..

.

Cobalt orbs stare at the ceiling troubled. The more he was left thinking the more annoyed and angered Kanda became. What the fuck did he do?

"If you go after her, it's over between us."

That had probably been the most stupid sentence Kanda had ever spoken in his life. What was he thinking when he opened his mouth? Nothing. Kanda wasn't thinking at all, and because of that thoughtless action it cost him his relationship.

The moment his Moyashi refused to listen to him, Kanda simply lost it. To be rejected in front of an ex by his lover sent him off. The younger male preferred going after the girl and not Kanda, and that was where everything just got out of hand. He just let his jealousy and possessiveness control him and Kanda had become some else. He went as far as to yell at the white haired teen. His actions got some what physical when he decided to drag the boy away. And when his Moyashi stood up to him and said he wasn't going with Kanda that just made the ravenette angrier. To be cast to the side by his lover for another person; might as well had slapped him instead.

At that point, Kanda just simply blurted out the first thing in his jumble-of-a-mess mind.

"You been lying to me."

Was his Moyashi lying to him? Yes, the younger male was because the boy had accepted it. He was using work – whether school or something else – as an excuse to not see Kanda. A stupid excuse that he fell for. He did for the sole reason that Kanda believed in his lover blindly. He had never thought his Moyashi could have lied to him. Though what really got to him was the boy was lying to him because he was spending time with that girl. A person who at this point shouldn't have made his Moyashi feel anything.

Lo Fwa.

Just thinking about that name made Kanda angrier. What was so special about her? So she changed her looks, and appeared better. It shouldn't have affected his Moyashi in any way. The boy can't look at her anymore because he has Kanda.

Had.

They're not together anymore. Kanda was the one who put the ultimatum and the Moyashi was who chose. The boy chose the girl and not him. Fuck! His eyes search another spot in the Cambridge blue color ceiling. He couldn't stop thinking about yesterday's event. After their fight and the white haired male walked away, Kanda only watched him go.

"Fine, then we're over."

Those words made it impossible for Kanda to find sleep at night. He tossed and turned until he gave up on finding the right position. It was useless when Kanda wasn't even tired.

When he saw his lover getting further away from him, Kanda's mind was blank. He didn't even know what was happening, only that his lover was going after another. He stood there, a large amount of emotions Kanda didn't even know he had surfaced. He was of course shocked, then hurt, follow by anger, soon changed into disappointment mixing with confusion, and lastly regret. Kanda regretted telling his lover to choose. It was selfish of him and he knew it, but deep down the model hoped his Moyashi would have turn around and simply thrown himself into Kanda's arms. Asking for forgiveness for his actions.

Sadly that didn't happen. No, instead the boy decided to break things off only to go after his ex. Even as he saw the younger male walked further away, Kanda still hoped his lover would have thought twice of what he was doing the turn back. And after his Moyashi had completely disappear from his sight, Kanda still couldn't move. Slowly the realization of what happened hit him. They were no longer going to be together as a couple.

Kanda got dumped.

He let his brain progress the information completely forgetting that someone was next to him. Lavi had witness the whole thing and not once did the redhead spoke a word. Which Kanda was thankful. A few seconds after his brain finished analyzing everything, Kanda's smarter side yelled at him to go after the younger male. In a matter of seconds he bolted into a sprint.

If I can get to him before he gets to her, maybe just maybe we can work this out. He told himself as he ran down the corridor. Every second that went by Kanda couldn't find his Moyashi made him worry. What if the boy already reached the girl and they were already walking away into the sunshine. That only made Kanda speed up.

At last he had stop. He ran for who knows how long only to come up empty. He was lucky he didn't bumped into anyone who might have recognized him. At that moment he didn't care though as long as he had his lover back. As Kanda tried to get his breathing to even out, he looked around. He could continue going straight down the corridor or he could go left or right. He stopped at a cross-road. Where did the white haired male took off to? Kanda was left standing there not knowing where to go. After his breathing was normal he turn back to see the redhead.

"Dang... you can run." The other man was red on the face and panting like a dog.

"Where did he go?" Kanda asked wishing Lavi knew something.

"Don't know... gone home maybe or went with Lo-"

Kanda had cut the redhead with a glared that dared him say that name. The Lavi only smiled and straighten up.

