Chapter 33

A Secret Love?

Disclaimer-Not mine.


Lily and Julia had left the boys' room to get changed out of their dress cloths and into their pajamas.

The group had had a long talk about what happened at the Shrieking Shack all those weeks ago. It didn't take long to explain what had happened, it just took a long time to convince Julia that none of it was her fault. In fact, she continued to think it was her fault despite the reassurance she had gotten from each one of her friends. She had tried to say that she knew it wasn't her fault but did a very unconvincing job of it.

"Sirius, are you okay with what Lily did?" James asked Sirius as he threw some of the decorative pillows on the wood floor just after the girls had left

Sirius nodded, "I wasn't at first, but I think in the end it'll work out." He said with a shrug. "Are you okay with it?" He asked.

"Not really." James replied. "It was kind of a low thing to do..." He was quiet for a moment before saying, "But I don't want to make it a big deal. As long as you're okay with it." He had originally been pretty mad at Lily for what she did even after finding out that she hadn't told Julia anything. Siding with Sirius, he had thought it would be best that Sirius told Julia when he thought the time was ready. By Lily making up that story, she had been the one to decide when Julia got to know. Which he didn't think was fair to Sirius. On the other hand though, if Sirius was okay with what she did, there should be no reason for James not to be okay with it.

"I am." Sirius replied.


The two girls had reentered the room. Julia had plopped down on the floor, pulling out the threads to her pajama bottoms and making a pile of them on the floor.

Sirius knew that she still felt guilty for everything that had happened. He had tried to make her understand that the only person at fault was his father. It wasn't her fault that he didn't like her parents, so why should she blame this on herself?

Sirius tried to think of something he could say to make her feel better as he listened Lily, Remus and James' conversation (more so an argument) about whether the Molecular Theory of Potions was proven true by Eugene Graham's experiment of hydrolyzing acidic potions or by Ernest Wilkin's, a squib, observations of the way a Goberfish, a rare fish found only in puddles made from the sweat of a dragon, digested it's food.

"No way." James said, shaking her head. "Graham's experiment in no way relates to the Molecular Theory of Potions. His experiments simply proved that hydrolyzing was the foundation to creating properly functioning acidic potions."

"True but without that knowledge, what would have led to the discovery of the molecules that created the acidic nature of the solution?" Lily questioned.

"Ernest Wilkin's observations." James replied, like it had been obvious all along.

"Muggles were also pretty close to discovering hydrolysis of acidic salts which is essentially the same thing…." Remus stated with a shrug.

"Oh right Remus." Sirius interjected with a nod. "Those Muggles and there acidic salts…" He said, with a chuckle.

…Like he knew what they were talking about.

After everyone ignored his attempt to participate in the conversation, he turned his attention back to Julia who was still sitting on the ground, picking at the fray on her pajama bottoms.

"Cheer up you." He said, bending down to whisper in her ear. She looked up at him, an unconvincing smile on her face. "Come on. You shouldn't be sad, you have me back." He kissed the top of her head.

Julia looked down for a moment, deciding that he was right. What had happened, happened. It wasn't any of their fault and there was really nothing any of them could have done. What if she had known all along that this was just a cover? When Sirius' father came to Hogwarts, he would have been ten times angrier than if he had just known they were friends.

"I'm sleeping on this bed!" Julia announced as she threw herself onto James' bed, deciding that she was going to try to be her old self to make up for the lost time.

The conversation of potions and experiments was cute short as James looked over at Julia. "Hey now, that's my bed." James replied; glad to see that Julia looked more cheerful. "Take Sirius' instead."

Julia looked from James' bed to Sirius', seeing no difference in them, she quickly hopped over to the other one and sprawled herself out on it. "Fine. I call this one." She said, stuffing the pillow under her head.

"Uh, no you don't." Sirius said, standing up from his seat on the floor to reclaim his bed. "This is my bed." He wrapped his arms around Julia's waist and easily lifted her off his bed. Not so carefully, he put her down on the floor so she was half-laying half-sitting, one leg tucked awkwardly under the other.

"You're not supposed to treat women like that." James said, as he lay back on his bed, propping his head up with a pillow. "You're supposed to let them get everything they want."

"Get off the bed then." Lily said at the side of James' bed. "I want to lie down."

"Huh?" James said, playing dumb. "I thought I heard something…I guess not." He grinned mischievously before winking at Lily.

Lily put her hand on her hip. She opened her mouth to retort but Julia spoke first, "How about we put the beds together. Then we can all fit." She suggested.

