Cartman Diet Chapter 6: Chapter 5—Inferiority Superiority Complex
A/N: First off, I'm really sorry for not updating for a while. I have good news, better news, bad news and worse news depending on how much you like this fanfic. First off, good news: I just got a new job, my first official professional job. Bad news, the training as well as my eventual working really got in the way and ate up my free time. That meant my creative juices were really lacking these past few weeks and why there were no new chapters for a while. Better news, to make up for not updating in a while, this week 2 chapters will be uploaded officially concluding the story. But…the worse news is the story will most likely not be having a sequel for a while and after you've read the last 2 chapters, you'll understand why this is the worse news. But enough downers, let's finish this thing!
The next day, Kyle, Stan and Kenny stayed in for recess. Cierra had rushed out first yet again and Kyle had called his friends away to show them his discovery.
"I'm serious, you guys!" Kyle whispered to them. "It's gotta be hers; I found it right after she ran away." Kyle had a book open on his desk while Stan and Kenny stood above it, partially blocking it from any potential peering eyes.
"So, you think she's been following this book the whole time?" asked Stan.
"Why else would she have it?" asked Kyle. He flipped to a raised section of the book. "Look!" He pulled out a photo. "This was when she tripped us on Monday!"
Kenny pointed to a scribbled note in the book. "This was when she called out Wendy's paper!"
"What's this book called anyway?" asked Stan. Kyle closed the book and showed Stan the title. "'How to be an Asshole 101'?"
"Who'd write a book like that?" asked Kenny.
"Who else?" Kyle pointed to the author's name underneath the title: "By Eric Cartman".
"Figures," groaned Stan.
"But don't you see?" asked Kyle. "If Cierra has been following this book, maybe she's not as bad as we thought."
"Kyle…" Stan looked to his friend, "…I wouldn't go that far. All this proves is that Cierra's being influenced by Cartman. Doesn't mean that she's suddenly an angel now."
"Well, I know that," said Kyle. "But she got really upset when I told her that she wasn't anything like her cousin. Why would anyone want to be like Cartman?"
"That's not the point, Kyle," Stan explained. "Cartman is a terrible a person, we know that. And it's something pretty obvious to anyone who knows him. If Cierra knows how terrible a person Cartman is and follows a book about how to be like him, maybe there's some part of her that's just as bad."
"I guess…" said Kyle. "…but I'm not sure—"
"What. The. Hell?!" bellowed a voice from the room door. Cierra came bursting in with a snarling expression. She heaved Kenny away from Kyle's desk with such force, that he careered toward the floor, landing with a loud thud that echoed through the classroom.
"Hey!" yelled Stan turning to Kenny's assailant.
"Don't 'Hey!' me, you thieving bastards!" Cierra shouted. "Do you have any idea how long I've been searching for this book?" She snatched it from Kyle's desk. "Figured you must've stolen it, Kyle," she said in a slimy voice. "Too bad it's not worth too much cash."
"Oh, shut the hell up!" spat Kyle.
"Just speaking the truth, Kyle," said Cierra with a sarcastically sincere tone.
"You are so full of crap, you know that?!" Kyle shouted in an angrier tone.
"Says the thieving Jew," Cierra responded with a conceited grin.
"Cierra," began Stan as he helped Kenny off the floor, "we all know that you've been following that stupid book; 'How to be an Asshole 101'?"
"I'm not surprised you called it stupid, Stan," said Cierra. "Cousin Eric always said you and the others were jealous of him."
"Jealous of what?" asked Kyle. "His ginormous ass?"
The three friends laughed but Cierra glared angrily before continuing. "Besides, it's not like me being an asshole was some kind of secret." Cierra tucked the book away. "I told you from the beginning of this week, I was going to be Eric's stand in. Remember?" she asked with a sneer.
"Yeah," said Kyle. He stood up and looked Cierra in the eye. "And I'm still not buying that you are an asshole."
Cierra was taken aback. "Excuse me?"
"I just don't think you're that convincing of a substitute," said Kyle rather smugly. "I mean, who needs to read an instruction manual on how to be an asshole if you already are one?"
Cierra hesitated but then responded haughtily, "Maybe I just needed to enhance my talent."
"Of making everyone hate you?" asked Stan. Cierra looked to him. "I think your cousin's got you beat."
"For now," said Cierra focusing again on Kyle. "But after he comes back to school, the two of us will rule it together."
"Rule it? You make it sound like Cartman's the king around here!" Kyle shouted.
"He isn't even popular!" Kenny said with a muffled shout. "Everyone in school hates him, including us!"
Cierra hesitated once again but soon retorted. "Oh? Then why do you hang out with him if you hate him so much?" Cierra asked. The boys looked to each other silently.
"Hmph!" Cierra scoffed as she started over to her desk. "Then I guess you don't hate him as much as you say you do." She turned back to Kyle with a knowing look. "I'd say he makes you feel all kinds of things, eh Kyle?"
Kyle raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"
Cierra giggled impishly. "Oh, you know. That little…incident about a year ago…" a knowing smile crept onto her face, "…that settled out of court…"
Kyle still looked confused as did Stan and Kenny.
