Fourth in the series is Yuuta, in 957 words. This part was the main reason I did not want to release this arc. Sort-of-incest, implied underage & adult situations, really dark themes. You've been warned. Originally subtitled "Paradise Lost."


Kiss from a Rose: Fuji Yuuta

[September 2005 :: Posted December 1st, 2013]

But did you know that when it snows
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.

Yuuta vividly remembered the first time he met Syuusuke. The first thing that caught his eyes, unlike many others would say, was not the unforgettable blue eyes, but the pale, smooth skin that seemed to glow in the moonlight. Yuuta had always been fond of clear white skin, and perhaps it was natural that Syuusuke's skin would catch his attention first. Yuuta still remembered the first cool touch of that white skin – cold like Hymettian marble and just as alluring.

And Yuuta loved the way Syuusuke's skin became suffused with warmth after drinking from him, in a flush of borrowed warmth, like marble warmed by the sun. The thought pleased his young mind, because the childish analogy then was yet so fitting. Syuusuke was beautiful and poetic and everything he had ever dreamed of in the darkness of the night, in the embrace of sleep. Yuuta knew from the moment he saw Syuusuke what he wanted: for the two of them to be together forever, his gentle sun warming Syuusuke's cool marble, infusing life in Syuusuke's veins. And Syuusuke would be his in a way he was to no one else. Such were his childish thoughts at the age of fifteen.

By the time Yuuta turned nineteen, Syuusuke had become a regular feature in his life. They were connected by blood, albeit distantly, and jokingly Yuuta called Syuusuke his older brother, fashioning another invisible tie that bound them together. Yuuta could no longer remember what his life was like before Syuusuke. He knew he wanted Syuusuke to stay in it forever. It was only natural, therefore, that he accepted Syuusuke's invitation. To be with Syuusuke was all he ever wanted. A child's mind was simple, and thought only in simple terms.

Except reality didn't work that way.

Becoming a vampire was much like being thrown into the middle of an ocean, amidst the freezing waves, with the simple ultimatum to sink or swim. With no one to help him get to the shore. No one so much as glanced in his direction while he screamed and thrashed and struggled against the merciless elements. No one cared or even heard.

And for the first time since they met, Syuusuke simply wasn't there. Syuusuke wasn't there as he struggled with his fear and self-loathing and hatred and anger and paralyzing terror. Syuusuke wasn't there.

Doubt entered his mind then, and took root. And once it took hold it never, ever left. On bitterest nights Yuuta wondered whether Syuusuke had only wanted a conquest. Once he gave in to Syuusuke, of course Syuusuke lost interest – why pursue a prey already in his clutches? Maybe all Syuusuke wanted was to see how much Yuuta would give, how far he would go, how deeply he would trust. Well, Syuusuke knew the answer now.

But that wasn't why Yuuta hated Syuusuke.

What made Yuuta hate Syuusuke was the way Syuusuke looked at him, with something too close to pity, a mixture of regret and longing, and worse still, guilt. Syuusuke looked at him as if he felt sorry for what Yuuta had become.

Sorry for the choices Yuuta made for Syuusuke's sake. Sorry for what was lost because of those choices. Sorry for a pathetic little boy who believed in fairytales too much, and in the end let himself be destroyed for his faith. Sorry for everything that was now gone and could never return.

Syuusuke's eyes never saw Yuuta. His eyes were always focused elsewhere, lost somewhere Yuuta couldn't follow, could not even intrude. Oh, Yuuta new he could hurt Syuusuke. Badly, if he chose. But every time he lashed out to hurt Syuusuke, Syuusuke only looked at him with those eyes full of pity, regret, and sorrow. And that was when Yuuta hated him with every fiber of his being. Because Syuusuke never saw him, had perhaps never seen him. Syuusuke only ever saw what he wanted in Yuuta: a prize in life, a lost ideal in death. Thus for Yuuta his mortal death had become his final death. Nothing he did could ever make 'Yuuta' come alive for Syuusuke. Nothing he did could make Syuusuke see him as he was. Yuuta was beginning to resign himself Syuusuke never would.

So Yuuta slept with Syuusuke, asked Syuusuke to fuck him harder, and laughed at Syuusuke's unspoken pain, so stark in those deep blue eyes. The sex (Yuuta never called it lovemaking, for obvious reasons) was always violent and fast between them, but Yuuta made a point of taking Syuusuke to bed every time they saw each other. If he had to deal with Syuusuke never truly seeing him, he would not allow Syuusuke to ignore his existence on top of that. Because each time he drank from Syuusuke, even as Syuusuke's eyes turned distant, the blood flowing between them connected them in a way their bodies alone never could.

Syuusuke never drank from him. Not since he turned Yuuta.

When Yuuta held Syuusuke after sex, it was with want and need and hatred and despair. And so much loneliness that it had long since crushed his heart to a shriveled mass of muscles no longer capable of anything but giving blood to a consuming obsession that replaced his soul. Because Syuusuke would not see. And Yuuta couldn't make him see.

So Yuuta held Syuusuke with strength that would strangle a mortal, because Syuusuke's body was the only thing he could hold, because Syuusuke allowed him nothing else. Because if there ever was anything resembling love between them, it had long since died and rotted away, like that foolish little boy playing in the sun, darting between the sun-warmed marble columns.

And sometimes, just sometimes, Yuuta thought he even missed that boy.


Yuuta (assumed name, to reiterate) originally hails from Renaissance Italy. This part was rather troublesome to me personally, but for the sake of continuity, I left it in.