"Brilliant idea Carr." Sirius said with a wave of his hand. "We'll let you get right on that."

"I can't do it with your fat arse on it." She replied, nudging him in the side.

"Fine." He said, rolling off the bed and onto his feet. "There you have it." He backed out of her way.

Julia managed to push the bottom of the bed about an inch before giving up. The bed was made of dense wood complete with a wooden head board and a thick wooden canopy. Lily shook her head, "Why don't you help her?" She asked Sirius.

"I could say the same thing to you." Was Sirius's reply.

"But that's a man's job." She said, knowing she very well couldn't push the twin sized bed over to James' bed even with Julia's help.

"And it's a woman's job to cook and clean and slave over her man but I haven't been seeing you doing much of that lately." Sirius retorted, a smirk written across his face.

Lily's mouth dropped at Sirius and her hand resumed her position on her waist. "You did not just say that."

"I'll do it Lily." James said, jumping up from his bed and walking over to Sirius'. "You see, I'm more of a man than him anyway…" He placed his hands in the middle of the bed frame and easily pushed it until it smacked into the other bed.

"He just has to do stuff like that; you know, show off like he's manly or something." Sirius joked, with a roll of his eyes. "But between you and me, he's really making up for something else if you know what I mean." He finished, winking at Lily.

"Oh and you would know Sirius?" Lily asked as she threw herself in the middle of the beds.

The other three piled on as well, all eager to claim some spot of the bed. "Are you going to join the fun Remus?" Julia asked as she poked her head around the corner of the footboard to look at him.

"I've been dying to." He joked before sprawling himself across an assortment of legs and arms.

Lily removed Sirius's arm from her face and said, "Hey what about Remus? Where does he usually sleep?"

"On the floor." Sirius said matter-of-fact like.

"He's likes it there." James replied, as he tried to blow Lily's hair out of his face.

"Yeah, he likes getting in touch with his beasty side." Sirius said which received a snort from Julia.

"You make him sleep on the floor!" Lily said. "Aw, poor Remus. I wonder why he hangs out with you guys. You're such jerks to him."

"Good idea Lily. Let's talk about him like he's not here…" Sirius said, making James laugh.

"Yeah the poor guy." James said, playing along. "He doesn't even have a girlfriend." Lily gapped at him before smacking what she thought was his arm.

"Ow." Remus said. "Who just slapped me?" He asked.

James and Sirius both laughed making the bed shake. "Nice one Lils." James said.

"Oh sorry Remus."

"Uh…Who's touching my bum?" Julia asked as she tried to squirm away from whatever body part was pushing itself against her.

"Sorry." James replied, jokingly. "I couldn't resist."

After much squirming and pushing and falling off the bed, Lily said with a sigh, "This is not going to be easy to sleep here with two girls, two fully grown men and a little boy."

"Now don't talk about Remus like that. I think you keep forgetting that he's still in the room." Sirius said in a mock whisper.

"I was talking about you Sirius."

The group was quiet for a second before Sirius spoke up again. "Lily actually, that was a really weird comment. You imagine me as a little boy sleeping in the same bed as you….That's a little sick."

"And you being the sick person that you are actually came up with it." Julia said with a laugh.

"Oh!" Sirius said, loud and exaggeratedly. "I see what Lily was really trying to say!" He continued, "When I was actually a little boy Lily used to have a crush on me… Remember in first year? So that means that she has a crush on me again because she thinks I'm a little boy!"

"Strangely enough, I actually understood that." Julia said in disbelief.

Lily scrunched up her nose, "I never had a crush on you." This got a laugh out of everyone, including Remus who usually didn't participate in this making fun game they always played. "What! I didn't!" Lily futilely tried to defend herself.

"Lily why didn't you tell me you liked him again?" James asked, acting like he was in shock.

"Don't feel bad mate." Sirius directed at James. "She really can't help it. I mean, just look at me! I'm gorgeous."

"I'll try not to." James responded, jokingly.

Sirius continued, "But she has to realize I'm out of her league right? She's not nearly as good looking as me…"

Lily grabbed the pillow that was under her head and smacked Sirius in the face with it, hitting both James and Julia in the process. Julia was able to get her hand in-between Lily's arm and her face in time but James, unluckily, was hit in the nose. Though he didn't seem to notice.

"I remember when Lily first told me that she liked me." Sirius mused.

"Oh God." Lily breathed.

"Story time!" Sirius announced, getting a kick out of the 'if looks could kill' expression on Lily's face.

"Do tell. I'm sure we'll all get a good laugh out of this one." Remus piped in. He didn't mean to make it seem like he was ganging up on her, he honestly had thought it was going to be a good story.

