A/N Thank you to those who followed and reviewed. I'll try to update as frequent as possible. I'm sorry if the flashbacks are a little confusing to you, but I have it all clear in my head. In this chapter, you'll see why this is rated M. Review please, it's my first time writing smut or anything similar to it.

Maura POV

She hasn't called, she avoided coming down to the morgue, sending Frost. I am sitting in my office waiting for her to come through the door , and say she wants me and then take me. Claim me and possess me like only she knows how. Less than 12 hours have passed and I already miss her. Seeing her, being near her, even if just enjoying her company. I've grown addicted to it. I was used to being alone before she came, and even a few months into our friendship but the more time I spent with her, the more I felt like I was changing. On the outside I'm still the same, calm and calculative, logic always comes first for me but when it comes to her I seem to forget everything I've read about social interaction, and the rules just don't apply.

Someone knocked.

"Hey" Her voice deep as always but she looked different. She was leaning against the door, her hand in the handle.

"Hi" I tried not to grin, so she wouldn't think I had been so desperate to see her. "What are you doing here?" The question sounded like I was bothered, when I was just surprised and her face changed a little, but her eyes still lingered on the floor.

"I came to see about that tox report. Any news?" It only lasted a second before her confidence kicked in again. She let herself in, taking two small steps, just so she wasn't staying in the threshold.

"No, nothing yet. I'll have someone send it upstairs later, it shouldn't be long." My tone didn't leave room for further discussion.

"Okay. I'll be waiting then." She turned around to the still opened door and she stopped just for a second. If she turns around again… I thought to myself. If she turns around again I'll forget about last night, not all of it of course, just the fight. If she turns around again, and looks at me with those brown eyes of hers, I'll forget even my name. If she turns around, I'll need all of my strength to keep me from jumping over her.

She didn't turn. She shook her head as if dismissing the thought and left.

I was about to head out when I received a text from her.
"Almost done here. You think you have time to meet later? I'd like to talk."
It didn't go unnoticed the fact that she expected me to say no. Her text was cold and distant and she didn't really wait for me to reply positively but I did.
"I'm heading out. Meet me at the Dirty Robber at 7:30?"
She responded shortly, like she couldn't find more words.
"Yes.

I found her at the Robber later, her beer already half drank, her shoulders slouched, her head on her palms, her elbows to the table.

"I'm sorry, I got caught up-" I stopped when she raised her head. Her eyes were red and swollen.
"It's okay. I was early anyway." Her voice broke and she was trying to pull herself together. I sat across from her and wanted to reach for her hand. I didn't.

"Jane, if you wanna be alone, or meet another day-"

"No, no. Please …Don't go." The way she said it. I wouldn't move an inch if that meant she would feel just a little bit better.

"Ok. Do you wanna talk?" I said. She nodded. She opened her mouth but closed it again without a sound.

"Jane, you have to talk to me if you have something to say." I was trying to push her but not put too much pressure in her.

"I …I can't Maur." There it was again, those two words. "I don't know how to- Huh, I can't"
"Don't know how to what?" Now I was really pushing. Her eyes found mine, I had missed that. But they were sad, and teary, and if I looked long enough I could-

"Don't make me say it. It hurts to admit it out loud, because I want to. Maura …" She reached for my head. I couldn't pull away. "Maura … I want to. Do you believe me?"

She was so afraid of the answer. Her voice was so soft, but shaky and of course deep, it was hers. She had planned this speech a long time ago, I could tell, and if I said no, it would destroy her. I didn't need to.

"Yes. Yes, Jane, I believe you." She sighed and smiled, but her face fell when she realized I wasn't done. "But this doesn't make it better. Actually, I'm afraid it makes it worse." There must be a feeling deeper and worse that pain. She looked at me with such eyes, I've only seen that look on her once.

4 weeks ago

We haven't talked since that night at my house. She met me the next morning and apologized saying she wished she could take it back. That she didn't want this to effect our friendship, and she was ready to do anything to go back to being friends.

Forget the whole night had ever happened. I was so confused and so afraid to lose her completely that I agreed that we should let it slip. Like a onetime thing, like a drunken mistake or whatever name there is for that type of situation.

The last case had been hard on us, a serial rapist and killer finally behind bars had taken us all of our personal time. For Jane it was okay, with Casey back in Afghanistan for counseling, she would be alone for 3 more weeks, so work wasn't such a burden.