"You know that was some dumb move you made. 'If you go after her, it's over between us.' Never and I mean never put Allen in a difficult situation because let me tell you one thing buddy, he will always do the most unexpected and irrational thing. Trust me, you asking him that was your biggest mistake."

After his stupid speech the red haired male ran a hand through his fiery locks. He sighed deeply and Kanda looked forward. Where did his lover ran to? Could Kanda still refer the boy as his lover anymore?

"If you want Allen back then go to his apartment and this time listen to what he has to say. Don't interrupt him and maybe you two can get together... that is if he or you still want the other."

He took in what the redhead said. Only because Lavi has known his Moyashi longer than Kanda has. Much to his annoyance, but Lavi was right Kanda should had listen. Yet his possessive side simply wouldn't let him at the time.

"And for the record Allen is no cheater. I know right now it might look like he did but he isn't like that. If Allen does something there will always be a reason behind of what he does."

Lavi then walked pass Kanda going left. The redhead wasn't even worry about leaving a well-known model in the campus. Having no choice, Kanda followed the other man.

"When did she get back?"

Lavi glanced at him as they made their way around. "Two weeks, but we only saw her for less than one week."

Less than a week. That was right around the time when his Moyashi began to find some lame excuse to not see Kanda. He should have known better when something was off about his lover. The boy hadn't ever mention school work that he need to work on as far as Kanda could remember. As a mater of fact, his Moyashi always said he managed to finish any paper work he had in class. Oh why did Kanda forget that?

After getting at the parking lot, Kanda took off to find his Moyashi. He drove to the boy's apartment only to find no one at home. He waited for almost an hour and the owner of the apartment never showed up. The ravenette decided to get to his own apartment and try to talk to the boy the next day. He got inside the building took a shower and laid down for bed.

Before he went to sleep the model called the Moyashi until one in the morning. The younger teen never picked up and Kanda had a clue that this time the boy was really ignoring him. How can he blame the younger male, Kanda was the one who over reacted. He didn't know how long he stayed awake, but between him thinking about what happened to staring at his mobile, Kanda had fallen asleep. He dreamed of his Moyashi and that girl. How they were happy and planing their life's, now that Kanda was out of the picture. Around ten in the morning the model woke from the horrible nightmare and just stared at the ceiling. Just like he was doing at the moment. He simply didn't know how he would approach the Moyashi.

Fuck! Just go find him.

Mind set Kanda got up from bed. He was the one who made the mistake of letting his Moyashi go and he would be the one to get him back. Hopefully what he dreamed about hadn't come true. For if it had-

Don't think about that. He scoffed.

At the moment wasn't the time to think of the negative things. He will go to the boy's apartment and he will find the Moyashi. They are going to talk and everything will be settled down. As he stayed under the spray of the warm water, Kanda thought on how he will go about things. He can force his way inside of the Moyashi's apartment if the boy refuse to let him in. But he has a feeling the younger male would let him in without going to the extreme.

After his shower Kanda stepped out of the bathroom and changed into clean clothes. Finishing with his wardrobe, the model got his phone and went to the living room where he located his keys. Giving his apartment a last glance Kanda stepped out on the hallway. Seeing no one around he closed the door and made his away to the elevator. He waited patiently as the metal doors open then stepped in. After a few minutes inside the cab, the ravenette stepped out on the basement where the building's parking lot's located. He spotted his vehicle on his reserved parking space and clicked the alarm off as he open and stepped in. He was ready to look for his Moyashi.

0o0o0o0o

It was eleven thirty-three in the morning when Kanda arrived at the white haired teen's apartment building. He parked next to the road and locked his car and simply glaze almost longing at the dark building. He hasn't been in this place in a while. The day was cloudy as the chilly wind blow around him. Getting his full view of the building, Kanda finally decided to get on with what he was here for. It was Saturday and Kanda knew the Moyashi wouldn't be at University so it gave him the chance to catch the boy here.

If the younger man wasn't in the apartment then Kanda would have to go to the café where his Moyashi still worked. And if the boy isn't there Kanda can always ask Tiedoll if the smaller teen was at the Order. Once inside of the elevator, Kanda began to feel like he did back when he was about to tell the Moyashi about his feelings. He felt somewhat anxious and nervous, but the ravenette really try to relax.

