I'm so so so sorry I didn't update sooner. I've just had way too much going on, I was gonna give up on writing for good, but I just couldn't, it's a huge part of my life now, I can't just stop. Thanks for being patient with me, hopefully the next update won't take as long.
I was gonna get rid of Jennel, but you wanted her and Selena's friendship to continue, so they're skyping lol since Jennel is back home.
I'm trying to write the next chapter and I'm stuck lol. If you guys have ideas please let me know(:
Hope you enjoy this chapter(:
Selena's Pov
"Demi broke her leg."
"What do you mean she broke her leg?!"
"She tweeted." I haven't had time to get on Twitter; I've been trying to focus on my own stuff. I've been recording nonstop; I'm so excited about my new album, even though it doesn't come out for a few months.
"I thought you knew. She's okay though, see?" Taylor shows me another picture of Demi, except this time she's in a studio.
"Oh." Well at least she's in the studio, it probably wasn't that bad of an accident.
"I thought you guys were talking again?"
"We are, we were. It's just really complicated."
"Spill."
"Sh-she kissed me." She's the first person I've told, and I was actually debating on telling her. I'm just nervous about her response.
"So? I thought you liked her."
"What? Me like Demi? What? Psh no, I'm with Justin, why would I like Demi?" I don't remember ever telling her about Demi, why would she even say that?
"You don't even believe your own lie. And we both know you don't even like Justin anymore, I honestly don't get why you guys are still together. You're much better off without him."
"You're okay with me liking Demi?"
"Of course. She makes you really happy. I've known for a while, I was just waiting for you to tell me." Why is it that everyone knew before I did?
"Thanks Tay, that means a lot to me."
"Come on, you gotta give me more. Did you like the kiss? Did you kiss her back? Are you guys gonna get together?"
"I liked it, a lot. But I didn't kiss her back. She kissed me then ran, but I caught up to her before she could walk out.
She told me she enjoyed it too much, but that she shouldn't be feeling like that."
It's been replaying in my head over and over. Her lips felt so perfect, they were so soft, I could taste her strawberry lip gloss. Ugh, I'd love to have her lips pressed against mine again, maybe this time I can actually make a move instead of sitting there like an idiot with my eyes wide open.
"So I'm guessing you guys haven't talked since it happened?"
"She's been ignoring my phone calls and messages. I have no way of talking to her. I'm pretty sure if I go to her house Wilmer is gonna be there, and he's the last person I wanna see."
"You guys need to talk. It's not fair to either of you. Demi might feel something for you, but she's denying it, and you're pretty much in love with her, she needs to know."
"What? Taylor are you crazy? I can't tell her I like her. No, that's not gonna happen, it's not that easy."
"And why not? I don't see why you can't tell her. She made the first move, it's not like you scared her off, she got scared on her own."
"Okay. Let's say I tell her, nothing would come out of it. She's in love with Wilmer not me. That kiss was a mistake, it wasn't supposed to happen."
"Either way it happened, and even though you didn't kiss back, the two of you enjoyed it."
"I don't know Taylor. I don't want things to get awkward between us. I just got her back."
"Yeah but you're letting her walk out. You might lose her now if you don't do something."
She's right. But I'm not sure why I should tell her. I don't really understand why she needs to know. She probably doesn't like me; it's probably something that happened in the heat of the moment.
"Cheer up Sel. Things are gonna work out between the both of you, they always do."
"I didn't think I'd miss you this much. And to think that I was jealous of you at one point."
"I know, who wouldn't be jealous of me? I'm fabulous." Jennel dramatically flips her hair, I automatically burst out laughing.
"Idiot! How'd it go in the studio today?"
"I don't know. It was good? I mean, I don't know. Singing brought back a lot of emotions, but this song is my way of letting go."
She didn't seem as sad anymore, it's good to see she's not beating herself up for the break up. I know that Demi definitely isn't.
"When are you gonna release an album?"
"Summer? I'm not too sure yet. I just finished another cover; I'll probably release that this weekend."