"Please don't." Lily groaned, knowing exactly what was coming. But no one acknowledged that she had said anything, Sirius had already started this story.

"Alright so it was our first year and Lily and I had been spending a lot of time together. Me being the naïve little eleven year old, had no idea that she liked me…"

"Sirius!"Eleven-year-old Lily called across the open ground to the tall (well, tall for his age) Sirius Black. He turned around, pushing his long hair out of his eyes as he did.

God, how Lily had loved that hair.

Both Sirius and James had decided that they were going to grow there hair and see whose could get the longest. They decided that whoever had the longest by the end of the year would be the winner. The other one would have to shave his head bald before summer vacation.

Unfortunately for James, his mother made him cut it when he returned for Christmas break. So he started the summer out as a baldy.

"Oi Lily!" He called back, stopping his walk back towards the castle. Lily and he had been at the Quidditch pitch with Julia and James. Julia and James had both intended to make the Gryffindor Quidditch Team in their second year. To them, this entitled going to every single practice, game and meeting the team had. They were obsessed. Occasionally Lily and Sirius tagged along but while James and Julia were deeply engrossed in the game, the other too were bored. They tended to leave the game/practice/meeting or whatever it was in search of something more fun to do.

Lily sprinted towards Sirius who was waiting patiently for her by the stone steps to Hogwarts Castle. She was within five feet of him when her foot caught a rock in the ground sending her flying forwards towards the ground, letting out a yelp as she did.

"Careful there Lils. Wouldn't want you scarring up that pretty face of yours." Sirius said with the same joking tone that he still used. He had managed to catch her before she face planted into the ground, stumbling back as he did.

"Thanks." Lily breathed in a love-sick sort of way, her face turning pink. He said I was pretty…She thought, completely ignoring the fact that she had almost taken both herself and him down.

"Er…Maybe you should…" Sirius began, he was still the only thing keeping her from falling.

"Oh…right." She answered. Her face turning even redder as she soon found her balance again

"So you finally got bored of the Quidditch?" Sirius asked as he turned to head back up to the castle.

"Yeah." Lily said. She quickly scampered ahead of Sirius. Stopping facing him, she opened her mouth to form the words but nothing came out.

"Uh yeah?" He asked, raising his eyebrows curiously at her. "Is there a reason you're in my way?" He jokingly asked.

Lily nodded. "I wanted to tell you something." She answered.

"Oh?" Sirius asked, waiting for her to reply.

Lily looked down at the floor before finding his gray eyes again. "Uh," She stammered before finding her voice again. "Never mind." She chickened out.

Lily let out a sigh as she looked helplessly at Sirius. His chiseled face was a little more round when he was kid but he had grown out of it within the year. But what really got her were his eyes. She had never seen anyone with gray eyes before. Not this gray anyway…

Sirius chuckled as he side stepped around Lily and continued into the castle. "So where are you headed?" He asked, after stopping again in the main entrance.

"The library." Lily answered pointing to a corridor to her left where she thought the library was, it wasn't though. Fortunately for her, Sirius had no idea where it was either.

"Oh," He said. "Well I'm going to get some food. I'll catch you later than." He turned and headed down towards the Great Hall in the opposite direction, whistling as he did.

Lily let out a sigh as she watched Sirius leave. She had had such a crush on him for at least two weeks and she hadn't said anything to him. And two weeks in a long time for an eleven year old.

Just tell him…She encouraged herself. Do it and get it over with…Come on! You're a Gryffindor!

"Sirius wait!" Lily called, Sirius already about halfway down the corridor.

Sirius had faintly heard his name being called again. "You again." He said, grinning as she came running to him again. "Please don't trip again!" Sirius joked.

Lily returned the smile. "So how can I help you this time?" Sirius asked, and he certainly got his answer.

Lily placed both of her hands on the side of his face, pulling it closer to hers before planting her lips somewhere half on-half off his lips. She let out a loud "muah!" before letting him go, blushing as she did.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something but he was still in a state of shock, "Uh, I-." He stuttered.

Lily gave him a shy smile before saying, "That was my first kiss." She announced, proudly rocking back on her heels.

"Uh-…Mine too." Sirius managed to say as he rubbed the spot where she had just kissed him.

An awkward silence settled over the two. "Uh well. I think I should go." Lily said before sprinting off in the opposite direction again.

"Girls…" Sirius muttered to himself, shaking his head as he did.

"And that's how she confessed her undying love to me." Sirius concluded, which received a mix response of clapping, laughing and groaning.

