whole tumultuous affair. He had always put his needs behind those of others, even when it came to his own relationships with other women. This time wasn't any different; for the sake of Jake, he needed to focus only on his son. He would figure things out with Carly later.

"Okay," he relented quietly. "I'll let you hire a designer to make over the nursery at the penthouse. I've never done anything with it after Sam's daughter died, so it's probably about time. Spinelli took Brenda's old room. I guess I could stand to redo it, too. It's still pink, regrettably so, he always says."

Spinelli was quite a character, but Carly was glad that Jason had allowed the oddball into his life. Last summer when he had chased the college student to Tennessee with Lulu, no one had expected Jason to even be able to stand him. Now, he had taken Spinelli under his wing and come to see him almost as a brother. The exasperated look Jason gave the young man told Carly everything she needed to know. He was only that way with the people he cared about, and she should be the expert. "I'll talk to Spinelli and see what he would like to do. I can work on a serene room for Jake, full of light blues and greens. I think I still have some of Morgan's stuff up in the attic, so you can just use that. Not that money is any object, it's just that it would be nice to keep that stuff in the family."

"Whatever you think is best," Jason said agreeably. He honestly didn't care what happened to the room, only that it gave Carly something to feel useful about. "I need to ask you a favor. I would like to take my son by the Quartermaines. Monica has been through a lot, so it might help her to be around her grandchild. I was wondering if you would go with me. You've always been able to handle the family."

"Whatever you need, Jase," she avowed. "I'm sure that your mother would like to visit with the boys. She's always treated Morgan as an equal to Michael. It's been a hard year for Monica."

Jason nodded knowingly, thinking about how she had lost her husband and daughter in the same year. He had lost his father and baby sister. It was about time that they found something again, and maybe Jake could be the tie that bound them together. For so long, he had pushed her away. He couldn't miss a family he didn't remember having. While he was happy that he had the family he had been able to choose, he was learning that it was still important to honor the one he had been given. It was too late for Alan, A.J. and Emily, but Monica and Edward were still alive. He could even try to find a way to be civil to Tracey if need be. His son had a right to know where he came from, and Monica had the right to know his family.

"I have to go talk to Elizabeth in the morning," he realized. "I don't know what I'm going to say. I didn't even wait for her to explain anything after I heard what she said to Lucky. I'm still so angry. I feel betrayed."

"They're just feelings. They'll heal," Carly promised as she patted his forearm affectionately. "I know that sounds crass, but I don't mean it that way. Elizabeth wasn't the woman you needed her to be, just like she probably thinks that you can't be the man she needs you to be. Jason, your life isn't an easy one to accept, but the women who have truly loved you have always found a way. I would never stick up for Sam, but she never once ran in fear. She was devoted to you, gunshots and all. She understood what it meant to love you and be in your life. Elizabeth knew the risks before she fell in love with you. She has no one to blame but herself."

"I used to think that I'd have to get out of the organization some time," he confessed. "I've already lost three women to the life I choose to lead. Robin hated that I worked for Sonny almost as much as she hated the fact that I lied for you. She always made me feel like I wasn't good enough, but I'm starting to realize that I just wasn't right. And as much as I loved Courtney, she wasn't right for me. She tried, really tried, to do this, but it took its toll on us. Elizabeth, though, she's the one I don't get. After I lied about Sonny's death four years ago, she told me that she wouldn't be apart of this life. But that night, she is the one who came to me. She is the one who came to me over and over again."

Carly understood and told Jason as much. "Jax knew that you and Sonny were in my life when we first got together, a fact that wasn't going to change even in marriage. Still, I know that there are more times than I'd like when he gets angry at me for running to you when things are falling apart. He hates that Sonny still has a say in my life. He doesn't understand that you can't just walk away from the people that you love, even though I'd think he would with the mess that is Jerry."

"Knowing that, why do you stay?" Jason asked, struggling to understand.

"Because I don't want to fail again," she mused sadly. "Jax loves the boys and me so much. He is a good, generous man that would give me the world if I asked. When I look at our life together, I know that this is exactly what I should want. This should be all that I need. It's just sometimes I look at my life and think how bored I've become. He doesn't challenge me. People like us, Jase, we need that challenge. We need an adrenaline rush."

The adrenaline rush she spoke of had nothing to do with pointing a gun or pulling off some great heist. It came only from that feeling of being alive. Carly felt alive when she was coming up with a plan or fighting with Jason or chasing the boys in the backyard. He knew those things about her because he knew her. Jason felt alive when the wind was whipping through his hair on the motorcycle or he was gazing over a perfectly still body of water or when he made Carly laugh. Those were the things that she knew about him. They lived for those moments. Right now was one of those moments.

"You should have never married him," he stated suddenly. "I thought it at the time, and I've thought it the entire time you've been together. There are probably a million times when it's crossed my mind and far fewer times when the words almost crossed my lips. I know that it would have only taken once, and you would have come back to me. You would have done that because you were mine; you have always belonged to me. I've known these things all along, but I was afraid to know them. I was scared to admit them to myself because then it would remind me what you meant to me. Loving you has always been the biggest fear in my life. You, and only you, have the power to destroy me."

Stunned, Carly wasn't sure if she was imagining this or if it was all a dream. The stirring confession was the single longest monologue she had ever heard from Jason. She didn't know what to say to that. "But you said…"

"Screw what I said," he growled, winding his open palm around her neck. He knew that his actions were reckless and that this had the potential to ruin anything. Jason had meant what he had said when she had the power to destroy him, but not having her was only leaving him empty. Her honey blonde locks framed her face as he drew her near to him, her cheek resting against the side of his face. Carly turned only slightly to brush her lips over his soft skin, just a ghost whisper of a touch. Jason swiveled his head just enough to meet her and finally satisfy them both with a much-needed reprieve. When they finally kissed, he felt her sigh against his lips. It only lasted a moment, but he knew that he would remember it for eternity.

When Jason pulled back, Carly stayed frozen in place. Tracing her swollen lips with the pad of his thumb, he tugged the corners of her mouth up into a smile. "I don't know what this means, and I am not going to make you any promises," he murmured to her. "We have a million things to figure out, and you are still married. Sonny, the boys, Elizabeth, Jax, Jake…there are countless reasons why this shouldn't work."

"But it does," Carly retorted confidently. "We've always worked. In our own strange and inexplicable way, we make perfect sense. All of those things you just said, they're perfectly valid concerns. I know that they should matter to me, but they don't. The only thing that I care about right now is you and me. We're our own kind of perfect."

He wanted to kiss her but he knew that it wouldn't be right. Instead, he turned her around in his arms and lay back on the couch, content to finally sleep. It had been a long day, one that he had truly thought he'd want to forget. However, as her breathing became shallower and his eyes came heavy, he was struggling to memorize every detail. The curve of her hip against his thigh, the branch tapping on the window, ghost of a kiss now gone by. It was indeed its own kind of perfect.

Author's Note: This chapter was inspired by the amazing Kacy Crowley song, "Kind of Perfect." If you haven't heard it before, listen to it immediately. I would also like to dedicate this chapter to a reader of mine, Ophelia (aka Naley23Addict). She recently lost her battle with an eating disorder, leaving the world a much darker place. May God be with you, O (1986-2007).