They are only going to talk about what happened yesterday and the reason Moyashi lied to him. Simple. He will have to hold back on blaming the brunette girl for their small argument. If everything goes smoothly as Kanda thought, then by the time he step out of this building all will be good with life.

Buzz... Buzz... Buzz...

His pocket vibrated and Kanda quickly took his buzzing mobile out. Looking at the screen he saw Tiedoll's number. He ponder on the idea of ignoring his step father, but at the end went against it. Kanda didn't want the older man to keep calling him later when he will be with his Moyashi.

"What?"

"Yuu good morning! I had the feeling that you weren't going to answer me. Did you have a good rest?"

In fact no I didn't if you must know. "Yes. If that's all you wanted to tell me, I'll hang up-"

"No! Please don't. Alright I'll go straight to the point. We need you here as soon as possible. Please Yuu come right away."

"I'll get there when I can."

"Oh and Yuu-kun where are you? I just stepped out of your apartment and you're not here."

What the fuck was Tiedoll doing at his apartment? So fucking annoying. "Moyashi's."

"Aww, Yuu that is-" Without needing to hear Tiedoll's 'heart-warming' speeches the model cut the talk short.

Ding.

Taking in a last deep breath, Kanda made his way to the apartment where his Moyashi resided in. The closer he got to the door the more his heart seem to pound loudly. Why was he so nervous? Because Kanda Yuu has never gone after an ex before.

That Moyashi will never be an ex. Not if I have something to say.

His eyes land upon the wooden surface of the door. The silver number which labeled the apartment shun clean. Closing his eyes Kanda reached over for the doorbell. The soft echo that followed after he pressed the button made Kanda sweat bullets. His eyes lock on the door waiting for the white haired male to open it. Frowning the model pressed the bell again. The Moyashi has to answer and if not Kanda would have to look for the boy at the café. But Kanda really wanted to talk to the silver-eyed teen here and not somewhere public.

Soft foot steps reached Kanda's hearing and he straighten up. His Moyashi is home and Kanda couldn't wait to see him. He saw the doorknob turn and gently the door was pry open.

"Hello? Can I help you?"

The person who open the door was not his lover. It wasn't the white haired teen and it was specially not someone Kanda wanted to see. For the first time the ravenette's face fell for the person who answer the damn door was that girl. Kanda stared at the brunette female, Lo Fwa. She smiled warmly at him but Kanda could see nothing but red. What in the hell was this person doing here? Wasn't it enough that she caused them problems? For this smiling girl, his Moyashi ended their relationship? For those ugly shade of brown orbs his Moyashi neglected him? For that stupid smile his Moyashi had lied him? For this girl who had no appeal his Moyashi walked away from him?

"Is something wrong?"

You are what's wrong! "Is Allen-"

"Who's at the door Lo Fwa?"

Kanda glance over the girl further down the hallway. The silver eyed teen just stepped in the hall. Kanda could see the younger male drying his hair with a towel. What ticked Kanda off the most was how the boy displayed his body. His shirt was open for all the world to see, for this girl to see.

"Um..."

Cobalt eyes once again found the brunette female looking back at the younger male, and she was fidgeting where she stood. The Moyashi was to busy with his hair to leave that towel alone and see who was at his door step. When the girl remember someone was in front of her, Kanda saw she had the deepest blush on her face. Her reaction just kept fueling the model's anger and he openly glare down the female. As his hard gaze took in her appearance wanting to know what was so special about the brunette, Kanda noticed something just now.

Is she wearing Moyashi's sweater?

Quickly and without his permission his brain made a sudden conclusion. The other male just stepped out of the shower. The girl stood here wearing the boy's clothes looking shy and speechless. It was rather easy to tell and he felt so stupid suddenly.

They're dating.

"Allen would you..."

The ravenette seem to have lost his hearing after he put two and two together. Not thinking at all his body pulled away from that door. He didn't want to be here anymore. Kanda just wanted to be lone, and he walked away. What was he thinking coming here in the first place? He should have just accepted the act that his latest relationship was over. The younger male had long ago made his mind up. The teen wanted to be with the girl.

This immense feeling in his chest was why Kanda never wanted to feel for another. For the reason that at the end it left him confused and completely falling apart.


