Cartman Diet

Second Chapter! Sorry it's a little late but stuff happens. Regardless, enjoy!

Chapter 1-Being the Devil's Advocate

The boys were on the edge of their seats riding to school. The second the bus pulled in, they scurried towards the school like rats away from a hungry cat. They made their way to the 4th grade classroom, not even bothering to stop at their lockers

"Dude!" said Kyle as he came to his seat. "What the hell was that on the bus?"

"I don't know," said Stan sitting as well, "but she did say she was gonna be our Cartman for the week."

"I know," said Kyle. "but she seemed like such a nice girl. Like she didn't know what she was doing."

"What do you mean?" asked Stan.

"Well, why would she straight up tell her future victims she's gonna be an asshole to them?" said Kyle. "I mean, if she was acting nice to lull us into a false sense of security, that's one thing," he continued, "but making a week of bullying sound like an afternoon picking daisies? That's weird."

"Maybe," said Stan. "But she did humiliate us on the bus."

"Yeah," added Kenny.

"So, she obviously means business." added Stan. "Why don't we just try to ignore her?" he suggested. "Let her know we're not cool with her pulling off shit like that."

"Good idea," Kyle agreed.

Slowly, the classroom began filling with students. They chattered excitedly and Kyle caught a few words common to the conversations.

"...Cartman...Hospital...New girl…"

"Looks like word's already spreading about Cierra," Stan whispered to Kyle.

"After what happened on the bus, I'm not surprised," Kyle grumbled.

"Don't let her get to you, Kyle," mumbled Kenny.

"Yeah, don't let her get to you," said Stan. "That's exactly what Cartman wants."

"Right," sighed Kyle. "I should concentrate on ignoring her." With that, Kyle took a few deep breaths to relax, as Mr. Garrison walked in.

"Alright, boys and girls," Mr. Garrison said with his familiar drawl, "settle down, settle down."

Kyle felt a frustrated frown creep across his face as he saw Cierra walk in behind the teacher.

"We have a new student joining us today," continued Mr. Garrison. "This is Miss Cierra Cartman, and before you all start asking the obvious, yes, she is related to Eric Cartman."

The kids in the classroom began chattering excitedly again.

"Why don't you tell the class a little about yourself, Cierra? Is there anything more interesting about you besides the fact that you're related to a scumbag?"

The students all snickered but Cierra gave a brief sneer before beginning to speak.

"Yes," she said in a low but firm voice. "I've never been to a public school before. I used to go to a private school in New York City but I was only there for about a year." Kyle looked toward Cierra and noticed her wringing her hands nervously. His frustrated frown began to soften.

"My mom and dad have pretty important jobs, too." she said in a less firm voice as she began to shuffle her feet. "One of them's a doctor, the other's in the military." Cierra looked out to the classroom and saw the blank faces of her classmates. She began to wring her hands more urgently and looked down to the floor. Kyle felt his mood shift completely from frustration to curiosity. Was this the same girl that tripped them on the bus?

"Um…" Cierra muttered, at this point barely audible. "That's it." she finished, sounding defeated.

"Alright, Cierra," said Mr. Garrison coming next to her, "Since we don't have a desk for you yet, you can just use your cousin's."

Cierra's feet pattered softly as she made her way to the empty desk. She set her backpack down by her seat, sat down and then Mr. Garrison officially began class.

"Now do we all have our current events articles?" asked Mr. Garrison as the students began to pull them from their bags. "Who would like share theirs first?"

Wendy Testaburger's hand went up almost instantly.

"Alright Wendy, come on up." He waved to her come to the front.

Wendy took her article and typed report from her desk and stood before the class. She cleared her throat and began.

"My current events report is about pop culture, more specifically the music industry and its negative influence to the feminist cause." Wendy strengthened her tone as she continued. "A few weeks ago, a recording artist named Robin Thicke released a song whose misogynist lyrics and even more misogynist music video are a complete slap to the face to any progress made in the struggle for women's equality."

