A/N: Sadly, still not mine. Except for the shadow-woman.
The battle was far worse than she could imagine. The stench, which the nose refused to get used to. The sheer, staggering number of things one should be minding, and looking out for at once. The dizzying quickness and savage power with which every attack, block and counter-atack were delivered. And above all the deafening, absolutely incredible and indescribable racket, cacophony of so many awful, nerve-wrecking sounds at once. She knew she was way out of her depth here. She was never cut out, let alone trained for any of this. She could do nothing. Yet, she stood her ground, just a little way behind Thorin, tearing one arrow after another from her quiver; shooting enemies that got too close unnoticed by the furiously fighting dwarf. It wasn't enough. There were too many of them, and she saw Thorin fall, cut down by several orcish blades. She was at his side, catching him, before he hit the ground. She held him propped up in her arms, with his head resting against her chest. She whispered into his ear again, soothingly. And for the first time, despite the earsplitting noise of the battle, he seemed to actually hear her. He looked into her eyes, and for a moment, he was her old Thorin again, all traces of the sickness gone. His eyes held more questions than she had time to answer, but his lips turned up in a smile. She smiled right back, fighting with all her might to keep the tears she felt, threatening to overwhelm her, at bay. It all lasted but a second and then his eyes slid closed. She gently laid him down, and threw herself back into the fury of the battle, to the side of Fili and Kili, who now fought to protect their uncle's lifeless body.
She was unsure whether it was a curse or a blessing that Kili was unable to see her. The hours they spent training together gave them a synchronization that would be very useful right now. But if he knew she was here, he would try to protect her – and she couldn't allow that. His quiver was almost depleted now, as was her own. Soon he switched to a sword, fighting back to back with his brother. She tried to shout at them to get away, not that she really expected them to hear her – or to listen, even if they did. She did her best to protect them. And she failed, just as she failed with Thorin. After her arrows were depleted, she took up the Orcrist, knowing Thorin won't be using it anymore. But she was far from skilled with the weapon and tiring quickly in the onslaught. In one, last, desperate attempt to protect at least the one she came to think of as her younger brother, she threw herself in front of Kili, to stop the blade and arrows headed for him with her own body. It was in vain as the weapons flew right through her, as if she was but air. She saw both of the brothers fall, and when they did, she dragged them over to Thorin, and sat with them, tending to their wounds as best she could under the conditions and making sure no other harm will come to them, until finally, the battle was over. She wiped away tears that she could no longer stop, and went to find Balin, to lead him to them, knowing it will break his heart.
She stood by as Oin and other healers fussed and ran around, doing their best to save their king and his sister-sons. From what she saw in the battlefield and from their rising desperation she knew their attempts were futile at best. She knelt by Kili kissing his forehead.
"I'm here, little brother. Everything is fine…you are in Erebor," she whispered, brushing a lock of his unruly hair off of his forehead. He smiled in his sleep, and she squeezed his hand before moving to Thorin.
He was just regaining consciousness, the names of his sister-sons first on his lips, closely followed by her own. Her heart skipped a beat. The clearly confused healer mumbled something about Fili and Kili being treated and then took leave to call Oin. She used her opportunity to grab Thorin's hand, leaning above him.
"I am here, my king," she whispered, caressing his cheek. "I told you I won't leave you."
"You told me… you'll wait… for me… in the… other world…"
"And I will be waiting there when you are ready to return. But for now, there are still matters to attend to here, so let's focus on them."
"The…the Halfling… I need to…" his eyes went out of focus again, and he drifted off. She stayed by him whispering and humming tenderly again. She watched as he apologized to Bilbo. She held Thorin's hand through his last moments. And then it was over. She felt as if someone whacked her across the head with a war hammer.
Her heart shattered to million pieces. At last, Thorin had his precious Arkenstone pressed to his heart. But he didn't know it. He no longer cared. His heart could no longer quicken its pace at the sight and feel of the heart of the Mountain in his possession. He was laid on a stone slab, prepared for the funeral.
