Chapter 8: What do I stand for?
Dean looked at the watch on his wrist.
Seven o'clock sharp.
That was the time he and Tessa agreed to. It was the sole reason why Dean found himself standing on the front steps of the cheerleaders house, dressed in the fanciest clothes he own, which in hindsight wasn't exactly fancy; the darkest pair of jeans he owned, a black shirt that somehow didn't have a band logo on it, topped with his dad's old leather jacket. Ok, Dean didn't exactly know how to dress fancy, but he tried, didn't he?
He heard his blood pounding through his ears as he tried to pluck up the courage to knock on the door.
Come on, Winchester! You asked her out already! That was the hard part. Just raise your fist and knock!
He was half tempted to close his eyes. Just as he was lifting his fist to knock, the door opened to reveal the excited face of Tessa. Dressed in a simple powder blue spaghetti strap dress and matching heels, Tessa's' face lit up when she saw Dean already on the doorstep.
"Hey," she greeted, smile growing wider. "I was just coming out to see if you were here. I was afraid you got lost or something."
"Nope. Was just about to knock actually." Dean gave her his charming smile. He took a moment to admire her outfit before speaking again. She did look rather pretty tonight. "Ready to go?" he asked.
"Sure, let me just grab my purse."
After she grabbed her necessary accessories, Dean led her back to the Impala, opening and closing the door for her like a gentleman.
The restaurant they were going to was one of those fancy, expensive types that you paid extreme prices for a small amount of food. It was his own fault, really, that they were going to such a place to begin with.
That morning, Dean arrived at the school a half hour early, hoping to catch the cheerleaders before they began their practices. Even though they had been practicing outside for the past week, Dean hadn't really paid much attention to them, having been lost in his own mind with images of Cas.
Lucky for him, the cheerleading team was outside milling about, still a few people short. Apparently, they can't start practice until the whole team got there, which meant they couldn't even start stretching; which really, was fine by Dean. It just meant that he didn't have to worry about interrupting them.
As casually as he could, he walked up to the group of females. He didn't have a clue which cheerleader to ask out, having fucked each one at least once while drunk at parties. It wasn't until he got closer that one caught his eye. Short dark hair and a petite body, Dean swore his heart stopped at the sight of Tessa. They didn't exactly depart on good terms.
Dean didn't know much about Tessa. After meeting her at that club outside of town, he figured that she went to a different school. He later found out that she was new and didn't want to give a bad impression on her soon-to-be classmates, so she went somewhere outside of town, not expecting to run into potential peers.
The good news for Dean was that his heart didn't stop. The bad news? Tessa looked up a second after Dean noticed her. Without missing a beat, she marched up to him and slapped him across the face. Hard. He didn't have to look towards the group of cheerleaders to know that each of the girls had a shock look on their face.
Tessa was pissed. That was a fact. A fact that Dean didn't blame her for.
Sheepishly, Dean turned his head back in her direction (the force of her slap having possibly caused him some minor whiplash). His hand subconsciously went to rub his neck, a nervous gesture of his. "Hey," he greeted, and sent a shy and guilty smile her way.
She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. He didn't exactly want to get chewed out at seven thirty in the morning. "Look, I know you're mad at me, I really do. Which is why I want to make it up to you." He knew she didn't believe him, if the skeptical look on her face was anything to go by. "Let me take you out to dinner tonight. Please?" he added as an afterthought.
She took a moment to answer. "No."
Shit.
Come on, Winchester. You have to do better than that.
"Please." She glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'll take you to this really nice Italian restaurant in town. It's this fancy, five star restaurant from what I heard."
Another moment of silence. "Fine." She pulled out a pin from somewhere (Dean had no idea how females were able to pull random shit out of thin air, but they did) and wrote down her address on his hand. "Pick me up at seven at my house." She turned around and walked away without letting him answer. "And don't be late!" she yelled over her shoulder.
That is how Dean found himself at a candlelit table for two, at the most expensive restaurant in town. How he was going to pay for this and keep him and Sam fed for the next two weeks was a mystery to him.