He felt depressed, something he hadn't felt in a long time. A part of him felt lost, the other angry and then sad. Yet throughout all that he try to tell himself everything would be fine. He could forget about what happened in his life and continue as if he'd never met him. To pretend that for last two months he hadn't known Kanda Yuu. That he never helped him out that night when he stumble upon the model.

You never met him.

Though how can he forget when every second of every minute he thought about the ravenette. To simply erase those moments when Allen felt happy because Kanda made him those joyful emotions wasn't easy. How can he ignore this nagging feeling in the back of his mind that all to soon came forward making Allen wince. He messed up and because of his actions Kanda probably got hurt.

"Fine, then we're over."

Why did he say that?

Why couldn't he simply turned around and explained things to Kanda instead of running off. He should have tried harder until Kanda would have let him talk. He should have stayed with the model instead. But no his idiotic self went and did the opposite. Allen was the one who chose to end things with Kanda. He went and left the older teen because he got confused. He didn't even know what he did until he reached the exit of campus. Once he stopped running and letting his brain understand, Allen was left feeling so stupid.

What happened between them was a big misunderstand that could have easily been fixed. Kanda would have believed him after the model had gotten a better grip of himself. Allen didn't mind having to explain his actions to the model for as many times Kanda wanted. As long as he had the raven's attention everything could have been cleared.

It doesn't matter anymore, Kanda probably hates you now.

Another sigh left his lips, there it was again that stupid guilt turn into depression. Maybe in a couple of days he will get this feeling off and he can continue as if nothing happened. It might just be bit hard now since he worked in the Black Order as well. This place is where Kanda worked too and Allen didn't want to see the ravenette. It will make his small courage break. He's been able to smile and tell Lavi that he was fine. That he knew sooner or later his relationship with Kanda would have ended. That Lo Fwa coming back was probably a sign that he wasn't meant to be with the model to begin with.

"I wouldn't count on that Allen. Yesterday he seemed ready to find you and talk."

After his argument with Kanda, Allen didn't feel like going home and so instead he went to Lavi's. He sent a message telling the redhead where he was and Lavi was there before he knew it. They talked and Allen told his friend why he was spending time with Lo Fwa. Lavi seemed to understand but he still asked Allen to call Kanda first. He wanted to and he did pick up the phone ready to dial, but at the end he couldn't.

"He probably doesn't want to talk to me. I won't blame him either. I call him tomorrow and plus the battery is dying."

Just as he said the phone peeped indicating the battery as low and soon after if turned off. Lavi then began to throw a fit about what Allen did. The younger of the two sat quietly listening to his best friend come to Kanda's aid and Allen didn't stop him.

"Why Allen? Really what were you thinking? Was Lo Fwa more important to you than him? Last time I checked you were going out with him and not her!"

Head down and eyes on this hands, Allen just took everything Lavi said without saying anything in return. He deserved ever bit of Lavi's on going scolding.

"Seriously what were you thinking. You simply can't go around playing with people's feelings and you of all people ways tell me to think twice before hurting anyone."

Lavi was so right, Allen always told the redhead to stop goofing around with their female class mates. That it wasn't good to get their hopes up if Lavi wasn't going to take any of them serious, and because of that Lavi eased with the flirting.

"But even when you did something like that Allen, I knew you didn't do it on purpose. I have a feeling and because I know you that all this thing with Lo Fwa has a good explication, no?"

At last Allen looked up at his best friend and smiled. He nodded but at the same time he wonder if it was too late to tell Lavi about it. Though it didn't stop the redhead from jumping and asking Allen to tell him.

"I'll tell you later I need to sleep I'm really tired."

For some reason he felt tired. Apparently breakups could be a real–

Ding.

The elevator open on the seventh floor. It wasn't Allen's stop which meant someone else was getting in. He took a set to the side and let a taller brunette man step in. The young man pressed his floor then looked over at Allen when he took notice. "Hey there." The handsome brunette smile and Allen couldn't help but return the greeting.

It was quiet while the metallic door closed and slowly it took them up. Allen let his gaze lower down very aware of the fact that he was being watch.

"I'm sorry but you're new aren't you?"

Lifting his eyes to the other man, the teen nodded. "Yes, I just started working here."

The brunette male seem thoughtful before he got closer to Allen. The younger one simply smiled try not to look uncomfortable with the proximity.

"You're really cute you know that."

Okay...?

