Why hello again! An old friend decided to show up in this story! Didn't even expect him! Writing is funny like that. I got a new HUUUGE stabilizing boot for my broken foot the other day! Just thought I'd share :P Sorry, I'm in a weird mood. Enjoy the update!
I don't own it, I just write it, what I write is MIEN! and I loooove getting love from you alls so send it on, my darling readers!
I do a lot of lying around these days. I'm laying in the grass at the park in Middleton and staring at nothing in the sky. Dangerous thoughts float around in my head like clouds above me and I need to stop or I could do something stupid...again.
The other night, I got up to go to the bathroom at 3 am and the next thing I knew, I was parked in front of the penitentiary at sunrise. I don't know if I had driven in my sleep or if I had just spaced out for the two hour car ride. I scared myself and blasted rock music all the way home to make sure that I wouldn't fall asleep.
The frightening thing is that isn't the first time that things like that have been happening. The drive is definitely as bad as its gotten so far, but I think that I might be losing it. I sometimes space out for hours at a time. I'll go to do something and then come back to reality 20 minutes later doing something completely different with no recollection of what happened in between.
And the dreams are incredible. I don't know if they are incredible in a good or a bad way, but they are so vivid. She is in all of them. Putting aside the lusty dreams where I wake up and somehow taste her in my mouth, there are so many nights where I either wake up screaming and crying or smiling so hard that my face hurts for the rest of the day. On several occasions, I've awoken to the sound of my own voice. I set up my webcam to try to figure that one out and it looks like I talk in my sleep to her. Not only talk, but I act out all of the movement in my dreams. I've never done that before. I have always been a fairly heavy sleeper and I didn't even have many dreams before all of this.
I love the vivid dreams though. My favourite so far has been the two of us on a beach. No one else was around. She had said that her "connections" had gotten us use of an island. In my dream, she spoke and I listened, but I don't know what she said for the most part. My mind's eye was too busy admiring her, seeing her, taking her in. Then I heard the line that she said once about my daydreaming and I could hear her admiring words and soft whispers. Best of all, I could taste the kisses that she laid all over me. I could smell her, I could almost touch her. I woke with a pounding heart and sore cheeks.
I have had several where my failed attempts at breaking her out have...ended in her dying. Tragic, horrible, terrifying nightmares that I tried within the dream to escape and failed. Luckily I was always saved by my alarm. I have woken from those with a sore, raspy throat, tears all over myself, headaches, gasping for breath and dreading the next time that I would fall into dreaming.
I went to my mother about all of the weirdness after the drive to the jail. I was really scared. I didn't tell her about Shego or anything like that though. She blamed stress and told me that, like always, I need to slow down. I love my mother, but her answer was unfortunately of no use to me.
Before I know what's happening, I'm being pulled up from the grass and drawn into a bear hug.
"Kim! Oh man, its been so long since I've seen you!" Ron!
"Ron! What are you doing here?" I'm surprised, but not in an unpleasant way. I haven't seen Ron much since we left high school. The dating thing didn't last, especially after Shego started to consume my thoughts. I never told Ron about Shego, but we were able to end the relationship on good terms, thankfully. After that, life got in the way and we talked, just not very often.
"KP! You're crying!" He offers me his sleeve and I smile. Same old Ron. I shake my head and wipe my own eyes. He sits us both on the grass again.
"What's up KP?" I feel a tickle on my arm and look to see Rufus hugging my shoulder.
"I'm fine, just hay fever." I lie. I know it wont work, Ron is pretty good at picking up on that sort of thing.
"Naah uh. I don't think so. What's really going on?" He puts his arm over my shoulder and hugs me sideways. I always love it when Ron gets in his compassionate moods because it seems like its so unlike him, but perfect for him.
"Aww. Kim." She says softly as he pulls me closer. I take a moment to think and somehow, I've started sobbing without realizing it. I blend back into my reality and I can feel a pull in my chest. I have always trusted Ron. It figures that my messed up head would find solace in him. I guess I'm just lucky that he showed up today. I figure, I'm already this far, so I start to spill everything.
"Ron, I'm going insane."
"Ah come on, KP. That's a little dramatic."
"No, Ron. You don't get it. I think I'm literally going mental...all because of Shego."
"Wait, what? She's in jail."
"I've been there with her every weekend for the past few months."
"You're right, you are going insane."
"No, Ron. That's not what the problem is." I tell him all about the dreams and the spacing out. I tell him why I had broken up with him a few years back. I say too much.
"I love her." I hear it it, but I can't stop it. When I realize what I've said, I feel my body go cold.
I skip time, I think. The next thing I can remember is opening my eyes and seeing a bit of Ron's face among the clouds.
"KP! Kim! Oh, man. Are you okay? What happened?" I can see the terror on his face. I sit up and feel woozy instantly. I hold my head and he put his hands out to help steady me.
"I'm fine...or at least I was. What happened?" I squint as I get a pain behind my eyes.
"I don't know. You passed out."
"Why?"
"I dunno! You said you loved Shego..."
"Oh no..." Ron tightens his grip as I say that.
"No, it's ok Ron, I'm not going to pass out again. Or...at least I hope not. I just...I can't believe..."
"Was that the first time you said it?" He smiles slightly. I nod at him.
"It gets easier...and better." He says grinning.
"Ron, what am I going to do? She's in jail."
"Maybe you could be like one of those people who has a lover in jail! I saw a T.V. Show about that once! They write letters and visit and they have like a normal relationship except that one of them is behind bars and then sometimes-"
"Ron..." I giggle and he smiles back.
"It can happen!"
"Yes, it totally can. It would be far more pleasant if I could have her with me outside of that place."
"You could always break her out."
"Come on, Ron."
"You could. I'd help."
"What?" I laugh and scoff at the same time.
"It'd be totally cool to be on the other side! I would be all like 'I'm breaking into the jail! And then we're breaking out!' And then we could go on the lamb and meet all sorts of cool people when we camp in trailer parks and stuff!" Rufus agrees in clicking mumbles as he usually does. I laugh. Its a fantastic relief.
"Ron, while cool trailer people sound fascinating, I don't think that would work too well overall."
"Aww! You don't even want to give it a try?" He smiles compassionately.
"You know Ron, I didn't know it, but you were just what I needed today."
"Aren't you so lucky that I had biznaaz to take care of with Hana?" I giggle more.
"The luckiest. How is your sister?"
"Adorable! Deadly... but adorable!"
"She's been getting good at all of that stuff she does huh?"
"Yeah, that stuff... I don't even know what goes on with her. Ah well. As long as it isn't monkey powers, we're good!"
"I thought you got over that."
"Sort of..." His eyes dart around suspiciously. I hug him with a grin.
"Hey, while I'm here, want to go to Bueno Nacho for old times? I'm starving!" I laugh out loud.
"Of course you are! Sure, lets go." Some things never change. That much is a comfort. Sometimes, those things can be dangerous too though. He has me thinking. I'm wondering if he was serious. I'm wondering if he really would help me get her out.
"Ron?" I ask as we get to his car.
"What's up, KP? You don't want to skip the Nacos, do you?" He says with a little dramatic horror in his voice.
"No, no. I'm actually kind of hungry."
"Oh good." He said quickly as he wipes his brow for effect.
"Doesn't your aunt work for the state?"
"Sure."
"The corrections unit?"
"Yeah, she heads it. What about aunt Judy?"
"Maybe she can help."
"I don't think she knows how to make Nacos..." I chuckle and roll my eyes.
"No, Ron! Maybe she can help with Shego."
"Oh, maybe..."
I am Kim Possible. I am going to hurt everyone I love as this obsession consumes me. I can't stop.