Dinner went as smoothly as expected. They made small talk while waiting for their food and ate in a comfortable silence. Dean gave her generic background information; he had a brother and a dad, mom died when he was younger, Jo is his best friend, the usual stuff. In return, he learned that Tessa's dad was a doctor who's job was transferred to Lawrence, she had a mother who was a historian, and she was an only child.
After paying for an outrageously expensive dinner, Dean drove Tessa back home where they shared their first, non-intoxicated kiss and agreed to start dating.
However, with Dean's schedule being so busy, what with work and football practice, and the fact that he spend the majority of his remaining money on dinner that night, their time together was sparse. Dean tried to work as much overtime as possible on the days he didn't have football practice. Once again, John's abusive drinking meant that the small amount of food that they had stored in the house was quickly being eaten. A handful of times, Dean and Sam found their way to Ellen's for dinner, which Ellen was more than happy to have them.
It was during those visits at Ellen's that the voices in Dean's head would start arguing. Just because you're 'dating' Tessa, it doesn't mean that you're not gay for Cas. How about you shut your trap? Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Whatever. You know you're gay for Cas, right? I really wish you would stop saying that. If you weren't crushing big time on him, then why do you keep avoiding him? I am not avoiding him. Then why does he look like a kicked puppy every time you refuse to look at him or talk to him?
As it were, the first two Sundays after their dinner, Tessa came over for a movie date. Each time they got half way through the movie before they started making out, and each time they got interrupted. The first Sunday, Sam came into the living room, planning on asking Dean a question and ended up running out of the room, screaming something that distinctly sounded like brain bleach.
The second time Tessa came over, Dean lost track of time. They weren't kissing for more than five minutes before he noticed how late it actually was. That night Sam and Dean were eating at Ellen's, so Dean had to, unfortunately, drive Tessa home after only a half hour of seeing each other.
It was the Saturday after their two week mark when Tessa managed to stop Dean after football practice. By that time, Dean already got paid again and went grocery shopping. Earlier that week, Sam convinced Ellen to let him stay the night at her house, something about wanting to watch a new documentary on the history channel and not being able to get the channel at home. John was having a guys night out with Bobby that night, meaning that he would be passing out on Bobby's floor with half a bottle of whatever alcohol he was drinking. With the house to himself that night, Dean agreed to let Tessa come by.
They were on the couch again, the movie they picked at random on in the background, nothing more than noise. Tessa was straddling Deans hips, attacking his neck with light kisses and tiny nibbles, when the front door banged opened. Half jumping off from fright and half being pushed off by Dean, Tessa landed on the floor with a thump. Dean's head snapped to the front door, glare in place once he saw Jo and Cas walk through, bottles of alcohol cradled in their arms.
"What the hell are you guys doing here?" Dean asked, voiced angrily. They were finally alone; Dean was finally going to get the voices to stop in his head, and here comes trouble in the form of a hot-headed blonde and the man who had been invading his dreams for the past month.
Jo carefully placed the bottles in her arms on the table before answering, waving Dean's question off with a wave of her hand. "Calm down, Dean-o. We're having a party!"
"Like hell you are! No parties! Parties lead to messes and messes lead to an angry dad. No parties!"
Jo just waved his comments off again. "Don't worry Dean, I will personally clean up any mess that happens. Besides, your dad won't even be home until late tomorrow anyway."
She made her way to the stereo, turning it on and switching to one of those mixed music stations that play a bunch of things from the past ten years or so, volume being cranked up loud. Cas followed Jo's lead and placed his bottles on the table as well.
"So, apparently I have no say in the matter?"
Cas rolled his eyes in response. "You're not alone. She kidnapped me and dragged me here with her."
Dean smirked. At least he wasn't the only one being tortured by Jo now. The current song on the radio came to an end and as the beginning of the Friends theme song began, Dean heard Jo call from the kitchen.
"Dude! Don't you guys any snack food here?"
"You should already know the answer to that, Jo!"
She came back from the kitchen with three shot glasses and an amused smile on her face. "Oh well. Just means everyone will be getting drunk faster."