"The video for this song features a handful of female models doing nothing but prancing around in their underwear, while the male recording artist, Robin Thicke and his two co-singers who are also male, are completely clothed and ogling them openly," said Wendy. "And that's the censored version! The uncensored version, features the female models completely NAKED!" Wendy shrieked, feeling fury bubbling to the surface but trying to keep as level-headed as possible.

As Wendy continued on her tirade, Kenny was writing down the song name and information feverishly. But Kenny wasn't the only one seemingly studying.

Kyle looked over to Cierra and saw she was deeply invested in a red book whose title he couldn't make out.

"How to be-," he whispered trying to peer over and see the rest but her hand covered the end of the title.

Wendy soon came to the end of her report.

"...In conclusion, it is my opinion that songs like these do nothing but foster rape culture and allows the objectification of women to be the norm in our modern-day society and it my hope that this report will have helped you all to understand that this is an aspect of our culture that must done away with. Thank you." She finished, giving a small bow to her audience as the class gave a light, unenthusiastic applause.

"Very nice, Wendy," Mr. Garrison said flatly as she approached her. "Does anyone have any questions for Wendy?" Everyone just stared blankly at Wendy and Mr. Garrison. "Thank God," Mr. Garrison said under his breath. "Okay, Wendy," Mr. Garrison began, just as Kyle saw Cierra look up from her book and set it down. "You can go sit-."

"Wait!" said Cierra whose hand flew up. "I have a question, Mr. Garrison," she said in her same soft, nervous voice.

"Ugh," Mr. Garrison sighed exasperated. "Alright, Cierra. What is it?"

Cierra cleared her throat and said, "Wendy, is it?"

Wendy nodded.

"Um...Where do you get off being such a…," she looked back to a page in the book on her desk, "a 'whiny, liberal, hippie bitch'?" she finished with a matter-of-fact tone.

Wendy's eyes widened considerably. "What?!" she screamed. "How dare you?! Don't you care how this is affecting women and girls just. like. you. EVERYWHERE?!"

"I thought I was supposed to ask the questions here, Wendy," Cierra said in the same matter-of-fact tone.

"Ugh, I should have known you would try to antagonize me," Wendy said haughtily. "That's all your stupid cousin does."

"Hey!" shouted Cierra. "My cousin is not stupid! You're stupid for pushing all this feminist bullshit in our faces, while being a total hypocrite to what feminism supposedly stands for!"

Wendy froze, stunned that ignorance could run this deep into the Cartman family. "What are you talking about?!" she demanded.

"Well…" Cierra started. "Have you ever considered the actual feelings for the women in the video?"

Wendy raised her eyebrow and Cierra stood up and spoke with a stronger tone.

"Isn't it possible that maybe the women were more than happy to 'prance around naked' for the camera? How do you know they didn't willingly do it and maybe even had some fun? 'Cause they didn't have clothes on? The message I'm getting from your supposed 'feminist' ideals..." she said with quotation fingers, "...is that women should only be allowed to appear in media fully clothed and conservatively dressed. But isn't that an 'anti-feminist' statement too?"

Wendy stood silent as Cierra finished. "Even if the women in the video were forced to be naked, aren't feminists that say the video is misogynist just because of the fact that they are naked also pushing another misogynist viewpoint that all women should be conservatively dressed and never allowed to express their sensuality?"

As Cierra finished her statement, everyone in the room stared towards her, their mouths agape and their minds blown.

Wendy found her voice again and tried to give a rebuttal but, "Well...I...I...That's….a really good point…" was all she managed to voice.

"It's...just what I was thinking…"said Cierra softly as she returned to her seat.

Wendy went back to her seat as well, feeling thoroughly bewildered. A relative of Eric Cartman...actually voicing an argument opposing hers in a tasteful, intelligent way? This was unheard of for Wendy. Kyle was blown away too. First, she's chipper and cheerful, then she's a bitch, then she's a shrinking violet and now a skilled debater? Cierra returned to her book and made a quick note in it. And as the next speaker came up Kyle kept watching her wondering, what was this girl's deal?

A/N: A little short but I like how this turned out. Next chapter next week; Read and review please! It will make me a happy kitty! :3