Finding this somewhat awkward because you don't go around calling people cute out of no where, Allen shift on his feet and tucked some of the loose ebony strands behind his ear. "Thank you?"

"Don't be I always admire cute and beautiful things. I haven't seen you around but I have a feeling that you get complemented on you cuteness." The brunette send him a very wide grin.

Not knowing what to say Allen looked away hoping he could get out of the elevator now. He felt an unease feeling and he didn't like it. It wasn't the fact that the brunette was flirting with, but because behind that smile lay something Allen couldn't shake off.

Ding.

Thank you god. "Well it was nice to meet you." He said before stepping out of the elevator glad to be out.

"I'm Alma Karma by the way and-" The doors close not letting the brunette, Alma, finish his sentence.

Sighing softly Allen rubbed his belly feeling it cold. "I should really fix the heater in the apartment." Another problem to add to his depression.

The heater broke yesterday when he wasn't home. Let just say when he got to his apartment Allen felt like he was inside of the refrigerator. Around the time Lo Fwa come to visit him and the girl took notice of the low temperature quick. Allen being a nice person offered her a sweater while he went to get ready for work. Lo Fwa had offer to cook him something to eat white he was in the shower. After he was finish he let for the Order. Now all he had to do was locate the room where Bak was in. This building was so large Allen might have gotten lost if not for the few layouts of the building posted on a couple of the walls.

Here we go again. He thought as he pushed open the large metal door.

0o0o0o0o

"You did what?"

Fō knitted her eyebrows in confusion. She wasn't really expecting to hear that from Allen. When she arrived at her friend's apartment this evening Fō only thought about spending time with her friends. The white haired male just looked at her as if he didn't just informed her that his relationship with that model was now over. Allen didn't even look guilty or sad he just sat there almost bored.

"When did that happened?" Fō wonder loudly more to herself than anyone else.

"Yesterday after class."

She turn to look at the redhead who sat next to her to verify if what Allen said was true or were the two just messing around. To her surprise Lavi looked serious as he nodded at her.

Silence, she look back at the younger one. "Why?"

Finally she got a reaction from Allen as he let out a loud sigh and closed his eyes. She saw him lean further on the couch and let his head tilt back. All of the sudden Allen looked so small.

"It was my fault." Allen said not changing his current position almost like he was avoiding to look at them. "I lied to him about somethings and he found out."

Lied? Why would Allen lie to the model? It most have been something real important for her friend to go and lie to the ravenette–

And it hit her then. "Allen."

No reaction from the person in question. "Allen Walker look at me." The usage of his full name seemed to snap the younger man back from his thoughts. He blinked his eyes at her a couple of time. Fō could feel Lavi shift away from her then. "You lying to him was due to Lo Fwa wasn't? Don't! Even try to say no because you know I'm right"

His silver-gray hues fell to the floor unable to look at the girl before him. She as Lavi were right. The brunette girl was a part of him lying to Kanda but there was something else. He still didn't know if he could say it now.

"Alright Fō calm down okay. Allen is aware he did wrong and he feels bad for what happened but I know he will tell us why right Allen?" Lavi stepped in when the heavy silence was about really to settle over them.

The teen in question stayed mute for a few seconds trying to gather his thinking. The moment when Fō stepped in his apartment Allen knew he had to tell the girl about his break up with the model. Lavi had simply suggested it yesterday and Allen took it serious. He was the one who informed them about his relationship with Kanda days ago, and now a week later he's telling them other wise. Funny, the last time they were here it was an awkward silence for a whole different reason.

Now the atmosphere was more tense and serious then before. What happened to his once happy and carefree life? He hardly remember having serious conversations with his friends. What happen? Kanda that was what happen. The ravenette apparently dragged many things into Allen's life that the youngster thought were left behind when he first arrived in Japan. But as far away as he tried to get from anything that might cause problem, conflict he always found him.

You are a sad story Allen Walker. Saddest of the sad and this time it was you who caused this unwanted event.

"I know I did wrong like Lavi said. Alright, so Lo Fwa coming back somewhat affected me."

A small glare from Fō and the shook from Lavi changed his mind. "Okay maybe it affected me more than I thought, sue me."

"When she left and after we decided to go our different ways I believed that I wouldn't have any feeling for her that weren't friendship related. But as you two know I really did like Lo Fwa more than I did any other girl."