Cierra continued with her same smug tone. "By the way, Kyle, I'm curious. How did they taste anyway?"
"What?" demanded Kyle.
"…My cousin's salty balls, of course." Cierra finished with a grin.
The entire room went silent for what seemed like an eternity. Kyle stared, his jaw on the floor and his eyes wide as saucers, as Cierra continued.
"From what Eric tells me, you really loved his balls. So much you even choked on them at one point." Cierra giggled as Kyle continued to stare with his mouth agape. "And I thought I was devoted to Eric."
The next few moments seemed to pass in a millisecond but enough had happened for Cierra to bring a much more thoroughly enjoyed progress report to the hospital later that afternoon. Cartman was flailing in his hospital gown, barely able to contain his laughter.
"Y-you remembered to call him a cock-sucker right?" Cartman managed to pant through his laughter.
Cierra nodded eagerly.
"And-and he chased you right into the hallway?" he asked.
"He almost caught me too, but it was all part of the prank," Cierra said with pride.
"Oh man…" breathed Cartman, "…these pictures…they're the only thing brightening up this place…" Cartman took the photo from Cierra's phone and made it his phone's new wallpaper. "Now I can be happy whenever you call me."
"Y-you mean h-happier, right?" asked Cierra.
"Huh? Yeah, right. Whatever," Cartman muttered dismissively, still focused on his new wallpaper: Kyle, Stan and Kenny standing in one of the school's hallways with an unwilling complete makeover. The three friends were completely saturated in dark blue paint from head to toe and looking royally pissed.
That little prank was only the beginning however. Cierra's setups and pranks began becoming more and more frequent. Each one topped the last in elaborateness, and each one had a group of spectators whose size kept changing for each prank but soon began to decrease. The attitude of complete distain for Cierra, however, was increasing amongst the boys, more so in Kyle than anyone else. But Kyle never chased Cierra down for the next two days. He never even showed any signs of anger.
That Friday afternoon, the latest prank on the three boys ended with them being dressed in Raggedy Ann costumes, rubber clown noses and being decorated in expired tuna and glued-on sequins.
"How…did we fall for this?" asked Stan, being careful not to let any of the tuna chunks above his lip fall.
"I…I don't know, dude," said Kyle both flabbergasted and strangely tranquil.
"Hoo, man!" Cierra wafted a hand in front her nose. "I still can't believe you guys followed that puppy here!"
A brown spotted puppy yapped and ran down the hallway behind Cierra and she began laughing at the boys' misfortune and gullibility.
She laughed…and laughed...and laughed…but it soon tapered until she came to a soft giggle then a barely audible chortle. Cierra looked around and finally noticed something that had been present at her last few pranks: an echo. It was barely noticeable during her first few pranks but became harder to ignore with each successive one. This time, the echo was inescapable; the only sound left after the puppy yapped and ran away was the sound of her own laughter. She felt her heart sink a little but turned back to the boys with a triumphant grin.
"Looks like this prank was my best one yet," she boasted.
"Oh, yeah. It was real great," Kyle muttered, shaking some sequins off of his hands.
"Wow, the Jew speaks," Cierra said. "I was getting worried about you, Kyle; Thought I'd silenced you." She came closer to see him eye to eye while giving a cheeky smile. "You know how much fun we've had arguing this week."
Kyle didn't respond but just looked back at Cierra. Cierra raised an eyebrow in confusion. His eyes didn't really say anything to her. Not anger, not hatred, not even annoyance. He just stood rooted, staring back into her eyes with almost no emotion.
Cierra's eyes narrowed. "Alright, what is it?" She demanded. Her voice was still echoing off the walls. "This is all you've done at every prank I've pulled. Don't you get it? I've proved you wrong!" Kyle still stared blankly at Cierra. "You said I wasn't anything like Eric? Look at you! You're dressed like Raggedy Ann and you smell like low tide! Still think I'm an unworthy substitute?" Kyle was still unresponsive, but Cierra began to get angrier. Something about Kyle's unresponsiveness infuriated her.
"Who the hell do you think you are?!" she shouted. "All this time you've been staring at me with this look, like you're my fucking superior or something! Where do you get off looking down at me while you're covered in rotten fish?" She came closer and shouted in his face. "You think you're better than me?! Christ killer?!" Kyle just continued to stare and Cierra finally screamed in frustration and pushed Kyle into a large pile of tuna behind him. Kenny went to help Kyle up but Stan held him back. Kyle had landed face down in the tuna. Cierra stood over him and used her foot to turn him face up to her. She knelt down and scraped some of the tuna off the floor onto her finger and slowly trailed it around Kyle's mouth. He continued to stare at her and his defiance only increased her frustration.
"Still think I'm nothing like Eric, Kyle?" she asked with smug tone, though she found it difficult to grin at Kyle's humiliation.
After being silent for so long Kyle finally spoke again. "No," he said simply. "You two are alike…"
Cierra finally gained that grin she'd wanted. At last, Kyle had ended his blank stare.
Kyle stood as Cierra continued to grin with satisfaction.
"…but only in one way." Kyle finished his thought and Cierra felt her grin begin to fade.