Dean rolled his eyes as the lyrics of the song filled the house. He stood up and made his way to the table as Jo poured the three of them a shot of which ever bottle was closest to her.
"To us!" she cried, lifting her shot in the air.
"To this song!" Dean said, as the lyrics 'someone I'll always laugh with, even at my worst, I'm best with you, Yeah!' rang through his ears.
"To friends." came Cas' low gravely voice. Green eyes met blue, and for a moment Dean forgot that he was avoiding Cas. With a lazy smile on his face, Dean chugged back his shot, grimacing, then shrugged; he's tasted worst.
"Um, excuse me."
Three heads turned towards the voice, and Dean all but forgot he was technically on a date with Tessa.
"Are you seriously just going to let them barge in here and interrupt us?"
"And who the hell are you?" Jo asked.
"I'm Tessa," she said, sending a glare at Jo. "Dean's girlfriend."
"Well hi, Tessa. I'm Jo, Dean's sister he tells everything important to," she said with a sickly sweet smile. Out of the corner of Dean's eye he saw Cas smirk.
A smirk should not be that sexy.
What was that, Winchester?
Shut up.
He turned his attention back to reality with an internal shake of the head.
"Dean. Tell them to leave."
"No."
"I was speaking to Dean!"
"And I was speaking for Dean!"
Both girls shifted their glares to stare at Dean. He shook his head. "Sorry, Tess. When Jo has her mind set on something there's no changing it."
She actually stomped her foot. "We were on a date," she said, through clenched teeth.
Before Dean could reply, however, the first few party guests walked into the house and made it clear the conversation was over. For good measure, Dean sent an apologetic smile to Tessa.
The party was in full swing, though for how long Dean had no idea. What he did know was that he had a pretty good buzz and his memory was starting to get fuzzy.
Thank god for Jo, though. About an hour into the party, the stereo blared Michael Jackson back to back. Apparently, a few of the light-weights were also angry drunks. It was during the back to back playing of MJ that Dean and Jo saw first hand how angry they could get. About half way through 'Bad', two of them started arguing about something so trivial it wasn't even funny. And it turned even less hilarious when one of them got shoved into one of Mary's lamps, causing it to fall and shatter while 'I'm Bad, I'm Bad-Come On, You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-Come On, You Know' repeated annoyingly loud. Ironically enough, Jo finally managed to kick them out of the house while 'Just Beat It, Beat It' repeated just as annoyingly. Seriously, could music now and days get any lamer?
Of course the exception to the 'repeat the same annoying thing five times in a row' thing is when it comes to Aerosmith. You can't go wrong with a rock base in the background. It just so happens that Ash's crazy ass somehow managed to find random women clothing an hour later (which considering a good amount of the female partiers were drunk by then and stripping, it shouldn't have come as a surprise). He waltz around the first floor of house cross-dressed while Aerosmith belted out ' Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady'. It was a rather comical five minutes or so.
Few songs caught Deans' attention that night, but when he did pay attention, he noticed a pattern. The dj on the radio was doing a constant back to back play-list. It was around that time that he started losing count of how much he was drinking.
Every time 'I'm going down in a blaze of glory. Take me now but know the truth. I'm going out in a blaze of glory. And Lord, I never drew first but I drew first blood. I'm no one's son, call me young gun' drifted through the house, Dean took a shot of whatever was closest, usually vodka or whiskey. Meaning, within an almost six minute song, Dean took three shots of various liquids.
If that wasn't bad enough, 'Wanted dead or alive' came on next. It was almost too much for Dean to bare. As soon as he heard the first strands of the song, he took a shot. And another. And another. After every shot, he would realize the song still played. And with every next shot, he tried to drown away the guilt. In his mind he was wanted, and preferably dead rather than alive. Why else would John take his frustrations out on Dean? Why, if it wasn't Deans' fault his mother was dead. Some nights Dean wished that he was dead, because he believed that he should be. During the beatings he would silently pray that it would be the last, that he wouldn't have to bare guilt much longer. But then they would stop, and Sam would be by his side (with Jo on occasions) to tend to his wounds, and he would remember why he had to survive. It was his fault Sam didn't have a mother, so it was his responsibility to care for Sam. To be brother, mother, and father because John drank away his life.