A pale, very quiet and very somber Balin stood vigil at the head of the slab, guarding the bodies of his king and the two young princes through the long days and nights. Dwalin stood at the feet of the slab, as motionless and pale as his older brother. They might as well have both been carved out of stone, she thought, as she stood looking from afar. Her tears long since dried out. Now that she no longer had Thorin, to protect and whisper to, she stood sentinel over his most trusted councilor. She watched Balin's eyes cloud over by some dark memory, only to be lightened a while after that and sparkle with joy and maybe even humor. The eyes were the only think giving away that Balin was still alive. She watched as tears began to trickle from those kind warm eyes and could not hold herself any longer. She stepped to the other side of the head of Thorin's slab, barely entering the white-haired dwarf's peripheral vision. She remained there, motionless and without a word, just like him. Only she wasn't looking straight ahead, as he did. She looked at Thorin's face, and then directly at Balin.
"Why?" the one word she was dreading. The one word, that sounded and felt like a slap in the face in the oppressive stillness of mourning.
"I don't know," she whispered back.
"You swore to protect him."
"In another world, I would have. I would have given my life for his, you know that."
"He cared for you deeply, in that other world of yours."
"I cared for him in every world. To have his esteem – at least for a moment – was more than I ever imagined."
"Is that why you came here?"
"I couldn't leave him alone. And I wouldn't leave you alone, my friend."
"Why didn't you warn us? We would have protected him. We could have saved them," his eyes shot to both sides, where the slabs of the two princes gleamed cold and white.
"You know I couldn't risk it. I couldn't change the course of this world. Each one of you has a destiny. Each one of you that remains still has a journey to complete. I couldn't… and wouldn't… change that."
"Because if you did, you would be no better than those you were fighting against. Out of the respect for the story, and out of the respect and love for us,… you wouldn't," he heaved a sigh, and she knew he understood.
"The dragon sickness claimed Thorin before death. You saw it yourself. He wouldn't have been the King you wished for. He wouldn't have been the king he strove his whole life to be. In a way his injury – and death – has set him free again and from that alone we may draw comfort. In another world, in another life, our love and respect would have been enough to protect him. Would have been enough to build the Kingdom, without all those terrible losses. But not here."
"How could you have born it? Coming here, knowing what was going to happen. Or were you hoping to save him? To break the rules and change the course of this world?"
"I have no power here – not to protect, nor to change anything. I suspected that, when I decided to come. And I knew, when after coming here I was given this wretched wraith-like form."
He said no more. And so they stood together, silent, each lost in their own pain, for hours. Until the old dwarf finally broke the silence once again:
"I was afraid of Thorin giving up what he built in Ered Luin. Yet I never imagined it could end like this. Failure was always a very real option, yes. Even death seemed constantly hovering just out of sight, just a stone-throw away in our adventures. But to be so close to success… to reclaim the Kingdom, only to lose the King… is a cruel trick of fate. What shall we do now… once again leaderless and this time with no prince to pick up an oaken branch? Will the kingdom even be rebuilt, if there is no one to rule?"
She couldn't tell him. Couldn't explain that the big picture didn't care about the kingdom. Didn't care about the dwarf on the throne. The universe – and its creator – only needed Smaug gone. The evil was subdued, the enemy was weakened. The fate didn't care about individuals and shattered hearts.
"One person cannot make or break a kingdom. Not even one as majestic as Thorin Oakenshield. He cleared the way for you and showed you the direction. It is now your responsibility, to tread the path and make sure you arrive at your destination," she said instead, hoping it will give the old dwarf more consolation than she was able to draw from it.
"He inspired loyalty, respect and courage. None other than him would succeed in this quest," Balin remonstrated.
"He was your king and there will never be another like him. But he lives on, as a symbol. Just like the Arkenstone, he will be the measure of all true kings of the future. And there will be king Thorin in Erebor again. That I can promise you."
"The price is so high that I can't decide, whether it was worth it at all," he shook his head once again. "Suddenly Erebor does not seem like a good place to live… like a home… anymore."
He didn't think about his claim to the throne. Only third in line, now, he didn't want to be king. And suddenly she wished he would be. She wished Dain and his son Thorin would just disappear into the Iron Mountains and Balin would rule Erebor in their stead. But that was not going to happen and she shook the thought away.
They stood side by side, each mourning the loss in their own way. There was just one thing to be scared of now. One thing she knew was weighing heavily on Balin's mind.
How do you tell a woman, she is the last survivor of her family? How do you tell her she lost a dearly beloved brother and not one, but both sons at the same moment? How do you help her cope with that kind of loss?
A/N: Loved it? Hated it? Tell me about it! Reviews are good for your soul and will be highly appreciated (even nasty flaming ones).