"You promised me you would take that to the grave!" Lily said, covering her now pink face a pillow.

"I still am. You see, I'm just telling you the story over again. So it's different." Trying to find a way around his promise. "Just like you didn't really tell Julia what had really happened."

Removing the pillow from her face, she opened her mouth to say something but she didn't know how to respond. "Look I make her speechless!" Sirius said. "That's cute." He joked, winking at her.

"Oh be quiet!" She said, her face turning even redder.

"Aw look she's turned red!" Sirius said, happily.

"I had no idea Sirius was your first kiss." James said, shaking his head. "Man and all this time I just thought you two were friends."

"Wow that's really awkward." Julia thought out loud.

"Tell me about it…" Lily said, resuming hiding under the pillow.

"Yeah..." She said nodded. "That means you've kissed him and so have I..." She shivered. "That's kind of weird.."

"Oh Lily," Sirius started. "Don't be ashamed that I was your first true love."

"Yeah, he's a very respectable first love." James mused.

"Hey, I was your first love too." Lily retorted to Sirius.

"No, you were my first kiss. Way different…" Sirius said. "And I'm glad you admit that I was your first love."

"I wish I could forget…" Lily said, with a groan.

"But you can never forget your first." Sirius said, winking at Lily.

All four of his friends threw Sirius a mixture of looks from amusement (James) to sheer, outright disgust (Lily). "What?" Sirius asked, trying to act innocent. "I was talking about your first kiss!"

Sirius stretched his arms over his head. Seeing as everyone had no idea what to reply to his previous comment, he continued, "You know what's actually kind of funny."

"Please, do tell." Julia said, rolling her eyes.

"I actually did like Lily by the end of first year."

Lily grinned, "Ha! See I knew it."

"Hang on. I didn't get to the funny part yet." Sirius said. "But at the same time, I totally had the hots for Juls."

"You liked me since first year?" Julia asked. She didn't believe it. There was no way Sirius could have liked her since first year and not said anything to her.

Sirius let out a laugh. "No way. I'm not pathetic like James." He said, jokingly winking at James.

"Hey!" James piped in. "But I got her in the end." He said smiling sweetly as Lily.

Sirius cleared his throat, ignoring James, before continuing, "Actually I liked both you and Lily for about a week and then figured that you were both stupid girls. Then I decided I wasn't going to like any girls in the same year as me, only older."

"Raising the bar eh?" James said.

"Well I had to." Sirius said in a very convincing earnest way. "I had so many girls after me I had to find some way to pick which ones to like…" Everyone in the group was fully aware that this was a joke. He was only eleven years old...

"If it makes you feel any better Lily," Julia began. "I had a huge crush on Remus for the longest time." Both James and Sirius burst out laughing. "I really did." Julia continued.

"And so the love triangle becomes a square!" Sirius announced.

"And then, I think in third year, I had an even bigger crush on James." Julia continued, thinking out loud.

This shut Sirius up.

"Aw well isn't that cute." James said, smirking at Sirius.

"You never liked me when you were little than?" Sirius asked in a pouty way.

"No not really." Julia answered. "But I like you now," She said, twisting her arm around to pitch his cheek.

"Five guesses who James liked." Remus said, grinning at his friend.

"Gee that's a toughie…" Sirius said, pretending like he was thinking really hard.

"Lily!" Julia guessed, sticking her tongue out at him as she did.

James laughed, "How did you know?" He joked.

"What about Remus?" Lily asked, craning her head over James to see him. "Did you ever have a crush on Julia or me?"

"Remus doesn't have a girlfriend. He doesn't like girls." Sirius said, a smirk crossing over his face.

"Be quiet!" Julia said, covering Sirius's mouth with her hand. "Go ahead Remus."

Remus thought for a moment, "I don't know. I never really saw you as anything more than friends." He admitted.

"You never really which means you kind of did." James said. "So go on. Don't be shy."

Remus sighed, "Well I did like Julia for awhile. In third year I think…or fourth." He answered.

"Aw that's cute!" Lily said, looking over at Julia who returned Lily's smile.

"Too bad there wasn't a third girl that Remus could have…" Lily thought out loud with a sigh.

"Then we'd be complete." Sirius said, hugging himself.

Even James had to raise an eyebrow at that.


A/N- I had a lot of fun writing this totally pointless chapter and I hoped you had just as much fun reading it:P

Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter!!! I really appreciate it!! I also thank everyone who added me on alerts or in favorites. I means so much to me :D.

Review! Pretty please??

Kait