"I'm so proud of you! What song?"
"You'll find out soon."
"But I wanna know now. Please?"
"You 'Oughta Know."
"I 'oughta know what?"
"Haha, no! That's the name of the song." I really am an idiot. But I'm just happy to see her laughing. Her laugh is a bit loud, kind of like Demi's.
"Oh. Whoops. Well I'm looking forward to hearing it, I know you'll sound great."
"Thanks." I noticed a change in her facial expression; it went from cheerful to sad in a matter of seconds.
"What's wrong Jen?'
"It's just Demi, she had been so excited about me releasing a song, and now, well now things are different."
"Hey, I'm pretty sure Demi is still just as excited, she wants nothing but the best for you. If it helps I'm proud of you too."
"Thanks. H-have you talked to her? Is she okay?"
I knew this would happen, I knew she would ask, but I don't know how I'm gonna answer. I know she can read me, and I already took long to reply so she knows something's up.
"You guys haven't talked, have you?"
"Not exactly. I haven't heard from her since the day you left. I know she broke her leg, but that's only 'cause Taylor showed me. She's okay though, it doesn't seem too bad."
"Oh, yeah I saw the pictures. I thought things were getting better between you two, what happened?"
How do I respond to that? I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to rub it in her face or anything, but what else do I say?
"She kissed me, and then she left. I haven't talked to her or seen her since the day you left."
"She kissed you? What the hell? I'm not mad or anything, I'm just really shocked. That was just so unexpected, I mean I know she liked you, but I didn't think she'd kiss you. Especially now since she's with Wilmer. Demi is full of surprises." Apparently she isn't the only one.
I honestly wasn't expecting this reaction from her. I know Jennel is a calm person, but I was kind of expecting her to go off or something. At least she's not mad; this makes things a lot easier on me. Well kind of, I could have sworn she said Demi liked me.
There's no way that's true, it just can't be true. There's no way Demi ever liked me, this isn't a fairy tale, I can't get the girl to like me that easily.
"Demi liked me?" She nods, I can tell she's trying to hold back a smile, and I know I am too.
"You look like a little kid on Christmas morning right now. Yes, she liked you. I don't know if she still does, but she made it clear that she liked you at one point. Last year when we were all at the park for some strange reason, she told me about you. She told me everything that happened, and then one thing led to the other and I ended up showing her a video of you two. It was a fan-made video of your vlogs, a lot of people want you together.
Demi has always been my celebrity crush, but I'm not gonna lie,I kind of always secretly shipped you guys."
Had I not been in so much shock I would have teased her about her shipping us, but I just can't right now, I can't even speak.
I've thought a lot about Demi and my feelings towards her, I knew that I always felt something more but I didn't pay too much attention, not till she was becoming more famous.
I was happy for her achieving her dreams, but that meant she was spending less time with me. I began missing her a lot more than I should have, and jealousy began to take over. All the time we spent apart made my feeling grow for her, because I realized how much I needed her by my side, but even then I didn't accept my feelings for her right away.
It was so confusing to me, it's wrong to like my best friend that way, but to me it felt right, being with her has never felt wrong. Thinking back to how we were before I could understand why people would have wanted us together.
It was always there, in our vlogs, or interviews, there was just something about the way we acted with each other that made it seem like we were interested in each other. I know that I was, well am, but I don't know about her.
I would constantly touch her, I would accidentally on purpose let my hand touch hers, or I would stroke her hair. Whenever we had sleepovers I'd wake up with Demi sleeping in my arms. I guess it's just all the little things.
It's interesting once you piece everything together, it makes it seem like there was always something there. Maybe there was, because she would do the sweetest things for me.
She always took care of me when I was sick, she wouldn't let me leave my bed or do anything. She's always been so protective of me, especially when I started dating Justin. I know she didn't really like him, but she was nice to him so she could please me because she knew how much that meant to me. She just always wanted the best for me.