"You can both push people's emotions pretty damn well," Kyle continued. "Maybe you'll be able to win over a crowd like Cartman can someday. But there's a big difference between you and him."
Cierra's grin faded into a look that mixed confusion and a slight amount of fear.
"I know where Eric Cartman stands and I hate him. He's an asshole, manipulative, sociopathic and cruel. He's been that way for as long as I've known him. And you know what? I hate you too, Cierra but not for the same reasons."
Cierra took a step back away from Kyle, becoming more afraid.
"You know that your cousin's a monster and you're trying to be like him and you seem pretty good at it on the surface but now I see the kind of person you are. This whole act you've put on this week was about as hard to see through as plastic wrap."
Cierra was completely taken aback.
"Yeah, I'm annoyed at the fact that I'm covered in tuna, but the fact that you've been acting like an asshole isn't why I hate you. I hate you because you managed to make me see one thing about Cartman that makes him better than you."
Cierra felt tears begin to well up in her eyes as Kyle stepped towards her.
"And it's not that he's a better person. It's that despite being the monster that he is, he doesn't try to be anything else. With him, what you see is what you get. With you? I don't see anything. You're so transparent I had no problem just staring at the air in front of your face. It didn't make a difference to me." Kyle added bitingly as Cierra gave a soft gasp.
"That's the only way you'll ever be worse than your cousin, Cierra. Not by being an asshole but by being a complete and total fake."
The word "fake" echoed with the ferocity of a roar in Cierra's ears. She softly gasped for breath in shock at Kyle's words and couldn't think of a thing to say in retort. She held in her tears as well as she could and backed away around the hall corner in silence.
That afternoon, Mrs. Cartman had brought her son home and Cierra was there to greet him.
"Finally!" he said throwing his hands above his head. "No more crappy hospital food!"
"Hi, Eric," Cierra said softly. She handed him her latest report and sat in the sofa without a word.
"Oh, sweet," Cartman chuckled. "Something to make Friday even better," he grinned as he began to read. For the most part, he was quite pleased but noticed a lack of substance for the end of that day.
"Cierra…" Cartman began. "Where's the activity for this afternoon?"
Cierra sat staring at the wall behind the sofa and Cartman noticed the puffiness in Cierra's eyes.
"Cierra…" he asked again.
"Eric…" Cierra finally spoke. "Do you think…maybe I'm not cut out for being like you?"
Cartman stood and only responded with a flat, "What?"
"Just…something that Kyle had said today. He said I would never be able to really be like you and that he hated me for even trying."
"Oh, goddamn it, Cierra!" Cartman yelled exasperatedly. "How many times do I have to tell you not to listen to him? He's nothing but Jew scum! He's got nothing important to say."
"But what if he is right? What if I'm not cut out to be like you after all?" Cierra said tearfully. "I even called him a Christ killer and it didn't even faze him!"
"Did you try any harsher slurs?" Cartman asked matter-of-factly.
"No," Cierra said dejectedly. "I thought 'Christ killer' would have been enough to get the point across. I—."
Cierra had obviously said the wrong thing because where there earlier was a relatively unexpressive face, there was now an expression of pure distain on Cartman.
"Say that…one more time," Cartman said through clenched teeth.
Cierra realized what she had done wrong and quickly rushed her hand to cover her mouth. "I-I said that…that…I thought—"
"There!" yelled Cartman as he pointed an accusatory finger at her. "Right…there."
Cierra pushed herself further back into the sofa, feeling almost like she was getting smaller.
"Cierra…" said Cartman, his face twitching a little. "What…have we talked about…cuz?"
"Eric, I-I'm sorry. I-I-I just—"
"You just… 'thought'," Cartman put up quotation fingers, saying the final word mockingly. He approached Cierra slowly and Cierra kept trying to get even farther back into the sofa. "Cierra…you don't….think…around here. Remember?"
Cierra nodded as Cartman came closer.
"That's… my job," He pointed to himself so hard it created a small dent in his red jacket. "Remember?"He repeated.
Cierra nodded frantically.
"Good," Cartman said, his voice softening. He turned his back to her and continued. "God forbid another incident like the one that happened the last time you…thought…" he put his hands behind his back and turned back to face her. "…were to happen again."
Cierra had a completely distraught look on her face. She turned away and wept silently. Cartman rejoined his cousin near the couch.
"Cierra…" Cartman climbed up next to her on the couch and rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. "You know I hate it when you piss me off, right?" Cierra nodded still facing away from him. "Right…so make sure you remember not to say that no-no word, OK?" Cierra turned to Cartman and nodded again but her eyes were staring downwards. "Now…" Cartman placed a finger under Cierra's chin and brought her gaze back to his eye level. "…don't you worry your pretty little head about, Kyle, mm-kay?" Cierra nodded once more and Cartman wiped her tears away. He then left the couch again and went into the kitchen for something.
He returned sometime later with a small, black object Cierra didn't recognize as he continued consoling her.
"You just leave the thinking to me, cuz…" A blade popped out from Cartman's object. "I'll take care of everything…"
He slowly approached Cierra with the blade…