After a while, though, the party settled down a bit. He was lost in a sea of dizziness and lack of balance. If he tried to move by himself without the wall for support then he would fall, and hard. He tried and learned the hard way. Most of the people went home. Some fell asleep on the floor. Not many were still awake, yet the stereo still blared the music, sounding louder in the otherwise silent house.
Tessa was a needy drunk, something Dean was not happy learning. He hadn't been paying much attention to her throughout the night, and considering they were still 'technically' on a date, she did not agree with his actions. She found him leaning against the wall and dragged him up the stairs. By that time, even with the music loud as hell, Deans' fuzzy brain could only make out bits of the current song.
She shoved him into the bathroom. 'You give love a bad name'. He stumbled. 'A school boy's dream, you act so shy'. She forced her lips on his. He knew he was gone. Farther than the moon was to the Earth, yet through his hazy, he knew her lips didn't feel right. His stomach did flips as the nauseous feeling ripped through his body. Up his throat. He wasn't sure if it was the music muffled from the door or his own thoughts when Bon Jovi sung 'No one can save me', but he was sure that regardless, he was doomed to Tessa's wrath.
Somehow he got her off him in time to make it to the toilet before spewing the contents of his stomach. He thought he heard pounding on the door, but wasn't sure. The sound of his stomach liquids over powering his hearing. But he knew, without a doubt, that the person rubbing his back was not Tessa.
He didn't know how long he knelt in front of the toilet, but when he stopped ejecting liquid out of his mouth, he was more aware of his surroundings. He managed to lift his head enough to look at his savior. Cas. A crooked smile passed his lips.
Cas somehow stood him up and directed him fully clothed into the tub. He swayed, having no control over his balance. Cas must have noticed, for a moment later he was in front of Dean, in nothing but an undershirt and his boxers. He reached behind Dean for the nozzle of the shower, and next moment Dean was drenched in cold water. Cas watched as Dean sobered up more as the seconds ticked by. The sound of the rushing water somehow blocking out sound from the rest of the house.
Dean looked into those too blue eyes and nodded. He knew the routine. You stand under cold water and nod when you're fully capable of not collapsing as soon as you step away from the wall.
Silently, Cas directed Dean to his room. He rummaged through Deans drawers, pulling out a pair of pajama pants, then stripped Dean of his soaked clothing. Dean was compliant and stayed silent. It all seemed a bit surreal to him. What did he do to deserve this mans' help? For the past two weeks he avoided his company, and when in his presence, ignored him to his face.
As Cas laid Dean gently on his bed, Deans' still somewhat foggy mind acted on his own accord.
"Stay," he croaked out, voice rough from the constant drinking and throwing up. "Please." Blue eyes connected with green.
He wasn't sure how his face looked, but he knew that he was pleading, and he knew that he was desperate. Whatever look was on his face, though, convinced Cas to nod. He turned back to Deans' dresser and pulled a pair of pajama pants out for himself. He quickly changed and climbed into the bed with Dean.
Dean rolled over onto Cas, his head on the mans' shoulder and arm draped across his stomach. He squeezed slightly, just long enough to make sure Cas was really there. Cas nuzzled his hair a little with his nose; one arm wrapped around Dean's waist, the other rubbing feather light circles in his back.
A combination of Cas' heartbeat, breaths, and the soft sounds of the stereo downstairs, playing 'Sweet child o' mine', lulled Dean into a peaceful sleep. The last thoughts to run through his head was between wondering if Jo would turn the music off before she passed out, and the safe feeling of being in Cas' arms once again; the feeling of home.
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me
of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Notes:
Not quite sure what to say in regards to this chapter other than I hope you like it. Let me know what you think? It's definitely not one of the longest, but it's not one of the shortest. It's somewhere in between I think.