I entered the bullpen to find her alone, everybody else had cleared out to get the much needed rest after the case was closed. Now I understood why Frost had text me to keep an eye on her. I found her doing paperwork, but I could see she was exhausted. She turned around to look at me and I knew she needed to go home. I finally managed to convince her to leave but she said she didn't want to go home and be alone so I offered to go to my place. Not the smartest decision but she was so beaten, I couldn't just leave her. We went to my place and we laid on the couch, hopping we could watch a movie.

I've always felt comfortable with her but that night something was happening, I could feel it. She kept looking at me, like she wanted to say or do something but she didn't dare. I supposed it should be awkward since the last time she was at my place we had kissed and she had left almost without saying anything. I expected another apology or explanation somehow, so when I turned around after putting the glasses of wine in a counter and found her lips on mine, my knees got weak.

She put an arm firmly on my waist, while her hand on my hair was trying to pull me even closer. I put my hand on her chest and pushed her back but didn't go too far. Both of her hands came to my wrist and she pushed my hands flush against her skin. I could feel her heartbeat, the doctor in me saying she had gone tachycardic, and I should worry.

"Maura, please…" Her voice was filled with need. I had never heard her talk like that and I felt my own heart beating faster. "Maura, please … Just let me- … Please, please, I need you. Maura-"

My mind was giving me one hundred reasons in a minute of why this was wrong but the truth is I needed her too. So I kissed her, and kissed her, and we made our way to the bedroom without parting our lips once. We didn't part even when she took of her shirt and I unhooked her bra.

We were moving so fast, not only metaphorically but physically. My hands were trying to reach as much skin as possible and she tried to have me as close to her as we could be, pulling my hips against hers and kissing me like I would disappear in a few seconds. The only time we were a few inches away was while I was taking off my dress and she took off her slacks and panties. I only got a glimpse of her naked body but it was enough to make me want her, enough I had to have my hands all over her again. I laid on my sheets and only this close we could slow down a little. My hands were on her back reaching from her sides as she had one hand caressing my jaw and neck as the other explored my waist and hips. I've had several lovers but I have to say that no one can even begin to compare with her. Something about her light weight over me, and her arms long and thin all around me wrapping me up. Something about her hair cascading over my chest as she moved to kiss my jaw, my neck, my collarbone. I felt her unclasping the bra and taking it off and I hadn't open my eyes but I felt she stopped and pulled back. My worry didn't even last a second cause then I saw her standing with her knees between my legs, completely in awe. She dragged her pointing finger from my collarbone between my breast reaching the navel. God, was it even possible? Her slightest touch was enough to make me shiver and strive for more.

"Oh my God Maura." Her voice raspy and low and for a moment it became too much. Her piercing dark eyes all over me, her hand lying flat on my torso, her scent still lingering on me from the kissing and now her voice. "Jesus Maura, you're beautiful." And the way she said, it wasn't lustful, it was almost innocent. "You're so absolutely beautiful."

She approached me gently this time like I was some glass statue. I didn't know if this was more arousing or the ferocious kissing. She reached to the waist band of my panties as she was leaving a trail of soft kisses on the top of my breast.

"Maura…" Like she was asking for permission.

"Uh um" was the only sound I could make and she gently pulled the panties down, like she could scratch me, and took another look. And I did the same this time, gazing over every detail I had missed from the clothes.

She wasn't beautiful. She was more. Something wild and fierce but at the same time soft, her body toned and tan with almost sculpted lines. I decided to kiss those lines, each and every one of them, and I let her to do the same. Our kisses drew more passionate by the minute and her hands approached my center so slowly it was almost painful, as if she was waiting for me to say stop. I pulled her flush to me and began a trail of open mouthed kisses from her neck to the tip of her shoulder, then going back and nibbling her earlobe.

"Yes, please. It's alright, you can…Yes." She hadn't asked. Out loud.

She approached her fingers rubbing my folds, her hands almost shaking. The last thing I remember clearly was that I wanted to reassure her, that she was doing this right, that she might have been unpracticed technically but for me it wasn't the moves. It was who was making the moves. That was my last thought and then it all became feeling, and enjoying, blurry images and her fingers moving inside me.

Then after a while, small noises, mine or hers I couldn't tell, one hand keeping me steady at the waist, her lips in my breast, as her fingers curved inside me and I felt myself shaking involuntary, the world went black. When I came to my senses she was holding me tight, her breath in my ear whispering nothings. I think it was my name, and some adjectives and verbs. I'm not sure. I felt so completely overjoyed and exited, but at the same time so at peace and satisfied. She moved her head to my chest, using it like a pillow and we fell asleep like that, in each other's arms.