Disclaimer: Characters belong to JK Rowling.
Chapter Eight - Its Your Life
Hermione was just rinsing out her teacup before heading to bed when she heard a knock at her back door. Picking up her wand she headed to answer it, and was surprised to see Draco.
"Sorry I didn't know where else to go" he said.
Hermione moved aside to let him in, seeing that he was upset, she could see it in his eyes and his posture. Draco headed straight for Hermione's sitting room, with Hermione following him. She flicked her wand at the kettle as they past the kitchen to make some tea, realising that this could be a long night.
Even though Draco was an expert at hiding his emotions, she had learnt how to read them during their friendship, maybe it was because they always talked to each other about things they didn't talk to others about, or maybe she just knew him better than she realised. Either way she could see from his posture and his eyes that something had happened.
Draco took a seat on the sofa and looked at the fire, which Hermione had extinguished ready for bed. Hermione came into the room with the tea, she sat on the sofa next to him and waited for him to start talking as she knew pushing him wouldn't work.
"I missed a dinner with Astoria and her family about the wedding" Draco said, not removing his gaze from the fireplace, "and mother was not happy. She said I needed to remember my priorities".
"Do you want to get married?" Hermione asked quietly.
Draco looked at Hermione, "that's not important" he replied, before returning his gaze to the fireplace.
"Of course it is Draco. Its your life".
"Pureblood tradition dictates that parents arrange their children's marriage, and that you are married at 18, and produce an heir within 2 years" Draco said in the cold unemotional voice that Hermione hadn't heard since their school days.
Hermione picked up her tea, not sure what to say. She'd read about pureblood traditions and their history, and if she was honest she'd never really understood them, but then she was muggleborn and it was fair to say that most wizards didn't understand her or some of her traditions.
The pair sat in silence a little longer, as Draco also drank his tea. No one had ever asked him if he had wanted to get married, and the question shook him more than he expected. Growing up he knew that his marriage would be arranged by his father and that he would be married by now. Yes the war had seen changes in the wizarding world, but he was stupid to have thought his father would not have already arranged a marriage for him. Most marriages are arranged while the children as still as school. Its about finding the best family to marry into not about anything else. The war had delayed the inevitable. What did it matter what he wanted? But this was Hermione, he'd told her stuff no one else knew, and he knew she didn't judge him for it, and she wouldn't judge him now.
"No" Draco said quietly, "no I don't want to get married".
Hermione looked at him and could see the conflict on his face. Admitting this was going against everything he had ever been brought up to believe and expect from his life. She moved slightly closer to Draco and took his hand in hers, rubbing her thumb across the back of his hand, offering him some comfort.
"What would happen if you said no?" she asked gently
Draco looked down at their hands, he'd felt instantly calmer from the moment she took his hand in hers.
"Traditionally you are disowned from the family, cut off completely and you become an outcast within the pureblood society. You only have to look at mother's family to understand. Sirius was disowned while he was still at school, and Aunt Andromeda was disowned when she chose to marry Ted".
"But your mum and Andromeda are talking now" Hermione replied "so there's hope".
Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he knew she was right, his mother was unlikely to disown him as she had been hurt so much in her life already and really valued the family that she had left, but it was still a risk. It would effect her just as much as it would effect him. Could he do that to her?
"It's not that easy" Draco answered, "its not just about me".
"Narcissa is a strong woman Draco and she loves you, she will want you to be happy. Maybe you should just talk to her" Hermione said.
"Its not as simple as you make it sound Hermione" Draco responded, sounding defeated. Why couldn't she understand, he was a Slytherin not a Gryffindor. He wasn't brave and couragous, he was sneaky and conniving. The fact he'd survived the war was a miracle in itself, now he just had to accept his responsibilities whether he agreed with them or not. He just wanted to be somewhere to wallow in his self pitty for a while, and that was not what he was getting.
Hermione was getting frustrated at Draco, if he didn't at least talk to Narcissa how could he know that it was final. He had fought through so much she couldn't understand why he was giving up now.
"It's your life Draco, you are allowed to have a say. No one should have their life dictated to them. Isn't that part of what we all fought for?" she finally said.
Draco realised she was not going to let up, and more annoyingly the more she spoke the more sense she made. He'd promised himself when he was locked in the Manor dungeon that if he made it out alive he was going to enjoy every moment of his life and do exactly what he wanted to do. Yet at the first major obstacle, he'd buckled and done what was expected of him.
Draco had been quiet for a while, and Hermione had noticed that his expression was changing to one of anger and she was worried she had overstepped the mark. Maybe she shouldn't have been as blunt with him. He wasn't Harry or Ron, their friendship wasn't really like that. They talked to each other about things they didn't dare talk to anyone else about. Maybe that's all it was, maybe they were just a release mechanism for each other and not really close friends. Hermione knew she was starting to over analyse everything and that she was not going to get a response from Draco, and certainly not a nice one.
She stood up, and said "sorry I shouldn't have said anything", before leaving the room and heading to her bedroom. She was not going to cry in front of Draco Malfoy again.
Draco had felt her move and looked up as she left and said sorry. He could see the hurt on her face and that she was struggling to control her emotions. He'd seen her look like that many times before, and it made him feel worse. He'd come here because he needed a friend and he'd ended up hurting her.
Draco sat there thinking and trying to process everything. Hermione was the one he'd run to and if he was honest she was the closest friend he'd ever had. The friends he'd had a school were friends because he was a Malfoy, and he had power and influence. He'd certainly never spoken to them about feelings, or life decisions. With Hermione he could talk about it all. He was also trying to understand why seeing her upset had hurt him more than he could have ever imagined. He was sure it was just because he now saw her as a friend not an enemy, but there was a little voice in the back of his head that sounded remarkably like his Godfather saying "love is a powerful emotion Draco, don't ever ignore it, fight for it".
Draco smiled as he remembered the conversation with Severus at the Manor during the war, after the visit from the Golden Trio. Severus had come to visit him in his room and admitted everything to him, including Lily Potter. Draco was amazed and couldn't believe the strength and determination of his Godfather to do what he felt he needed to do and that that had been influenced by his love for a muggle born. He'd been devestated when he found out that Voldemort had killed Severus, although he remembered him often and still found himself wishing he could talk to him at times.
He wondered what he'd say to him now, seeing him sitting in Hermione Granger's sitting room, and feeling completely at home. Then it hit him. It felt like home. No where had ever felt like that to Draco. The Manor was always cold and empty, it never felt like a home should. Hogwarts was a little different, he had his own room, his own space but the dungeons could never be classed as homely. But here, he felt safe and warm and comfortable. He looked around and could see photo's of her family and friends, a book and the teacups on the coffee table. It was a place that was lived in and comfortable, a place he'd love to stay.
He turned his head and looked at Hermione's closed bedroom door. She hadn't come back out, and he couldn't hear a sound coming from the room. He imagined her curled up on her bed, hugging her knees to her, with tears falling down her face. That's how she always sat when she was upset. He wanted to go and hold her, tell her he was sorry and that it would all be ok, but he was sure she didn't want to see him. Then he heard Severus in his head again "fight for it Draco" he said, and that's when Draco realised he loved Hermione Granger. All the emotion he was feeling was love, but what could he do about it.
"Fight" he said to himself before apparating away, leaving Hermione crying in her room.
AN: Sorry its been a while, life keeps getting in the way, but there's only one or two chapters left so hopefully I will get some time to write them soon.
