Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid or the song virgin suicides in any way, shape or form.
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I started to avoid Len after that.
But who was I really running away from, Len or myself?
I was supposed to know him more than anyone else. I wanted to be there for him, comfort him, save him….but every time I looked into those eyes, all I felt was fear. Pure, unadulterated fear. I think that was one of the biggest sins of all – the very fact that I was scared of my twin brother. Absolutely unforgivable.
With each and every day, my lies grew. Lies that I had already talked to Luka. Lies that she told me that her parents were considering his idea. Lies that every thing would be alright. Lies that were no longer loving but selfish. When did that happen?
I started to watch out for Luka and in a sense, it was the very proof that I no longer trusted my brother.
She…she…she was so…innocent. That's another thing I'll never forget, the purity of her innocence. She was still living in a perfect world, miraculously untouched by the insanity that plagued my brother. I despised her for it.
Another sin to go along with the rest.
But with this, I noticed. No matter where Luka was, the blond of my brother was always nearby, watching.
Upon that realization, I remember feeling joy. Selfish, sinful joy. I remembered the lies I told myself, the 'assumption' that maybe he was just too scared to be near her and her friends during school. I remember thinking that if he could overcome that 'fear', his 'uneasiness' would disappear. It was a hope full of desperation, one that was not only meant to save him but me as well.
But at that point, was I really suited to save anyone? I know the answer now. I didn't then. Maybe…if only…I don't know anymore.
But what I do know is that I'll never forget that day either.
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