"Hey you okay?" I looked up at the screen once I heard Jennel's voice. I had been so lost in my thoughts I completely forgot we were Skyping.
"Sorry, I zoned out. It's just a lot to take in."
I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I would have talked to her about. What would have happened if I opened up to her and told her I liked her? If she did like me would she have said yes or would she have said no? There's just so many scenarios playing in my head, I'm tired of what ifs. There's nothing I can do about it know, I took too long, and now she's with Wilmer.
"You should have told her how you feel about her; you need to tell her before it's too late." It's like she read my mind just now.
"But isn't it already too late? I've liked her for years; I've known for years how I feel about her, what difference does it make from me having told her before to telling her now?"
"The difference is the she didn't kiss you before, that's a huge difference, you need to tell her. What does it matter if she's with Wilmer? She only wants you to be honest with her, and that's what you're gonna do."
"But it isn't that easy. I don't wanna get in the way of her relationship, I just want Demi to be happy, and obviously she's happy with Wilmer, that's all that matters."
"Do you actually think she's truly happy with Wilmer? Or is that your way of avoiding confrontation?" She looked at me, waiting for an answer.
She had never talked to me like this, it was different, it kind of took me by surprise. I can tell she's getting impatient, I get why though, we're pretty much going in circles.
Am I really that much of coward that I can't tell Demi how I feel about her? Jennel is right; things are different now because she kissed me. Before I never knew if she was interested in me, and now I do. She didn't kiss me just to kiss me, that's what I keep telling myself because I can't face the truth. She said so herself that she enjoyed that kiss, and she wanted to do it again, but she was feeling something she shouldn't be, which is why she ran off.
"Both. Isn't that why you left her, because you wanted her to be happy?"
"Yes, but no. I know we could have fixed things, I could have stayed there, but that would have given her another chance to fuck me over, and I wasn't gonna let her break me again.
She wanted him not me, simple as that. I wasn't gonna stop her, I would have fought for her, but there was no way I would compete for her. Demi's a person, not an object."
Damn, this girl is smart, she had everything figured out. Demi was an idiot to fuck her over like she did. I still can't believe that Demi let her walk away so easily.
Jennel trusted Demi, and she broke her, she'll most likely do the same to me. But it doesn't matter, I won't know if I don't take a chance right?
"I'm gonna call Demi, and I'll see where things go from there."
"We'll talk later, well tomorrow since it's late."
"No please. I mean can you stay on, please?" I don't know why I'm begging her not to hang up, I just don't know what's gonna happen once I call Demi.
"Okay."
"I'm sorry Jennel, I just I don't wanna be alone."
"It's okay Sel, you don't have to explain." She smiles and I smile back.
"Hey Demi, how's it going?" She finally picked up. I'm not sure if she was ignoring me, or she actually didn't hear her phone, but whatever, I'm just glad to hear her voice again.
I look up and see Jennel moving her hands, most likely trying to get my attention. She mouths for me to put in on speaker, I can't help but laugh at how weird she looked doing that.
"I'm fine." Ouch, two words. Is that really all I can get?
"Is your leg okay?"
"It's getting better." Three words, hey at least we're improving.
"Oh that's good. I hope you get better soon."
"Yeah. Look I now you didn't call me to make small talk about my leg, what do you want?" What do I want? What's her fucking problem?
"I just wanted to talk to you. You've been ignoring me for weeks, I wanna know why."
"Selena you know why so don't play dumb." Whoa, what crawled up her ass? Demi hardly ever talks to me like that, something's up.
"I'm not playing dumb Demi, I don't know what I've done to make you ignore me."
"Because I kissed you."
"Exactly you kissed me, I didn't kiss you; it doesn't make any sense for you to leave me."
"Does it matter?"
"What? Of course it matters, you're my best friend Demi, I just got you back."
"I have to go."
"What? Demi, please don't be like this. I don't want things to fall apart again. We need to talk about this Demi, just please don't hang up."
