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In Name Only-Peeta's POV
Part 4
1931
30 and 17
The air was chilly and the sky was threatening rain, it seemed oddly fitting as the weather matched the mood of the day. Peeta knew that Pastor Templesmith was speaking, but his own thoughts were roaring between his ears, preventing him from hearing anything.How is this possible? I talked to him just a few days ago…How is Katniss going to handle this? Peeta was familiar with understood that too often a good man was cut down in his prime, yet he had never seen the aftermath firsthand. He had spoken withMitchell's widow, but that was months after her husband's death – her tears were mostly shed and her pain wasn't so raw.
The sight of the Everdeen women before him was heart-rending He didn't know which reaction disturbed him more; Lily, Harland's wife,who was sobbing inconsolably, or Primrose, the youngest, who had tears streaming down her face and clung to her mother, who didn't even seem to notice her. Then there was Katniss, the one whom Peeta loved, who he could tell by observing her solemn countenance had yet to cry over her father's passing.
Peeta recalled his last conversation with her father, just the previous week. Harland had come into the bakery as he did any delivery was late and the bakery had already closed for the day, leavingPeeta all alone. They traded their typical pleasantries, but Peeta could tell that something was on Harland's mind as he was not his usual, friendly self.
"What's the matter, Harland?" Peeta asked, expecting his longtime friend to give an answer related to the dire economy and poor farm prices. He did not expect what came next from his friend's mouth.
"I ran into Finnick Odair earlier today, and he told me some interesting things." Harland gave Peeta a measured look. Damn you Finnick! Peeta stopped for a moment. Maybe it's not what I think, maybe it has nothing to do with Katniss.
"Oh, what was Finnick jawing about?" Peeta inquired in an attempt to sound innocent.
"He told me that my girl's name is constantly on your lips," Harland said matter-of-factly, and he gave Peeta a cool, hard stare.
Shit! "Harland…I-uh," Peeta stuttered. For the first time in years he was at a loss for words. "I've done nothing untoward…"
"Easy, Peeta," Harland motioned his hand, cutting Peeta off, as helightly smiled. "I know that you wouldn't do anything inappropriate with her, or any other young lady for that matter. I just thought I'd remind you that she won't be eighteen until May – the same time she'll be done with school. I want her to graduate. It means a lot to Lily and me that she gets through school, since neither of us did. I know Katniss may seem older than she really is. That's my fault, and I hate that she had to pick up a lot of slack at a young age, but she's backwards in other ways. I'm not against you stepping out with her when she's ready, but that decision is up to her. Don't be too upset with Finnick, he just confirmed some suspicions that I'd been having for a while now."
"What suspicions have you been having?" Peeta asked cautiously, wracking his brain for past incidences that may have been revealing.
"I noticed a couple months back that you started to look at her differently, and that you stopped calling her Kitty," Harland explained. "Like I said, you're more than welcome to come ask me about her in May, but not until then."
Peeta nodded. He didn't know what to say. Finally, he decided that he had to confess. "Harland, I want you to know that my intentions are pure. I think that Katniss is truly special, and I want to treat her thusly."
Harland chuckled and clapped Peeta on the shoulder. Even though he was smaller and had a few years on Peeta, Harland Everdeen was still intimidating. "I know, Peeta. If I thought otherwise- we'd be having this conversation at opposite ends of a shot gun."
That was the last meaningful conversation that Peeta had with Harland. A week later Peeta helped to carry his coffin and stood over his grave, watching the grief-stricken Everdeen family. Peeta couldn't understand how Katniss was keeping herself under control. The stories around town said that she was with him and held his hand as he breathed his last.
Although she didn't know it, she and Peeta now had something in common – watching someone you care about die slowly in your arms. He knew that the weight of the world had fallen on her shoulders when her father died. Peeta wanted nothing more than to scoop her up and carry her away to some place where he could keep her from all harm and pain. But he knew that he couldn't do that, she had too much to deal with already. The last thing she needed now was having to deal withpossibly unwanted attentions. Besides, Harland had specifically told Peeta that he had to wait for Katniss to mature before he could approach her. Peeta would respect his friend's wishes, even if Harland was gone.
After the coffin was lowered into the ground, Katniss and Prim held hands and made rounds thanking people for coming. Lily Everdeen was still crying in her had a history of suffering from severe melancholy, and Peeta hoped for the sake of both girls that she could overcome her grief. He was not very optimistic; Lily was fragile and this was a terrible blow.
Peeta noted that amongthe large procession of mourners was the biggest land owner in the county, Cornelius Snow, who didn't seem half as sad as the rest of the crowd. Harland had told Peeta that Snow had been trying to buy his farm for years. The old man reminded Peeta of a vulture as he approached Harland's widow. Mr. Snow whispered a few words in Lily's ear and then walked away. Peeta had a sinking feeling in his gut. Lily is going to sell the farm.Peeta knew how Katniss felt about the farm; this was going to devastate her.
Peeta decided it was time to leave, he didn't want to bother Katniss so he felt he'd save her from one more awkward exchange and he'd leave. He was almost to his car when he heard her voice call out to him, "Mr. Mellark, Mr. Mellark, please wait a moment."
Peeta turned and walked back to her, her face impassive as ever. Peeta replied, "Yes, Katniss?"
"I just want to thank you for helping today," Katniss lamented softly as she extended her hand. "Papa always spoke highly of you, and considered you to be one of his closest friends."
Peeta took her hand in both of his. "And he was one of mine, I will miss him."
Katniss nodded. "Oh, and thank you for the bread and all of the other food. I'll bring your basket back the next time I deliver eggs."
"What bread?" Peeta feigned ignorance. The moment he had heard about Harland's passing he had packed up a picnic basket with goods from his display, trying to recall what every Everdeen favorite was. Cheese buns for Katniss, sugar cookies for Prim, and a peach pie for Mrs. Everdeen, along with bread for sandwiches and anything else he could cram into the basket. When Peeta arrived at the Everdeen home there were cars everywhere, most of which he recognized from church and around town, including that of the pastor, neighbors, and even the undertaker. Peeta felt like an intruder, so he left the food on the porch and lightly knocked on the door, quickly walking away.
"I know it was you," Katniss informed him with a smile ghosting her lips. "I wish you would have come in, I would have much rather seen you than any of those other people that night."
Peeta knew that she had meant it politely, but his heart skipped a beat when he heard her say that she had wished for his company. He didn't know how to properly respond, so instead he patted her shoulder and reminded her, "I want you to know that I still want to get my eggs from you, and if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."
The relief was apparent on her face; she must not have been expecting that he would want to do business with her. "Thank you, Mr. Mellark." Katniss looked around and suddenly became aware that there were other people waiting to talk to her. "I need to go, but I'll bring you some eggs tomorrow."
"Goodbye, Katniss," Peeta released her hand, which he hadn't realized that he had been holding the entire time. Katniss departed and went to go speak to the other attendants. It broke Peeta's heart because he knew something that Katniss was totally ignorant of – things were going to get much worse before they could get better. The thing that troubled Peeta the most was the knowledge that he was going to have to watch from the sidelines and there was very little he could do to help. Peeta swore right then and there that he would do anything in his power to be of service to the Everdeen family, even if it meant denying himself what he desired most, a chance to earn Katniss's love.
Thanks for reading!
I also wrote a spring Fling gift exchange for fnur, The Last Sunday. Summary- It is the last Sunday before the Reaping for the 3rd Quarter Quell and Gale is helping Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch train. Canon fic. Told from Gale's POV, as he watches and interactions between the Victors and ponders his fate.
You can find me on Ao3 and tumblr, as izzysamson.