He looked at his small obedience of two and verify that they were listening so Allen won't have to repeat himself later. Taking their silence as a go to continue he squared his shoulder just for a moment.

"You could say that back when we were dating I really though Lo Fwa was going to be the one. I really felt good with her and happy she made me laugh and I couldn't think of being with anyone else but her."

Allen then noticed how Lavi's eyes drift to Fō and the look in the redhead's eyes made Allen smile just a tiny. He could relate to that look.

"But then she left. I of course was sad the girl who I dated for four months was leaving. I felt at that time that she shouldn't have left, not until I could really understand how deep my feelings for her could get. I know I sound selfish and I probably was-"

"Allen you're not selfish it's normal to feel that way." Lavi stopped him before Allen could go on about how bad-of-a person he is which wasn't true.

"After she left and we continue to try to stay together, I came to realize that I didn't want to be a bother to her and I really felt that our long distant relationship wasn't really working." Small pause after he stayed the obvious. "Soon after that we moved on and I would only think about her well-being and nothing else. As the months went by I didn't even felt that I actually dated her."

"What?" Two twin voices asked puzzled.

Allen smiled softly playing with his hands. "I liked Lo Fwa but I did not loved her. In a matter of a month after we broke up I had no feelings for her at all. Like I never even met her."

This side of Allen this almost heartless part of Allen was new and strangely frightening to Lavi. They didn't even know little Allen could be a cold person. "B-But then why did you lie to Yuu-chan?" Lavi cleared his dry throat as he waited.

"When I saw her again I was expecting to suddenly feel those long forgotten feelings again but I didn't. I spend time with her thinking that maybe I would soon feel something."

"Did you?" Fō voiced in seeing Lavi was almost hiding behind her for some strange reason. She shrugged it off and turn back to the other male.

"No, I felt and don't feel anything towards her but genuine friendship the same I feel for you Fō. Though I feel a stronger connection with you." The girl nodded and glared back at Lavi who hugged her tightly.

"Aw, who loves Fō? Allen loves-" She pinched both of his arms making the redhead let the petite girl go. Lavi pouted at the glaring female.

"You two act like a long time couple it's funny." Allen smiled knowingly at them.

His friends glanced backed at him socked. Fō got herself together first and scooted further away from Lavi. She didn't want anything related to do with Lavi if giving the opportunity. The redhead was confuse and Fō was only helping him figure that out.

"Allen-"

"What's that noise?" Allen cut Fō off hearing something around them.

They stayed quiet listening until Fō stood up and walked towards the window. "It's raining? Strange." The girl mumble looking at the rain drops sliding down the glass surface. Allen looked at the window oddly feeling guiltier. Fō stepped away letting curtains fall and took her seat back. "Alright so you don't feel anything for Lo Fwa then why did you break up with the model?"

Allen turn his attention back to what they were talking about before the small distraction. "I really wanted to explain things to Kanda but he didn't let me. He was angry and soon my nervousness turned into something else and before long I let the words out." He let his frustration get the better of him.

After Lavi finished rubbing his throbbing skin, he joined in the conversation. "I thought that Yuu-chan was really going to look for you, he looked determine to find you."

"He didn't and will not. I have learned a few things about Kanda in this couple of weeks we dated and Kanda doesn't like to beg or waste his time on unimportant matters." It was true Kanda right about now probably hated Allen and he won't complain. Just thinking about it brought that depression again. Could he still be friends with Kanda?

"Allen." His eyes return to the two closes people in his life. Fō had his full attention and she knew it. "I understand what you did and get the meaning of if. So tell us without beating around the bushes what do you feel for Kanda?"

Unconsciously his head lowered. Eyes on the rug under his feet looking at it as if he found the most interesting empty stop. His heart beating faster suddenly as the seconds went by and he felt a heat rise in his body. Soon he felt so lonely because he knew Kanda wasn't with him anymore. The model now to him is a good memory that he will keep and think about with a smile. Kanda Yuu his first...

Was it to late to consider it? But wasn't this what Allen wanted to figure out the moment he saw Lo Fwa? It was and he did get to the direction he wanted. He could say it without any regrets.

"I'm in love with Kanda."


A/N: There was chapter twenty-one for all you wonderful readers.

Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing this story. I really appreciate your support.

I'll update soon for you guys.

Take care everyone.

See ya!