"There's nothing to talk about. I kissed you because I was lonely okay? I had just gotten out of a relationship, I was hurting and I desperately needed the comfort."
"B-but, you said that-"
"I know what I said, and I didn't mean any of it." She cut me off before I could say anything.
I feel like absolute shit right now. I was trying so hard to not lose my temper because I knew that would make things worse, especially with the mood she's in, but I don't even feel mad anymore. I'm just lost.
"That kiss meant nothing to me. Did you think it actually meant something? Did you think you could call me and tell me you like me or something and we'd end up together? You're so wrong, I don't like you and you don't like me. There's nothing more to talk about."
"Demi, I, no. Please?" I was crying into the phone.
"Bye Selena." Her voice showed no emotion. What just happened?
"Sel?" I completely forgot about Jennel. At least there's still someone that cares about me.
"I don't what to do with myself. I'm so lost right now, so confused, I don't even know what to think anymore."
"Hey, you're gonna be alright."
"I don't think I will. You heard everything Jennel, you heard the anger in her voice. The kiss meant nothing to her, she doesn't like me and she pretty much wants to know nothing about me. I'm lucky I didn't tell her anything because I'm pretty sure she would have made fun of me."
"You can't leave things like this."
"You think I want to? It hurts me so much to know she doesn't wanna talk to me anymore. I don't think there's anything to do anymore.
I haven't done anything wrong. I didn't get mad at her for kissing me, I haven't been a bitch to her, I haven't given her a reason to be mad at me. I don't know what the hell happened to her tonight."
"I don't either to be honest. I know that Demi has a really, really bad temper, but there's a lot more to what she said.
You're right in saying you haven't given her a reason to be mad at you, and she isn't mad at you. She's most likely in denial. She's not ready to accept everything that's happened, everything has changed too fast and it frustrates her that she has no control over it."
I think she's right, I want to believe her but I can't, not when Demi's voice keeps playing in my head. I keep trying to shake it off; I don't really feel like crying again.
Something happened to Demi, and maybe Jennel's right saying that she's in denial. I'm not trying flatter myself by saying that she does like me, but Demi doesn't accept things as they are. Unfortunately her health problems are example of that.
She always knew what she was doing was wrong, she knew it was dangerous, but she didn't want to seek help at the time, she wasn't ready to confront her problems, just like she doesn't wanna confront her feelings for me, just how I wasn't ready to confront my feelings towards her. We might be in the same boat.
"I wish you were here." I really need someone physically here for me. My mom and Brian are out of town, and I'm not gonna call Taylor to come back, it's late and she's tired. I shouldn't even be talking to Jennel, she's ahead of me by three hours; it's a lot later for her than it is for me.
"You'll be fine without me Sel, you're strong."
"But I feel weak."
"But you're not. You're a lot stronger than you're giving yourself credit for. You'll get through this, things are gonna get better. You and Demi always find a way to fix things, you always end up together. This time is no different."
We always find our way back to each other; I guess this is just another bump in the road. But I don't even know how to go about it, should I ignore it? I don't want to, but maybe our time isn't now.
It makes sense; maybe things will work out later on. I did what I could, she's the one pushing me away, and I don't wanna anger her even more. I guess I'll just back off for now and focus on my own stuff.
Demenaforever13: Lol I wish, I just don't like him, but he has to stay :|
Bveronika: Selena and Jennel in relationship has crossed my mind, but nah, it wouldn't be right.
VeehXD: Lol sorry for the wait, hope you enjoyed it(:
RainbowVaneza: Lol sorry I took long lol. Hope you liked this chapter, hopefully the next one doesn't take as long.
LovezObsessed: Lol it's cute to see your frustration. Yeah I kinda don't like Demi, and you might like her a lot less with what happened in this chapter.
Suefanficlover: Yeah, Demi is screwed up right now lol. You'll find out why soon enough, Jennel seems to have Demi figured out.
Manhattanpizza: Lol join the club, I'm tired of Demi's shit too lol(:
Thanks so much for the reviews, you guys are amazing(:
